the Diff between how Men & Women Shower

propeller_head

propeller_head

CAGiversary!
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.








How To Shower Like a Man
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
 
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Are you a spam bot?
 
[quote name='LiquidNight']
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Are you a spam bot?[/quote]

I think it was meant to be funny.

It failed, obviously.
 
This is like one of those shitty emails your unfunny uncle sends you.
 
How come you can just click on someone's name to add them to your buddy list, but you have to view their profile in order to add them to your ignore list?
 
[quote name='propeller_head']actually i got it from digg[/quote]

Ohhh no not this shit again. Digg is the cancer that's killing CAG.
 
ok heres another 1. lets see if it can muster a chuckle from any1

One day a drunk man told the bartender, "I'll bet you $100 that I can bite my right eye." The bartender grinned and said, "Okay, you drunk."

The drunk pulled out his right fake eye and bit it.

After more drinks the drunk said, "I bet you $200 I can bite my left eye." The bartender knew it could not be fake, so he said, "Okay."

The drunk pulled out his dentures and bit his left eye.

The bartender, by now was really mad. After a few more drinks, the drunk said, "I'll bet you $500 that if you slide a shot glass down the bar, I can hop on each stool and pee in it without getting a drop on your bar."

The bartender knew he could not do it so he said okay.

The bartender slid the shot glass as fast as he could. The drunk jumped on stools and peed all over the bar. The bartender jumped up and screamed in joy because he won $500.

In the back he heard, a man yelling in frustration. He asked the man why.

The man replied, "That drunk fool bet me $1000 that he can pee on your bar and you would be happy about it!"
 
[quote name='propeller_head']actually i got it from digg

i dont think any1 copyrighted it;)

and geez. i didnt realize so may people were so touchy. its just a lame joke:roll::booty::lol:8-[[/quote]
Meh, don't take it personally. Live and learn.

I learned a long time ago never to create a new thread for anything on CAG that I find between mildy-highly amusing and lower, because everyone has probably seen it before or will just rip on you for not posting something shit-your-pants funny.

So anything that you don't find yourself falling out of your chair funny or extremely interesting, just throw it in the OTT or a related thread if you feel that have to post it. For this I would suggest the long deceased Joke Thread. That way if it fails it will be quickly lost in oblivion. If people like it, you can just create a thread later about it.
 
[quote name='propeller_head']ok heres another 1. lets see if it can muster a chuckle from any1

One day a drunk man told the bartender, "I'll bet you $100 that I can bite my right eye." The bartender grinned and said, "Okay, you drunk."

The drunk pulled out his right fake eye and bit it.

After more drinks the drunk said, "I bet you $200 I can bite my left eye." The bartender knew it could not be fake, so he said, "Okay."

The drunk pulled out his dentures and bit his left eye.

The bartender, by now was really mad. After a few more drinks, the drunk said, "I'll bet you $500 that if you slide a shot glass down the bar, I can hop on each stool and pee in it without getting a drop on your bar."

The bartender knew he could not do it so he said okay.

The bartender slid the shot glass as fast as he could. The drunk jumped on stools and peed all over the bar. The bartender jumped up and screamed in joy because he won $500.

In the back he heard, a man yelling in frustration. He asked the man why.

The man replied, "That drunk fool bet me $1000 that he can pee on your bar and you would be happy about it!"[/quote]
Ever seen Desperado?

When you deliver a joke even more poorly than Cheech, there's something wrong.
 
[quote name='help1']Woo-woo![/QUOTE]

You stole my post.. that's what I was going to say, dick.

I thought it was funny, though, OP. Don't sweat these fools. If you hadn't posted it, they would've found a way to complain that you didn't.

Except for Brak.. he funnily made fun of you
 
[quote name='The Crotch']The weird part? The Elder Scrolls II: Daggerfall has a joke that is almost the exact same as this.[/QUOTE]

So did the movie Desperado.
 
[quote name='Quillion']Ever seen Desperado?

When you deliver a joke even more poorly than Cheech, there's something wrong.[/QUOTE]
Quentin delivered that joke.
 
[quote name='Supernothing']Quentin delivered that joke.[/quote]

Yeah - Cheech is the guy in "From Dusk to Dawn" who is advertising cats by touting their country of origin and other, more salient properties.
 
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