King - Last week, not a word spoken between The Game and the Undertaker, and hair stood up on the back of my neck!
Josh - IN 34 DAYS, THE GAME GOES ONE ON ONE WITH THE UNDERTAKER AT WRESTLEMANIA!
Sign - Beware of Gaga.
Crowd - TRIPLE H! TRIPLE H!
HHH - It’s good to see you too. They say that the true test of a man’s mettle is the test of time. I’ve done everything that there is to do here - every accolade, championship, DEFINED the Elimination Chamber, DEFINED HELL IN THE CELL. 13 TIMES WWE CHAMPION! With HBK, I started DX. With Ric Flair, Evolution.
Crowd - WOO!
HHH - I’ve been hated, I’ve been loved. I’ve defeated icons, legends, immortals…done it all. 16 years. Seems like yesterday. But 16 years, I’ve seen ‘em come and go. For 16 years, I’ve outlasted everybody. Except for 1 - the Dead Man, the Phenom, THE UNDERTAKER. I’ve heard him called the Last Outlaw - not yet. There are 2 - you and I are very much the same, dead man, probably a lot more than you know , and when you look around the locker room, you see that there are no challenges left. There is no big test in front of you. You and I are in the same position - there’s only one thing that stands before you - the streak. You live year to year - 16-0, 17-0,18-0 AND WHEN YOU LOOK AROUND THAT LOCKER ROOM, I’M THE ONLY CHALLENGE YOU’VE GOT LEFT. And when I look around that locker room, the only challenge I have left is ending the streak. It’s the only thing left for either of us….and it’ll happen at WM 27. THE BIGGEST EVENT IN HISTORY! WE WILL DEFINE AN ERA - THE LAST TWO WILL MEET! And on that night, Dead Man, NOTHING ELSE WILL MATTER. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE! All you have left is the streak, and when it dies, YOU DIE. AND AT WRESTLEMANIA, I HAVE ONLY ONE THING LEFT, THE STREAK. IF I CAN’T END IT, I’LL DIE TRYING! (Sheamus comes out)
Josh - IT WAS SHEAMUS THAT TOOK HHH OUT FOR MONTHS!
King - May I have…nah! Well, here’s what the GM says. Sheamus. The GM realizes you just got brutally attacked by HHH, but it’s not his problem. You were scheduled to have a match tonight, and you’re still gonna have it. AGAINST THIS MAN!
Roberts - EVAN BOURNE!
Roberts - The Voice of the WWE…Michael Cole!
Cole - You wanna know what I’m gonan do at Wrestle Mania - I’LL TELL YA!
Cole - MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!? LAWLER! LAWLER! I wanna do this man to man - face to face - eye to eye, so get off your fat, antiquainted butt and get in the ring right now. I WANNA REMIND YOU! I WANNA REMIND YOU THAT YOU CANNOT STRIKE ME OR YOU’LL BE FIRED. I re-read the decree from the GM - it implies that if we touch, we’ll be both be fired, HOWEVER, it states… that if you strike me, you’re fired! Do you think I was intimidated last week? Did you think I would cower from your little challenge? THERE IS NO ONE ON THIS EARTH THAT HAS MORE GUTS THAN ME! I NEVER EVER BACK DOWN FROM A FIGHT SO MY ANSWER TO YOUR LITTLE…WrestleMania challenge… is no! UNLESS you accept two conditions. Jerry Lawler, I will face you IF one, my trainer can be in my corner at WrestleMania. And two, I get to choose a special guest referee for the match. Whadya say?
King - Tell you what, COLE SORE, I DON’T’ CARE IF YOU GOT THE DARK KNIGHT, KING KONG, AND SABA SIMBA WITH YOU, THE ANSWER IS YET, YOU’RE ON!
Cole - WE’VE GOT OUR MATCH FOR WRESTLEMANIA! YES! ME AND KING! MICHAEL COLE VERSUS JERRY THE KING LAWLER! So now, here’s the man who will train me to defeat Jerry Lawler at WrestleMania. He is a former world champion. He is the all-American American, JACK SWAGGER! WHADYA THINK NOW LAWLER, WHADYA SAY NOW LAWLER!? (Cole slaps him, Swagger puts him in the ankle lock) WHADYA THINK JERRY!?
