We all fake sick. What is your favorite method?

VanillaGorilla

VanillaGorilla

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This is really more about how you used to fake sick to stay home from school, but you can also throw in your best work skipping ailments as well. Here's my favorite:

About 10 minutes before I was supposed to leave for the bus stop, I would go into the bathroom, and pretend to poop. Or, if I really had to poop, I would. But anyways, I would stay in there long enough, that I would eventually miss the bus, and my mom/dad would knock on the door, and ask me if I was alright. Now obviously, if someone is on the shitter for 15 minutes, they usually have a problem. I would then groan "oh...I've got a stomach ache and the craps....REAL bad." What could they do, break down the door, and drag me off to school, with my pants down? No. The only choice they had was to call the school and tell them I wasn't coming in today. Worked like a charm, every time.
 
i would ask for tea with dinner, no one drinks tea at home in the family unless they are sick, so I would ask for it and immediately i would be asked if I was feeling. Well after a little playing around i would admit to being sick and I would stay home. I would do it once in a blue moon if i felt like staying home
 
Man, back in Middle school I had a new excuse every day. I think I had at least 40 sick days... I must have had the flue 20 times that year. I had a neat little trick to get the thermometer to say I had like a 102 temperature. Worked every time.
 
[quote name='zionoverfire']Step 1: Pick up the phone
Step 2: Dial work
Step 3: Say I'm sick and I'm not comming in today.

Now wasn't that nice and easy.[/quote]

Yup. Popular scapegoats are: Food poisoning, threat of a duodenal ulcer( this one is good because it allows an extra day for an x-ray. Although they did think I had one, it turned out I could milk it for as long as I could), and a 24-hour bug that's going around.
 
[quote name='Hex']That's because you don't work. :([/QUOTE] Well, not currently. But I have gone to school and worked for many a year. And I've never faked being sick. Not a once.
 
[quote name='sblymnlcrymnl']Well, not currently. But I have gone to school and worked for many a year. And I've never faked being sick. Not a once.[/quote]

Alright, I'll buy it.

You were too busy oggling the delicious flat chests to be skipping school, right? ;) :lol:
 
Um, when I want to get off work I call them and tell them I won't be able to come in and that they will have to find someone else to work my shift. Didn't do it too often, but it always worked no questions asked.

As for skipping school, I'm in college. If I cut class to have sex in a broom closet or get high the professor wouldn't give a shit, as long as I get my work done.
 
I actually had Perfect Attendences till my Senior year when I found a one of my teachers marked me absent for a class when I was there. So I just told my dad I was staying home that day and my parents didn't care. I probably missed like 20-30 days that year after all those years of perfect attendences, yet nobody really noticed.
My brother always just ditch his classes so I guess my parents just got used to it.
 
JimmieMac gave great advice long ago. "Just tell 'em you got the shits", he said. "No one ever argues with the shits."

He's right.
 
I skip class all the time (you know, the ones where you can attend or read the book and get the same results) Don't have to have an excuse for that.


I give myself days off from work a lot. Usually like once a month, cause otherwise I would hate life. Just say "I'm not feeling well" or "I was going back and forth to the toilet all night" if you feel like you need to make an impact.
 
Explosive Diarrhea, That was my excuse in school. For work I would call them and tell them I can't come in I can't stop shitting. With such a strong expression of words they never question you.
 
nothing worked /w my parents hell mom brother threw up at church one time when was an alter boy (oh yes rt at the front of the church) cuz he told mom he was sick and she didn't believe him...


for work.. i do a really convincing i'm ready to keel over voice along w/ a oh crap hold on i have to go puke routine
 
[quote name='auralia']nothing worked /w my parents hell mom brother threw up at church one time when was an alter boy (oh yes rt at the front of the church) cuz he told mom he was sick and she didn't believe him...


for work.. i do a really convincing i'm ready to keel over voice along w/ a oh crap hold on i have to go puke routine[/QUOTE]

I wish I knew what you just said.
 
For work I once used the "ate sushi/food poisoning" excuse but the shits excuse works like a charm and can be used in more than one occasion. If you're a female you can always use the time of the month excuse, they aren't going to question that.
 
