Marriage trouble? Or am I overreacting?

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[quote name='sp00ge']Thanks everyone for all of the support and advice. Major update for those following:

We sat down after Rachael was put to bed and had a serious talk about all of this. I explained to her that it's not jealousy, or me being a jerk, as the reason for me telling her to stop gaming. It's mostly the fact that she spends the majority of her out of work time in it and is putting more effort into that game than her real life. I told her that it's not the game itself, but all of the time she is wasting on it. She spends more time with her 'friends' than she does with her own family. I referred her to the Gaming Addiction Website and had her check the addiction screening. She was shocked when over half of them were 'yes.'

She finally admitted that she does have an addiction and we are going to work on her situation. We haven't decided if counseling or whatnot, but something will be done to help rectify the situation. I am giving things one last shot. If she refuses and relapses back into her old habits, I will then be done.

Keep in mind, I still have, and will keep, all of the logs on my laptop, which she doesn't have access to. I'm still going to keep up some of my monitoring activity, at least for the next few weeks to make sure things are kept in check.

That is all for right now. Hopefully things wil turn out for the better. Thanks again, everyone. I'll be sure to keep you guys updated.[/quote]

Good to hear things are getting better. I strongly recommend marriage counseling, to help both of you through this. Has she admitted to the online wedding yet?

Something else I would seriously consider is logging on under her nick, telling Romeo you want to meet, and getting his address. Show up at the guys house, tell him you're both happily married with a kid, and you will give him a free tracheotomy if he ever messages your wife again. He will be so freaked out. Problem solved!
 
First, to respond to craab's comment about people being disenchanted with the institution of marriage in the US... I think the whole problem with marriage in the US is the "no-fault" divorce that didn't exist 30 years ago. 30 years ago, the only way to get a divorce was to prove that someone wasn't fulfilling their marrital obligations (like infidelity). Now, it's as simple as signing a piece of paper that says "it's just not working out". If people knew up-front that marriage was a long-term thing and not just "while it feels good", divorce rates would plummet and you'd see a lot more couples trying to work out problems. Before I got married, I told my fiancee that I was in it for the rest of my life, and if she didn't feel the same, then I'd leave now. I told her that I never wanted to get a divorce, for any reason that could be worked out, since my parents are both divorced (and re-married, and re-divorced). After 9 years of being together, the key to our marriage is communication. If I'm pissed about something she did, I tell her exactly how I feel, why I think she should have done whatever, and what I think needs to be done to resolve the situation. She does the same for me when I screw up (it happens). Then again, it also helps that I've instilled in her a sense of logic so that when disagreements do arise, the logical solution is always the one we agree on... meaning, we do not allow our emotions to make any decision beyond what to have for supper. It's rare, I know... which is why she's mine and I'm never getting divorced.

Now, to respond to the OP, it definitely sounds like things are on the right track.
I hope you keep updating us on the status. I'm eagerly awaiting news.
 
Omatsei,

I hope for your sake that your wife doesn't read this site. Most wives would not take kindly to "it also helps that I've instelled in her a sense of logic".

I am married, and I fully agree with you. I think your marriage works because its a 2 way street. Guess what, if your wife wanted a divorce, there is little you could do about it.

The biggest problem with divorce is the loss of the stigma. People don't mind being "divorced" now. Back 30 years ago, being divorced was a terrible thing, and you would be shunned in the community. Now, you are back on the market, and if you watch some shows on stations like "Lifetime", divorce is almost celebrated (they also have divorce parties at strip clubs).

It isn't going back. My honest belief is, in 50 years or so, people just won't get married until they are 40-50 years old, and have dated 10+ years. The reasons why people use to get married just don't hold anymore, and if you don't get married, you won't have the ugly divorce settlements.
 
[quote name='sp00ge']Thanks everyone for all of the support and advice. Major update for those following:

We sat down after Rachael was put to bed and had a serious talk about all of this. I explained to her that it's not jealousy, or me being a jerk, as the reason for me telling her to stop gaming. It's mostly the fact that she spends the majority of her out of work time in it and is putting more effort into that game than her real life. I told her that it's not the game itself, but all of the time she is wasting on it. She spends more time with her 'friends' than she does with her own family. I referred her to the Gaming Addiction Website and had her check the addiction screening. She was shocked when over half of them were 'yes.'

She finally admitted that she does have an addiction and we are going to work on her situation. We haven't decided if counseling or whatnot, but something will be done to help rectify the situation. I am giving things one last shot. If she refuses and relapses back into her old habits, I will then be done.

Keep in mind, I still have, and will keep, all of the logs on my laptop, which she doesn't have access to. I'm still going to keep up some of my monitoring activity, at least for the next few weeks to make sure things are kept in check.

