I'm sure this type of thread has come up 100 times, but I don't know who else to turn to for advice. Anyways, I've been hanging out with this girl from work for like 2 weeks now. We randomly go out after work or set a day in which we're both off. Now she's the type that waits for the guy to make the move, so she's said, but I don't really want to make a move in risk of messing our friendship up if she doesn't like me. So here's the advice part, what should I be looking for? Like, what signs or gestures should I look for to tell if she wants me to be more than a friend? I usually don't care about many things aside from myself, but she's really cool and easy to be with. Like, I decide most everything and she's indifferent to alot. Also, she has a past with jackasses so I take it that it'll be a little hard for her to get used to a nice guy or something.
I'm new at this dating thing and I need some advice
- Thread starter Theduck
- Start date
D
Dick Tracy
Guest
[quote name='Theduck']Also, she has a past with jackasses so I take it that it'll be a little hard for her to get used to a nice guy or something.[/QUOTE]
That'll more than likely be the biggest hurtle.
Have you guys been intimate, at all?
Regardless of my question, the easiest thing to do would be to ask, "Hey, would you like to try a relationship?"
That'll more than likely be the biggest hurtle.
Have you guys been intimate, at all?
Regardless of my question, the easiest thing to do would be to ask, "Hey, would you like to try a relationship?"
AvidWriter
CAGiversary!
- Feedback
- 19 (100%)
[quote name='Theduck']I'm sure this type of thread has come up 100 times, but I don't know who else to turn to for advice. Anyways, I've been hanging out with this girl from work for like 2 weeks now. We randomly go out after work or set a day in which we're both off. Now she's the type that waits for the guy to make the move, so she's said, but I don't really want to make a move in risk of messing our friendship up if she doesn't like me. So here's the advice part, what should I be looking for? Like, what signs or gestures should I look for to tell if she wants me to be more than a friend? I usually don't care about many things aside from myself, but she's really cool and easy to be with. Like, I decide most everything and she's indifferent to alot. Also, she has a past with jackasses so I take it that it'll be a little hard for her to get used to a nice guy or something.[/QUOTE]
Well you set dates outside of work to hang out so. Anyway, when you talk does she play with her hair? Thats good. Also maybe ask her if she wants to get together for dinner sometime, unless you've done that already. Just ask her in a way that it might be a date but dont say it is. Its hard to explain.
Well you set dates outside of work to hang out so. Anyway, when you talk does she play with her hair? Thats good. Also maybe ask her if she wants to get together for dinner sometime, unless you've done that already. Just ask her in a way that it might be a date but dont say it is. Its hard to explain.
If you don't make a move soon you're going to be stuck in The Friend Zone forever, you don't need more friends, you need someone that will let you fu(k them.
You go out on your days off, what do I need to do, come there and put your arm around her? When you're walking into some place just take her hand, hold it for a bit, see how she acts. Then, when you're inside and you let go of it, next time you go to grab her hand pull her in to you and kiss her, don't "try", just do it.
You go out on your days off, what do I need to do, come there and put your arm around her? When you're walking into some place just take her hand, hold it for a bit, see how she acts. Then, when you're inside and you let go of it, next time you go to grab her hand pull her in to you and kiss her, don't "try", just do it.
[quote name='Brak']That'll more than likely be the biggest hurtle.
Have you guys been intimate, at all?
Regardless of my question, the easiest thing to do would be to ask, "Hey, would you like to try a relationship?"[/quote]
Yeah, unfortunatly I figured it would be. She says it's because she's "unsecured" about herself. We were just speaking about it last night.
We havn't been intimate in any way. Closest I got was a hug I gave her when I was drunk, bad. I'm sure I wouldn't have to be drunk to hug her, but I feel I can do anything drunk. Shyness goes away.
You're right, I should just do that. I'm just really worried it'll mess things up. I rather not try it than lost her as a friend.
[quote name='AvidWriter']Well you set dates outside of work to hang out so. Anyway, when you talk does she play with her hair? Thats good. Also maybe ask her if she wants to get together for dinner sometime, unless you've done that already. Just ask her in a way that it might be a date but dont say it is. Its hard to explain.[/quote]
We've eaten dinner together a few times already. Sometimes she wants to drag friends along tho. ech.
Have you guys been intimate, at all?
Regardless of my question, the easiest thing to do would be to ask, "Hey, would you like to try a relationship?"[/quote]
Yeah, unfortunatly I figured it would be. She says it's because she's "unsecured" about herself. We were just speaking about it last night.
We havn't been intimate in any way. Closest I got was a hug I gave her when I was drunk, bad. I'm sure I wouldn't have to be drunk to hug her, but I feel I can do anything drunk. Shyness goes away.
You're right, I should just do that. I'm just really worried it'll mess things up. I rather not try it than lost her as a friend.
