About to propose - need to talk to her dad

jaso

jaso

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So I'm about to propose to my girlfriend of 2 years (already have the ring), and I need to figure out some way to talk to her dad. I've heard differing opinions on the matter, one side saying it's an antiquated rule, the other saying it's still necessary. Just to be safe, I figured I'd run it by him first, even though I'm sure he has a good idea this is coming and will undoubtedly give his blessing.

Here's the problem: I'm not mortified at the thought of asking him, I just don't know how to go about getting him alone. I mean, we've never done anything where it's just the two of us, and I'm not sure if pulling him aside at a family function would be appropriate or not. Any suggestions or advice, or stories on how any of you went about it?

Much appreciated in advance.
 
All you have to do is get him alone for a few minutes. Pulling him aside at a family function should be fine. Or for example if you go to dinner with her folks say, "Hey [name], why don't we drop the ladies off and then park." Or if you are all at your/her place say "[name] I think the toilet upstairs is running too much can you take a look at it with me." If you say he should expect this is coming he'll probably figure out why you want to get him alone for a second.

And I agree running it by him is a good idea. I can't see him getting upset by you asking but he might get a little cheesed if you don't. So why not do it?
 
"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute over here"
"Sure"
"Yeah, so, I've been dumpin' my goo in your daughter for the better part of two years now and I was wondering if it was OK with you if I made an honest woman of her. Oh, she's not pregnant. You know. I just figured I'd throw that out there, you're prolly thinkin' 'This asshole knocked up my daughter', no. Not true. I just figured I'd be all gentlemen-like and ask you if I could marry her. But honestly it doesn't matter what you say because I'm asking her any how, I'm just trying to fit into society.

"Who are you?"

"The guy fuckin your daughter"
 
Just don't bother following him to the bathroom in a public place and asking while you're in the next urinal...... >.>

Not saying I did that.... !!!

But yeah just pull him aside real quick, maybe talk with him at a different time even and not in a family event.
 
I am was a few weeks away from asking my gf's parents permission to marry their daughter. However my gf's new job and new schedule kinda messed up my planning as her new schedule is 3am in the morning til 11am in the morning, Tuesday and Wednesday off. She had no choice since the work place gave her those hours (TSA) for the first 6 months :whistle2:(

Anyways, yes you need to get the parents blessing before you do this. Depending on religion/culture, some families might find it offensive if you don't ask the parents. I know for a fact that she will say yes, and pretty sure that the parents will too.
 
[quote name='JimmieMac']"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute over here"
"Sure"
"Yeah, so, I've been dumpin' my goo in your daughter for the better part of two years now and I was wondering if it was OK with you if I made an honest woman of her. Oh, she's not pregnant. You know. I just figured I'd throw that out there, you're prolly thinkin' 'This asshole knocked up my daughter', no. Not true. I just figured I'd be all gentlemen-like and ask you if I could marry her. But honestly it doesn't matter what you say because I'm asking her any how, I'm just trying to fit into society.

"Who are you?"

"The guy fuckin your daughter"[/quote]

Guess JimmieMac wants to win the villain award again this year huh?
 
[quote name='JimmieMac']"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute over here"
"Sure"
"Yeah, so, I've been dumpin' my goo in your daughter for the better part of two years now and I was wondering if it was OK with you if I made an honest woman of her. Oh, she's not pregnant. You know. I just figured I'd throw that out there, you're prolly thinkin' 'This asshole knocked up my daughter', no. Not true. I just figured I'd be all gentlemen-like and ask you if I could marry her. But honestly it doesn't matter what you say because I'm asking her any how, I'm just trying to fit into society.

"Who are you?"

"The guy fuckin your daughter"[/quote]

JimmieMac speaks the truth. Don't waste your time "asking" for permission - you are going to do it no matter what he says so why bother?
 
I don't have any stories to offer, but if your gf is at all close with her family, definitely find a chance to talk to her father. My fiance didn't ask my mother (I'm not close with my dad) before he proposed, not because she'd be unhappy but that she might spill the beans. My mother and I were both disappointed by this, but it's not like it hindered anything.

I think what wubb suggested with the parking is pretty subtle. Or maybe pull him aside to go get drinks/beers for everyone else. Do you share anything in common with her father?
 
[quote name='judyjudyjudy']I don't have any stories to offer, but if your gf is at all close with her family, definitely find a chance to talk to her father. My fiance didn't ask my mother (I'm not close with my dad) before he proposed, not because she'd be unhappy but that she might spill the beans. My mother and I were both disappointed by this, but it's not like it hindered anything.

I think what wubb suggested with the parking is pretty subtle. Or maybe pull him aside to go get drinks/beers for everyone else. Do you share anything in common with her father?[/quote]

No, we don't really share anything in common, which makes it especially tricky. The only thing that made me consider not asking her father was actually the same reason your fiance didn't want to ask your mom - my girlfriend's dad would probably tell my girlfriend's mom, and then the entire family would know about it.

Her dad does like to golf, so I was thinking about possibly asking him to take me out and teach me since the weather is getting better. But there's also going to be a chance for me to get him alone when we go over to her parents' this week to celebrate her mother's birthday.
 
You're right, the whole "asking the parents" thing is antiquated and not necessary.