That is all for right now. Hopefully things wil turn out for the better. Thanks again, everyone. I'll be sure to keep you guys updated.[/quote]

I don't think it was touched on, but how long have you been married?

I'm really impressed with how you've handled the situation... you're allowing for redeption, but keeping a realistic view on the situation, in order to rightly protect yourself.

The only thing that I'll note is that it is NOT all bad living with one parent, with visitation or join custody, and I firmly believe that it is better to have parents happy single than fighting constantly together. It is more traumatic for the child in the long term. That is personal experience talking. Staying together for the sake of the kids is NOT a good idea, regardless of what some people have been saying.

You won't love your daughter any less being divorced.
 
UPDATE:

Here we go AGAIN!

I haven't been able to keep up with the logs the past few days, but I finally got around to catching up this morning.

Anytime I leave the house, for any reason, for any bit of time, she logs into IRC to chat with her game buddies. The timing is fricken impeccable. Example: Last night, her mom got a flat tire about 15 miles out of town, so I went with her dad to go change it for her. The minute I walked out the door, she was online. As soon as we pulled up outside, she disconnected. About 20 minutes later, I ran to get us a late meal. I was only gone 15 minutes, but in that time, she was back on again, logging off the minute she heard me pull up outside. She thinks that sneaking around is going to hide the truth from me.

Furthermore, she's announced to them she's officially back playing the game, and the wedding is still on as she sees no reason to cancel it. I was not told any of this by her. and as far as she knows, I don't know.

Next step is pulling the internet connection, I guess. She doesn't want counseling, she doesn't believe her addiction is that bad. Things were going really great for a few days, the house was looking cleaner. But I can see that it was only temporary.

Time for drastic measures. Good thing I can get online from work.
 
Make sure you back up the logs etc and have enough evidence before you pull the plug. Thats going to cause some problems, even from a controll standpoint I am sure.
 
[quote name='Snake2715']Make sure you back up the logs etc and have enough evidence before you pull the plug. Thats going to cause some problems, even from a controll standpoint I am sure.[/quote]

Oh yeah... I have dated folders chock full of logs on my laptop. This isn't going to be pretty, I know that already. Might be worse than dealing with a heroin addict.
 
Cutting off the internet is the same as throwing down the gauntlet. She's as likely to pack up her things and move out, probably to someone else's house that has an internet connection as she is to say "you're right honey, I have a problem" and then just go over her friends house and use their net when you aren't around. Or she'll call up and get the broadband restarted in her name, giving you the finger in the process.

Don't you think that, maybe, its time you yourself had a session with a marriage counselor to get some real advice on how to proceed...and maybe not so much listen to the ideas of interweb strangers who like cheap software? :D

Good Luck, Bro.
 
[quote name='HeadRusch']Cutting off the internet is the same as throwing down the gauntlet. She's as likely to pack up her things and move out, probably to someone else's house that has an internet connection as she is to say "you're right honey, I have a problem" and then just go over her friends house and use their net when you aren't around. Or she'll call up and get the broadband restarted in her name, giving you the finger in the process.[/QUOTE]

...and? That will indicate she has no desire to work to avoid her addictions, and indicate to sp00ge that, lamentably, it's time to end this marriage. Besides, what kind of dumbass friend would allow you to hang out at their place and use their internet to chat with other people-who-are-not-them? Once maybe, but perpetually? fuck you.

...OTOH, the desperation people go to in getting their "fix" or rationalizing their behavior can occasionally work to make them aware of how deep they're in the shit. Like when Tom Hanks' character in Family Ties was drinking vanilla extract because it had alcohol in it. I've seen it happen every now and then, and it's never pretty "I think I should stop doing heroin because I just got mugged buying dope, and had $350 in money for school books stolen," for example. The end of this road is a bit more promising.

sp00ge, this is the "final boss" as far as I'm concerned. This is someone you love and have a child with, but also someone who seems to have no interest in respecting you, your demands, or dealing with a problem they have. You need to cut off the internet now at the very least, and the 7-10 days that follow that will clearly tell you what you need to do. I'll wish upon a star to my favorite diety-of-the-moment that something resembling "righteousness" will come about from this. But, as a skeptic, no promises, ok? ;)
 
[quote name='HeadRusch']Cutting off the internet is the same as throwing down the gauntlet. She's as likely to pack up her things and move out, probably to someone else's house that has an internet connection as she is to say "you're right honey, I have a problem" and then just go over her friends house and use their net when you aren't around. Or she'll call up and get the broadband restarted in her name, giving you the finger in the process.

