Post Your Favorite Simpsons Quotes!!

Javery

Javery

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There are so many but here are some of my favorites...

Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son." (Lionel Hutz)

My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot and a communist, but he is not a porn star. (Abe)

They think they're so high and mighty, just because they never got caught driving without pants. (Moe)

Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you this will mean much less breeding, for me, much much more. (Comic Book Guy)

Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene. (Homer)
 
Hutz: [Looking at his card which says "Works on contingency--No money down"] Oh, they got this all wrong! [Writes on the card and shows it to Bart. It now reads "Works on contingency? No, money down!"]
Bart: So you don't work on a contingency basis?
Hutz: "No, money down!"
Hutz: "Oh and that bar association symbol is a typo, how'd that get on there?" [Rips off bar logo and eats it]

My favorite Hutz scene by far.

Half ripped from wikipedia :mrgreen: But wasn't it an ad (from a paper or maybe the white pages?) and not a card?
 
Lisa: Hmm, bowls of porridge. Oh, this seems somehow
familiar. Let's see ... [opens her book and begins
to read]
Bart: [finding a large porridge bowl] Hmm. [sticks his
finger in briefly] Oh, whoa! Too hot! Hmm. [sticks
his finger in medium porridge bowl] Oh, too cold.
Well, this doesn't take a genius.
[ignoring small bowl, pours medium bowl into large
bowl and eats it]
 
"Alright, everybody tuck your pants into your socks!"~Moe

"Everybody, everybody get naked!"~Apu

"Now it's falling apart like a Chinese motorcycle!"~Larry Burns

"Sideshow Bob has no decency. He called me, 'Chief Piggum.'"~Wiggum

There are a lot more, but I can't think of them right now.
 
"Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me."
-Ralph Wiggum
 
Homer: "Stealing! How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain what's-his-name?"
 
Hutz: First, some ground rules: number one, we get bathroom breaks every half-hour.
Devil Flanders: Agreed! Number two, the jury will be chosen by me!
Hutz: Agreed... no, wait—
Devil Flanders: Silence! I give you the Jury of the Damned! Benedict Arnold, Lizzie Borden, Richard Nixon—
Nixon: But I'm not dead yet! In fact, I just wrote an article for Redbook.
Flanders: Hey, listen, I did a favor for you!
Nixon: Yes, master.
Flanders: John Wilkes Booth, Blackbeard the Pirate, John Dillinger, and the starting line-up of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers!
 
"I for one would like to welcome our new insect overlords"-Kent Brockman

"God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion."-Superintendent Chalmers
 
I know I'm botching some of these, and will edit later if I choose to do so, but I'm pulling from memory. There was a time when I could probably recite whole episodes, but not anymore...

Marge> FINE. I guess I'll just go in the other room and have a conversation by myself. ........ Hello Marge, how are you? I don't want to talk about it.
Homer> KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE EVERYONE.

(@Qwik-e-mart during robbery, Apu presses alarm button) SILENT ALARM ACTIVATED!

DMV Manager> Are those cigarettes yours?
Homer> Yes. *cough* I am in flavor country.
DMV Manager> Both of them?
Homer> *cough* It's a big country.

Homer> Oh? You're going to release the dogs? Or the BEES? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths? And when they bark they shoot bees at you??

Coast Gaurd> PERHAPS THIS FOG HORN WILL ANSWER YOUR QUESTION. (wahh wahhh)

Smithers> I'm afraid people see you as something of an ogre, sir.
Burns> I ought to club them and grind their bones!

Burns> Get me Steven Spielberg!
Smithers> He's unavailable.
Burns> Then get me his non-union Mexican equivalent! [later] Listen, Senor Spielbergo, I want you to do for me what Spielberg did for Oskar Schindler.
Spielbergo> Er, Schindler es bueno, Senor Burns es el diablo.
Burns> Listen, Spielbergo, Schindler and I are like peas in a pod:we're both factory owners, we both made shells for the Nazis, but mine worked, dammit!

Comic Book Guy> There is no emoticon to express what I am feeling!

Comic Book Guy> Yes, I'd like to return this Star Trak utility belt I won at the convention. Their choice in prizes is most incorrect. It is a medium, where as most Star Trek fans need a large.
Attendent> Oooh, you must be a hit with the ladies.
Comic Book Guy> I will return to my store, where I dispense the insults instead of receive them.

Rainer Wolfcastle> SHERMAN. I just realized you insulted me on your show! NOW YOU MUST DIE.
Jay Sherman> Uhhh...your shoelaces are untied!
Rainer Wolfcastle> From up here, they appear to be tied, but I will go in for a closer look.
(several hours pass from day into night)
Rainer Wolfcastle> On closer inspection, these are loafers.

