What would you do? * Decision made, and right in time

gregthomas77

gregthomas77

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Update:

OK, so if you have been reading this thread, I decided earlier to save what I can while staying where I am. And, I just found out that I made this decision none to soon.

Turns out, even though this whole thing was my mother in law's idea, she had not even talked to my father in law about it until today (she proposed this to us weeks ago). His response was that he was ok with it, as long as we didn't try to live there permanently and as long as our mother in law put together a list of rules before we moved in. Right away, this tells me he does not like this idea, and, it turns out, when she brought it up to him, she told him we asked for this. TOTAL BULLSHIT.

Luckily, she told us this after we called to tell her we weren't taking her up on the offer. Now I have to talk to my father in law about this because I don't want the weirdness that I am willing to bet will arise from it being presented to him as if we were trying to impose on him.

I figure there are a lot of "told you so"'s coming. At least we didn't decide to say yes, because it looks like it could have gotten really ugly.

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OK, so I thought I would take a poll and see what the collective CAG intelligence thinks of my situation.

I am currently living in a home that I rent (its a nice home and my rent is 800 a month), and given my financial situation, it seems like I am going to be renting for the rest of forever (I have no savings to speak of, and as of right now I am not making enough to really start to build any at this point and time). However, things are still good, as I love the house (it has a workshop for all of my woodworking, and it is about a mile from my work) and my wife and kids do too.

Recently, I have been presented with an offer. My in-laws bought a house recently, and they have several extra rooms in the house. Furthermore, my father in law is not in the country because he is an overseas contractor. With all of this in mind, my mother in law has suggested that I move my family into her house (and pay nothing except groceries) for a year or two to put money away for a deposit on a home. I have done the math, and if we moved in with the in laws, I could easily bank (I do have other bills I would have to continue to pay) 25,000 into savings in a years time. However, in return for that, I would:

1. be living with my mother in law
2. be about a 25 miles from work (I have figured the gas into my costs)
3. have to get rid of most of my possessions (I have a house full of furniture) or store them (which I probably wouldn't do)

I don't think I could manage more than one year, but 25,000 (maybe more) in cash could go a long way toward getting a home. (By the way, in my area, a nice home will run me between 125 to 200 thousand).

What would you do?
 
Do you get along with your mother-in-law? If you do, and you aren't terribly attached to some of the stuff you'd have to get rid of, I'd say go for it. Did you factor the new cost of gas for the 50-mile round trip into the potential savings?
 
I think you should just suck it up and live with the in-laws for a year. You have no savings, and you yourself said no means of making savings anytime soon.
 
I'd keep renting and do what I could to get more money in the bank, be it finding a better paying job, picking up a part time job etc.
 
Im 26 with a wife and 2 kids. I will tell you from experience DO NOT MOVE IN WITH IN-LAWS! In the past we have lived with my Mother. It ended badly. Also have lived with my wife's parents in the past. Not fun.

I cant tell you enough. Take a HUGE pass.
 
There have been greater hardships suffered by greater people in this world. Living with the mother-in-law to have your own house is is a very small price to pay for eventual independence and property to call you own.

Two years is nothing. But I do have to ask - if the rents can shell out for a house with extra rooms, why can't they gift you a down payment on a house ? If your rent is only $800 a month, that's only $9600 a year and with utilities at, say, $400/ month , that's still < $15,000/year. You should be saving almost $10,000 a year right now. Why haven't you been doing it ?

With the housing market as depressed as it is right now, you might want to ask your landlord if they would be willing to sell the house to you on a land contract. At the very least, get all the info you can find about financing, try to secure a loan, and then make them an offer. The worst they can do is say no.
 
[quote name='bmulligan']There have been greater hardships suffered by greater people in this world. Living with the mother-in-law to have your own house is is a very small price to pay for eventual independence and property to call you own.

Two years is nothing. But I do have to ask - if the rents can shell out for a house with extra rooms, why can't they gift you a down payment on a house ? If your rent is only $800 a month, that's only $9600 a year and with utilities at, say, $400/ month , that's still < $15,000/year. You should be saving almost $10,000 a year right now. Why haven't you been doing it ?