Don't you think that, maybe, its time you yourself had a session with a marriage counselor to get some real advice on how to proceed...and maybe not so much listen to the ideas of interweb strangers who like cheap software? :D

Good Luck, Bro.[/QUOTE]
Pulling the plug on the internet seems like a good idea to me (and I think a lot of other CAGers) but HeadRusch is right - getting professional advice is the logical next step. Go by yourself and see what advice you get. Goodluck.
 
Don't pull the plug!!!!!!!

Let her get e-married. Then when you take her to court, you can make her look like she's batshit insane. If you pull the internet before that happens, you'll have lost a major source of ammunition in following divorce proceedings.

Imagine how the judge will look at that?

[quote name='The Judge']
This bitch was getting married on the internet when she's already married at home? Not only is that polygamy, but this bitch be crazy! sp00ge I grant you full custody![/quote]
 
Have you spoken to other people close to her?
Let them know she is lossing it.....
that may have her change her ways a bit if other people (Other then you) told her she has a problem, Kind of an intevention type thing......

As a note if you still wanna cut the internet I would say hack the shit out of the game she is playing, take out some key files, F-up her saved data etc.
This should put some kinks in her plan to go behind your back. I am sure if you look around you can find something to slow down your connection too, make the sucker crawl at 14.4 aol speed and see if she still has fun. It sound like you are the technically sauvey(SP) one of the house.
 
[quote name='Zen Davis']Don't pull the plug!!!!!!!

Let her get e-married. Then when you take her to court, you can make her look like she's batshit insane. If you pull the internet before that happens, you'll have lost a major source of ammunition in following divorce proceedings.

Imagine how the judge will look at that?[/quote]

Actually, that's not really a bad idea.
 
[quote name='Snake2715']Yeah the let her get married thing may be best actually.[/quote]If he's willing to let things go that far, sure, but it's kinda stupid to let things continue further than they have to if you're hoping to salvage anything. Depends on the goals.
 
Bottom line - After the e-marriage has taken place, I would leave with the car somewhere, park a block away, wait 15 minutes and sneak back into the house and catch her chatting on MIRC/playing the game.

At that point you straight up say, "Get out", because now she can't say that it's about you getting angry about her playing the game; it's about her not respecting your wishes and going about these things behind your back. In fact, I would bring a couple of friends with me so I would have some witnesses.

Also make sure she doesn't go after any knives/weapons to try and stab you in the back in a 'bitch went crazy!' moment, because even if you never expect that to happen, it still can because when men/women overreact, they can take things way beyond the line.
 
I've followed this thread for a little while without posting (aside from #212), so now I respectfully offer my two cents.

Spooge, you seem like a pretty decent guy who has his priorities in order, and who's in a marriage with a woman who doesn't, or at least has priorities that don't coincide with yours. That alone should be enough of a red flag.

Although it seems you've been completely and utterly honest in disclosing all the details, I have a bad feeling things are even worse off than the picture painted in this thread, because you seem to really care about your wife and your family, and you want things to work out. But when we want things to work out, we're often willing to make sacrifices, cut corners, look the other way to reach the end result we desire. From the sound of things - and I realize I don't and can't understand your marriage - but from the sound of things, it's probably over. I'm only being honest, but someone needs to say it.

If you have a woman who's fulfilling some sort of fantasy where she needs an "alternate" marriage to be satisfied, that's a clear indicator that she's dissatisfied with the marriage she's in. That's no knock on your character; you could be the nicest guy, it's more a reflection of the woman you married. People change - clearly she's not the woman you married. I just don't understand how anyone can shrug off a virtual marriage as no big deal because it's virtual. It's probably more real to her than you even know. And I'll add that, while I'm not married, if my girlfriend ever found out I was planning a secret wedding - or vice versa - the relationship would be over. That's just unacceptable, IMO.

My advice/the cold, hard truth: I know your living situation is tough right now, but for your sake, you probably need to just get out. I can all but promise you you'll be happier in the long run. If being married to someone is as stressful as this seems to be, it's probably not worth it, and obviously she doesn't really want to change. I know you want to make things work for the sake of your daughter, but what's better for your kid: two parents stuck in a miserable marriage, too focused on their own problems to see the bigger picture around them (small reference to your housekeeping issues you mentioned earlier), or two divorced-but-happier parents able to focus more on their child/children rather than on their shitty relationship?
 
sp00ge, I feel for you man. Make sure you get lots of evidence of her behavior if you want custody. If its anything like Michigan you'll have to prove she's a kleptomaniac crack-head hooker who is HIV positive and has multiple personalities.
 
Damn, sp00ge, and I thought with your post in the GR thread about the Halo/Beowulf game flipping with your wife's help that that was a good sign things were patched up. I'm not having any such problems (that I know of!) with my marriage and my wife would never help me flip games :lol:.