Ah.... I loved staying home sick when I was a lad. It usually consisted of waking up, watching Price is Right, playing games until my dad got home for lunch. When he got home, I would lay in bed and fake sick for 45 minutes. Then when he left... party on! That was until my mom would get home at about 4:00 or so. I would then again fake sick until about 9 PM that night, at which point I'd say, "I feel much better," and I would carry on as usual.

When I would stay home I couldn't "go out and play" during the night. If I did, I wouldn't be able to fake sick again.

Uhm... I remembered when I hit high school my mom got really tough about staying home. Every time I told her I didn't feel good she would ask, "Well, maybe we should take you to the doctor?" I don't know why they cared about me not going every once in a while.. Or else she would say, "Well, go in to class for a while and see how you feel. If you're still sick, call me and I'll pick you up."

Technique-wise... well, I'd usually just say, "Ugh... I don't feel good...I have a headache and I feel like I'm going to throw up!" Sometimes I'd luck out, and I would get a response from my mom along the lines of, "Oh, yeah, so-and-so's kid was sick, too. It must be making its rounds."
 
Since everyone already mentioned my "the shits" excuse I'll go to the other end of the chart.

Don't over sell your "sickness".

I had this kid call out once, he calls and says "Hey, um, can't work today, my car won't start, it's my Mom's birthday and I just threw up."

Pick one thing and go with it, and that one thing should always be "the shits".
 
i never called in sick when i'm actually sick. why waste your time staying home when your sick.....go to work and be less productive. sick days must be enjoyed when you're healthy and happy.
 
[quote name='Darwin23']i never called in sick when i'm actually sick. why waste your time staying home when your sick.....go to work and be less productive. sick days must be enjoyed when you're healthy and happy.[/quote]

Truf.

If you aint got fluid coming out of both ends at the same time there's no need to call in sick, just show up and do your job half assed, it the American way.

Calling in sick is reserved for the first days of Spring or staying home to fu(k and drink.
 
In middle school I'd shove my fingers down my throat and throw up. My parents would hear me vomiting, and they called in sick for me.
 
Well I have asthma. So all I had to do was go downstairs.. cough a few times and rub my chest and put a sad face on.

How can a mom send their child to school if her kid can't breathe?! Ahhh, good times.

Work related, I was running just a few minutes late. I just REALLY didn't wanna be there that day. So I got all the way to work, and when I got into the door.. I grabbed my cell phone and called out saying that I can't breathe.. and thus, turning around going home.

Hey, if asthma is going to ruin things for me I'm going to use this power to benefit me once in a while :)
 
[quote name='Darwin23']i never called in sick when i'm actually sick. why waste your time staying home when your sick.....go to work and be less productive. sick days must be enjoyed when you're healthy and happy.[/quote]And you're the reason 56% of employers say "Presenteeism" (sick people showing up for work) is a problem. It's fine for you, but you get everyone else sick and we hate you for it.
 
I never fake call in sick because if I want a day off I just take it assuming I'm not in the middle of a deal or something that needs immediate attention. I don't have a "punch the clock" type job though where someone is keeping track of where I am all the time. I could also work from home if I didn't feel like coming in - as long as there's 2,000 billable hours at the end of the year no one gives a crap what I do day to day.
 
[quote name='cthcky33']i routinely stay on the crapper for at least 30 minutes, it relaxes me[/quote]

Someone's getting Anal Fissures for Christmas.
 
If I didn't feel like going, I'd just lay in bed and not get up. I didn't often have to say more than "I'm just not feeling up to it" which was pretty good.. I guess I was convincing enough.

I missed/skipped out on a lot of days in high school (my senior year, practically every couple days) and it was no big deal as long as you got your assignments turned in.
 
[quote name='zewone']In middle school I'd shove my fingers down my throat and throw up. My parents would hear me vomiting, and they called in sick for me.[/quote]I think it would probably be easier just to PRETEND to puke, and not actually go all "image conscious high school girl" on it.
 
In high school I rarely missed any days, so if I was sick, I was probably really sick. When you play sports, if you missed a day, you didn't start the next game, have to sit out for a quarter, or a couple innings. So telling my mom I was sick didn't really warrant much suspicion. Also my mother would get all overly concerned, and it really wasn't worth all the hassle of having her call me 30 times from work so I couldn't enjoy my day off.
 
[quote name='JimmieMac']Since everyone already mentioned my "the shits" excuse I'll go to the other end of the chart.

Don't over sell your "sickness".

