Uncharted 2 Beta code free
- Thread starter Metalh123
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A mother and father are stumped by why their child is doing so bad in school. They decide to send him to private school. He still does bad. The parents then send him to a Jewish school. Still no dice. The family finally turnover their religious beliefs and send him to a Christian school. After two weeks the boy comes back.
Parents: So how are you doing in school?
Boy: You wouldn't believe it... I have A's in all my classes!
Parents: You're lying
Boy: No, the other kids told me that if was bad I would end up like that dead guy on the cross. People were calling him a bad jew!
Eh... chessy but im not funny so
Parents: So how are you doing in school?
Boy: You wouldn't believe it... I have A's in all my classes!
Parents: You're lying
Boy: No, the other kids told me that if was bad I would end up like that dead guy on the cross. People were calling him a bad jew!
Eh... chessy but im not funny so
Sharp Katana
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[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A corn stalk walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wanna hear a good joke?" The corn stalk says, "I'm all ears!"[/FONT]
A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "we dont serve strings here." So the string leaves. A few minutes later he comes back and asks for a drink again. The bartender says "Hey, aren't you a string?" and the string says "No, I'm afraid not"
Get it? A frayed knot. A joke that bad certainly deserves a key.
Get it? A frayed knot. A joke that bad certainly deserves a key.
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
After a physical exam body parts of a 70 years old man his body parts had a meeting.
Brain: "Ok we're having this meeting to see who should retire and why. Anyone have a comment?"
Heart said: "Can I retire? I've been working for 70 years I am tired."
Brain: "No you can't if you retired we'll all die."
After a long period of arguing nobody was able to retired. The suddenly there a low voice from below: "I want to retire."
Nobody could figure out who said that.
Brain got mad: "Who just said that? Stand up right at this moment"
The voice: "If I could stand up I wouldn't ask to be retired"
Brain: "Ok we're having this meeting to see who should retire and why. Anyone have a comment?"
Heart said: "Can I retire? I've been working for 70 years I am tired."
Brain: "No you can't if you retired we'll all die."
After a long period of arguing nobody was able to retired. The suddenly there a low voice from below: "I want to retire."
Nobody could figure out who said that.
Brain got mad: "Who just said that? Stand up right at this moment"
The voice: "If I could stand up I wouldn't ask to be retired"
wealthyassgamer
CAGiversary!
Personal favorite:
What is green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
ANSWER -
A pool table
What is green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
ANSWER -
A pool table
I have Battlefield Heroes beta keys...
Here are some anti-jokes:
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Because they PRACTICE
What did the hobo get for Christmas?
Nothing.
A gorilla walks into a bar.
All the people in the bar are, naturally, quite surprised to see such a wild animal in a public place, and animal control is immediately summoned to remove the gorilla.
How are a lime and a monkey alike?
They're both green, except for the monkey.
Here are some anti-jokes:
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Because they PRACTICE
What did the hobo get for Christmas?
Nothing.
A gorilla walks into a bar.
All the people in the bar are, naturally, quite surprised to see such a wild animal in a public place, and animal control is immediately summoned to remove the gorilla.
How are a lime and a monkey alike?
They're both green, except for the monkey.
If pro is the opposite of con, is congress the opposite of progress?
and another:
A lawyer was opening the door of his BMW when a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer complained bitterly about the damage to his car.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!"
"You lawyers are so materialistic, it's ridiculous" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off."
"Oh, my God!" screamed the lawyer, noticing the bloody stump where his arm used to be. "My Rolex!"
and another:
A lawyer was opening the door of his BMW when a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer complained bitterly about the damage to his car.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!"
"You lawyers are so materialistic, it's ridiculous" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off."
"Oh, my God!" screamed the lawyer, noticing the bloody stump where his arm used to be. "My Rolex!"
Chinese_cuisine
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why did the mushroom go to the party?
because he's a fun-gai
why did the mushroom leave the party?
because there wasn't mush-room
because he's a fun-gai
why did the mushroom leave the party?
because there wasn't mush-room
If pro is the opposite of con, is congress the opposite of progress?
and another:
A lawyer was opening the door of his BMW when a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer complained bitterly about the damage to his car.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!"
"You lawyers are so materialistic, it's ridiculous" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off."
"Oh, my God!" screamed the lawyer, noticing the bloody stump where his arm used to be. "My Rolex!"
^ That one actually made me laugh.
and another:
A lawyer was opening the door of his BMW when a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer complained bitterly about the damage to his car.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!"
"You lawyers are so materialistic, it's ridiculous" retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off."
"Oh, my God!" screamed the lawyer, noticing the bloody stump where his arm used to be. "My Rolex!"
^ That one actually made me laugh.
PizzaBastard
CAGiversary!
they already made a movie about walmart in the future. they just changed the name. its called "WALL·E"
allabtousports04
CAG Veteran
So a man begs his wife for sex every night for a week and she says she's too tired each night. On the 8th night, he gets down on his knees and prays to God:
"Please let me switch bodies with my wife for 8 days"
God replies:
"Because you are an honest and worthy man, I will grant you your request."
