My social life really isn't what I want it to be (serious topic lolz)

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xghostsniperx

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I'm in my first year of college, sitting in my dorm and thinking about some things. Let me lay out my situation.

So here's my positives and negatives socially:

+I'm good looking.
+I'm socially intelligent (IE: I know what's weird to say, I know "drinking and drug terms", I can carry on a conversation really well)
+I'm not awkward
+I dress well (or so the girls tell me)
+I have a good sense of humor and I get almost everyone else's humor
+I have a lot of different interests
+I do go out and drink and party on Fridays and Saturdays with friends (so it's not like I don't do anything on weekends)
+I play sports and do school things

-I really don't watch sports besides the occasional football game. This has me lost in conversation a lot.
-My way of dressing is perceived as "different"
-I don't have a lot of friends on my floor (I've tried making friends with them, but most of them are potheads and really heavy drinkers--believe me, I'm not making judgements, they're the same as the assholes from high school)
-I have acne (it's controlled by medicine, but I still get it once in awhile)

So I've got a few social concerns:

1. Why don't I have more friends? Don't get me wrong, I've got one good friend on my floor and a couple other friends I drink with, and two good girl friends at another dorm, and a bunch of random friends from classes, sports, etc. I've "gotten with" a couple girls after parties, and even sober a couple times. I just thought by now I'd have a lot more friends. Any advice? It just seems like some of these guys have tons of friends and I don't get why I don't.

2. I'm honestly more comfortable with girls than I am with guys (and yes, I am a guy). If there were in an empty cafeteria and there was a guy and a girl, I'd be much more comfortable sitting with the girl. How do I get to know more guys? I always kinda had that dream of having "the group" of cool college guys I hung out with through college, and right now I feel a bit lonely even though I have friends.

3. Any other advice?
 
The people here are either going to tell you to stop being so emo, or to drink more. I suggest just figuring it out on your own, and not listening to what random message board folks say. Of course, I am contradicting myself by giving you the advice that you shouldn't take any of it.
 
[quote name='xghostsniperx']
I really don't watch sports besides the occasional football game. This has me lost in conversation a lot.
[/quote]

Just be like that skit on Mad TV. The guy doesn't know shit about football, he just keeps repeating "yeah, yeah" and random obvious shit, and when he walks away Bobby Lee and the other dude are like "wow he knows a lot about sports!".
 
Let's see, just from the first post, I would imagine you are way too over-confident and a judgemental asshole. That's two things nobody looks for in a friend.

Also, I'm guessing, you are the guy that everybody believes is gay even though they swear up and down that they aren't. That would explain the gap between you and the guys.
 
Join some clubs or student organizations. That worked pretty well for me when I first started college. It sounds like your "negatives" aren't all that bad, so I wouldn't worry about those very much, if at all.

One question, though - you say you dress well (according to girls), but it's perceived as "different"? How does that work?

Also, yes, you may be a latent homosexual. Embrace it. That'll get you lots of new female (and a few male) friends right there!
 
[quote name='Sporadic']Let's see, just from the first post, I would imagine you are way too over-confident and a judgemental asshole. That's two things nobody looks for in a friend.

Also, I'm guessing, you are the guy that everybody believes is gay even though they swear up and down that they aren't. That would explain the gap between you and the guys.[/quote]

Exactly. I like the part where he goes "The girls tell me a dress well" and the first thing I think of is a friend in high school who was gay. Nice guy, but very gay, he finally admited it to himself right after high school ended and he is very happy.

Get off your high horse and figure out who the hell you are yourself. If you don't have too many friends, who cares. It's better to have 3-4 really close friends you can trust than 20 drunken friends that only talk to you when they want to go out and drink.
 
[quote name='Ikohn4ever']i thought this was a mana knight topic at first[/QUOTE]:lol: I was expecting someone to mirror me, but that's not the case.
[quote name='xghostsniperx']I'm in my first year of college, sitting in my dorm and thinking about some things. Let me lay out my situation.