With the housing market as depressed as it is right now, you might want to ask your landlord if they would be willing to sell the house to you on a land contract. At the very least, get all the info you can find about financing, try to secure a loan, and then make them an offer. The worst they can do is say no.[/QUOTE]

I have other bills besides my rent and utilities. And, I didn't mention it above, but I got a new job lined up that will pay me about 12000 more this coming year, so I added that into the money i would save.

Not sure how a land contract works? Info?

My credit is not great. I have paid off all of my debt (except student loans), but it takes time for the credit history to repair itself. Thats why I will need a sizable down payment to get a house.
 
Bmulligan has a good idea too. Maybe you should ask your landlord about rent-to-own before making a final decision. Moving in with your inlaw is only slightly not as bad (heh) as continuing to live from paycheck to paycheck and renting. What if you and her mom get into a fight or something? She might not kick you out because of your kids but as the house owner she could make your life a living hell. OTOH it is worse to make just enough to live on and not have any savings for a rainy day. What if your kids get a major illness or you die?

Try to save the furniture if you do decide to move. That way you wouldn't need to spend a lot to buy more when you move out. I don't think it costs that much per year to rent a storage unit.
 
[quote name='cletus']Bmulligan has a good idea too. Maybe you should ask your landlord about rent-to-own before making a final decision. Moving in with your inlaw is only slightly not as bad (heh) as continuing to live from paycheck to paycheck and renting. What if you and her mom get into a fight or something? She might not kick you out because of your kids but as the house owner she could make your life a living hell. OTOH it is worse to make just enough to live on and not have any savings for a rainy day. What if your kids get a major illness or you die?

Try to save the furniture if you do decide to move. That way you wouldn't need to spend a lot to buy more when you move out. I don't think it costs that much per year to rent a storage unit.[/QUOTE]

We have health insurance, and I have life insurance.

I will have to check into the storage unit thing, I just have a lot of furniture.

I think I will ask about the rent to own, but I really don't think my landlord will go for that. And, on top of that, I think they will want more than the house is worth if they want to sell at all.
 
I don't think "what would you do" is the best approach here, as the forums are filled with people of different ages and experience levels.

"What is the wisest move?" Now, that is the question.

The wisest move would be to sell nothing, but try to live with your mother-in-law for a week or two to feel it out. If things mesh decently, and it is at least workable, then you should do the following:

1. Move in with her. You will save a ton of money, giving you the ability to get farther ahead than you ever could otherwise, especially in that short amount of time.

2. Don't sell all your stuff, as you'll get far less than what it is worth, and then have to turn back around in a year or two and rebuy all that crap. Get a big storage unit, and store the items while you are your mother-in-law's place.

You're an adult with a family, and you are the leader of this unit, so it falls to you to make a wise, well-thought-out, big-picture kind of decision. Let's say you stay there 1 year. It might be hard at times, sure. But you'll make it through, and with a huge benefit at the end. Down the road, you'll look back at that 1 year and it won't matter at all how tough it might have been. But the big sum you saved, and the home you then own, will be of great value to you.

Don't be a typical young American and make decisions based on the now and your comfortability level. Make your decisions based upon how much total benefit it will give your family. Remember, you are responsible for them and their well-being.
 
Move in with her but rent a storage unit to house your stuff. Even if things go bad after as little as 6 months thats around 6K extra you've saved.
 
If you are going to make 12,000 more this coming year, you could technically stay were you are living, just bank the 12,000 for 2 years and have that down payment in not terribly much longer (a year is a long time but in the grand scheme of things) and not have to risk the situation of living with your mother in law. Your credit might also be better in 2 years so you'll require less money for a down payment. Just a thought.
 
Move in with the in-laws and start saving. The cost of gas will pale in comparison to the cost of rent now and you will have extra $.
 
Be a man and keep living on your own. You need to save up? Work harder. Life isn't easy and living with other people when you're a grown ass man sucks.
 
Speaking from experience, I'd keep renting. We gave living with my parents a go for about a year. Ours was a fairly unique situation, but I don't think I could recommend it to anyone - especially those with kids. Just keep in mind that there will always be unforeseen consequences.