[quote name='AvidWriter']Well you set dates outside of work to hang out so. Anyway, when you talk does she play with her hair? Thats good. Also maybe ask her if she wants to get together for dinner sometime, unless you've done that already. Just ask her in a way that it might be a date but dont say it is. Its hard to explain.[/quote]
We've eaten dinner together a few times already. Sometimes she wants to drag friends along tho. ech.
[quote name='Brak']Regardless of my question, the easiest thing to do would be to ask, "Hey, would you like to try a relationship?"[/quote]
"Here, would you like to sign this consent form that allows me to ask you to engage in sexual activity, up to but not including anal?"
"Here, would you like to sign this consent form that allows me to ask you to engage in sexual activity, up to but not including anal?"
D
Dick Tracy
Guest
[quote name='JimmieMac']"Here, would you like to sign this consent form that allows me to ask you to engage in sexual activity, up to but not including anal?"[/QUOTE]
That's basically how it is. You just gotta jump right in... if you beat around the bush, or take to long, stuff begins to backfire.
That's basically how it is. You just gotta jump right in... if you beat around the bush, or take to long, stuff begins to backfire.
Dead of Knight
CAGiversary!
- Feedback
- 15 (100%)
[quote name='JimmieMac']"Here, would you like to sign this consent form that allows me to ask you to engage in sexual activity, up to but not including anal?"[/QUOTE]
I agree with what you previously said as well. Just try to make a move, like putting your arm around her, holding her hand, what JimmieMac said. Don't ask her this shit upfront, it will seem awkward as hell.
I agree with what you previously said as well. Just try to make a move, like putting your arm around her, holding her hand, what JimmieMac said. Don't ask her this shit upfront, it will seem awkward as hell.
[quote name='JimmieMac']"Here, would you like to sign this consent form that allows me to ask you to engage in sexual activity, up to but not including anal?"[/quote]
:lol: She would laugh if I gave her a piece of paper with that on it.
That's what I like about her too, I can say things like that and make her laugh or get a little weirded out but still find it funny. About the just going ahead and holding her hand thing, what if it pisses her off or she doesnt like it? As complicated as this situation is, It occupies my mind with thought which is good.
:lol: She would laugh if I gave her a piece of paper with that on it.
That's what I like about her too, I can say things like that and make her laugh or get a little weirded out but still find it funny. About the just going ahead and holding her hand thing, what if it pisses her off or she doesnt like it? As complicated as this situation is, It occupies my mind with thought which is good.
I AM WILLIAM H. MACY
CAGiversary!
- Feedback
- 12 (100%)
I'd just say make a move now, and if she rejects you and gives you the "I just want to be friends" bullshit, then say okay, and as long as you're not awkward, just cool and confident around her, you can still be friends
Vampyre611
CAGiversary!
- Feedback
- 1 (100%)
You could always try to find a singing crab to give you advice while your out with her
D
Dick Tracy
Guest
[quote name='Dead of Knight']
I agree with what you previously said as well. Just try to make a move, like putting your arm around her, holding her hand, what JimmieMac said. Don't ask her this shit upfront, it will seem awkward as hell.[/QUOTE]
I'm not saying do it plainly and robotically. It needs to be done with honest to God filler, sandwiched around it, and in the right setting.
I agree with what you previously said as well. Just try to make a move, like putting your arm around her, holding her hand, what JimmieMac said. Don't ask her this shit upfront, it will seem awkward as hell.[/QUOTE]
I'm not saying do it plainly and robotically. It needs to be done with honest to God filler, sandwiched around it, and in the right setting.
just get drunk with her and put your arm around her and see what she does. If a girl is going to make plans and go out to dinner with just you and not a group of people, there is a high probability that she likes you. Just grow some balls, get a drink or two in you, and go for it.
Ikohn4ever
CAGiversary!
- Feedback
- 5 (100%)
when you talk to her 1 on 1 does she touch you at all, nothing major, but a lot of lil touching is a good sign
get the season one of some kickass tv series and put it on the coffee table and invite her over to watch. tell her that you and her can watch this shit for 12 hours or just let it play in the background while she makes a man out of you....she laughs and you move in for the kill which will squash any awkwardness. if she opts for the tv series, then at least you won't be bored.
V
Virtua
Guest
they can give you all the advice in the world, but when you get to that point where you have to put yourself out there, you never really know, you could be totally wrong and she could end up not talking to you again. Girls are unpredictable like that, some of them will even give you the signals just for the attention, until you want to make it more than friends, when they turn you down.
Girls can just be really
ing unpredictable and there's no point in looking for signals, if you see the signals and recognize them, they're there. If you have to look, they're probably not. Might as well just make a move or ask her if she wants to try a relationship, depending on what her personality is and what you think she'll respond to or appreciate more.
If it bombs, oh well, there'll be other girls. If she's cool, and not immature or stupid, you'll still have a good friend that you're more comfortable with now that you don't have the question of if a relationship is possible. If she responds favorably, then it's obviously all for the better. If she decides to start avoiding you, either you creeped her out or she was just looking for attention and someone to flirt with until she found a guy that met her "standards" or some bullshit.
