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#61 Lieutenant Dan

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 03:02 AM

Ummm...yeah man, that IS kinda major stuff. Fuck that shit.


I concur. Fucketh that shit.

Tell her to go suck an egg and get her own car. Moocher.

#62 Ag_SurfR

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 04:34 PM

Ummm...yeah man, that IS kinda major stuff. Fuck that shit. I hope you're not doing her homework too.

Next thing you know, she'll be taking your car to go on dates.

Even if you're getting "something" out of it, it's only going to make it worse when she's completely done with you and moved on.


ha...the only thing i'm getting out of it is having to pay for more gas.

you're right about her using it to go on dates. that's what i first told her when she said she wanted to borrow it, but i don't think that's happened yet.

Sucker.


(Sorry, but that's how it looks and your dunce-cap smiley is your admission of recognizing that, too.)


i'm not denying it. my hope is that by showing her i'm a better man now, she might change her mind and choose to come back :-|

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#63 Lieutenant Dan

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 05:10 PM

i'm not denying it. my hope is that by showing her i'm a better man now, she might change her mind and choose to come back :-|


Good luck with that.

Some people can learn from others' mistakes. Others need to learn things the hard way.

#64 granturismo

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 05:36 PM

Good luck with that.

Some people can learn from others' mistakes. Others need to learn things the hard way.


Correct

#65 irideabike

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 05:44 PM

Good luck with that.

Some people can learn from others' mistakes. Others need to learn things the hard way.


Holy shit I feel bad for that kid.

#66 Ag_SurfR

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 05:58 PM

i know i look like a jack-ass, but we were together for about 9 years, and have only been apart for about 2 and a half months. it'll probably take me a while longer to come to grips with everything.

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#67 dohdough

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 05:58 PM

ha...the only thing i'm getting out of it is having to pay for more gas.

you're right about her using it to go on dates. that's what i first told her when she said she wanted to borrow it, but i don't think that's happened yet.



i'm not denying it. my hope is that by showing her i'm a better man now, she might change her mind and choose to come back :-|




Welp, good luck man. It's only a matter of time til she goes on a date if she hasn't already.
dohdough.png


"Speaking of which, there's another elitist prick that argues constantly on the Politics forums by the name of dohdough. He's a complete douche, but at least he keeps his posts in that cesspool of useless opinions. He gets my runner-up nomination."


Thanks for the nomination for the Most Memorable CAG Villan 2012, Blade!

#68 irideabike

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 06:09 PM

Being apart that long means she went out with someone. If you honestly want to get back with her cut yourself out completely and live your life. When she see's you being successful and not being a loser clinging to the past she will either want you back or you just won't give a Fuck about what she wants.

#69 Ag_SurfR

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 06:12 PM

Being apart that long means she went out with someone. If you honestly want to get back with her cut yourself out completely and live your life. When she see's you being successful and not being a loser clinging to the past she will either want you back or you just won't give a Fuck about what she wants.


i've thought about that. the problem is that i'm still in graduate school, which requires a great deal of time and energy, so most of my days are spent either in school, working on my homework, or studying for tests. doesn't leave much for other things.

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#70 irideabike

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 06:16 PM

Oh I understand. Sometimes it only takes the appearance of something happening to peak interest. Even if it's just going out to a few parties/bars and having some pictures on Facebook. In today's tech heavy socialization many times the appearance of being involved weighs more than your actual level of involvement.

You need to give her something to come back to if you plan on getting her back. She doesnt want the same old you.

#71 shrike4242

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 06:20 PM

ha...the only thing i'm getting out of it is having to pay for more gas.

you're right about her using it to go on dates. that's what i first told her when she said she wanted to borrow it, but i don't think that's happened yet.

i'm not denying it. my hope is that by showing her i'm a better man now, she might change her mind and choose to come back :-|

When you're done in your relationship with your ex, what motivation do you have for letting her use your car and do things for her?

If she left you, she obviously thinks you're invested enough that you'll do her favors and help her out without anything in return. That's called "taking advantage of someone", in case you were unfamiliar with the concept.

If she needs to be able to get from point A to point B, she obviously managed to do so before she met you and obviously she'll be able to do it after she's done in her relationship with you. Learning how to do things on your own is part of growing up and I think this is a perfect time for her to learn how to rely on someone other than you.

She's just using you and she's not going to think that your offers to borrow your car or other things you're doing for her are going to get back in her good graces.

And here's a thought, what happens if she gets into an accident with your car and she totals it? Is she a licensed driver on your car? Does your insurance cover someone else, like her, borrowing your car and still having your same coverage if you drove it? What if someone stole your car while she had it?

She's done with you. Pack up and move along to something more important, your own well-being without her. Plenty of other women out there for you, she was just the wrong one for you.

#72 dohdough

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 06:24 PM

Even beyond what p(troy is saying, you should be socializing with your peers just to network since you're in grad school. That's something that you'll need for career prospects alone and it'll only be harder once you get out.
dohdough.png


"Speaking of which, there's another elitist prick that argues constantly on the Politics forums by the name of dohdough. He's a complete douche, but at least he keeps his posts in that cesspool of useless opinions. He gets my runner-up nomination."


