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#31 highoffcoffee496

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Posted 05 March 2013 - 11:08 PM

I agree with WV Matsui's view on prenups. Marriage is a serious vow between people to stay together forever. If you truly intend to be with that person there shouldn't be a prenup...
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#32 Kylearan

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Posted 05 March 2013 - 11:55 PM

Intention and REALITY are different beasts.

While people (hopefully) intend to spend the rest of their lives together when they get married (or make a similar commitment), the reality is that people often grow apart, and not necessarily for childish reasons, either. Despite years of attempts to reconcile together, with therapy or without, the relationship can still devolve into a hardship for both parties, and staying together can actually be more harmful than ending it.

The road to hell, they say, is filled with good intentions. And, in the end, intentions don't mean squat when it comes to the actual work required to have a successful (that is, happy and fulfilling) relationship. Good and pure lifelong intentions help, surely, but they hardly define the future.

#33 skiizim

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Posted 06 March 2013 - 12:41 AM

^----Listens to too much Dr. Phil.

#34 FloodyFloats

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Posted 06 March 2013 - 01:26 AM

Wow I didnt expect a question I got off of Seinfeld to be such a hot topic.

Im not leaning one way or the other but you probably have more to lose if you dont get one...but a relationship isnt about win or lose so who knows.

#35 Kylearan

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Posted 06 March 2013 - 08:12 AM

^----Listens to too much Dr. Phil.


Hah, try none.

#36 dmaul1114

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Posted 06 March 2013 - 03:54 PM

So I got a little a snippy. I didn't say it can't work for anyone what I was saying is that his belief that most should have one due to the divorce rate was ridiculous. If that were the case they would be extremely common and they definitely are not.

All I was saying is that marriage should be entered into when both have the intention of being together for the rest of their lives. If one party cited the divorce rate as a reason to get a prenup then my belief is they are setting the relationship up for failure because they are inserting doubt into the equation. If you have every intention of until death do us part then no prenup is needed in my book and I'm allowed to feel that way.


You're of course allowed to feel that way. But that doesn't make it right to imply that people just get divorced for childish reasons, or tout that bible thumping nonsense that marriage has to be till death do we part etc.

Plenty of people ge married the right way for the right reasons and just grow apart as their interests and personality change over the years. And plenty of people don't care about until death do we part and theother moralistic parts of marriage and just do it for the legal benefits etc.

I'm a hardcore atheist and so is my gf. Neither of us really give a shit about any of the moral or symbolic backings of marriage. It's something we'd do for the legal benefits etc. We communicate well so I'm confident we'll keep growing together and make it work. But if not we won't stay together just due to marriage vows. I've had an 8 year and 6 year relationship I had few qualms ending when we grew apart, and she's divorced from a ten year relationship. Life is too short to stay with someone out of obligation. Especially when there are no kids in the picture.

#37 GuilewasNK

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Posted 06 March 2013 - 05:53 PM

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#38 Ag_SurfR

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Posted 06 March 2013 - 07:04 PM

So anyways...

I remember this one break up I had and it was BAD. I was pretty much kept myself alive by drinking gatorade for maybe 3 weeks because I couldn't eat and I supplemented that with lots of cigarettes and lots alcohol...I almost drank my house dry. Although, I would binge eat once a week after a long night of drinking with some buddies at a club and smoked some weed afterwards which helped me keep some food down. Rough times...

I ended up getting back together with the girl only to break up again, which made it easier the second time cause at least I was able to eat without getting high.:rofl:

Hanging out with friends that are there for you through your funk and working out A LOT really helped me. Be strong OP, you'll make it.


after my relationship ended (late december) i ended up losing over twenty pounds, and i was already skinny to begin with. i went from about 155 to 135.

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#39 snakemaster2389

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Posted 06 March 2013 - 07:31 PM

oh shit, matsui be pimpin in this thread :0
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#40 Access_Denied

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Posted 06 March 2013 - 07:58 PM

I have been married for over 10 years, have a wonderful family and am extremely happy... Sorry dude I'm winning.