Girls can just be really
ing unpredictable and there's no point in looking for signals, if you see the signals and recognize them, they're there. If you have to look, they're probably not. Might as well just make a move or ask her if she wants to try a relationship, depending on what her personality is and what you think she'll respond to or appreciate more. If it bombs, oh well, there'll be other girls. If she's cool, and not immature or stupid, you'll still have a good friend that you're more comfortable with now that you don't have the question of if a relationship is possible. If she responds favorably, then it's obviously all for the better. If she decides to start avoiding you, either you creeped her out or she was just looking for attention and someone to flirt with until she found a guy that met her "standards" or some bullshit.
[quote name='JimmieMac']If you don't make a move soon you're going to be stuck in The Friend Zone forever, you don't need more friends, you need someone that will let you fu(k them.
You go out on your days off, what do I need to do, come there and put your arm around her? When you're walking into some place just take her hand, hold it for a bit, see how she acts. Then, when you're inside and you let go of it, next time you go to grab her hand pull her in to you and kiss her, don't "try", just do it.[/quote]
Jimmie's got the right idea here. Don't wait, girls hate indecisiveness. As for figuring out whether she's into you or not, it's obvious she likes you enough to hang out. Since you've got that 'in' already, what you're gonna wanna do is build up physical contact. I don't mean jump her bones. That's called rape. I mean slight affectionate touches to indicate attraction. To elaborate on what jimmie said, while holding her hand, rub the area between her thumb and index finger gently with your own thumb with a constant frequency. Don't hold hands too long as you're not 'officially' going out yet. Just long enough to let her know you dig her. After you let go of her hands, give her a mischievous smile like you're hiding a secret. Another instance, when you're hangin' out and want to show her interesting, don't just say, "Hey, I wanna show you something." Instead, grab her firmly, but gently on her arm and then say it. Don't forget to do it w/ a smile or she'll freak out. You'd be surprised how many girls lower their guard thanks to a disarming smile. An alternative approach, if that's too aggressive for you, is to hold the 'small' of her back with a flat palm. Despite its cheesiness from the movie 'Hitch' it does work. Even when you're tellin' her an interesting story or joke, whenever you hit the high point of the story/joke, just touch her forearm. After about 2 weeks or so (if you're slow, 2-3 days if you're decent, 12 hours if you're good), if it seems like she hangs out w/ you more often than most of her female friends (if she has any) or hangs out w/ you more than the rest of her male friends, it's GO TIME and move in for the kiss. At that point, it's all risk, dude. But it's better to get it out of the way ASAP than let it linger and you could end up, like jimmie said, in the Friend Zone, or worse, freak her out by acting in a such an indecisive way.
You go out on your days off, what do I need to do, come there and put your arm around her? When you're walking into some place just take her hand, hold it for a bit, see how she acts. Then, when you're inside and you let go of it, next time you go to grab her hand pull her in to you and kiss her, don't "try", just do it.[/quote]
Jimmie's got the right idea here. Don't wait, girls hate indecisiveness. As for figuring out whether she's into you or not, it's obvious she likes you enough to hang out. Since you've got that 'in' already, what you're gonna wanna do is build up physical contact. I don't mean jump her bones. That's called rape. I mean slight affectionate touches to indicate attraction. To elaborate on what jimmie said, while holding her hand, rub the area between her thumb and index finger gently with your own thumb with a constant frequency. Don't hold hands too long as you're not 'officially' going out yet. Just long enough to let her know you dig her. After you let go of her hands, give her a mischievous smile like you're hiding a secret. Another instance, when you're hangin' out and want to show her interesting, don't just say, "Hey, I wanna show you something." Instead, grab her firmly, but gently on her arm and then say it. Don't forget to do it w/ a smile or she'll freak out. You'd be surprised how many girls lower their guard thanks to a disarming smile. An alternative approach, if that's too aggressive for you, is to hold the 'small' of her back with a flat palm. Despite its cheesiness from the movie 'Hitch' it does work. Even when you're tellin' her an interesting story or joke, whenever you hit the high point of the story/joke, just touch her forearm. After about 2 weeks or so (if you're slow, 2-3 days if you're decent, 12 hours if you're good), if it seems like she hangs out w/ you more often than most of her female friends (if she has any) or hangs out w/ you more than the rest of her male friends, it's GO TIME and move in for the kiss. At that point, it's all risk, dude. But it's better to get it out of the way ASAP than let it linger and you could end up, like jimmie said, in the Friend Zone, or worse, freak her out by acting in a such an indecisive way.
[quote name='Theduck']Indeed, a girlfriend is what I want. She already has doubts I think, jaykrue. Like "no matter what you are I still like you". Meaning she prob thinks I may be gay or something cause i'm not the typical jackass rapist she's used to or something.[/quote]
What she thinks doesn't matter in this case. What I outlined for you is a methodology to increasing her attraction to you, not just merely 'like' like a kid brother or good friend. Even if she thinks you're gay, once you've done the things I wrote, she'll start seeing you in a new light. Seriously, try'em out.