Josh - WHAT WILL STONE COLD HAVE IN STORE FOR THE WWE UNIVERSE!?
Cole - JERRY LAWLER’S GONNE BE SITTING IN MEMPHIS AT THE OLD FART SOFTBALL LEAGUE! NOW CAN I FINALLY DO MY JOB, AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY CHAIR!? THAT’S MY SEAT!
Orton - Punk…last week, you were right about something… Two and a half years ago, when I punted you in the skull, I made the biggest mistake of my career. THE MISTAKE THAT I MADE WAS THAT I SHOULDA KICKED YOU HARDER! You talk about faith like it can protect you - IT WON’T PROTECT WHEN I KICK YOU SO HARD IN THE HEAD THAT I WILL SNAP YOUR NECK AND MAKE YOU LIVE IN A REHAB CENTER! YOU WILL SIP EVERY MEAL FROM A STRAW AND THE ONLY THING YOU WILL HAVE LEFT IS THE FAITH THAT FAILED YOU!
Punk - You arrogant, but predictable, hypocrite. You think I told you not to show up because I didn’t want you here? You want to put me in a rehab facility - I’LL PUT YOU IN THE GROUND! (GM dings)
Cole - Ya know what, I DON’T WANT TO STEAL THE SPOTLIGHT. Josh, you do this.
Josh - The Raw GM says…it appears there’s only one way for Orton and Punk to settle things - A MATCH AT WRESTLEMANIA. Over the next few weeks, Randy will face members of the New Nexus - if they win, they can be in his corner, but if they lose, they’re banned from WrestleMania, and if Punk or any member of the New Nexus gets involved, I WILL DISBAND THE NEW NEXUS!
Punk - STOP! RANDY! Randall Keith Orton - I’D SAY YOU’VE DONE ENOUGH. You do not wanna do this… Nobody wants to see you do this… (fans cheer) RANDALL - I’M TELLING YOU DO NOT PUNT HIM IN THE SKULL!
Cole - MIZ SENT A MESSAGE THAT IT’S NOT ABOUT BEING PARTNERS, IT’S ABOUT SENDING A MESSAGE AND BEING THE MAIN EVENT ON THE ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA! HAVE A LITTLE RESPECT PLEASE!
Miz - So the Rock is going to respond to John Cena tonight!? That’s funny - because I called out the Rock last week, AND HE’S NOT RESPONDING TO ME AND WE ALL KNOW WHY - he knows I’m right. It’s no longer the Rock’s show. Sure, at one point he was the biggest star in the WWE, and then Cena was, but Cena’s days are numbered and the Rock’s are over - AND THEY HAVE BEEN FOR SOME TIME. What everyone needs to realize is that I’m the biggest star in the WWE. I AM THE REASON YOU ARE HERE TONIGHT! I AM THE ONE THE TALK SHOWS WANT. I AMT HE FACE OF THIS COMPANY AND BEST OF ALL, I AM THE MOST MUST-SEE WWE CHAMPION IN THE HISTORY OF THIS COMPANY! Do you see a trend? It’s all about me! It always has been, and it always will be - speaking of me, people have asked me about becoming WWE Tag Team Champions with Cena - let the record books show THAT I WON THE WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS, AND JOHN CENA LOST THEM, which is what I wanted to happen. THIS IS MY SHOW, I’M IN THE DIRVER’S SEAT, SO WHEN CENA’S worrying about the Rock, HE SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT ME - THE WWE CHAMPION! If Rock and Cena want to go back and forth, then so beat - I will beat John Cena AND THEN I’LL BEAT THE ROCK. DID YOU HEAR ME!? I WILL BEAT CENA AT WRESTLEMANIA, AND ON THAT SAME NIGHT, I WILL BEAT THE ROCK! AND THEN NO ONE WILL EVER MENTION THEM AGAIN because the only person that anyone will be talking about is me as the greatest superstar of all-time!