For example, it's more than losing your furniture. It's losing your space. Your living room just turned into your mother-in-law's living room. Your children will have to live by her rules in addition to yours. You no longer are just worried about parenting styles of your wife, but also her mother. Just some things to think about...
 
[quote name='JimmieMac']Be a man and keep living on your own. You need to save up? Work harder. Life isn't easy and living with other people when you're a grown ass man sucks.[/quote]

This is horrible advice. Typical JimmieMac stuff, and I'd expect no less from him, but still it is bad advice.

"Be a man", "work harder", and "living with other people when you're a grown ass man sucks" are not reasons at all. Making the best decision for your future is a real reason, instead of acting upon your own selfishness and machismo. But hey, a guy flipping the bird in his avatar can't be wrong.....
 
[quote name='rendil']Speaking from experience, I'd keep renting. We gave living with my parents a go for about a year. Ours was a fairly unique situation, but I don't think I could recommend it to anyone - especially those with kids. Just keep in mind that there will always be unforeseen consequences.

For example, it's more than losing your furniture. It's losing your space. Your living room just turned into your mother-in-law's living room. Your children will have to live by her rules in addition to yours. You no longer are just worried about parenting styles of your wife, but also her mother. Just some things to think about...[/quote]

IMO this is the best post so far.

American society is not built for 'extended family under one roof' living.

I would imagine it would be possible without kids - but IMO the kids are going to cause problems because they enjoy acting up for attention and are pretty sneaky about pushing buttons / sowing dissention to get what they want. How are you going to stop your in-laws from spoiling/scolding/spanking your kids when they act up - it won't be easy.
 
Assuming you get along with your mother-in-law I'd probably move in with her. The much longer work commute is a serious drag though.

One major plus you didn't mention is you'll have grandma right there to watch the kids when you want to have a night out.

But rendil also makes some good points and is a voice of experience here.

I guess a con would be since you are planning to do this for a year+ if it turns out to be really painful for you and your family you are going to have a hard time moving out before that year is up without hurt feelings.
 
I don't know your relationship with your in-laws, but I don't like being indebted to people or having a lingering feeling that I "owe" someone. My resolution? Find a better job and start saving. However, if your relationship with your in-laws is good and you don't mind being under their house and rule, then hey, do what you want.

Also, your rent is only 800 dollars a month? I couldn't even rent a shack for that amount here. Damn Las Vegas. :bomb:
 
[quote name='chasemurata']Agreed.

I don't know your relationship with your in-laws, but I don't like being indebted to people or having a lingering feeling that I "owe" someone. My resolution? Find a better job and start saving. However, if your relationship with your in-laws is good and you don't mind being under their house and rule, then hey, do what you want.

Also, your rent is only 800 dollars a month? I couldn't even rent a shack for that amount here. Damn Las Vegas. :bomb:[/QUOTE]

For 800 a month, i rent a 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom 1800 sq ft house with a great yard and a separate shop building.
 
[quote name='chasemurata']I don't know your relationship with your in-laws, but I don't like being indebted to people or having a lingering feeling that I "owe" someone. My resolution? Find a better job and start saving. However, if your relationship with your in-laws is good and you don't mind being under their house and rule, then hey, do what you want.

Also, your rent is only 800 dollars a month? I couldn't even rent a shack for that amount here. Damn Las Vegas. :bomb:[/quote]

Yeah, same here. I pay $720 just to rent a room in a friends condo in a pretty crappy neighborhood in the DC area. Just a consequence of living in expensive metropolitan areas.

And I'd also agree on the other points, that's why I said keep renting. It's not good to feel indebted to someone, nor to risk damaging extended family relationships.

Just look for a better paying job, and find a part time job in the meantime. He mentioned having a woodworking shop in his garage etc., so it's clear he has free time he could be using to make some more money. Life takes hard work, especially with a wife and kid(s).
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']Yeah, same here. I pay $720 just to rent a room in a friends condo in a pretty crappy neighborhood in the DC area. Just a consequence of living in expensive metropolitan areas.

And I'd also agree on the other points, that's why I said keep renting. It's not good to feel indebted to someone, nor to risk damaging extended family relationships.