What she thinks doesn't matter in this case. What I outlined for you is a methodology to increasing her attraction to you, not just merely 'like' like a kid brother or good friend. Even if she thinks you're gay, once you've done the things I wrote, she'll start seeing you in a new light. Seriously, try'em out.
Pancake Rabbit
CAGiversary!
Just listen to Jimmie. Make a move, if she shoots you down to hell with her, there are a ton of other girls out there. Rock n roll.
[quote name='jaykrue']Jimmie's got the right idea here. Don't wait, girls hate indecisiveness. As for figuring out whether she's into you or not, it's obvious she likes you enough to hang out. Since you've got that 'in' already, what you're gonna wanna do is build up physical contact. I don't mean jump her bones. That's called rape. I mean slight affectionate touches to indicate attraction. To elaborate on what jimmie said, while holding her hand, rub the area between her thumb and index finger gently with your own thumb with a constant frequency. Don't hold hands too long as you're not 'officially' going out yet. Just long enough to let her know you dig her. After you let go of her hands, give her a mischievous smile like you're hiding a secret. Another instance, when you're hangin' out and want to show her interesting, don't just say, "Hey, I wanna show you something." Instead, grab her firmly, but gently on her arm and then say it. Don't forget to do it w/ a smile or she'll freak out. You'd be surprised how many girls lower their guard thanks to a disarming smile. An alternative approach, if that's too aggressive for you, is to hold the 'small' of her back with a flat palm. Despite its cheesiness from the movie 'Hitch' it does work. Even when you're tellin' her an interesting story or joke, whenever you hit the high point of the story/joke, just touch her forearm. After about 2 weeks or so (if you're slow, 2-3 days if you're decent, 12 hours if you're good), if it seems like she hangs out w/ you more often than most of her female friends (if she has any) or hangs out w/ you more than the rest of her male friends, it's GO TIME and move in for the kiss. At that point, it's all risk, dude. But it's better to get it out of the way ASAP than let it linger and you could end up, like jimmie said, in the Friend Zone, or worse, freak her out by acting in a such an indecisive way.[/quote]
Man you truly are the professor of pimpology.. Ill try these out in a few years
. I think you should follow his advice.
Edit: I really thought your name was just some funny title, but it truly has meaning.
Man you truly are the professor of pimpology.. Ill try these out in a few years
. I think you should follow his advice.Edit: I really thought your name was just some funny title, but it truly has meaning.
Ikohn4ever
CAGiversary!
- Feedback
- 5 (100%)
[quote name='jaykrue']What she thinks doesn't matter in this case. What I outlined for you is a methodology to increasing her attraction to you, not just merely 'like' like a kid brother or good friend. Even if she thinks you're gay, once you've done the things I wrote, she'll start seeing you in a new light. Seriously, try'em out.[/QUOTE]
hahah that whole post just makes me laugh
you are a regular Professor Pimp, a Don Juan De La Nootch if you will
hahah that whole post just makes me laugh
you are a regular Professor Pimp, a Don Juan De La Nootch if you will
[quote name='assassinX']Man you truly are the professor of pimpology.. Ill try these out in a few years . I think you should follow his advice.[/quote]
What's stopping you from trying it out now? Just don't get any girl pregnant. :lol:
[quote name='Ikohn4ever']hahah that whole post just makes laugh
you are a regular Professor Pimp, a Don Juan De La Nootch if you will[/quote]
Hey, I had no one to help me when I was a student, I figure I'd give back to my fellow hetero males.
. I think you should follow his advice.[/quote]What's stopping you from trying it out now? Just don't get any girl pregnant. :lol:
[quote name='Ikohn4ever']hahah that whole post just makes laugh
you are a regular Professor Pimp, a Don Juan De La Nootch if you will[/quote]
Hey, I had no one to help me when I was a student, I figure I'd give back to my fellow hetero males.
RelentlessRolento
CAGiversary!
- Feedback
- 48 (100%)
I say just tell her you're in a pickle and don't want to mess things up. Either that, or watch Chasing Amy to get an idea of how things would turn out (other than the lesbian thing).
[quote name='assassinX']Yeah.. im still a tad shy to actually do anything and considering im 15 trying to remember all of those instructions seem quite hard, but im looking forward to see the results.[/QUOTE]
At 15 you should be refining your flirting skills. I flirted with about every girl and tried different tactics to see what worked(Asshole method worked way too good)
Plus the more you do this the more comfortable you will be later on. I was natureally shy too but I just forced myself to put my shit out there and see what worked. OP we better get some up dates
At 15 you should be refining your flirting skills. I flirted with about every girl and tried different tactics to see what worked(Asshole method worked way too good)
Plus the more you do this the more comfortable you will be later on. I was natureally shy too but I just forced myself to put my shit out there and see what worked. OP we better get some up dates
My official resume:
Taught 220 college students an introduction to relationships class at U of MO during my graduate studies in Family Science.