Stay strong man!
 
[quote name='Calamityuponthee']Terrible advice. Never be logical with a women. Does not compute.

Don't cut the internet either, because she'll know exactly what happened. Calling the internet company is pretty simple.

There's a chance she's seriously addicted to this game, and probably needs help. Unfortunately, the only one who can change this is her.

Hard to say what to do, but some generic advice might suffice.

Start going out with some friends. Meet lots of new women. You don't have to cheat. With a daughter especially, not fair to her. Just get yourself out there. Don't pay any attention to your wife. Come home late, and just act like everything is peachy. Eventually, she'll come to you. Trust me.

Whatever you do, DO NOT confront her. It will make things worse, and then you will be in a world of shit.[/QUOTE]

If I had a nickel for.. never mind not worth it.

Time to go on damage control, now that you've completely blown it.

Good luck.
 
[quote name='Calamityuponthee']If I had a nickel for.. never mind not worth it.

Time to go on damage control, now that you've completely blown it.

Good luck.[/quote]
If the man wants a marriage rife with deception and lies, your way is great. If he wants to treat females as though they are less than men, then your way is great.

If he wants an equal, loving, supportive marriage, then doing what he did is the way to go.

From HOW you're talking about relationships, I assume you've never had a good one.

note: this isn't meant to be insulting, Calamity, but it is WAY too wrong not to address. No hard feelings.
 
[quote name='BattleChicken']If the man wants a marriage rife with deception and lies, your way is great. If he wants to treat females as though they are less than men, then your way is great.

If he wants an equal, loving, supportive marriage, then doing what he did is the way to go.

From HOW you're talking about relationships, I assume you've never had a good one.

note: this isn't meant to be insulting, Calamity, but it is WAY too wrong not to address. No hard feelings.[/QUOTE]

Don't worry man, you aren't insulting me.

However, you're assumptions can't be any more wrong.

I'm not here to brag, but let's just say I have absolutely no trouble with my girl, or women in general. 2 years strong. Marriage is the last thing on my mind though.

What exactly, do you think his wife is doing? Lies and deception. Also, what I told him to do, is to have a fun life outside of his wife essentially.

Instead, he directly confronted her, and the predictable happened.

Either way, if you want to discuss this further PM me, I'm not trying to crap in this guys thread just wanted to wish him some luck.
 
[quote name='Calamityuponthee']Don't worry man, you aren't insulting me.

However, you're assumptions can't be any more wrong.

I'm not here to brag, but let's just say I have absolutely no trouble with my girl, or women in general. 2 years strong. Marriage is the last thing on my mind though.

What exactly, do you think his wife is doing? Lies and deception. Also, what I told him to do, is to have a fun life outside of his wife essentially.

Instead, he directly confronted her, and the predictable happened.

Either way, if you want to discuss this further PM me, I'm not trying to crap in this guys thread just wanted to wish him some luck.[/quote]
I've been married for 2 years, together for 3.. so my wife and I have been together for about the same amount of time as you and yours. Lies are certainly the core of the problem - no disagreements there.

I see your perspective (now), and don't discount it, i just don't think its universal, as people react very differently to this kind of stuff.

What the OP did might be uncomfortable, and there is certainly fallout from being direct and straightforward, but at least its out there, and she has to deal with it now -- it might have been predictable, but it also might have been one of the most productive fights they ever had.

I don't think we're thread crapping, just discussing differences in relationship perspective -- thanks for being civil in turn, and explaining your perspective further.
 
[quote name='BattleChicken']I've been married for 2 years, together for 3.. so my wife and I have been together for about the same amount of time as you and yours. Lies are certainly the core of the problem - no disagreements there.

I see your perspective, and don't discount it, i just don't think its universal, as people react very differently to this kind of stuff What the OP did might be uncomfortable, and there is certainly fallout from being direct and straightforward, but at least its out there, and she has to deal with it now -- it might have been predictable, but it also might have been one of the most productive fights they ever had.

I don't think we're thread crapping, just discussing differences in relationship perspective -- thanks for being civil in turn, and explaining your perspective further.[/QUOTE]

Cool then, guess I'll see where this goes.

Personally, I don't see there fight productive at all.

All it did, is make her realize her husband is jealous. If she didn't have the upper hand before (which I doubt), she definitely does now.

You can kick her out, you can confront her, you can turn off the internet, whatever scenario you want.. and she will win.

That's the beauty of divorce, atleast in Wisconsin.. you WILL LOSE if you arn't female.

Take this example.