Homer> AHHHH! BOOGIEMAN!

Homer> The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

Homer> How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Marge> You were drunk!
Homer> And how!

Also, Kanerobot's quote = FTW.
 
"Oh please take my 59 dollars, I don't want it" - Comic Book Guy
"Your powers of deduction are incredible... Go, go for the good of the city!" - Comic Book Guy
"Ah my eyes! The goggles do nathing!" - Rainer Wolfcastle
"I was saying Boo-urns" - Moleman

Mcbain: That outfit makes you look like a homosexual.
Audience: Booooo!!!
Mcbain: Maybe you all are homosexuals, too.
 
Marge: Homer, where are you going with all of those bowling balls?
Homer: Oh, I'm not going to lie to you Marge. So long!

How do you sleep at night?
Rainier Wolfcastle: On a pile of money, with many beautiful women.

Homer: Gym? Whats a gym? Oh a gym!
 
Willie: Brothers and sisters are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scotts. Or Welshmen and Scotts. Or Japanese and Scotts.
Or Scotts and other Scotts! Damn Scotts! They ruined Scotland!

Skinner: You Scotts sure are contentious people.

Willie: You just made an enemy for life!
 
Homer: I wanna be just like the guy who singlehandedly built the rocket and flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?

Homer: Well we were having script problems since day 1.
Bart: I looks like no one even read the script.
Homer: That was the problem

Lisa: Why does the dog have human girlfriends?
Marge: Oh people do all sorts of crazy thing in commercials, like eat at Arby's.

Homer: Run Marge! Pump those crazy legs!

Ants: Freedom! Horrible horrible freedom!

Bart: I wonder why he doesn't just blame his problems on his Perkadan addiction.
Krusty: It was my fault. It was the Perkadan. If you ask me, that stuff rots your brain. And now a word from our new sponsor...PERKADAN? AWW CRAP!
 
Homer: What's a wedding? Webster's dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden.

-----------------------------------------------

Chief Wiggum: Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Uh, better start with Greektown.
Police Officer: That's "Homer J. Simpson", Chief. You're reading it upside down.
Wiggum: Uh, cancel that APB. But, uh, bring back some of them, uh, gyros.
Police Officer: Uh, Chief? You're talking into your wallet.

-------------------------------------------------

Principal Skinner: For Privacy's sake, lets call her Lisa S...Wait thats to obvious. How about L Simpson

-------------------------------------------------

Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food.

-------------------------------------------------

Ralph: Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

LOL!
 
[quote name='GuilewasNK']"You jive turkey!" - Homer Simpson (I can't remember what about though).[/QUOTE]

"You jivin' me turkey! You've got to SASS it...a turkey is a bad person."~continued Homer quote

It's from the Homerpalooza episode.
 
lol...thought we would go a whole show without seeing something from See no Evil...i was wrong.
 
Homer is thinking to himself when he is skiing down getting hit by snow. Sorry for the messed up quote.
"Flanders: It feels like im wearing nothing at all, nothing at all, nothing at all.
Homer: Damn you sexy flanders."
 
Ever see a man say goodbye to a shoe before? ~Hank Scorpio

Smithers: I don't think women and seamen mix.
Burns: We all know what YOU think.

Then why did I have the bowl Bart? Why did I have the bowl? ~Milhouse

We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Give me five bees for a quarter, you'd say. ~Grandpa
 
Ralph: Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers!

[media]http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season10/getana21.mp3[/media]
 
Marge: "Homer! No knife games on the table!"
Homer: [Holding Bloody Hand] "I didn't hit your precious table..."

Chinese Dragon: "Homer, give me your peanuts and I'll let you ride on my back."
Homer: "I'll give you...one!"
Chinese Dragon: "Oooh, you are a very greedy man. The other dragons shall hear of this!"

Homer: "OK, let's go, everyone." [Places blanket over Selma's head]
Selma: "I'm not dead!!"
Homer: "I know, that was for the other patients. [Selma punches Homer in the crotch] OW, MY THINGIE!!"

Bart: "What's menopause?"
Homer: "Well son, that's when the stork that brings babies gets shot by angry hunters."

Lionel Hutz: "Don't worry, Mr. Simpson. I saw Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn't on but I think I got the gist of it."

Homer: "Mmmm...sacrilicious..."

Apprentice Sushi Chef: "Master, we need your skilled hands."
Master Sushi Chef: [While making out with Edna K.] "MY SKILLED HANDS ARE BUSY! YOU DO IT!!"
 