Thus, my unofficial title:
Relationship Guru
Which leads to my purely "unsupported by research" advice:
1) To be happy with a relationship the two of you have to get along reasonably well from a complementary personality standpoint. That is to say, just b/c you meet some girl that is hot does not mean you will be happy in a relationship. It sounds like you two get along so you pass umcthomas rule #1.
2) I bet you would like her to make the first move to make it easy on you. From an "interpersonal approach" you are acting in a "submissive" manner which normally elicits a "dominant" response (i.e., her asking you out.) The problem is, due to her own experiences and socialization, she is rigidly in the "submissive" role and eliciting a dominate reponse from you. Using this actually theory of relationships, both of you will be uncomfortable until the other takes the dominant role. Again, due to past experience, if she does take it, then it will probably be her deciding that you will just be a friend.
3) Following from #2 you are again taking a submissive role by asking for our advice instead of taking action on your own. I feel it would be bad for me to pass along any pickup techniques because you need to learn to discover them yourself (they are much better as situation specific). Maybe the best thing for you is to lose this girl so you learn why you should make move sooner, that worked for a guy I know.
4) Finally, when you are new to the whole dating thing, it often feels like you have to set the other person down, turn off the radio, and say "Will you be my girlfriend?" This is not the case, a relationship grows slowly. You will need to let her know that you like her more than as just a friend (how will she know if you don't tell/show her?) But no need to be real specific. Even cheesy standard pick up lines would work b/c if she likes you then she will play along.
My bill is in the mail.
UMC
Taught 220 college students an introduction to relationships class at U of MO during my graduate studies in Family Science.
Thus, my unofficial title:
Relationship Guru
Which leads to my purely "unsupported by research" advice:
1) To be happy with a relationship the two of you have to get along reasonably well from a complementary personality standpoint. That is to say, just b/c you meet some girl that is hot does not mean you will be happy in a relationship. It sounds like you two get along so you pass umcthomas rule #1.
2) I bet you would like her to make the first move to make it easy on you. From an "interpersonal approach" you are acting in a "submissive" manner which normally elicits a "dominant" response (i.e., her asking you out.) The problem is, due to her own experiences and socialization, she is rigidly in the "submissive" role and eliciting a dominate reponse from you. Using this actually theory of relationships, both of you will be uncomfortable until the other takes the dominant role. Again, due to past experience, if she does take it, then it will probably be her deciding that you will just be a friend.
3) Following from #2 you are again taking a submissive role by asking for our advice instead of taking action on your own. I feel it would be bad for me to pass along any pickup techniques because you need to learn to discover them yourself (they are much better as situation specific). Maybe the best thing for you is to lose this girl so you learn why you should make move sooner, that worked for a guy I know.
4) Finally, when you are new to the whole dating thing, it often feels like you have to set the other person down, turn off the radio, and say "Will you be my girlfriend?" This is not the case, a relationship grows slowly. You will need to let her know that you like her more than as just a friend (how will she know if you don't tell/show her?) But no need to be real specific. Even cheesy standard pick up lines would work b/c if she likes you then she will play along.
My bill is in the mail.
UMC
[quote name='assassinX']Yeah.. im still a tad shy to actually do anything and considering im 15 trying to remember all of those instructions seem quite hard, but im looking forward to see the results.[/quote]
Well, that's the first step you gotta get over. Shyness is an interesting thing to consider. Depending on whether or not the girl likes you, shyness can make you appear a certain way. If you're shy but she's blatantly trying to hook up w/ you and you're not receptive, she'll think you're gay or she's ugly. You don't need to remember it all. The only thing that matters is physical contact. Physical contact has a direct relation to affection. Simply put, the more she allows you to touch her, the more comfort she feels around you, thus increasing affection. The more affection she feels for you, the more spots you're allowed to touch her. At first you always want to start at gender-neutral zones such as arms & back. Touch those areas first. A hug here, an arm squeeze there. Once you've done it enough times, touch her in a female specific but still safe spot like the lower back or the lower foreleg (I like to say I'm practicing my massage techniques as an excuse to touch her feet & calf). Do it enough times & once she's more familiar w/ you you're gonna want to move to even more dangerous female spots like shoulders (rub) & neck. If you notice how it works, you're working from the 'outside' of her body (her arms, legs) to the 'inside' of her body (shoulder, upper arm, upper thigh, etc.).