My friends wife had an affair with someone. We'll call him person A. He was my friends BOSS, of all things. After a few months of sexing up person A, she then had an affair on him with person B. Person A found out, and told my friend. That's how my friend found out about this whole thing. Pretty fucked up. He knew something was going on, just didn't put all the pieces together yet.

Anyways, long story short.. she got half of my friends pension (over 50k), the house, and majority custody of kids (not sure of the terms, he only got to see his kids every other weekend though).

Fair? Hell no, the whore (as we like to call her) took him for a ride. I feel sorry for him, but he ignored every bit of advice I told him to do when he still had a chance.
 
[quote name='Calamityuponthee']You can kick her out, you can confront her, you can turn off the internet, whatever scenario you want.. and she will win.[/quote]
That's kind of everywhere. It's why I will never get married.
 
What you need to do is call a reality show and then burst in with cameras and get on National TV! I am just kidding man. However I would let the E-Marriage go through if it is about to happen and then pull the plug, that is if you think it might come down to a custody issue.

I would also look at program called Sub Seven and have a little remote control on your computer. I am sure that me or other CAGs would be happy to show you how to use that program.
 
[quote name='Calamityuponthee']Cool then, guess I'll see where this goes.

Personally, I don't see there fight productive at all.

All it did, is make her realize her husband is jealous. If she didn't have the upper hand before (which I doubt), she definitely does now.

You can kick her out, you can confront her, you can turn off the internet, whatever scenario you want.. and she will win.

That's the beauty of divorce, atleast in Wisconsin.. you WILL LOSE if you arn't female.

Take this example.

My friends wife had an affair with someone. We'll call him person A. He was my friends BOSS, of all things. After a few months of sexing up person A, she then had an affair on him with person B. Person A found out, and told my friend. That's how my friend found out about this whole thing. Pretty fucked up. He knew something was going on, just didn't put all the pieces together yet.

Anyways, long story short.. she got half of my friends pension (over 50k), the house, and majority custody of kids (not sure of the terms, he only got to see his kids every other weekend though).

Fair? Hell no, the whore (as we like to call her) took him for a ride. I feel sorry for him, but he ignored every bit of advice I told him to do when he still had a chance.[/quote]

Dude, you have no idea what you're talking about. My wife and I have been married for 5 years, together for 7. We have a kid. It's not cut and dry. Beating around the bush proves nothing.

She is having an emotional affair, while fairly new, is still a legit infidelity. I have enough documentation with this whole affair that if there was a winner in divorce (which there wouldn't be), it would be me. And this goes far beyond just "some other guy." If you would have read everything, it's the whole internet addiction that's causing problems. She plays all day and does little/nothing around the house, while I'm at work. The "other guy" is just one small part of a giant problem, which has nothing to do with jealousy.

BTW - Did your friend have any proof of her devious activities? Since he got owned so hard, I'd assume not. Thanks to everyone for your support. An update will follow later tonight.
 
[quote name='sp00ge']Dude, you have no idea what you're talking about. My wife and I have been married for 5 years, together for 7. We have a kid. It's not cut and dry. Beating around the bush proves nothing.

She is having an emotional affair, while fairly new, is still a legit infidelity. I have enough documentation with this whole affair that if there was a winner in divorce (which there wouldn't be), it would be me. And this goes far beyond just "some other guy." If you would have read everything, it's the whole internet addiction that's causing problems. She plays all day and does little/nothing around the house, while I'm at work. The "other guy" is just one small part of a giant problem, which has nothing to do with jealousy.

BTW - Did your friend have any proof of her devious activities? Since he got owned so hard, I'd assume not. Thanks to everyone for your support. An update will follow later tonight.[/quote]

Word. My advice? Listen to 99% of the posters here instead of the lone dissenter.
 
God, that sucks OP. I'm really sorry. I feel for ya, I was a sufferer of the "emotional affair" myself a few years back with my ex-gf. The last year or two were hell, cause it's such an emotional whirlwind. She'd kill one myspace account and have two more. She'd "quit" things and end back up right where she started.

Sometimes it's not so much about the people or game being the "addiction" as it is the attention. She may feel like she's not getting something in real life she gets in this virtual world. Whether it be unending praise, flirtation or attention.

This is not indicative of your relationship with her OP, some people just are really attention-whores (for lack of better verbiage at the moment),

The sad truth in my case was no matter how many fights, how many promises, etc etc she always went back to her old ways. It might take something big like counseling - if she actually wants to try that is. Right now, it sounds like lip service and these little bits of "good" are just her quelling any feelings of guilt and earning back her time.

She needs to find what's important to her life. I know married friends who are totally co-dependent on each other and their little family is their life. Other people like my ex and your wife sound like they aren't satisfied. Life in a rut sucks, so people escape...and not in a good way.