No one I know has a prenup and I know some very wealthy folks. I don't know how you can speak from any experience on this when your friends got divorced for childish reasons as you noted above and you have never been in this situation. I guarantee that if you ever get married you will not have a prenup. Unless she is as db as you then well you still don't need one because you are perfect for each other!


Congratulations, 10 whole years. :roll: I've known couples married for 40 that have gotten divorced.

You're not understanding what I'm saying. Let's say two people get married today. Should they be 100% sure that they're right for each other? Absolutely. But can they ever be 100% sure that they'll still be right for each other in the years to come? No. Period. People change. And if somebody goes through a life-changing experience, as far as I'm concerned, they're no longer the same person. (Read up a bit on Locke's theory of personal identity.) Hell, I haven't gone through any life changing experiences and I'm a completely different person than I was just 5 years ago. Who the hell knows what I'll be like in 50 years.

By saying that prenups are BS, you're saying one of two things:

1. People are perpetually unchanging.
2. People change, but you should stay with them anyway.

If you're saying the first, you're an idiot. If you're saying the second, you're probably one of those people that still thinks marriage is sacred or something. For the second case, refer to dmauls post. You and the church may think marriage is sacred, but I surely don't. As far as I'm concerned, marriage is nothing but a tax break. And I have no problem marrying a girlfriend and divorcing her 6 months later (as long as I get a prenup that protects my stuff). And it surely wouldn't bother me to be married several times. If I truly love somebody, I don't need the recognition of the government, the church or anybody else to show that.

And as for me getting a prenup, you're dead wrong. If I was to get married, I'd definitely have one. I dated my last girlfriend for less than a year, and about 6 months into the relationship (when the future just started coming up), I told her I wouldn't get married without a prenup. And that's when I had nothing to my name. I can't imagine becoming less serious about prenups as they begin to have a larger affect on my life. That would just be stupid.

I'm going to turn your logic back at you: if somebody is unwilling to enter into a prenup with you, it just means that they want your money.

EDIT: I'm going to drop this conversion. Matsui, let's agree to disagree and not derail the thread any further.

As for me, I've never been broken up with. I'm always the heart breaker in my relationships. If you're never had to be on that side, let me tell you that it sucks. I don't know if it's as bad or worse than being broken up with, but I can tell you that having to break up with a girl that really likes you sucks balls. Especially when they continue to bug you afterwards. :/

#41 Ag_SurfR

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 02:55 AM

speaking on marriage, something funny i've heard:

"boy, i love this girl so much, i just have to get the government involved."

:lol:

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#42 Lieutenant Dan

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 03:13 AM

Stick it in her pooper.

#43 Ag_SurfR

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 04:47 AM

this is sad to admit, but i have no friends, and my family all live far away. i rarely get to talk to them, so there's little advice or help they could even probably offer me. that's probably what makes it all so difficult.

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#44 dohdough

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 05:49 AM

this is sad to admit, but i have no friends, and my family all live far away. i rarely get to talk to them, so there's little advice or help they could even probably offer me. that's probably what makes it all so difficult.


That's rough dude. I know it's hard, but try to keep your head up and don't bottle up your emotions cause that'll just turn you into a powder keg, but release them in an appropriate space.

You really just gotta start small and build yourself back up. Do little things that improve your mood, go burn some energy with a physical activity, watch some comedies, and honestly, don't be ashamed to cry and sulk a little. I'm sure there's an online adult social club in your area that has activities on a regular basis, so you might want look into that too.
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"Speaking of which, there's another elitist prick that argues constantly on the Politics forums by the name of dohdough. He's a complete douche, but at least he keeps his posts in that cesspool of useless opinions. He gets my runner-up nomination."


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#45 Kylearan

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 09:11 AM

Also a good idea to change your habits, ever so slightly.

If you tend towards being a recluse, force yourself out for a little bit when your instinct to 'stay in' kicks into high gear. Start small - coffee, movies, theater...gives you an opportunity to interact instead of hibernating, which just makes things worse.

