I love getting really drunk blacking out and then waking up in my bed because that means I didn't have to worry about how to get home.
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If I was in MLB my walk up song would be "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" by Whitney Houston
I can't stand hearing people bitch about tips. Even if a table "skeets" you with $4 you're still + minimum. & that's if you have ONE table.
Twitter: Help me settle a bet with @Cpatterson1979. Does Victoria from #himym looks like she has Down syndrome? http://t.co/YE4hyFCULW
Frazier, mj, bird, Duncan, Shaq. Beat my team? http://t.co/xxYXnYO5sZ
Meanwhile, on Facebook... http://t.co/jtmmSBnp5e
Just saw a "NOW: That's What I Call a Workout" CD on iTunes. And, more impressively, it's already the 4th one. NOW is not a one-trick pony.
Update your Store, iTunes! You're late…
"Would you like fries with that?" was never intended to be a career and minimum wage was never meant to be lived on. http://t.co/RjL1G0MrE5
Just washed my sheets. But my bed will still look like this for at least the next 3 days. http://t.co/w4JHI1gjMx
In 1969 we went in space and walked on the moon. 45 years later, it's 2014 and I just saw a commercial for underwear that doesn't ride up.
My couch pulls out but I don't.
So. What would happen if I registered on http://t.co/dQmkhYe6ru. Would I get kicked out?
I have THE (Ohio State) best co workers
I don't understand how Xavier and NC State are playing for a 12 seed
Turning the heat off was a poor choice
I just got really butthurt when I remembered @NBCBlacklist wasn't on tonight
Yup. That sucked.
RT @DaveRamsey: You dont get to demand equal wages just because you take up space. Make yourself more valuable.
“@CauseWereGuys: How about a RT for no school or work on the Holidays.” @MiseDaddy
Exhibit A: http://t.co/umX1kenGor
RT @SCNotTopTen: Eli's new show... http://t.co/RITsq8yol2
“@Snowman_Sparks: What is this proverbial "dream" everyone is "livin" when I ask them how they are doing?” @Cpatterson1979
Rahim Moore applying the hit stick on that play
Wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Even YouTube is taking it upon itself to deter me. http://t.co/dZQdKneJWs
Few things are worse than realizing you've already used your spare TP roll post-poop
Girls in the re-enactments are always WAY better looking than the actual person recalling the story. The 2-point rule should apply here.
South Park Gingers @Cpatterson1979 http://t.co/C5jsy17Ubk
Farts in the shower are the best kind of farts
There are so many TV shows I want to start watching but my wallet won't cooperate with me.
“@AsapSCIENCE: A single human male produces enough sperm in 2 weeks to impregnate every fertile female on the planet.” TFM
So…where does this leave Tim Tebow on the TE depth chart?
If I let you walk in front of my car and you don't acknowledge or wave at me, I should be given a free pass to run you the
over
Just surveyed my office and not a single co worker knows what "going ham" means
TFM: going to a nightclub to party after you've lost the NBA Finals #DannyGreen
I feel like people drive worse in poor weather conditions
“@mishakey: I can tell I'm getting older because I always know where I am when I wake up.” @Jake_Force
I didn't get nearly as many pokadot tie comments thrown at me as I thought I would
What's the point of Hulu+ if I can't watch ALL the episodes from a season? What's with this "latest 5" BS??
Just found this treasure in my closet. Definitely getting hooked up in the new apartment. Now where's Mario Kart? http://t.co/oj1XC3K35m
My phone just took me through East St Louis, I just saw a "Drug/Gun Free Zone" sign though so this must be the safe part.
I'm sick of this Tiger/Sergio drama. Don't play the victim, Tiger. If someone invited me over for KFC I'd be all over that. So would you.
There are no sports on tonight. I have no idea what to watch on TV.
For 3 hours today everyone in my office thought I was gay. Apparently, "playing for the home team" means the opposite of what I thought. -
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bread's done