Homer: Ah, time to sit down and read some of my old favorites. Honey Roasted Peanuts - ingredients: salt, artificial honey roasting agents, pressed peanut sweepings! *Drools*

Homer: Ah, the last peanut. Overflowing with the oil and salt of its departed brothers.

Homer finds $20 under the couch when digging around for the peanut he dropped.
Homer: Aww $20, I wanted a peanut!
Homer's brain: $20 can buy many peanuts
Homer: Explain how
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services
Homer laughs happily
 
Scorpio: Here, hang my coat on the wall.
Homer: ...huh?*there are no walls*
Scorpio: It's okay! We don't believe in walls here. Matter of fact I didn't even give you my coat! *coat is on him, backwards*

Marge: Homer, there's a man here who thinks he can help you.
Homer: Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist.
Marge: It's not batman!


And who could forget Eastern Europe's favorite cat and mouse team, Worker and Parasite?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxPUOIQS4iI
 
Tomacco episode

Ralph - This tastes like grandma
Chief Wiggum - Holy Moses it does taste like grandma!
Ralph - I want more!
 
Reporter - Uhh, question for the barbecue chef, don't you think there is an inherent danger in sending underqualified civilians into space?
Homer - I'll field this one. The only danger is if they send us to that terrible Planet of the Apes. Wait a minute... statue of liberty... THAT WAS OUR PLANET! You maniacs, you blew it up. Damn you! Damn you all to hell!

From the same episode:

NASA Guy: You both worked very hard and in a way you're both winners. But, in another, more accurate way, Barney is the winner.
 
Ralph: I bent my wookie.
It tastes like ... burning
Hi, Principal Skinner! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!
Help! She's touching my special area!

The stuff that comes out of Ralph mouth is just crazy. :rofl:
 
Homer: To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!


and because i saw this tonight...

Homer: No, Lisa. The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
 
[quote name='crazytalkx']Ah I miss great Simpsons episodes......[/QUOTE]

QFT

It sure has gone downhill over the last couple seasons. No more great lines, pretty much no creativity whatsoever. I used to think that maybe I had just grown out of Simpson's type humor, but after watching old episodes again, it's just as funny as the first time I saw it. The Simpsons is long past due for a total overhaul of its writing staff or maybe it's time the pulled the plug once and for all.
 
[quote name='gofishn']QFT

It sure has gone downhill over the last couple seasons. No more great lines, pretty much no creativity whatsoever. I used to think that maybe I had just grown out of Simpson's type humor, but after watching old episodes again, it's just as funny as the first time I saw it. The Simpsons is long past due for a total overhaul of its writing staff or maybe it's time the pulled the plug once and for all.[/QUOTE]

from this season


(answers the phone, and it’s a survey)
Homer: Hello? (excited) You want my opinion on current movies? Well first of all, they’re all perfect. Also, when’s the Captain Crunch movie coming out? And will it be R, or hard R?

and


Grandpa: (to Dolph, Kearney, and Jimbo) You're going to die in a pointless war!
 
[quote name='gofishn']It sure has gone downhill over the last couple seasons. No more great lines, pretty much no creativity whatsoever. I used to think that maybe I had just grown out of Simpson's type humor, but after watching old episodes again, it's just as funny as the first time I saw it. The Simpsons is long past due for a total overhaul of its writing staff or maybe it's time the pulled the plug once and for all.[/QUOTE]

Actually, its gotten quite a bit better the past couple of seasons. It was a stinking pile of shit for quite a while there. Now its merely bad, a major improvement. Its still more-than-deserves to be put out of its misery, though.

And on to some quotes:


Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend.


Homer: Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!


Homer: Well as long as you're in my house you'll do what I do and believe what I believe! So butter your bacon!
Bart: Yes father.
Lisa: Mom, dad, my spiritual quest is over!
Homer: Hold that thought... Bacon up that sausage, boy!
Bart: But dad, my heart hurts!


Homer: Now Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in there every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.


Wiggum: This is papa bear! Put out an APB on a car...of some sort...heading in the direction of...you know. That place that sells chilli. Suspect is hatless. I repeat, hatless!!
 
Ralph Wiggum - 'My cat's breath smells like cat food'.

Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story.

Bart Simpson (spelling "Impervious" in a spelling B): I...M...P
Nelson: Bart is pee!
Ralph Wiggum: I made Bart in my pants!

Comic Book Guy: These “Bat Pants” have been shredded by the Riddler.
Dry Cleaner Clerk: No, just your ass.
Comic Book Guy: That’s what I call my ass.