Opposite end, if you're one to always go out and not deal with your issues, time to stay in a little more often and examine them.

It's good to break bad habits and start replacing them with positive action, even if it's just a gradual adjustment. Over time...well, who knows? That's the big issue - with a typical habit, we know the outcome, to it's 'safe'. I say break that safety, work outside your comfort zone little by little and expand your life and opportunities.

#46 Ag_SurfR

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 06:35 PM

That's rough dude. I know it's hard, but try to keep your head up and don't bottle up your emotions cause that'll just turn you into a powder keg, but release them in an appropriate space.

You really just gotta start small and build yourself back up. Do little things that improve your mood, go burn some energy with a physical activity, watch some comedies, and honestly, don't be ashamed to cry and sulk a little. I'm sure there's an online adult social club in your area that has activities on a regular basis, so you might want look into that too.


i've been thinking about talking to a counselor at my university. they charge us for it anyhow, may was well use it. maybe it'll feel better letting out what i'm feeling, i.e. like a failure, lack of energy, the thought that i'll never be able to pick up the pieces of my life, not being able to find anyone as good or better, always wanting to be back with her.

Also a good idea to change your habits, ever so slightly.

If you tend towards being a recluse, force yourself out for a little bit when your instinct to 'stay in' kicks into high gear. Start small - coffee, movies, theater...gives you an opportunity to interact instead of hibernating, which just makes things worse.

Opposite end, if you're one to always go out and not deal with your issues, time to stay in a little more often and examine them.

It's good to break bad habits and start replacing them with positive action, even if it's just a gradual adjustment. Over time...well, who knows? That's the big issue - with a typical habit, we know the outcome, to it's 'safe'. I say break that safety, work outside your comfort zone little by little and expand your life and opportunities.


i did start taking some brazilian jiu jutsu classes about a month after it was over, and it has helped me but unfortunately it's only a couple of hours a week. another one of my problems is that i'm in school right now, which means many hours spent reading, looking over my notes, and doing homework, and that leaves me with a ton of time alone with my thoughts, which usually isn't good since i'm always thinking about her.

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#47 dohdough

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 06:42 PM

You're in school? Take advantage of those "free" counseling services then. Should get involved in a couple student clubs that pique your interests too.

I feel you though, it's tough to feel completely broken. I've been there a couple times and it ain't fun.
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"Speaking of which, there's another elitist prick that argues constantly on the Politics forums by the name of dohdough. He's a complete douche, but at least he keeps his posts in that cesspool of useless opinions. He gets my runner-up nomination."


Thanks for the nomination for the Most Memorable CAG Villan 2012, Blade!

#48 Ag_SurfR

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 07:41 PM

You're in school? Take advantage of those "free" counseling services then. Should get involved in a couple student clubs that pique your interests too.

I feel you though, it's tough to feel completely broken. I've been there a couple times and it ain't fun.


damn. that's a good point. last semester i wasn't able to make it to the french club because it was during one of my classes. this semester my schedule is a little different, so i should go. i haven't spoken much french since highschool and don't have many people i can talk to.

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#49 snakemaster2389

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 07:48 PM

trying to find someone on craigslist is kinda hard and im looking for a young guy like me too. tough times
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#50 kodave

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 08:57 PM

trying to find someone on craigslist is kinda hard and im looking for a young guy like me too. tough times


CL? Why not match.com or POF?


#51 snakemaster2389

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 08:59 PM

CL? Why not match.com or POF?


whats pof?
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#52 parKer

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Posted 07 March 2013 - 11:46 PM

damn. that's a good point. last semester i wasn't able to make it to the french club because it was during one of my classes. this semester my schedule is a little different, so i should go. i haven't spoken much french since highschool and don't have many people i can talk to.



Most of those language club meetings during undergrad that I've been to focused more on immersion or experience of the culture rather than full-blown practice of the language, so you should be fine. French dinners, movie nights, coffee hours, etc.

