100 Games Giveaway!

This guy comes into a bar, walks up to the bartender. Says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single, solitary drop." The bartender looks. I mean, we're talking, like, this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says, "Now wait, let me get this strait. You're tryin' to tell me you'll bet me $300 that you can piss, standing over here, way over there into that glass, and not spill a single drop?" Customer looks up and says, "That's right." Bartender says, "Young man, you got a bet." The guy goes, "Okay, here we go. Here we go." Pulls out his thing. He's lookin' at the glass, man. He's thinkin' about the glass. He's thinkin' about the glass. Glass. He's thinkin' about the glass, glass. Thinkin' about his dick. Dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass, dick, glass. And then, *foosh*, he lets it rip. And he-he's pisses all over the place, man. He's pissin' on the bar. He pissin' on the stools, on the floor, on the phone, on the bartender! He's pissing everywhere *except* the fucking glass! Right? Okay. So, bartender, he's laughing his fuckin' ass off. He's $300 richer. He's like, "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" Piss dripping off his face. "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" He says, "You fucking idiot, man! You got it in everything except the glass! You owe me $300 punta." Guy goes, "Excuse me just one-one little second." Goes in the back of the bar. In back, there's a couple of guys playing pool. He walks over to them. Comes back to the bar. Goes, "Here you go, Mr. Bartender, 300." And the bartender's like, "What the fuck are you so happy about? You just lost $300, idiot!" The guy says, "Well, see those guys over there? I just bet them $500 a piece that I could piss on your bar, piss on your floor, piss on your phone, and piss on you, and not only would you not be mad about it, you'd be happy."
 
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
 
Thanks for the contest OP. Liked your FB page.

Only joke I can think of at the moment is one my kids told me a few years ago.

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick
 
A joke? I'm not good at standup. I'm more of a situational comic. I'll try though... So how about that airline food? Not very tasty. Mirite?
 
What is red and smells like blue paint?

Red Paint.

Lol.

Also I liked the facebook page a while ago, if i win on there how will i know? will you message me on there or what?
 
Entered and this is not funny, but it is a joke:


[FONT=times new roman,helvetica]The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
[/FONT]
 
ive been "liking" the page so i guess ive already gotten that outta the way. now its on to posting the comment...
 
I've been really busy and haven't been on facebook in a while, so I just saw that you gave away another Cho Aniki code; can't believe I missed it. Is it weird that I want to play that game so bad?

Hopefully I can win something from this. Thanks!
 
Sweet facebook page... here is the most twisted joke I know. No need to rebuke me, I'm already ashamed.

"What does a dead baby in the microwave look like?" "I don't know either, I was too busy masturbating"

I heard that joke from my mother. My family is a bit odd.
 
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business
has gone bust and she’s in dire financial straits. She has decided to ask God for help. She
begins to pray… “God, please help me. I’ve lost my
business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose
my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.”
Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it.
She again prays… “God, please let me win the lotto!
I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my
car as well.” The Lotto night comes and she still has no
luck.
Once again, she prays… “My God, why have You forsaken me?
I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car. My children
are starving. I don’t often ask You for help, and I have
always been a good servant to You.
PLEASE let me win the lotto just this one time so I can get
my life back in order.”
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens
open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself…
”Sweetheart, work with Me on this… Buy a ticket.”
 
Liked the page. And for the win, I have a joke for you:

A man gets pulled over by a police officer. The man slows down and proceeds to come to a complete stop at the nearest parking lot. Taking the keys out of the ignition he looks in the rear veiw mirror and sees a beautiful police woman walking to his vehicle.

After a few minutes of speaking to the gentleman the officer has concluded that the man his under the influence of alcohol and asks the man to step out of the car.

she says: "sir your are under arrest, anything you say will be held against you"
he says: "TITTIES!"
 
What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungie cord?

My ass. Ohoho. I hope you know what that's from. If you do, high-five.

Thank you very much for the contest, Captain. Been a FB fan of Kartel for a bit now.
 
I don't like linking things like this to my Facebook account, so I'll just leave a comment here. Yay contest!
 
A boy awoke and wanted breakfast so he told his mother. She said, "Not until you feed the animals."
The boy went outside and said to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today." So he kicked the chicken. He did the same with the cow and the pig. The boy then went back into the house and told his mother he was hungry. His mother said, "I saw you kick the chicken so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow so you're not getting any milk and I saw kick the pig so you're not getting any bacon."

Just then the boy's father walked down the steps and tripped over and kicked the cat and the boy said, "Mom should I tell him?"
 
Liked you on Facebook. And now one of my current favorite comics:

Get%20Fuzzy-2006.08.13.jpg
 
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