I hope you can do something to make her snap out of it. But at this point, simply talking about it and fighting doesn't seem to be getting anywhere but dragging out the time does it? If things go to shit, come back to Chicago and the CAG's here will buy you a beer. But I hope I don't have to.
 
[quote name='sp00ge']Dude, you have no idea what you're talking about. My wife and I have been married for 5 years, together for 7. We have a kid. It's not cut and dry. Beating around the bush proves nothing.

She is having an emotional affair, while fairly new, is still a legit infidelity. I have enough documentation with this whole affair that if there was a winner in divorce (which there wouldn't be), it would be me. And this goes far beyond just "some other guy." If you would have read everything, it's the whole internet addiction that's causing problems. She plays all day and does little/nothing around the house, while I'm at work. The "other guy" is just one small part of a giant problem, which has nothing to do with jealousy.

BTW - Did your friend have any proof of her devious activities? Since he got owned so hard, I'd assume not. Thanks to everyone for your support. An update will follow later tonight.[/QUOTE]

Years mean nothing. You could be married for 20 and this shit could be happening.

If you read my other post, I said she's addicted to it.

I played and was addicted to Everquest worse then your wife is addicted to this game.

Proof? Does she have 300+ days played? Didn't think so. You know what it took to get me off? I had to sell my character. She has to come to terms with this, not you. You cannot stop her addiction, though you can try all you want.

Oh, and my friend.. He had all the proof in the world, and it meant nothing.

Women win, 99% of the time.

Anyways, I'll remove myself. Sorry for causing trouble.

[quote name='camoor']Word. My advice? Listen to 99% of the posters here instead of the lone dissenter.[/QUOTE]

He did, look where it got him.
 
[quote name='Calamityuponthee']Years mean nothing. You could be married for 20 and this shit could be happening.

If you read my other post, I said she's addicted to it.

I played and was addicted to Everquest worse then your wife is addicted to this game.

Proof? Does she have 300+ days played? Didn't think so. You know what it took to get me off? I had to sell my character. She has to come to terms with this, not you. You cannot stop her addiction, though you can try all you want.

Oh, and my friend.. He had all the proof in the world, and it meant nothing.

Women win, 99% of the time.

Anyways, I'll remove myself. Sorry for causing trouble.



He did, look where it got him.[/quote]

I think he made the right move, some situations are just tough whatever you do.

We all know that the law favors women but Spooge is playing it smart just in case the worst happens. I've got alot of respect for the guy, he's keeping his cool in a tough situation.

Getting legal advice on the internets is always a bad idea anyway, but any rational person can see the more evidence of infidelty and neglect you collect the better.

The emergence of online video-game addiction - throw in a twist ending and this could read like a PK Dick short story.
 
I've read the whole thread, but I have a question... Given the economy of Johnstown sucks, and the comments you made about money, is it safe to assume that you really can't afford counseling? If so, and if you (or your wife's family) is religious at all, you might want to see a pastor / priest. They generally don't charge for this kind of thing, and it's in their best interests for the marriage to succeed. In fact, it might be easy to get her to church now because it's close to Christmas. You could just tell her that you want to go see something there, while you really have a pre-arranged meeting with the pastor / priest afterwards.

[quote name='lordxixor101']
I hope for your sake that your wife doesn't read this site. Most wives would not take kindly to "it also helps that I've instelled in her a sense of logic".
[/quote]

I asked her, and she said I should change the word "instilled" to "invoked" or something, since she says she already had it. Either way works for me.

[quote name='lordxixor101']
The biggest problem with divorce is the loss of the stigma. People don't mind being "divorced" now. Back 30 years ago, being divorced was a terrible thing, and you would be shunned in the community. Now, you are back on the market, and if you watch some shows on stations like "Lifetime", divorce is almost celebrated (they also have divorce parties at strip clubs).
[/quote]

I agree, but I see the old-school stigma about being divorced as a symptom of the problem, not the problem itself. The problem, as I see it, is that 30 years ago, to be divorced, you had to do something really, really bad... like have an affair. Then, the simple fact that you are divorced meant that you have a bad character, or at the very least, made some very bad decisions in your life... hence, the stigma. Once they instituted the "no-fault" divorce, nobody in the marriage had to do anything bad, so there was no reason to look down on a divorcee.
 
Spooge, let me give you a word of advice. Make an image of the hard drive. Do it now. If this ends up in court, a good attorney is going to go after you and talk smack that you made your evidence up. Use this software and keep it handy:

http://www.e-fense.com/helix/

It feels nice to be able to use this stuff I am learning in college to good use.
 