Well, that's the first step you gotta get over. Shyness is an interesting thing to consider. Depending on whether or not the girl likes you, shyness can make you appear a certain way. If you're shy but she's blatantly trying to hook up w/ you and you're not receptive, she'll think you're gay or she's ugly. You don't need to remember it all. The only thing that matters is physical contact. Physical contact has a direct relation to affection. Simply put, the more she allows you to touch her, the more comfort she feels around you, thus increasing affection. The more affection she feels for you, the more spots you're allowed to touch her. At first you always want to start at gender-neutral zones such as arms & back. Touch those areas first. A hug here, an arm squeeze there. Once you've done it enough times, touch her in a female specific but still safe spot like the lower back or the lower foreleg (I like to say I'm practicing my massage techniques as an excuse to touch her feet & calf). Do it enough times & once she's more familiar w/ you you're gonna want to move to even more dangerous female spots like shoulders (rub) & neck. If you notice how it works, you're working from the 'outside' of her body (her arms, legs) to the 'inside' of her body (shoulder, upper arm, upper thigh, etc.).
An interesting side note:
Albet Ellis (who developed Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy) was nervous around women as a teenager so he set himself a task: Go to the Bronx gardens and when he saw a girl sitting by herself he had to talk to her for one whole minute. His goal was to do this with 100 women in a month. He met his goal as follows:
100 women talked to for 1 minute or more
30 cut him off or would not respond
1 date
He did this again and ended up with 3 dates out of 100.
After that he always said he never had problems talking to women again.
Albet Ellis (who developed Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy) was nervous around women as a teenager so he set himself a task: Go to the Bronx gardens and when he saw a girl sitting by herself he had to talk to her for one whole minute. His goal was to do this with 100 women in a month. He met his goal as follows:
100 women talked to for 1 minute or more
30 cut him off or would not respond
1 date
He did this again and ended up with 3 dates out of 100.
After that he always said he never had problems talking to women again.
Vampyre611
CAGiversary!
- Feedback
- 1 (100%)
[quote name='jaykrue']Well, that's the first step you gotta get over. Shyness is an interesting thing to consider. Depending on whether or not the girl likes you, shyness can make you appear a certain way. If you're shy but she's blatantly trying to hook up w/ you and you're not receptive, she'll think you're gay or she's ugly. You don't need to remember it all. The only thing that matters is physical contact. Physical contact has a direct relation to affection. Simply put, the more she allows you to touch her, the more comfort she feels around you, thus increasing affection. The more affection she feels for you, the more spots you're allowed to touch her. At first you always want to start at gender-neutral zones such as arms & back. Touch those areas first. A hug here, an arm squeeze there. Once you've done it enough times, touch her in a female specific but still safe spot like the lower back or the lower foreleg (I like to say I'm practicing my massage techniques as an excuse to touch her feet & calf). Do it enough times & once she's more familiar w/ you you're gonna want to move to even more dangerous female spots like shoulders (rub) & neck. If you notice how it works, you're working from the 'outside' of her body (her arms, legs) to the 'inside' of her body (shoulder, upper arm, upper thigh, etc.).[/quote] Hail to the chief. :bow:
[quote name='jaykrue']Well, that's the first step you gotta get over. Shyness is an interesting thing to consider. Depending on whether or not the girl likes you, shyness can make you appear a certain way. If you're shy but she's blatantly trying to hook up w/ you and you're not receptive, she'll think you're gay or she's ugly. You don't need to remember it all. The only thing that matters is physical contact. Physical contact has a direct relation to affection. Simply put, the more she allows you to touch her, the more comfort she feels around you, thus increasing affection. The more affection she feels for you, the more spots you're allowed to touch her. At first you always want to start at gender-neutral zones such as arms & back. Touch those areas first. A hug here, an arm squeeze there. Once you've done it enough times, touch her in a female specific but still safe spot like the lower back or the lower foreleg (I like to say I'm practicing my massage techniques as an excuse to touch her feet & calf). Do it enough times & once she's more familiar w/ you you're gonna want to move to even more dangerous female spots like shoulders (rub) & neck. If you notice how it works, you're working from the 'outside' of her body (her arms, legs) to the 'inside' of her body (shoulder, upper arm, upper thigh, etc.).[/quote]
Man you truly dont stop with your knowledge... so anyhting about getting rid of the competition? 7 other guys like her... and im feeling she doesnt like me.
Man you truly dont stop with your knowledge... so anyhting about getting rid of the competition? 7 other guys like her... and im feeling she doesnt like me.
[quote name='umcthomas']An interesting side note:
Albet Ellis (who developed Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy) was nervous around women as a teenager so he set himself a task: Go to the Bronx gardens and when he saw a girl sitting by herself he had to talk to her for one whole minute. His goal was to do this with 100 women in a month. He met his goal as follows:
100 women talked to for 1 minute or more
30 cut him off or would not respond
1 date
He did this again and ended up with 3 dates out of 100.
After that he always said he never had problems talking to women again.[/QUOTE]
This sounds like one of those shock phobia treatments. It makes sense, I mean the more you do anything the more comfortable you'll feel about it.
Albet Ellis (who developed Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy) was nervous around women as a teenager so he set himself a task: Go to the Bronx gardens and when he saw a girl sitting by herself he had to talk to her for one whole minute. His goal was to do this with 100 women in a month. He met his goal as follows:
100 women talked to for 1 minute or more
30 cut him off or would not respond
1 date
He did this again and ended up with 3 dates out of 100.