Riley - GET ON YOUR FEET AND SHOW SOME RESPECT TO THE MAIN WHO IN 34 DAYS WILL MAIN EVENT WRESTLEMANIA! (Cena comes out)
Cena - I have important news! (fans boo) I know - just like all of you, I’m upset, because I can’t listen to another word that you say. You shouldn’t have to put up with it. The Miz, well, he’s not well. I have a doctor’s note that diagnoses him with obsessive compulsive disorder - he’s obsessed with being awesome. But if he look here, he’s average. Below-average. He’s obsessed with being must-see, and yet here, it says you need a microscope to see it. He has over 200 cats, he has over 1,000 pairs of khaki’s, keeps his dog’s poop bags, and pees in jugs. And apparently, Riley, you lock yourself in a closet and eat toilet paper.
Riley - I just realized why people nicknamed toilet bowls JOHNS because everything you say is full of crap.
Cena - You ever wonder why no one’s taking you seriously as WWE Champ? THAT WAS AWFUL. This is a sad story. Look at him. He’s looking at us now, sucking air like a dying fish. You wanna leave a legacy? DO IT BY YOURSELF. With all these accomplishments and realize that you shared your legacy with another man!? Dump…don’t answer that…you wanna be talked about. Let’s take social media and shake it to its foundation - FIRE ALEX RILEY so WM can be the Miz versus John Cena!
Miz - What’s the matter? Scared of A-Ri or are you trying to play mind games? I’m mentoring the next generation of superstars - unlike you, and I’m secure enough in my position to do it. Instead of spending my time hawking merch and wondering what kind of jorts to wear.
Cena - Okay…maybe then MIZ AND RILEY ARE CO-CHAMPIONS, and to celebrate, they’ll move in together, then get a tandem bike, relax, watch the Notebook, or the Bachelor. You wanna train him? TONIGHT, I’LL TRAIN YOU HOW TO BE A MAN. I WANT A MATCH WITH ALEX RILEY! Okay, if I win, Riley no longer works for the Miz. YOU HEARD ME CORRECT, if you lose, YOU ARE FIRED! What’s it gonna be?
Riley - I accept…
Miz - ON ONE CONDITION! I give you my word that I will not interfere, but if he wins, I want you to publicly admit that I am the greatest superstars of all-time because I’M THE MIZ AND I’M AWESOME!
Cena - Are you in outer space? I’ve been called Barney’s turd, a fruity pebble, and if I lose, all I gotta do is say that? You’re on!
Cole - Hey hey hey, no, I threw you a bone once tonight. AND I QUOTE! No offense to Miz or his word, but to ensure there is no interference tonight, John Cena versus Alex Riley will take place INSIDE A STEEL CAGE! John, wait, there’s one other thing. The only way to win is to escape the cage.
Cole - There’s only one man who knows the Undertaker and HHH as well as anyone else - HBK.
Eve - They call it twin magic - I CALL IT CHEATING!
Rock - YO YO YO. CHECK IT. You can’t see me. I ‘BOUT SPIT SOMETHING STUPID, YEAH! The Rock is rapping, he’s totally gone soft, so now he needs to TAKE THIS CRAP OFF! FINALLY THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO MONDAY NIGHT RAW! Wait, the Rock is the champion of the people and the Rock is electrifying every inch of the 14,000 strong in the HBC Arena, which means THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO BUFFALO! And it’s that electricity that is in the air and you can cut it in the air that makes every woman with a beating heart say DAYUM I want a piece of the Rock and makes every man say DAYUM Rock let’s get together and whoop some candy-asses! It’s that electricity that commands the attention and the people have the attention of John Cena. So let me get this straight - I make my historic return to Raw - ELECTRIFY THE WORLD, SPEAK TO THE PEOPLE, AND CENA, I SAID EXACTLY HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU. THE ROCK CAME TO RAW, KICKED DOWN YOUR DOOR, AND WHAT DO YOU DO!? Rap? TO ME! To me… You address me in the form of