I had this kid call out once, he calls and says "Hey, um, can't work today, my car won't start, it's my Mom's birthday and I just threw up."

Pick one thing and go with it, and that one thing should always be "the shits".[/QUOTE]

Or at least make that one thing come together, like "My mom was trying to jumpstart my car and I puked in her hair."
 
Growing up it was difficult to get days sick with my parents, even if I was sick, will not forget the times I:
...puked at the bus stop before going home
... was sent to sunday school after a horrible double cheeseburger from McD's (which kept my off thier burgers for over a decade), and throwing up twice, luckily not in the class, but I feel sorry for the person who entered the bathroom after me... I never forgave my parents for that one

Generally in college I skipped to have sex with whatever female I was with at the time

Being in the workplace, if I call in, I usually DO feel bad, had a horrid 102 fever this last week, and my back gave out on me early this year, missed 2 1/2 days for it... the only time I ever truly faked it for work was about 10 years ago, during a breakup... I wouldnt have been able to work anyway...
 
I just send an email to my boss saying im taking a PTO(Paid Time off) day, my company combines sick days and vacation days so theres really no distinction in which im taking. No one really cares if im sick or not anyways. I have the days so i use them. :)
 
I never call in sick, I'm just too conscientious since I'm in an occupation that if I miss work, it really affects everyone else. Even when I am sick, I still try to come in.
 
In grade school, I actually liked going so I never faked sick. In high school, I was just bored most of the time and left early a lot. As long as you were shown as being present at your early classes, it wasn't counted as an unexcused absense if you weren't at your afternoon classes. My sophomore year, I skipped a lot of biology and study hall but still managed an A in biology. In my Junior and Senior years, I could take free periods so I went to school every day at 10 and left at 2. Those were the days.

As far as work, I have never had a real job. I have always been self employed, so I just do whatever I want. Like today. I really should write a review or an article or something, but I don't feel like it so I'll do it Sat or Sun.
 
Man, this reminds me of that time when I was working at Food Lion.

I got sick real fast, I was sweating profusely, I was nauseated, and I had so much muscle pain I could barely stand. On to of that, I couldn't stop shivering.

They wouldn't let me go home, so I walked out.
 
Ha, I don't have to call in sick...... all I do is log in to the school system web site and request a sub to cover me and then go back to sleep. But no one covers me so fuck them. Last year when I was with that teacher with mental problems, oh yea I took a lot of days off, some real sick days, others just need a break from this shit day off. :)

This year I haven't really taken off, except back in september when one of the teachers who was fucking around injured her leg and had to be moved around in awheel chair. Well we had a field trip and because I was the IA, she wanted ME to push her around..one of the noob prick teachers made a ditagratory comment saying that because I am the IA, I HAVE TO do this stuff.....meaning humilating labor work. So instead of her having a good laugh AND me having to push someone around in awheel chair, the next day I decided to log in and pull a sick day for that day AND the next day. Guess someone else had to push her around and it wasn't me :)

However this shit they serve at school can make anyone sick..... generic dry stuff crust pizza anyone?
 
[quote name='VanillaGorilla']I think it would probably be easier just to PRETEND to puke, and not actually go all "image conscious high school girl" on it.[/QUOTE]
I wasn't very good at lying at the time. Like one time, I got caught for putting a thermometer next to a light bulb. I couldn't read the thermometer and I was trying to make it show me having a fever, but I put it too long and it was like 128 degrees.
 
Well I'm still in high school so I still pull some of the tricks, usually though i just complain of being in pain or such and my mom gives in, she's not too pushy. But this one is still one of my finer moments. In 8th grade my parents were out of town and i was home alone so i decided to call myself into school sick and for some reason in my head i was worried they would remember who calls everytime even tho its an answering machine, so i did my moms voice. Afterwards I walked about 2 miles to subway for lunch; it was a good day.
 
I work for the Government. I don't have to fake being sick. They aren't allowed to ask what is actually wrong with me. Not that I miss a lot of work. I've got hundreds of hours of sick leave built up.
 
[quote name='zewone']I was trying to make it show me having a fever, but I put it too long and it was like 128 degrees.[/QUOTE]

LMAO. Once I put it up close to a candle and it was like, something absurd. Like over 200 degrees or something. Maybe they can't even read that high and my mind is exaggerating? I don't know. It was insane though.
 
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