Thanks for the nomination for the Most Memorable CAG Villan 2012, Blade!

#73 Ag_SurfR

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 06:27 PM

When you're done in your relationship with your ex, what motivation do you have for letting her use your car and do things for her?

If she left you, she obviously thinks you're invested enough that you'll do her favors and help her out without anything in return. That's called "taking advantage of someone", in case you were unfamiliar with the concept.

If she needs to be able to get from point A to point B, she obviously managed to do so before she met you and obviously she'll be able to do it after she's done in her relationship with you. Learning how to do things on your own is part of growing up and I think this is a perfect time for her to learn how to rely on someone other than you.

She's just using you and she's not going to think that your offers to borrow your car or other things you're doing for her are going to get back in her good graces.

She's done with you. Pack up and move along to something more important, your own well-being without her. Plenty of other women out there for you, she was just the wrong one for you.


good points.

i was actually doing ok a couple of months ago, but more recently i've regressed. i think at that point i was more angry and bitter, now maybe i'm in denial or something. it's just so hard to move on when i talk to her almost every day still.

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#74 irideabike

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 06:33 PM

it's just so hard to move on when i talk to her almost every day still.


That has got to end.

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#75 dohdough

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 06:35 PM

Yeah...stop that shit and go cold turkey. It's just going to Fuck your head up.
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"Speaking of which, there's another elitist prick that argues constantly on the Politics forums by the name of dohdough. He's a complete douche, but at least he keeps his posts in that cesspool of useless opinions. He gets my runner-up nomination."


Thanks for the nomination for the Most Memorable CAG Villan 2012, Blade!

#76 shrike4242

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 07:12 PM

good points.

i was actually doing ok a couple of months ago, but more recently i've regressed. i think at that point i was more angry and bitter, now maybe i'm in denial or something. it's just so hard to move on when i talk to her almost every day still.

If you keep talking to her on a daily basis, you're not done with her. She may be done with you, though you're not done with her.

If you're no longer in a relationship, stop talking to her. Waste your time talking to anyone else other than her. Find someone else, friend or more than friend, to invest your energy with.

And for the love of whatever you find holy, don't get into the trap of booty for car/favors/help/etc. It's bad enough you're doing things for her and letting her borrow you car without anything in return, though don't get sucked into the trap of having her offer you "things" in exchange to keep having you do things for her. Not saying it can happen, though it's obviously a possibility.

You were with her for 9 years, and if I'm guessing your age correctly, that's 1/3rd or more of your total life. That's not an easy thing to end or deal with ending, though you always have to make sure you're taking care of yourself.

Get out there and do some things fun to keep the spare time from being time you talk with your ex or the like. It'll help you socialize and keep you from being a hermit.

She ended things with you. Never, ever forget that.

#77 Ag_SurfR

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 11:07 PM

reading what you guys have to say, and doing some thinking, what i need is to make some sort of connection with someone else or a group of other people. the problem is that it's difficult to take the steps necessary to do so when i was/am so emotionally invested in this other person.

now i know what i have to do, i just need to get out there and do it. thanks for the advice. we'll see where i go from here.

don't be concerned about that "trap" you mentioned, shrike. there is absolutely no chance that will happen.

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#78 humancondition

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Posted 11 March 2013 - 11:46 PM

Biggest mistake you can do is call or text her. Don't even bother anymore because she burned you and if you try and get back with her you'll end up looking foolish. Best thing to do is to move on by keeping your mind busy with something else and find someone better. Then you will end up seeing how much of a mistake it was to be with someone like that in the first place. You deserve better and don't show weakness. Work on yourself and grow to be strong and independent by trying new things and meeting other people. You'll be alright just give it time. Thought my life was over after my ten year relationship ended (it was through high school and beyond). Trust me its not and you might start to see you deserve better

Edited by humancondition, 11 March 2013 - 11:51 PM.
Adding something in


#79 Kylearan

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 08:51 AM

...what i need is to make some sort of connection with someone else or a group of other people. the problem is that it's difficult to take the steps necessary to do so when i was/am so emotionally invested in this other person.


Believe me, it's far, FAR more difficult to NOT "take the steps necessary" to move on with your life than it is to take them. They SEEM "difficult" only because you're not used to them.

Buckle up and prepare to live your life again.

You have two choices: wallow in a depressed and crappy mood, or act to get into a better one. I don't consider a third option, "trying to get her back," as a different choice than wallowing, because everyone here will agree that "getting her back" is not only NOT an option, it's a terrible one.

That this girl left you "by surprise" - I question this. Were there no "signs" that things were falling apart? Never any discussions of issues the two of you were having and attempts to resolve them?

If she truly left "by surprise," she deserves absolutely NOTHING from you. Nothing at all. Not a smile, a text, a phone call, nothing. She certainly doesn't deserve your car or your help! This constitutes an ambush of epic-relationship-proportions and is unforgivable. She's basically saying: you're not worth my time, you're not worth working this out, whatever issues I'm having with "us," I have checked out and am abandoning you.