Hope everything works out, read the longs up until the "wedding" than the day of the "wedding" pull the plug on the internet and see how she acts,

or if you want to be a legend make a character and slay them both during the wedding.
 
A friend of mine had live accounts for him and his wife...his wife fell in love with someone on Live and left him and his kids for this guy.. long story short.. they had a custody battle AND she took some money from their account to live with this guy...it totally sucks to see this happen to people you know.. but people are capable of anything no matter what the consequences.. as long as you do what's right for you and yours sp00ge, you'll be the better person in the end..


Maybe you need to take the kids to your folks and just get away for a weekend and just talk about this somewhere away from the house and the internet... if it can't be fixed then it can't be fixed... cut your losses... it doesn't have to be that far.. even like a hotel room in Pittsburgh...
 
Hey sp00ge. I hope everything works out for the best. Do you think her addiction is the result of dissatisfaction with her current life or an addiction that started out harmless but is now hurting her? The way I see it, her outlook is that you are the one being controlling when in fact she needs to see it as the game and internet controlling her. That she can't stay away from it even despite all the harm its done is a good indicator of that. I've been there myself.
 
It occurs to me that creating a character and killing both of them at the wedding may not be possible. Keep in mind that Sp00ge said that it was NOT WoW, and that his wife seemed to get by without much problem by IM'ing and chatting. From those 2 things, it seems to me that his wife was addicted to Second Life. There, they have weddings and everything, and it's a game that women tend to be more attracted to (since there's no violence to speak of). When the "game" was taken away, she quickly resorted to chatting with her in-game buddies, because (let's face it), Second Life is only a GUI interface to chatting. Just my opinion, but I don't think killing them is a possibility.
 
[quote name='Omatsei']It occurs to me that creating a character and killing both of them at the wedding may not be possible. Keep in mind that Sp00ge said that it was NOT WoW, and that his wife seemed to get by without much problem by IM'ing and chatting. From those 2 things, it seems to me that his wife was addicted to Second Life. There, they have weddings and everything, and it's a game that women tend to be more attracted to (since there's no violence to speak of). When the "game" was taken away, she quickly resorted to chatting with her in-game buddies, because (let's face it), Second Life is only a GUI interface to chatting. Just my opinion, but I don't think killing them is a possibility.[/quote]

Could there be a hack where he could do some silly slapping of bride and groom, or maybe knock them to the ground for some tea bagging action.
 
Spooge,

Just happened to catch this post, and thought I would add my .02 to the others for good measure.

Coming from a guy who also has a wife and 2 year old, I can definately relate to the feeling of unrest you get when you picture the future of this situation you're in. And while it may be funny or witty to say stuff like "fuck her, take the kid," you don't strike me as the type to simply walk away like that, or put her out.

But, despite the fact that Rachael does indeed need a stable home relationship, you cannot keep sacrificing your sanity to provide it. Because if do, you will end up bitter and worse off than you would be had you left in the first place. I think the time has come to sit YOURSELF down, and evaluate just where you are emotionally in your marriage, and whether you can honestly see a positive ending for this altercation. Not to say that things like this can't be worked through, but you're fooling yourself if you think that simply taking the ability for her to connect to this devious life away will also take away her desire to do so.

The bottom line OP, is that the only person who can decide to stop is her. Any married man who reads this can tell you that when you go into a confrontational situation with your wife, while it may be funny to think you can simply order her to do what you want, the reality is we as men have a goal in mind that we want our wives to meet in order for things to be alright again. From the looks of things, your wife seems to meet your goal when you fight, but never really is sincere with following through with what it will take to save your marriage, despite all your attempts to make her own up to what she is doing to your marriage. I know you hoped and continue to hope that, confronted with the possibility of ruining what you two have, she would come to her senses and stop screwing up your marriage, but that doesn't seem to be happening. And while this may be because she has convinced herself that you are the one to blame so that she doesn't have to deal with the guilt, the truth is most marriages don't come back from that point.

So, I guess what I am trying to say (and excuse me for the long post) is, turning off the internet is only a short-term solution; if she didn't feel like stopping her relationship when you first confronted her with the consequences, what makes you think taking away her internet access will do?

I think some time away from her is in order OP, and the sooner the better; you need time to clear your head and logically create a plan of attack without the extra burden of emotions that tend to distort men's minds. Also, I would seriously consider calling an impropteau family meeting with her relatives, where I would show them the logs that you have been keeping; simply telling them there is a problem will never be as potent as showing the exactly what is going on. The best case scenario is that your wife recieves some outside perspective on the situation and realizes just how much she's fucked up, and the worst case is it makes things between you worse; either way, it means you are doing something about the situation that will ead to a long-term solution for your marriage, whether it be that you stay together or separate.