But you know what, it earns you a truckload of respect with the parents, and I can assure you that that is going to mean a lot to you and your future wife later down the road. I'm not speaking from experience, but I can tell you that I will be doing the same thing one day myself, and I WILL be speaking with her Dad and getting his "blessing" before I ask her (Granted, it doesn't mean that him saying "no" will stop me, but having his respect means something to me).

Man up, and show her Dad you've got a set of balls that are more than decorative piece. Of all the things in your life, this is the absolute last where you need to come off as a pussy and "go around" the parents, or just cut them out of it because you were too afraid to ask.

~HotShotX
 
Oh, you're going over this weekend? Mom's birthday? Mother's Day? Proposal? Wow, you got a chance to ruin a whole slew of holiday's/special occasions in one swift and calculated motion. I say go for it, bring the ring with ya, ask the old man, ask the lady to marry you, drink too much, shit in the fish tank, the whole 9.
 
I'm feeling some deja vu, has this thread happened before?

I dunno, it seems pretty stupid to me. Does she need to ask your parents' permission to marry you?

But anyway, if it's something you're intent on doing then it shouldn't be that big of a deal. You can just go with the golf idea if that's a time you can be alone. It would be weird to do it in the middle of a group of people or something.
 
Me and my girlfriend's dad have absolutely nothing in common. It really annoys me sometimes because I have no idea what to talk about with him. I'm not some weirdo recluse guy either. I'm open to talk sports, entertainment, hard news or anything. At least I have the weather to fall back on.
 
[quote name='ItsTrueItsTrue92']Me and my girlfriend's dad have absolutely nothing in common. It really annoys me sometimes because I have no idea what to talk about with him. I'm not some weirdo recluse guy either. I'm open to talk sports, entertainment, hard news or anything. At least I have the weather to fall back on.[/quote]


its prob the fact you are boning his little girl
 
First of all, congratulations on your upcoming wedding.

If your gf knows that your going to propose sometime in the near future then she probably makes sure you have time together with her father without telling you that she is doing it just in case you want to ask him. For example, my wife thought it would be a good idea to leave me alone with my future father-in-law while we were doing some target practice on his farm. I did ask for his blessing, but not when we had guns in our hands.

He probably knows the proposal is coming anyway and letting him know your intentions first builds a good relationship with the in-laws and is considered very sweet by your gf/wife. My father-in-law surprised us all and didn't tell anyone (I did not ask him to keep it to himself). If you are worried about it getting out, just make sure you plan the proposal to occur soon after you talked to him.

Finally, you should know that wives love to tell the story of how you proposed many many times. The stories can either be good or bad depending on what you do. Personally, I proposed with a fortune cookie after we ate take-out from one of our favorite restaurants. Do some research and pick a way that ties in to your relationship somehow and you'll be good to go.
 
[quote name='JimmieMac']drink too much, shit in the fish tank, the whole 9.[/QUOTE]

:rofl:

I've never been in this situation, and I really have no useful advice. I have no intention of asking permission when the time comes, and I don't think I know anyone who has. But if that's the way you're going with it, good luck!
 
As a Latino I say it would be very respectful to ask permission before popping the question.

If they say no, then relationship over.
 
We can't get married, your Dad said it wasn't cool.

That's fucked. Not the fact that the Dad said it wasn't cool. The fact he wants to get married.
 
[quote name='javeryh']JimmieMac speaks the truth. Don't waste your time "asking" for permission - you are going to do it no matter what he says so why bother?[/quote]

Probably to possibly gain the respect of his father. Also, if he doesn't kill him, he could gain an ally in planning how it goes down. Then again, if his father, and afterwards, mother, sister, brother, dog... err, then again, if her family doesn't have a "pokerface" they may ruin his plans.

It's a give and take situation.
 
[quote name='JimmieMac']We can't get married, your Dad said it wasn't cool.

That's fucked. Not the fact that the Dad said it wasn't cool. The fact he wants to get married.[/quote]

[quote name='chasemurata']Probably to possibly gain the respect of his father. Also, if he doesn't kill him, he could gain an ally in planning how it goes down. Then again, if his father, and afterwards, mother, sister, brother, dog... err, then again, if her family doesn't have a "pokerface" they may ruin his plans.

It's a give and take situation.[/quote]

Usually the girl's family pays for the wedding (traditionally) so yea you better be on his good side and get his permission or it's a cheap ass wedding in vegas.
 
There's always the option of waiting another year because:

A) Two years isn't enough to know anyone (especially a girl).
B) You could spend the time getting to know the father better.
C) I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and assume you're WAY too young to get married.
 
[quote name='ITDEFX']Usually the girl's family pays for the wedding (traditionally) so yea you better be on his good side and get his permission or it's a cheap ass wedding in vegas.[/quote]

Cheap Ass Wedding?

*ponders*

*registers domain name*

*opens church*

;):D
 
[quote name='chasemurata']Cheap Ass Wedding?

*ponders*

*registers domain name*

*opens church*

;):D[/quote]

*sees chasemurata registers Cheapasswedding.com*

*ponders*

*looks at date and time when I first came up with idea.

*calls lawyer* (Javeryh)

*sues chasemurata*

;)
 
The wedding isn't going to be cheap and seriously I hope you don't have some cheap ass food like PIZZA at the reception.

You play your cards right with the dad, your gonna get a nice wedding.... what ever is best for daddy's little girl :cool:
 
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