This happened after 9 years?

We call this betrayal.

From what little detail you've given, it seems pretty clear that you've put your life on hold in many ways - either for this girl and/or for your degree. I'm guessing it was mostly "the girl," because as you've said, not many friends, family lives far away. So...social life pretty much in the gutter.

Except for her.

Well, it's no surprise you're holding on so tight. She's your anchor. Or, rather, she WAS your anchor. Just remember that SHE cut the chain - and now you're floating aimlessly. So much so that you can't resist talking to her, thinking about her, doing things for her. And every scenario involving you getting into a better place is rife with self-made excuses and "problems": all the time studying, no friends, no family, not enough time.

But dammit, it's your friggin' ship. Find your center. Determine a direction. And go for it. You obviously have enough time to post online. Get a hobby. Go to a coffee shop. Talk to people.

Keep thinking about problems and I guarantee you'll keep having them. Keep thinking about missing her and you'll what? Right! You'll keep missing her.

Fact is, she left. AND she's lingering, which makes her an even worse person.

Why, oh why, would you ever think you couldn't find anyone better than her?

Person you're not thinking well of is yourself.

Understandably, you're probably wondering why you didn't see what was wrong, that she was going to leave, or you're not good enough for her, which is why she's rejected you, etc., etc.

I'll help you out here: she hid it from you. And that, my friend, is not someone you want to be with. Ever.

#80 parKer

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 10:00 AM

i'm not denying it. my hope is that by showing her i'm a better man now, she might change her mind and choose to come back :-|



OK, what? You're a better man now? This leads me to think that there is a reason she left you and it wasn't completely by surprise.

Anyway, March can be a good month for you. St Patrick's Day and March Madness can provide you with opportunities for meeting a lot of new people. Even if you don't drink or don't care for college basketball, people will be gathering in large crowds on specific days. Take advantage of that.
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#81 Ag_SurfR

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 03:57 PM

OK, what? You're a better man now? This leads me to think that there is a reason she left you and it wasn't completely by surprise.

Anyway, March can be a good month for you. St Patrick's Day and March Madness can provide you with opportunities for meeting a lot of new people. Even if you don't drink or don't care for college basketball, people will be gathering in large crowds on specific days. Take advantage of that.


i think i mentioned earlier in the thread that i wasn't exactly perfect (neither of us were). i had my fair share of indiscretions (didn't cheat on her, just some emotional stuff that happened 4-5 years ago) which she claimed was her biggest reason for wanting to leave.

most recently, i'd say my biggest issue was, in her words, "being mean". i'll admit to occasionally losing my cool, but it was happening less and less as time progressed.

the reason i say i wasn't expecting it was because we were doing much better now than we had been for a long time. i wasn't too far away from graduating (about a year or so to go) and i'm getting ready to start my career. it seemed like we were finally going to be able to do a lot of the things we wanted to, but now we're not.

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#82 irideabike

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Posted 12 March 2013 - 04:23 PM

That is where you are wrong. You are still able to do everything you wanted to do before, now you just do it yourself or with a new group of people. None of your life goals change, just the people you experience them with does.

There are no shortcuts. No do-overs. What happened, happened. Trust me. I know. All of this matters.

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#83 parKer

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Posted 13 March 2013 - 01:37 AM

Just cut to the chase and get some closure with her as it's looking like you can't move on without it. Your biggest hope is she notices that you've changed and she comes back to you. She claims she left you because you're being mean and due to some 4-5-year old incident. But, she still talks to you often and borrows your car.

Your "relationship" is in that weird limbo and you need to ask her what's up. All of us can point out the bad stuff and give you tons of suggestions on how to move on, but really, you're not going to do so if you feel there is still hope.
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#84 Mana Knight

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Posted 13 March 2013 - 01:47 AM

I just cannot find a girl.
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#85 CaptainJoel

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Posted 13 March 2013 - 01:51 AM

You can find one, you just aren't looking and letting your anxiety cripple you, Mana.

#86 CaptainJoel

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Posted 13 March 2013 - 02:07 AM

Also, just got into a great relationship on New Year's with a chick that I'd known for a while from OKCupid. Things are progressing slowly, but nicely. A million times better than my last two relationships. Life is grand.

#87 Yamato

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Posted 13 March 2013 - 02:12 AM

i'm not denying it. my hope is that by showing her i'm a better man now, she might change her mind and choose to come back :-|




#88 skiizim

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Posted 13 March 2013 - 05:04 AM

I once told a girl your not 10 years from now, your just right now, she didn't take it to well.

#89 CaptainJoel

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Posted 13 March 2013 - 05:20 AM

I once told a girl she was ugly.

#90 VaultBoy101

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Posted 13 March 2013 - 11:43 AM

I once told a girl your not 10 years from now, your just right now, she didn't take it to well.


She must have had a thing for correct spelling.