Just look for a better paying job, and find a part time job in the meantime. He mentioned having a woodworking shop in his garage etc., so it's clear he has free time he could be using to make some more money. Life takes hard work, especially with a wife and kid(s).[/QUOTE]

Just to be clear, I have a shop, but I barely ever get to use it.
 
Does your wife work? You say you have no debt other than student loans, so I'm having a hard time envisioning how you can't save up money with $800 a month rent if you don't have debt weighing you down and have a college degree.

I'd view moving in with the mother-in-law as a last resort. Do everything you can to cut expenses be it ditching cable, eating out less, not buying video games etc., work to find a better job, have your wife work too if she doesn't and the mother-in-law can babysit if needed etc. etc.

If you can't save up for a down payment in a year or two doing that, then try living with her for a while to get on track.
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']Does your wife work? You say you have no debt other than student loans, so I'm having a hard time envisioning how you can't save up money with $800 a month rent if you don't have debt weighing you down and have a college degree.

I'd view moving in with the mother-in-law as a last resort. Do everything you can to cut expenses be it ditching cable, eating out less, not buying video games etc., work to find a better job, have your wife work too if she doesn't and the mother-in-law can babysit if needed etc. etc.

If you can't save up for a down payment in a year or two doing that, then try living with her for a while to get on track.[/QUOTE]

1. Rent is not my only expense.
2. My wife and I have student loans, and they are not cheap.
3. My wife stays home with the kids and we home school.

Either way, I think I have reached a decision. We are going to stay, and (1) try to be better about our spending and (2) just bank the extra 12k a year from the new job (no new spending). It won't be as fast but I think my sanity will be better served.
 
Sounds like a plan.

If I were you I'd get the kids in public school and the wife in a job....but that's a personal decision. IMO the kids are better off getting the public interaction and your finances will be much better with two incomes. Especially since you're still paying for your wife's education that she's not using.....

But again, that's just a personal decision you have to make.

Just save the extra money and try to cut down on expenses outside of rent, food, needed clothing etc. Live tight for a year or two then you'll have saved up enough for a down payment and can get into a house with a mortgage payment probably lower than your rent and have a bit more spending money.
 
Speaking from experience, don't do it for more than six months. We moved from New York to Indiana last fall to be closer to family and stayed with the mother-in-law and her new husband. It actually went pretty well because they all love to play video games so we would hang out and play Mario Kart or Smash Bros. On the other hand, I had to bite my tongue when the right-wing propaganda would come out. We ended up renting instead of buying but living six months rent free allowed us to buy brand new furniture and save up a couple months emergency fund. I don't know if I would do it again but it sure helped financially. I would do it if you have a sound timetable for moving back out. We went in knowing we would find a place in six months or we would rent so it wasn't as stressful as it could've been.
 
[quote name='Ender']This is horrible advice. Typical JimmieMac stuff, and I'd expect no less from him, but still it is bad advice.

"Be a man", "work harder", and "living with other people when you're a grown ass man sucks" are not reasons at all. Making the best decision for your future is a real reason, instead of acting upon your own selfishness and machismo. But hey, a guy flipping the bird in his avatar can't be wrong.....[/QUOTE]

No matter how you feel about Jimmie, given this situation (i.e. wife doesn't work), there are definately other things the family can do to start saving money.

Besides "living with other people when you're a grown ass man sucks" a true statement. By moving in with the in-laws, he is basically checking his balls at the door.
 
Well, if you are struggling to maintain a place to live, you are going to be in hell when your kids need to get into college. I say tough out the 1-2 years with the in-laws and save up your money.
 
Also, how old are your kids? Did you ever consider having them go to public school? I know that my neighbors home school their girls since they are hardcore christians. Maybe you have your reasons.
 
[quote name='DAWG26']Im 26 with a wife and 2 kids. I will tell you from experience DO NOT MOVE IN WITH IN-LAWS! In the past we have lived with my Mother. It ended badly. Also have lived with my wife's parents in the past. Not fun.

I cant tell you enough. Take a HUGE pass.[/quote]

Yeah.. I'd go with this. I can see this turning into a way of you being put on a microscope and "how you're not pulling your own weight around here" types of comments. Stay where you are.
 
I honestly would not move in unless there was no other choice. your freedom is more important and it sounds like you have a great deal on your rent.
 
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