Hmm...Doritos stories, okay - I'll bite.
Back in the early 2000s, Olestra was added to Doritos - and a number of other chip-products. For anyone who doesn't know, anything containing Olestra had a warning on the package: "May cause excessive gas and/or anal leakage."
Not a joke. That was the warning.
Anyway, one Thursday night after acting class, our instructor asked a bunch of us what we were doing the next day. Most of us had nothing planned, so he asked who wanted to drive to Atlantic City (from Philadelphia). Everyone went.
Mid-trip at a gas station, Coach (as we called him) bought some Doritos. With Olestra. I knew about the warning, told him about it and he ignored it, laughing. He ate the entire bag. While chasing it with a Coca-Cola or two.
By the time we got to AC, he was ready to pop. "I don't feel so good," he said, as his eyes rolled up into the back of his head.
We hadn't even parked yet, he jumped out of the van and ran into the casino - begging security for a bathroom. A couple of us followed. Out of morbid curiosity? Who knows? I mean, how bad could it really be?
The resulting explosion was the worst sound I've ever heard coming out of another human being. Think of Booger's burp from Revenge of the Nerds, but put it at the other end. Just...louder...and...well, let's just say wetter.
From then on, if he was ever hungry at class, I'd ask him if he wanted some Doritos. I always had some handy - just incase.
ing funny!