After that he always said he never had problems talking to women again.[/QUOTE]
This sounds like one of those shock phobia treatments. It makes sense, I mean the more you do anything the more comfortable you'll feel about it.
[quote name='assassinX']Man you truly dont stop with your knowledge... so anyhting about getting rid of the competition? 7 other guys like her... and im feeling she doesnt like me.[/quote]
Have any of those guys made a move yet? If so, were they successful? If not, what's stopping you from being the first? If she doesn't end up like you, there's a billion fish in the sea. Why limit yourself to one tuna? I hate referencing this as it has been known to be abused for its effectiveness but the reason why it seems like assholes always seem to get girls is due to their confidence. This confidence gives them an assertiveness which women find quite attractive. Why this is so is a mystery that I won't bother solving. What you should take out of that is that you need to develop confidence (but w/o the assholishness that sometimes comes with it as it will cause drama down the line - BELIEVE ME ON THAT). As umcthomas pointed out, approaching more than one girl will boost your confidence. But you've got to have the will to go through it in the first place. It's a numbers game really. Not every girl will like you but you'll eventually meet many who will.
[quote name='RedvsBlue']This sounds like one of those shock phobia treatments. It makes sense, I mean the more you do anything the more comfortable you'll feel about it.[/quote]
That also applies to physical contact which is why I emphasize its importance. Building up physical contact w/ a girl will make her more comfortable w/ you touching her - eventually resulting in more intimate contact.
Have any of those guys made a move yet? If so, were they successful? If not, what's stopping you from being the first? If she doesn't end up like you, there's a billion fish in the sea. Why limit yourself to one tuna? I hate referencing this as it has been known to be abused for its effectiveness but the reason why it seems like assholes always seem to get girls is due to their confidence. This confidence gives them an assertiveness which women find quite attractive. Why this is so is a mystery that I won't bother solving. What you should take out of that is that you need to develop confidence (but w/o the assholishness that sometimes comes with it as it will cause drama down the line - BELIEVE ME ON THAT). As umcthomas pointed out, approaching more than one girl will boost your confidence. But you've got to have the will to go through it in the first place. It's a numbers game really. Not every girl will like you but you'll eventually meet many who will.
[quote name='RedvsBlue']This sounds like one of those shock phobia treatments. It makes sense, I mean the more you do anything the more comfortable you'll feel about it.[/quote]
That also applies to physical contact which is why I emphasize its importance. Building up physical contact w/ a girl will make her more comfortable w/ you touching her - eventually resulting in more intimate contact.
well my one rule is never to date anyone from work because if things go wrong, it will be hell and one of you have to find a new job. (bad experience and i had to find myself a new job). another time i hung out with a girl from work and had lunch with her everyday while we were working together and still hung out after she found another job. i started developing feelings for her and thought she had an interest for me after she got a new job so i told her. now she's one of the nicest people i have ever met in my life so it wasn't much of a problem after i told her. she kind of brushed me off and that was that. we stay friends until now. so don't worry about screwing up friendship because if she avoids you just because you have feelings towards her, maybe she is not a good friend after all.
DJ K8E
Banned
I love watching guys try to figure out us girls. Being scared of us because we might reject them, it's so fun! Especially when 99% of us are by and large the same, and if you could just get past the emotions (and hormones) and examine the facts/patterns/etc., then you might finally get it.
There's a reason women tend to have their men tied around their finger. We've figured you out, and we know it.
But to the advice... You'll never get anywhere being lazy and inactive with girls. We are the dominants posing as submissives, which means you should be the submissives posing as dominants. You can't be us, you can't be the wounded fragile little flower to us, you have to be the iron fist, or we're not going to give two scoops. That's just how relationships work.
Bottom line: Lie, lie, lie. You have to prove that you can act dominant, so do it. Pretend you're the coolest, slickest guy around, that you are untouchable, that if this girl don't want in, you got 'em lined up around the block. Because a sure fire way to get rejected is if the girl knows you have no prospects other than her.
(More) bottom line: Give up. If she wanted you, you'd know it. We've found over the years, that we have to be ridiculously obvious about the fact we like you, for you to make the first move. Therefore, don't look for the signs, they're not hard to see, if we want you, you'll know. Then again, even if we want someone else, there is something to be said for using the guy you don't want to get the guy you do... so take a stab at it.
This harsh reality, brought to you by the letter K and the number 8.
There's a reason women tend to have their men tied around their finger. We've figured you out, and we know it.
But to the advice... You'll never get anywhere being lazy and inactive with girls. We are the dominants posing as submissives, which means you should be the submissives posing as dominants. You can't be us, you can't be the wounded fragile little flower to us, you have to be the iron fist, or we're not going to give two scoops. That's just how relationships work.