Spring is coming, so sign up for those intramural sports! Co-Ed ones, too. ;)


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#53 Ag_SurfR

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Posted 09 March 2013 - 12:16 AM

Most of those language club meetings during undergrad that I've been to focused more on immersion or experience of the culture rather than full-blown practice of the language, so you should be fine. French dinners, movie nights, coffee hours, etc.

Spring is coming, so sign up for those intramural sports! Co-Ed ones, too. ;)





Plenty Of Fish. Dating site like match.com.


i'm actually a fairly decent athlete. i think i'll do that. maybe some indoor soccer.

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#54 Kylearan

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Posted 09 March 2013 - 12:47 AM

If you're up for some lady-interaction, I highly recommend yoga, too. I'm guessing not a lot of undergraduate guys do yoga, either, so something to keep in mind.

No need to buy into the new-age stuff, just enjoy the exercise and the challenge. (And, hopefully, the post-class conversations, lunches and coffee dates.)

#55 Ag_SurfR

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Posted 10 March 2013 - 05:31 AM

i'm such a tool. i still have feelings for the girl who just left me, so i keep doing things for her...

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#56 dohdough

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Posted 10 March 2013 - 05:41 AM

i'm such a tool. i still have feelings for the girl who just left me, so i keep doing things for her...


I know it's hard, but don't do anything unless you owe her money(cause you should pay her back) or it's an emergency. You're young and in college. There are plenty of other girls that will more than likely be a better fit for you. You don't need an ex on your ass asking you to do sutff for her. That's just lame of someone to do after they dumped you.
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"Speaking of which, there's another elitist prick that argues constantly on the Politics forums by the name of dohdough. He's a complete douche, but at least he keeps his posts in that cesspool of useless opinions. He gets my runner-up nomination."


Thanks for the nomination for the Most Memorable CAG Villan 2012, Blade!

#57 parKer

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Posted 10 March 2013 - 09:08 AM

i'm such a tool. i still have feelings for the girl who just left me, so i keep doing things for her...



You need to change your cell phone number (or get a call/text blocker) if you want to try for a clean break. She obviously isn't moving on or wanting to help you move on. It's not nice to string people along.
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#58 Ag_SurfR

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Posted 10 March 2013 - 11:29 PM

You need to change your cell phone number (or get a call/text blocker) if you want to try for a clean break. She obviously isn't moving on or wanting to help you move on. It's not nice to string people along.


I know it's hard, but don't do anything unless you owe her money(cause you should pay her back) or it's an emergency. You're young and in college. There are plenty of other girls that will more than likely be a better fit for you. You don't need an ex on your ass asking you to do sutff for her. That's just lame of someone to do after they dumped you.



it's not anything super major: she still has a bunch of stuff in my my apartment, but instead of coming to get it, she wants me to gather it all up for her and take it to her place. i also let her use my car doing the week so she can go to school :dunce:

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#59 dohdough

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Posted 10 March 2013 - 11:39 PM

it's not anything super major: she still has a bunch of stuff in my my apartment, but instead of coming to get it, she wants me to gather it all up for her and take it to her place. i also let her use my car doing the week so she can go to school :dunce:

Ummm...yeah man, that IS kinda major stuff. Fuck that shit. I hope you're not doing her homework too.

Next thing you know, she'll be taking your car to go on dates.

Even if you're getting "something" out of it, it's only going to make it worse when she's completely done with you and moved on.
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"Speaking of which, there's another elitist prick that argues constantly on the Politics forums by the name of dohdough. He's a complete douche, but at least he keeps his posts in that cesspool of useless opinions. He gets my runner-up nomination."


Thanks for the nomination for the Most Memorable CAG Villan 2012, Blade!

#60 parKer

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 01:01 AM

it's not anything super major: she still has a bunch of stuff in my my apartment, but instead of coming to get it, she wants me to gather it all up for her and take it to her place. i also let her use my car doing the week so she can go to school :dunce:



Sucker.


(Sorry, but that's how it looks and your dunce-cap smiley is your admission of recognizing that, too.)
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