Either way OP, I'll keep you in my prayers; thanks for being so open with your situation, and I hope all the posts collected here provide you some solace.
 
I'm late, but I like throwing my 2 cents in anyway...

1) Some great advice, for those that told you to document everything.

But it's all on a laptop? Is that secure? I just see a crazy scenario where she gets ahold of your laptop and destroys it in rage.

If I were you, I'd make some PAPER COPIES of the evidence. And I wouldn't store this at home. Get a bank deposit box or something. So no one will have access but you. Or store the stuff at work... but I wouldn't... that's risky and crazy. You don't want someone at work reading your sh*t! :roll:

2) Great work documenting and monitoring her chats! I'm impressed with that. You're going the extra mile, and this is really important for you, your kid, and the whole situation. You stand to get royally screwed in a divorce proceeding: Men generally get the shaft cause our society automatically interprets us as the bad guys in EVERY relationship fallout. The best thing you can do is have enough damning evidence to convince even the dumbest jury that you did everything you could to save the marriage, blah blah blah. Or that she did all those things you accuse her of.

3) CUT OFF THE INTERNET ALREADY!!!! I'm not sure why you haven't yet... I guess you don't want her leaving the house all the time to get her "fix". And it's definitely LIKELY she will go to that e-fiance's house as soon as you cut the internet. So now that I think about it... get the guy's address. Then drive by whenever she's out, after the internet is knocked out. Just in case. Bring a camera and take a picture if you see her car. The camera will date the picture, with the time, so that would probably help you in a court case...

4) MOVE THE HELL OUT OF THAT CRAP TOWN! I don't know why you're staying there... it obviously sucks. Worse than that, the town is partially to blame for how crappy your lives are right now. Screw her family; get the hell out of there!

You mentioned a crappy school system - what good is that town if your kid ends up being an idiot from going to the worst schools??? My parents (mom and step-dad) don't get along great, but they at least had the foresight to pick a place with GREAT schools. ANd yeah, they're away from family. But so what? Your kid is really your family. The most important member.

Tell that to your wife and get the hell out of that crappy town. Stop procrastinating or thinking it might get better...

5) Overall, my deepest condolences over all this. I've flirted a few times with girls online, myself, so I feel especially guilty over these shenanigans (I'm married for like 1 year now, but with my wife for like 8?). I'm pretty loyal, and I think I know where to draw the line... But your marital problems are something I see getting bigger as the years go by - I mean to say that more people will face these type of problems, like you. So it's good that you bring this up. (Not to mention how your life is basically an entertaining Soap opera right now... :) ).

I think you're a lot like me in one way - you're too nice. And nice people get stepped on. So make sure you don't get stepped on in this. Don't let her continue to lie to you over this, cause it's a snowball of crap that's going to get worse and worse. She'll be lying about more and more crap as time goes on.

The worst thing about all this? She KNOWS she's disrespecting you and she's continuing.

Tell her how much this is hurting you and see what she does. (Tough guys can shut the hell up about this advice! There's a purpose: if she still "cheats" on you, she obviously doesn't care or is too addicted to care). Some counselling is a good idea, but in your crappy town? Who knows what kind of therapist you could get. You want a guy who's dealt with YOUR PROBLEM. Not some general therapist who'll look for a reason to keep you coming ("tell me about your childhood...").

Hope some of that rant helped (or at least highlighted some of the better advice you've been getting!). I also hope to see an end to your problems. But I don't necessarily hope you and your wife work it out - I'm frankly not sure that's the best scenario anymore (from what you've posted). However, do keep in mind I don't know either of you so well, so I couldn't possibly say whether or not you and your wife have enough chemistry to stay a couple. Heck, chemistry is for dating - marriage is a whole different game, isn't it?
 
Perhaps he just wants to keep things private at this point. Strange in light of being so open about it until this point, but respectable nonetheless.

I hope for a good resolution no matter the direction it takes.
 
Sorry for the lack of updates, but things have made a change for the better. I really don't want to divulge details and really get into it, but she's made a complete change.

She still plays her game and talks online, but not as much as she used to. Apparently the other guy broke off the emarriage for undisclosed reasons, but I'm hoping that he realized his actions were interfering with her real life. She's taken more of the housewife role and we've been really working on getting our house and finances in order.

She's actually going to be going back to school starting in January to finish her degree, which is something she's been wanting to do for some time, but never opened that up to me. So, this whole strange event brought up issues that were never known by the other, and working through them is really helping our marriage.

I really appreciate all the help and advice people have given me. But as Myke said, I'm trying to keep all the details quiet for now. I don't want to jynx myself, as I have a habit of doing that. :D
 
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