So here's my positives and negatives socially:

+I'm good looking.
+I'm socially intelligent (IE: I know what's weird to say, I know "drinking and drug terms", I can carry on a conversation really well)
+I'm not awkward
+I dress well (or so the girls tell me)
+I have a good sense of humor and I get almost everyone else's humor
+I have a lot of different interests
+I do go out and drink and party on Fridays and Saturdays with friends (so it's not like I don't do anything on weekends)
+I play sports and do school things

-I really don't watch sports besides the occasional football game. This has me lost in conversation a lot.
-My way of dressing is perceived as "different"
-I don't have a lot of friends on my floor (I've tried making friends with them, but most of them are potheads and really heavy drinkers--believe me, I'm not making judgements, they're the same as the assholes from high school)
-I have acne (it's controlled by medicine, but I still get it once in awhile)

So I've got a few social concerns:

1. Why don't I have more friends? Don't get me wrong, I've got one good friend on my floor and a couple other friends I drink with, and two good girl friends at another dorm, and a bunch of random friends from classes, sports, etc. I've "gotten with" a couple girls after parties, and even sober a couple times. I just thought by now I'd have a lot more friends. Any advice? It just seems like some of these guys have tons of friends and I don't get why I don't.

2. I'm honestly more comfortable with girls than I am with guys (and yes, I am a guy). If there were in an empty cafeteria and there was a guy and a girl, I'd be much more comfortable sitting with the girl. How do I get to know more guys? I always kinda had that dream of having "the group" of cool college guys I hung out with through college, and right now I feel a bit lonely even though I have friends.

3. Any other advice?[/QUOTE]Well, your social life already seems better than mine. Mine is beyond sad to a point I should probably just jump off the Sears Tower and kill myself, which I might do one day. ;)

I dress okay, but I don't drink, very socially akward, can't carry on conversations well, my sense of humor is questionable, I look like crap, and many other things.

At least you've been to a party. The last time I went to a party was back in mid 2006, which was basically a DDR, beatmania, etc. type party. I'm invited to a Halloween party Friday of next week; however, I will not be around my college that weekend (It's my weekend to go back to my hometown) and I already scheduled to host a Warhawk server for CAG that night and cannot miss out.

Lol, I don't know a single person in my apartment building (there are 30 apartments, most are 2 bedrooms). I only know one person in the next building, since he was in a bunch of classes with me. Also, I live alone (I agreed with my apartment landlord that my 2nd bedroom would never be rented out).

It's okay about not keeping up with sports. I may just look at scores every once in a while for Football and watch some basketball. I know nothing about what's going on in baseball right now (partially because my White Sox aren't playing), and I barely keep up (I haven't been to a Football game at my college in my 4+ years).

Having one good friend near you is better than none. I have zero good friends in real life. All my good friends I met in forums, like CAG, GAF, etc. Although I know 90% of my Facebook friends in real life, many of them I'm not very close to, and tend to blow me off too much. The only people in real life who were somewhat my friends, were those I did their homework for them.

I haven't eaten with another person since May 2004. I've eaten myself everyday since then. I have a little fear of eating in front of others, due to strange eating habits, but I just don't have friends to do that stuff with. Although I may eat when I send IMs to online friends on AIM. :p

Well, just be thankful your further than me. I got a lot of work to do, and I'm still struggling to fix myself.

Well, if anyone else here is a Boiler and wants to meet up with me, I'll do it.
 
Thanks for the serious replies. I'm honestly not a judgemental asshole, and I definitely don't do the tight jeans thing. I just spend more on my clothes. And I don't act gay at all, I'm actually pretty masculine.
 
[quote name='xghostsniperx']Thanks for the serious replies. I'm honestly not a judgemental asshole, and I definitely don't do the tight jeans thing. I just spend more on my clothes. And I don't act gay at all, I'm actually pretty masculine.[/QUOTE]At least you have some self confidence. ;)
 
[quote name='bigdaddy']Exactly. I like the part where he goes "The girls tell me a dress well" and the first thing I think of is a friend in high school who was gay. Nice guy, but very gay, he finally admited it to himself right after high school ended and he is very happy.

Get off your high horse and figure out who the hell you are yourself. If you don't have too many friends, who cares. It's better to have 3-4 really close friends you can trust than 20 drunken friends that only talk to you when they want to go out and drink.[/quote]

Let's see, just from the first post, I would imagine you are way too over-confident and a judgemental asshole. That's two things nobody looks for in a friend.

Also, I'm guessing, you are the guy that everybody believes is gay even though they swear up and down that they aren't. That would explain the gap between you and the guys.
Click to expand...

These were my ideas at first too.