rap. Well of course you did - cuz that’s how the guy in the purple shirts with his dog tags and jean shorts, thuganomics yeah! I thought it was funny. It was real funny. Let me remind you and the world how this started - IT STARTED WITH YOU running your mouth about me. Calling me a liar when I say I love the WWE. You said don’t jerk you and the fans around by saying I love the business and not coming back - by saying that, you insulted me and my family. Lemme tell you something - MY LOVE FOR THE WWE IS ENDLESS! I grew up in the WWE. I was born into the WWE. MY BLOOD IS THE WWE! MY GRANDFATHER, THE LATE GREAT HIGH CHIEF PETER MAIVIA. MY FATHER, FORMER WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION, ROCKY JOHNSON - BOTH HALL OF FAMERS WHO INDUCTED. I AM STANDING IN MY HOUSE. THIS IS MY COLLECTION OF WWE TITLES THAT I PROUDLY DISPLAY. I didn’t show love!? BECAUSE I ACCOMPLISHED MY GOALS IN WWE AND WANTED TO ACHIEVE MORE!? I knew that if I made it in Hollywood, outside the WWE, that meant one important thing - THAT I OPENED THE DOOR FOR THE WWE, AND THE WWE LOCKER ROOM! I HELPED OPEN THE DOOR FOR YOU. PAVED THE WAY FOR YOU! And what do you do? YOU publicly insult and knock the People’s Champion! Well John Cena, now there are consequences - you’re gonna pay for running your mouth. NOW YOU’VE MADE AN OPEN PLATE FOR ME TO BRING IT. NO ONE UNDER GOD’S HOT SUN BRINGS IT LIKE THE ROCK. I BRING! NOW YOU’VE OPENED THE DOOR YOURSELF AND ON THE OTHER SIDE, AND THE PIE-EATING CENA, YOU CAN TALK TRASH BUT THE ROCK WILL KICK YOUR MONKEY ASS FROM HERE TO BUFFALO.T he Rock is hosting WrestleMania, but the Rock will be addressing you SOONER THAN YOU THINK.T he Rock electrifies all over the world. And his spirit is everywhere, and it’s that spirit that allows the Rock to snap his fingers like THAT. Buffalo, WHEN THE ROCK ADDRESSES JOHN CENA, THE ROCK IS NEVER ALONE, HE’S WITH THE MILLIONS. THE ROCK IS WITH THE MILLIONS. GOOD LORD ABOVE, IT’S THE ROCK AND THE MILLIONS, BRINGING IT TO WRESTLEAMANIA. THE ROCK AIN’T NO RAPPER, AND NEITHER ARE YOU. THE ROCK IS BACK TO SCRATCH A MAJOR ITCH, SO ENJOY YOUR FRUITY PEBBLES, YOU ROOTY-POOT BITCH! YOU WILL SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING!
HBK - On one hand…the Undertake may finally get his. You’re happy for HHH, but mad that you couldn’t get the job done. I’ve got history with both of these men, many times. In the ring with the Undertaker, you’re at war with a legacy instead of a man. There’s a part of HHH that can be extremely vicious. Whenever I’ve been in the ring with him, I’ve never seen a hint of compassion - and I’m one of his best friends in the world. If there’s anybody that can defeat the Undertaker at WrestleMania, it’s HHH. Words like epic don’t do justice to this. Who am I cheering? The easy answer is HHH, and I am. He’s my buddy - but I can’t say I know how I’m gonna feel when and if he beats the streak.
Cole - MIZ ATTACKING DANIEL BRYAN!
Kid - YOU’RE A BIG CHEATER!
Cole - SKULL CRUSHING FINALE. I don’t think that even I can condone this attack. The WWE Universe is in shock here.
Miz - I did that because I can - WELCOME TO THE MIZ-SHOW. LOWER THE CAGE AND START THE MATCH!
Cole - Miz, people are calling you an afterthought.
Miz - After WrestleMania, I’LL BE THE ONLY THOUGHT!
Cole - Miz, what are you doing?
Miz - I’M TWEETING!
Cole - You tweeting that terrible joke Riley told earlier?
Miz - I didn’t teach him how to tell jokes.
Miz - Rock’s in the same group as Pee Wee Herman and Mini-Me. I call him Mini-Rock HAHA!
Miz - Cena, say cheese!
Cole - HE JUST TOOK A PICTURE ON HIS PHONE AND I BET YOU’LL SEND IT OUT ON YOUR TWITTER!
Josh - His twitter address is MiketheMiz.
Cole - He slipped his iPhone into Riley.
Josh - It’s a Blackberry.
Miz - THAT’S MY PHONE! THAT’S CUTE! THAT’S MY PHONE!
Josh - Cena walks into a school-crushing finale.