There's a great website:

http://www.thesimpsonsquotes.com/top-rated-quotes.html
 
[quote name='Strell']
Marge> FINE. I guess I'll just go in the other room and have a conversation by myself. ........ Hello Marge, how are you? I don't want to talk about it.
Homer> KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE EVERYONE.

(@Qwik-e-mart during robbery, Apu presses alarm button) SILENT ALARM ACTIVATED!

Coast Gaurd> PERHAPS THIS FOG HORN WILL ANSWER YOUR QUESTION. (wahh wahhh)[/QUOTE]

[quote name='iheartmetal']Homer: Hello? (excited) You want my opinion on current movies? Well first of all, they’re all perfect. Also, when’s the Captain Crunch movie coming out? And will it be R, or hard R?[/quote]

Holy shit, I CAN'T read this thread at work anymore, I'm laughing way too much. I'm going to get busted.


The Simpsons is awesome and always has been awesome. Not every episode is gold, and around the millenium mark they were sliding a bit, but still well worth watching. I don't know if it's just because Family Guy is so tired and boring now or not, but the last season or two of The Simpsons has had me renewing my faith in the show. Family Guy was an entertaining program during its initial run, but over the past year it has absolutely shown that the creators don't have the ability to inject any long-term appeal.

Really - if you can find me any other sitcom/comedy/whatever on now that has been on for 16 years and consistently been good-to-great...well, I'll call you a liar.
 
Judge: Mr. Hutz, are you aware you're not wearing any pants?
Lionel Hutz: Uh, your Honor, can I call for one of those bad trial thingies?
Judge: You mean a mistrial?
Lionel Hutz: Yeah ... that's why you're the judge, and I am the law ... talkin' ... guy.

Grandpa Simpson: The last time the meteors came, we thought the sky was on fire. Naturally, we blamed the Irish. We hanged more 'n a few.

Leonard Nimoy: I think this vessel could do at least warp 5.
Quimby: Yes, and may the force be with you.
Leonard Nimoy: Do you even know who I am?
Quimby: Of course I do. Werent you one of the little rascals?

Homer (sung to the Flintstones song): Simpson! Homer Simpson! He's the greatest guy in history. From the, Town of Springfield! He's about to hit a chestnut tree! *hits tree*

Mayor Quimby(having sex) "Vote Quimby! Vote Quimby! Vote Quimby! Vote Quimby! *very rapidly*
 
homer and bart driving through a graveyard.

bart: dad! running over gravestones is bad luck.
homer: really? i heard good.



homer, marge and lisa in the car when they hit a statue of a deer.

homer: d'oh!
lisa: a deer!
marge: a female deer!
 
Flanders: I've done everything the Bible says... even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!

----------------------------------------------

Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.

----------------------------------------------

Homer's Brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's Brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!

---------------------------------------------

Lisa: Look at the "wonders" of the computer age now.
Homer: Wonders Lisa? Or blunders?
Lisa: I think that was implied by what I said.
Homer: Implied... Or implode?
 
Homer after hallucinating when running into Mindy:

"Maybe I shouldn't have eaten that packet of powderd gravy I found in the parking lot."

Plus it's a good use of comedy "P"s.
 
To many to post but some of my favorites. more paraphrases then exact quotes.

Marge say to homer: Homer your work called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Yes Four-day weekend.

Chief wiggum: Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean we can't be policing the entire city!

Homer to bart: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose it's how drunk you get.
 
THe Monorail One

Grandpa says(sings) "Were you sent here by the devil ? Hutz (sings) No, good sir I'm on the level"

How Lisa got her first Sax

Lisa is playing her sax & Homer says "I'll practice you"


Mr. Burns says "The Japanesee!! those sandal wearing gold fish tenders"

Homer says "Owww that bullet went in!!"

Grounds keeper willie says "Yah !! Used me Skinner, Yah!! Used me.

Krusty says " I can pull a better cartoon out of my ___, hey hey hey"

That's all i can think of now, Good times
 
"And as for your case, don't you worry. I've argued in front of every judge in the state. Sometimes as a lawyer." - Lionel Hutz

"Attempted murder? Really, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?" - Sideshow Bob

"Lemmie tell you what I tell everyone who comes in here, the police are powerless to help you." - Chief Wiggum

"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine." - Homer

"There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy." - Bart

"Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa." - Bart

"I want to set the record straight: I thought the cop was a prostitute." - Homer

"I'm not normally a religious man, but if you're up there, save me, Superman!" - Homer

"If he's so smart, how come he's dead?" - Homer

"Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything." - Moe
 
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