OP, you do come off a little too overconfident (keep in mind I'm judging from your first post). But who knows, maybe you are a decent dude and just came off that way.

As for your social life 'not being what you want it to be' - it happens. Tough it out. Sounds to me like it's not that bad. Go to other events and stuff if you want to meet other people.

I don't know what else to say; I have never been one for trying to impress people or change myself to try to get more friends. Translation: I don't have many good friends but the ones I do like and respect me for me and not some other douchebag I try to be. I get down sometimes too but then realize I actually have it better than a lot of other people.
 
[quote name='The Mana Knight']:lol: I was expecting someone to mirror me, but that's not the case.
Well, your social life already seems better than mine. Mine is beyond sad to a point I should probably just jump off the Sears Tower and kill myself, which I might do one day. ;) [/quote]
Can it be tomorrow!?! PLEASE!

[quote name='xghostsniperx']Thanks for the serious replies. I'm honestly not a judgemental asshole, and I definitely don't do the tight jeans thing. I just spend more on my clothes. And I don't act gay at all, I'm actually pretty masculine.[/quote]
You are an asshole, or a dummie or both.

You can't be gay and be masculine? So I guess the thousands of gays that have been kicked out of the military for being gay is because they go around going "Oh my gawd!!! Have you seen how huge the commanders cock is?!", give me a break. :roll:
 
[quote name='bigdaddy']You are an asshole, or a dummie or both.

You can't be gay and be masculine? So I guess the thousands of gays that have been kicked out of the military for being gay is because they go around going "Oh my gawd!!! Have you seen how huge the commanders cock is?!", give me a break. :roll:[/QUOTE]
You're jumping on him because he said that he doesn't "act gay?" Surely this is manufactured rage. Simply put, if one "acts gay," then they are not acting masculine. He never said that all gay people act gay or couldn't be masculine.
 
He said he's not gay, or acts gay, because he's "pretty masculine". To me that just shows he's an asshole out of touch with reality.

And OP, what's up with the z on "lol" in your title?
 
[quote name='Zen Davis']Plenty of people in Northern Michigan thought I was gay because I liked to stretch.[/QUOTE]
Damn queers and their incessant stretching!

Seriously though, wha?
 
You make a good point, bigdaddy, most of the gay guys I'm friends with don't act stereotypical, and some of them the opposite of what you'd expect.

To the OP... I've always made friends easier with girls, too, which tends to be a problem since I end up being friends w/ a lot of girls that I'd like to date. I usually just don't feel like I have as much to say to other guys, and I completely hate/despise/have no interest in any sports.

I felt pretty jaded when I was a freshman, too. Everyone there is adjusting to the new-found independence of being in college and unless you put yourself out there through student groups or things like that it's hard to establish friendships with any real substance.

Rest assured, 5 years later I actually couldn't be happier with the way my life is going. A few others said tough it out, and really, that's the best advice anyone can give. Don't worry so much about appearance or clothing, because anyone who judges you based on those kind of things isn't worth being friends with anyway.
 
[quote name='Kirin Lemon']Damn queers and their incessant stretching!

Seriously though, wha?[/quote]



I am with him.


What does that mean?

Like stretch your penis in front of other guys?
 
[quote name='Sporadic']Let's see, just from the first post, I would imagine you are way too over-confident and a judgemental asshole. That's two things nobody looks for in a friend.[/quote]

That's not true at all. I have loads of friends.

And it's 'judgmental.' ;)
 
If there are any hobby stores around you, you could see if there are any games that people play that you would like to join in on (Magic the Gathering, Heroclix, etc). I am almost the same situation as you, as I don't really have that many friends, but at least I have that one night a week (Friday nights for Magic) where I can go and hang out with people I get along with and accept me for who I am and just have a great time. Out of the whole time I've been in college, I have pretty much only been to one party, during a frat rush, of which I knew they weren't going to take a video game nerd, but I did get a free party out of it, and got along decent enough with some of the people there, which is really all I was expecting out of it. But, aside from that, I pretty much just bury myself in my hobbies, there's really nothing else I can do when I don't have anybody to really hang out with. Besides, how else does anyone think you can raise enough gold to pay for epic flight training in World of Warcraft with a holy spec (healing) Paladin?

