Tenay - The ring has been prepared for the official weigh-ins for the number 1 contenders!
Flair - Could I have your attention please? YOU have an opportunity to look at greatness in this ring all at the same time. Fortune, Immortal, etcetera. However, there’s a stranger amongst us - mainly called by the girls, the Freak. Not sure what that means, but he’s looking for an opportunity that only comes along once. Mr. Bischoff, take over.
Eric - Obviously, we’ve got a weigh-in scheduled tonight, but it’s not your typical weigh-in - they’re fighting for the world title, and we have doctors on-hand because there’s some discussion about Ken Anderson’s condition. They’ll be on-hand…(Morgan’s theme hits) And you couldn’t wait until I asked you to come out!?
Morgan - Lemme take your temperate with this size 17 straight down your ass! (Foley comes out)
Tenay - WE HAVEN’T SEEN HIM IN…AGES!
Foley - Hang on, Matt. You lay a hand on him, you can be fired. Lemme handle this one tonight. This is my first time back since 10/7, when we tore it apart, Ric. Now on that evening, I got my hand raised, but a week later, you were back and I was on my couch. I was the victim of YET ANOTHER CONCUSSION. That was a great moment of my career, and unfortunately, probably the last one, because I’m not the man I used to be BECAUSE OF THOSE DAMNED CONCUSSIONS. It’s not just the amount of concussions, but THE AMOUNT OF HEALING TIME BETWEEN THEM. Ken Anderson’s a lot like me! He loves this business and he wants to win the TNA World title. I saw him wrestle last week - he’s in no condition to wrestle.
Flair - You done? (to Terry)Your first job IS TO HOLD THIS! You’re a whiny, pathetic human being. You raised the bar so high that kids are jumping off roofs breaking their necks, THE BUSINESS SUFFERED BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU DID. EVERYONE SUFFERED BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU STARTED. YOU DIDN’T HAVE THE SKILL TO BE A MAN AND HAVE THE BALLS AND WRESTLE. YOU WOULDN’T BE A HAIR ON MY ASS. I WRESTLED HOURS, HOURS, HOURS 365 DAYS A YEAR, HIT IN THE HEAD THOUSANDS OF TIMES! YOU HAVE NOTHING. YOU’RE THE REASON KIDS ARE IN HOSPITALS!
Foley - I KNOW I’VE BEEN PART OF THE PROBLEM. GIVE ME A CHANCE TO BE PART OF THE SOLUTION!
Flair - THE SOLUTION IS TO KISS MY ASS!
Foley - I haven’t always gotten along with Morgan, but he and I have reached the same conclusion - when we die, a man comes into the room when we die, and he cuts the top of our skulls off because we’ve donated our brains.
Flair - WHEN I DIE, IT’LL EITHER BE HERE OR ON TOP OF A HOT WOMAN. I HOPE IT’S HERE, BUT I’LL GO EITHER WAY.
Foley - We made our mistakes, but we’ve learned from them. I’m not gonna let Ken sit on the couch nursing a concussion - he’s in the prime of his career, I’m at the end of mine.
Eric - Mick, you’ve convinced me. I see much more clearly now. WHAT I SEE IS YOU OUT HERE TRYING TO REDEEM YOURSELF. Now that you can’t wrestle anywhere, now that no one’s buying your books or going to your stand-up gigs, NOW you wanna be a hero!? YOU WANNA BE A HERO!? YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING? THIS A PRO WRESTLING VERSION OF EATING YOUR DEAD - YOU’RE EATING OFF THE INJURIES OF THE PEOPLE YOU FORCED TO GET INJURED. NOW HIT MY FRICKIN MUSIC!
Tenay - TONIGHT, ON THE CHRISTMAS EDITION OF IMPACT, AN IRON MAN MATCH BETWEEN AJ AND DOUGLAS WILLIAMS.
Taz - And the finals of the knockouts tag team title tournament.
Hardy - Morgan, this isn’t about you and me anymore - ITS’ ABOUT PRO WRESTLING. We’re a lot alike. You got guys like Foley and Anderson, one says he’s an asshole, and the other loves barb wire baseball bats. Be your own man - you know when Flair and Bischoff are gonna screw ya, cuz they’ll tell you to your face.
Taz - Look at Jeff’s feet, he’s in the Christmas spirit - one foot is wrapped in green, the other’s red.
Jarrett - No one can make me tumm…submit! No one in the crowd can beat me, so I’m gonna have to turn to the pros. There’s a guy who faced one of wrestling’s toughest men last week, Brother Ray, the Amazing Red. RED, YOU DESERVE A SECOND CHANCE.
Tenay - He’s gonna open it up to the pros…and hand-pick his opponent.
Tenay - He’s gonna take 100K back to Brooklyn.
Taz - Maybe I can get the same flight as him.
(after the doctor checks him)Taz - This is like the TSA - what’s the deal?
Tenay - HE GOT THE STUFF IN HIS EYES. Jarrett not only has the height and weight advantage, but now he has the sight advantage!
Taz - Red’s face is red!