The next morning he wakes up in his wife's body and he does all her regular duties for that day. Clean the house, do the laundry, dishes. His wife, in his body, comes home and requests sex but he says he is too tired. This same situation repeats itself for 7 days, but on the 8th day when the wife asks for sex, the man replies yes. He experiences what sex is like for a woman and is extremely satisfied.
The man once again gets down on both knees and says:
"Thank you God! I enjoyed those eight days so much. I am ready to return to my body now."
and God replies:
"Sorry, but you're going have to wait 9 more months."
hahaha its the best I can do. I have a couple blond ones too. Shoot me up I'll tell em to you for the beta key.
"Please let me switch bodies with my wife for 8 days"
God replies:
"Because you are an honest and worthy man, I will grant you your request."
The next morning he wakes up in his wife's body and he does all her regular duties for that day. Clean the house, do the laundry, dishes. His wife, in his body, comes home and requests sex but he says he is too tired. This same situation repeats itself for 7 days, but on the 8th day when the wife asks for sex, the man replies yes. He experiences what sex is like for a woman and is extremely satisfied.
The man once again gets down on both knees and says:
"Thank you God! I enjoyed those eight days so much. I am ready to return to my body now."
and God replies:
"Sorry, but you're going have to wait 9 more months."
hahaha its the best I can do. I have a couple blond ones too. Shoot me up I'll tell em to you for the beta key.
Newt Gingrich and Hillary Clinton get in an elevator together,
Hillary says "Newt, I have something to tell you. I've had a mad crush on you for years and I want to live out my fantasy while we have the chance.
Hillary took off all of her clothes and said "I want you to make me feel like a real woman.
Newt took off all of his clothes, handed them to her and said "Here, fold 'em"
Hillary says "Newt, I have something to tell you. I've had a mad crush on you for years and I want to live out my fantasy while we have the chance.
Hillary took off all of her clothes and said "I want you to make me feel like a real woman.
Newt took off all of his clothes, handed them to her and said "Here, fold 'em"
A man walks into small bank with a pistol and holds up the teller saying " GIVE ME ALL THE MONEY BITCH!!!
After getting his bag full he turns around to the first person that was waiting in line.
He asks " did you see me rob the bank."
The customer replies " Well, yes I did."
BANG! The robber shoots him.
He walks up to a husband and wife who were next and asks " Did you see me rob the bank?"
The husband quickly replies " I didn't, but my wife did!"
ZIIIIING!
After getting his bag full he turns around to the first person that was waiting in line.
He asks " did you see me rob the bank."
The customer replies " Well, yes I did."
BANG! The robber shoots him.
He walks up to a husband and wife who were next and asks " Did you see me rob the bank?"
The husband quickly replies " I didn't, but my wife did!"
ZIIIIING!
paintball745
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a duck walks into a bar and says one beer the bar tender looks at him and says $3.75 the duck looks back at him and says put it on my bill.
aDeadlyShaDoW
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Do you know why the government is putting a 40% tax on tylenol, because it's white and it works 
Q: What do a dildo and soybeans have in common?
A: They’re both used as a meat substitute.
Q: What do a farmer and a pimp have in common?
A: Both need a hoe to stay in business.
Q: How did the hillbilly find his sister in the woods?
A: Pretty hot.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
The Kansas City Chiefs.
A guy walks into a public men’s room to piss. He is standing at the urinal waiting to go when all of a sudden, a man with no arms walks in and stands at the urinal beside him.
The guy with no arms says, “Hey buddy, as you can see I have no arms. Would you mind pulling my fly down for me?”
The guy looks around, doesn’t see anyone else in the restroom and decides to pull it down for him.
The armless man then says, “I hate to bother you again, but could you hold my dick for me while I piss?” The man agrees and holds it for him while he starts to go.
As the armless man is relieving himself, the guy looks down and notices warts, scabs, pus,and swelling on the guy’s penis. They both finish and go to leave. As the first guy starts washing his hands, he says to the armless man, “Hey, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s wrong with your dick?”
The armless man then pulls his arms out of his shirt and replies, “I don’t know either, but I’m not touching it!”
A: They’re both used as a meat substitute.
Q: What do a farmer and a pimp have in common?
A: Both need a hoe to stay in business.
Q: How did the hillbilly find his sister in the woods?
A: Pretty hot.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
The Kansas City Chiefs.
A guy walks into a public men’s room to piss. He is standing at the urinal waiting to go when all of a sudden, a man with no arms walks in and stands at the urinal beside him.
The guy with no arms says, “Hey buddy, as you can see I have no arms. Would you mind pulling my fly down for me?”
The guy looks around, doesn’t see anyone else in the restroom and decides to pull it down for him.
The armless man then says, “I hate to bother you again, but could you hold my dick for me while I piss?” The man agrees and holds it for him while he starts to go.
As the armless man is relieving himself, the guy looks down and notices warts, scabs, pus,and swelling on the guy’s penis. They both finish and go to leave. As the first guy starts washing his hands, he says to the armless man, “Hey, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s wrong with your dick?”
The armless man then pulls his arms out of his shirt and replies, “I don’t know either, but I’m not touching it!”
bread's done