Bottom line: Lie, lie, lie. You have to prove that you can act dominant, so do it. Pretend you're the coolest, slickest guy around, that you are untouchable, that if this girl don't want in, you got 'em lined up around the block. Because a sure fire way to get rejected is if the girl knows you have no prospects other than her.
(More) bottom line: Give up. If she wanted you, you'd know it. We've found over the years, that we have to be ridiculously obvious about the fact we like you, for you to make the first move. Therefore, don't look for the signs, they're not hard to see, if we want you, you'll know. Then again, even if we want someone else, there is something to be said for using the guy you don't want to get the guy you do... so take a stab at it.
This harsh reality, brought to you by the letter K and the number 8.
Trancendental
CAGiversary!
- Feedback
- 4 (100%)
[quote name='DJ K8E'](More) bottom line: Give up. If she wanted you, you'd know it. We've found over the years, that we have to be ridiculously obvious about the fact we like you, for you to make the first move. Therefore, don't look for the signs, they're not hard to see, if we want you, you'll know. Then again, even if we want someone else, there is something to be said for using the guy you don't want to get the guy you do... so take a stab at it.[/quote]
"the signs" - that's great
Never listen to girls about advice on getting girls - I wasted half my life doing that and the truth is that they don't know what they want and have no clue on how to give men advice on how to get it.
I read this PDF floating around the internets called "Double Your Dating" - that dude had some pretty great ideas (and reasons why women seem to be crazy) - but you will have to work at it.
"the signs" - that's greatNever listen to girls about advice on getting girls - I wasted half my life doing that and the truth is that they don't know what they want and have no clue on how to give men advice on how to get it.
I read this PDF floating around the internets called "Double Your Dating" - that dude had some pretty great ideas (and reasons why women seem to be crazy) - but you will have to work at it.
E-Z-B
CAGiversary!
I skimmed through most posts, but wanted to add my own thoughts plus reiterate other's:
1) You said it yourself. She has a history with "jackasses". Therefore, don't act like mr. nice guy around her. She obviously has a thing with guys that are disrepectful, vulgar, or obnoxious. I'm not saying you have to be all the way on that side of the spectrum, but mr. nice guy isn't going to help at all.
2) As stated, women don't like indecisiveness. Know what you want. Make it so that she knows what you want. Tell her where you want to eat, which bar to go, where to hang out. Don't say "well, where do you want to go?"
3) Make your move PRONTO. There's a dimishing curve where the odds of moving out of your "friendship" status will look like an exponential decay. As stated, you don't need another friend. A friend who's a girl may impede your chances of getting other tail at bars anyway.
4) If she doesn't go for the kiss, then DO NOT WORRY OVER IT. It's the experience of moving in for the kill is what counts. Sure, it may not work this time. But with the next chick, you're more confident and less inhibited to move in. If anything, congratulate yourself for trying.
5) Give up if it doesn't work. You'll drive yourself bonkers for someone who will never feel the same for you as you do for her. Cut your losses and move on. Start scanning the bar for a new chick.
Hope this helps. Other tips include complimenting her on one thing unique about her, such as her hair, fingernails, clothes, etc.
1) You said it yourself. She has a history with "jackasses". Therefore, don't act like mr. nice guy around her. She obviously has a thing with guys that are disrepectful, vulgar, or obnoxious. I'm not saying you have to be all the way on that side of the spectrum, but mr. nice guy isn't going to help at all.
2) As stated, women don't like indecisiveness. Know what you want. Make it so that she knows what you want. Tell her where you want to eat, which bar to go, where to hang out. Don't say "well, where do you want to go?"
3) Make your move PRONTO. There's a dimishing curve where the odds of moving out of your "friendship" status will look like an exponential decay. As stated, you don't need another friend. A friend who's a girl may impede your chances of getting other tail at bars anyway.
4) If she doesn't go for the kiss, then DO NOT WORRY OVER IT. It's the experience of moving in for the kill is what counts. Sure, it may not work this time. But with the next chick, you're more confident and less inhibited to move in. If anything, congratulate yourself for trying.
5) Give up if it doesn't work. You'll drive yourself bonkers for someone who will never feel the same for you as you do for her. Cut your losses and move on. Start scanning the bar for a new chick.
Hope this helps. Other tips include complimenting her on one thing unique about her, such as her hair, fingernails, clothes, etc.
[quote name='Theduck'] Like, what signs or gestures should I look for to tell if she wants me to be more than a friend? [/QUOTE]
http://www.pickupguide.com/layguide/bodylanguage.htm
That should be enough to get you started.
http://www.pickupguide.com/layguide/bodylanguage.htm
That should be enough to get you started.
Trancendental
CAGiversary!
- Feedback
- 4 (100%)
[quote name='wubb']You should subscribe to that LOVE cell phone text message service I see advertised on TV all the time. It will make you a better date and a GREAT kisser. FTW![/quote]
Let the joke of the day be your joy of the day!
Let the joke of the day be your joy of the day!
bread's done