Jarrett - You gave it a good shot - got any family, or kids? Lemme give them a shot.
Red - I got a baby brother….
Jarrett - YES! HE’S GOT A BABY BROTHER!
RVD - Tonight’s the night - FINALLY. FINALLY, AFTER LIKE WHAT? Three months of playing Bischoff’s games and mazes and now it comes down to TONIGHT. I’m gonna be looking across the ring at JEFF HARDY and he’s gonna be looking at RVD’s boot. POW!
Lethal - That made me the SIX-TIME X DIVISION Champion. The feeling is…amazing.
Taz - Gen Me could be all brotherly love, but it COULD also come down to them one-on-one…
Lethal - Is it me or does Kaz keep looking over here?
Taz - When you get Robbie in a headlock does all the gel on your arm?
Lethal - That’s why I could never keep a hold on him.
Taz - So no rashes?
Lethal - Not from him, but I got one when Cookie slapped me.
Taz - That’s a different kind of rash - get some prednisone. Mike, save me!
(to Sarita)Velvet - COME HERE, BITCH!
Sarita - I SWEAR TO GOD, I’LL KILLY OU! (chokes Velvet)
Velvet - I can’t breathe…
Love - You okay?
Eric - Dixie, her attorneys, and probably some judges she’s paid off, have us in jeopardy. YOU KNOW THE BELTS MEAN POWER. WE NEED THE LEVERAGE! Hulk Hogan is sitting at home, FORCED to not take part of all of what we’ve accomplished. It’s within our grasp, we can control our own destiny now. THERE’S NO ONE IN THIS ROOM THAT CAN’T LIVE UP TO THE STANDARD THAT HULK HOGAN, OR RIC FLAIR HAVE SET. Or the man sitting before you (looks at Jeff Hardy) HE IS AN ICON. DO IT FOR ALL OF US, DO IT FOR EACH OTHER. WE’RE A TEAM, DAMMIT!
Flair - WOO!
Kendrick - Angela, I love your cookies. I have grown up with lies - that the sun is hot when it is infact cold.
Angela - Lemme look for them…here you go…
Kendrick - Thank you, Angela.
Taz - I can’t even let the pigeons loose her e- I feel bad for Velvet.
Tara - HURRY UP, MADISON, I GOT A DATE TONIGHT.
Taz - Close, but no stogie.
Taz - Angelina’s a former knockouts cham-peen - she’s not gonna lay down like a dead fish. No offense to fish.
(after EY dressed as Stomper and OJ as Santa give him money)Pope - What the hell is he wearing…both of ‘em…
Tenay - IRON MAN RULES - WE’RE GONNA SET THE CLOCK AT 15 MINUTES!
Taz - AJ has powerful quads, calves, and glutes.
AJ - I’M WINNING - I GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD!
AJ - I WANT FIVE MORE MINUTES!
Douglas - I only need one minute!
Taz - AJ’s a super-jock, man!
Tenay - Douglas tries to go snap with the suplex!
Tenay - AJ’S HOOKED ONTO THE CHRISTMAS BOW!
Taz - That’s not gonna hold him!
AJ - Douglas, THESE PEOPLE WANT A WINNER! (fans cheer) SO ONE MORE TIME, YOU AND ME… AT GENESIS!
Douglas - I’m sorry, you had your rematch, but you didn’t beat me. So no.
AJ - WHAT KIND OF FIGHTING CHAMPION ARE YOU!? YOU DON’T HAVE A SET - YOU’RE NOT A MAN. YOU’RE NO BETTER THAN THAT COUNTRY OF YOURS.
Douglas - Keep your mouth shut, YOU’VE GOT YOUR REMATCH. If you beat me, I lose my title, but if I beat you, what do you lose? If I beat you, YOU WALK AWAY FROM FORTUNE FOREVER.
AJ - That’s never gonna happen! FORGET IT!
Eric - As a matter of fact, you will face Doug Williams at Genesis, and if you don’t beat him and bring the TV Title back to me, THERE WILL NO LONGER BE A SPOT FOR YOU IN FORTUNE, IMMORTAL, OR ANYWHERE ELSE!
Taz - Eric hands AJ a big BAH HUMBUG!
Tenay - We’ll talk with Mr. Anderson from his home in Green Bay, Wisconsin. WISCONSIN!
Tenay - Are you cleared?
Ken - I’m cleared to return at Genesis.
Tenay - And you have the proper paperwork? You can bring it to the Impact Zone next week, right?
Ken - WHAT!? I TRY TO BE NICE…(storms off)
Tenay - We’re…JUST TRYING TO DO OUR JOBS!
Taz - There’s a good chance James Storm had some beer in his eggnog today.
Tenay - Ya think?
Taz - Championships bring power - and that’s what Bischoff wants. All the belts by the Genesis PPV.
Taz - RVD will kick the taste out yo mouth.
Tenay - WATCH RVD ROLL!
Taz - ROLLING THUNDER, BABY!
Taz - SICK SPRINGBOARD DDT BY SABIN!
Taz - Vintage, classic, typical stuff from the Guns!