EDIT: Oh, and btw, I live in a single dorm room, I have the whole time I've been here, so socializing with roommates is not an option for me. I have quad/floor mates, but they have pretty much all decided that they are a "cool crowd" and if you are not one of the chosen select, they pretty much don't talk to you or really care that you are there.
 
[quote name='mykevermin']That's not true at all. I have loads of friends.

And it's 'judgmental.' ;)[/QUOTE]
I thought it was 'judgedreadful'.
 
[quote name='DeskLaser']If there are any hobby stores around you, you could see if there are any games that people play that you would like to join in on (Magic the Gathering, Heroclix, etc). I am almost the same situation as you, as I don't really have that many friends, but at least I have that one night a week (Friday nights for Magic) where I can go and hang out with people I get along with and accept me for who I am and just have a great time. Out of the whole time I've been in college, I have pretty much only been to one party, during a frat rush, of which I knew they weren't going to take a video game nerd, but I did get a free party out of it, and got along decent enough with some of the people there, which is really all I was expecting out of it. But, aside from that, I pretty much just bury myself in my hobbies, there's really nothing else I can do when I don't have anybody to really hang out with. Besides, how else does anyone think you can raise enough gold to pay for epic flight training in World of Warcraft with a holy spec (healing) Paladin?[/QUOTE]
Obvious comment, but it needs to be said so I can get it out of my system:

The goal is to make more friends, not lose the ones he already has.
 
You don't need a ton of friends. Better to have fewer of them, but have them be true friends, and not just the cool group you hang with. Be happy with those you do have.
 
[quote name='keithp']Stop being so emo.

And go out and drink more.[/QUOTE]Lol, someone finally said it.
[quote name='crystalklear64']:roll:[/QUOTE]I was only trying to support the guy, telling him he seems to mostly be doing fine. :)
 
Look, hopefully you'll learn what I've learned.

Basically, if you're good looking, (at least not grotesque) and you dress well and look trust-worthy... more than likely, what you're missing is being "out-going".

More than likely, you're probably pretty smart, and that makes it hard to relate to the common man, therefore making it hard to know what to talk about. Say anything techie, or geeky... and you're banned as a dork forever. People only like speaking to people who can be on their level... and most good looking, successful people dont need to rely on wits or intellegence to get them though the day. So they tend to coast though life in a rhelm of stupidity. And it works pretty well, and since 80-85% do that, they can relate to the masses.

So you can do one of three things in college.

You can;

A. Not give a shit. But obviously thats a lonely life. And people NEED people. Or you can end up corrupted and be some sad lonely otaku and or gamer and be "that guy" who gets fat and spouts "I dont need them".

B. Be the life of the party. Spend copious amounts of money and work all the time to afford drugs, alcohol... what-have-you. You'll be known as the crazy man, and have a ton of guy friends, and sleep with a few sluts. But you'll never have a real girlfriend.

C. Fake it. Thats what I did. Stand your ground, be yourself, but be socially accessable on a broad range. Read books on linguistics, and body language. If you're just starting out, read "How to get people to like you in 90 secounds or less". Its a great entry-level linguistics and body language medium and will get you started on things like "Mirroring" and "Parroting"... I do this, you CAN be yourself, and be a bit of an actor at the same time. Dont buy into the bullshit, people want you to be YOU, but they want an easy to swallow YOU.

Work it out, hard work to fix the problem will get you on the right track. You already realize the problem, now dont think about failure, the worst that can happen; is that you could be who you are, where you are in life right now. Lonely.
 
you need to get out more. being a little too confident about yourself makes you want to hang out with people like you. most girls are like that. im glad you don't take offence to posts that says you act like youre gay. i think its normal its just that you lack conversation skills and you seem to judge people a little too much. go to parties, geez youre in college! you dont have to drink alot, drink some and hang out. drink with your roomates once every week. at least they'll think youre cool.

btw i can picture you wearing a lacoste polo with your sweater around your neck and a golf club on your shoulder.

30354642thw.jpg


"ahhh, i like me. now where are my country club bitchez"
 
[quote name='vrs1650']Face it OP likes the cock![/QUOTE]
yeah total fruitcake


this is seriously such a terrible for a thread, every time anyone makes one
 
[quote name='Mookyjooky']Look, hopefully you'll learn what I've learned.

Basically, if you're good looking, (at least not grotesque) and you dress well and look trust-worthy... more than likely, what you're missing is being "out-going".

More than likely, you're probably pretty smart, and that makes it hard to relate to the common man, therefore making it hard to know what to talk about. Say anything techie, or geeky... and you're banned as a dork forever. People only like speaking to people who can be on their level... and most good looking, successful people dont need to rely on wits or intellegence to get them though the day. So they tend to coast though life in a rhelm of stupidity. And it works pretty well, and since 80-85% do that, they can relate to the masses.

So you can do one of three things in college.

You can;

A. Not give a shit. But obviously thats a lonely life. And people NEED people. Or you can end up corrupted and be some sad lonely otaku and or gamer and be "that guy" who gets fat and spouts "I dont need them".

B. Be the life of the party. Spend copious amounts of money and work all the time to afford drugs, alcohol... what-have-you. You'll be known as the crazy man, and have a ton of guy friends, and sleep with a few sluts. But you'll never have a real girlfriend.

C. Fake it. Thats what I did. Stand your ground, be yourself, but be socially accessable on a broad range. Read books on linguistics, and body language. If you're just starting out, read "How to get people to like you in 90 secounds or less". Its a great entry-level linguistics and body language medium and will get you started on things like "Mirroring" and "Parroting"... I do this, you CAN be yourself, and be a bit of an actor at the same time. Dont buy into the bullshit, people want you to be YOU, but they want an easy to swallow YOU.

Work it out, hard work to fix the problem will get you on the right track. You already realize the problem, now dont think about failure, the worst that can happen; is that you could be who you are, where you are in life right now. Lonely.[/quote]So, the OP gets 3 options? Of which the best is to be fake? WTF?

My advice: a few good friends is good enough. As for social concerns...
...I've got one good friend on my floor and a couple other friends I drink with, and two good girl friends at another dorm, and a bunch of random friends from classes, sports, etc. I've "gotten with" a couple girls after parties, and even sober a couple times.
Click to expand...
It sorta sounds like you're keeping score, and measuring yourself up to others. You'll always fall short because plenty of people are faking as well. I hope. Because I am awkward as hell and can not understand how others feel comfortable talking about utter nonsense.

I always kinda had that dream of having "the group" of cool college guys I hung out with through college, and right now I feel a bit lonely even though I have friends.
Click to expand...
Now this I can relate to, especially lately. I've been watching Seinfeld (yeah I know, comparing to a television show is probably a billion times worse than comparing to other real people), but the camaraderie and everything, I see it and I've always wanted it; had it a bit in HS but after that, well you know how that goes. But I think you'll find a group, you'll find a niche. But you can't try too hard. It'll just happen.

Being outgoing is important, but I think if you fake it too much you'll end up with fake friendships - they won't stand the test of time you're looking for.

And now I can be flamed for a serious response to this inquiry :p
 
Well, I know there are lots of jokes going around here, let me try here.

1) First off, to solve anything, you have to learn to be honest with yourself. I know if you happen to play poker, to be a good poker player, you need to be honest with your strengths and weaknesses. You say that your good looking, a good person (inferred) and your outgoing. So, you should have no issues at all. Honestly, some of this isn't true. Since, in time, you really don't need to be good looking, it's really your personality. Either you're an asshole and you don't know it or you aren't as outgoing as you think you are.

There is nothing wrong with either of these. First off, even if you're an asshole, some will like you and some won't. So, that doesn't matter (but you won't be mr popular).

So, first, figure it out. You say you have a good friend. Your friends know your strengths and weaknesses (you probably do too deep down). If you can't figure it out, ask them. If they are honest with you, you'll figure it out.

Outside of that, I think you need to do the following

1) What do you really want? Do you want 100's of aquaitences or just a few good close friends? This is important, neither is bad, but it's good to know what you want.

2) Figure out who you are now

3) Figure out changes you need to make. Seriously, if you want 100's of aquaitences, you have to be out meeting people. Join lots of clubs. Volunteer for new stuff. Always be out there. For close friends, you won't have to be out there as much.

4) If you're problem is being outgoing, just join a club or 2 at school. You can meet people who have something in common with you (and likely also watn friends), and that should help.
 
OK, in all seriousness, if the OP isn't gay AND doesn't "hang with the guys" AND the girls think he's a good dresser, then the solution is simply to turn one of these girls into your girlffriend. You gain a friend and you'll have way less free time to worry about not having any friends. Problem solved.
 
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