Advice on a relationship situation is needed

S

SpartanWarrior

CAGiversary!
First things first, I know this is a gaming site, but over the time that I have been here, I notice that this site harnestes alot of intellegent members (Shrike, Punquex, Daphatty, CheapyD, Jimmie Icon(I respect this man more then anyone else on the board, he sugar coats NOTHING) that is excellent at giving advice in life, as some have been through it theirself over their existance.

I ruined a 3 month relationship because of an addiction, that she got me to do(took many weeks to agree for me to do it). I do not blaim her, but its poetic justice, she thought I was the greatest guy in the world then After she got me to do that stuff. I went through mood swings, lack of sleep, and low motivation as so did she, very bad combination. She said I changed so I quit cold turkey so I did not become addictive where I could NOT stop. I did the stuff for about three weeks in DEC maybe once or twice a week. But I have not done it for about 3 weeks, Im glad I stoped doing that stuff in time. Now the question is....

She wants to go back out and work stuff out since we both quit, but Im worried she might try to get me to try something else out, and I love her alot and she loves me alot, but I have no backbone when it comes to peer pressure. I cut off all ties with the guy who hooked the stuff up. Pleas do not think Im a bad person, I made a mistake, but quickly remedied the situation before it became a problem.

Slight addiction is what it was, I will not go into details of what though

MODS: If this is too much of a mature subject, pleas lock it, but I tried to keep the details to the minium
 
Stay away from her! If she tried to talk you into one thing she will absolutely try to talk you into another. She wants someone to crash and burn w/her and since she got you once she figures she can get you again. I repeat, stay away from her!
 
It would help a lot to know what the addiction was, but I respect your privacy.

In all honesty, you need to be able to resist peer pressure, and jumping right back into a relationship doesn't help reinforce self confidence much. Work on yourself first. Peer pressure never goes away, and it helps a lot to be able to resist it.
 
[quote name='LaseK']It would help a lot to know what the addiction was, but I respect your privacy.

In all honesty, you need to be able to resist peer pressure, and jumping right back into a relationship doesn't help reinforce self confidence much. Work on yourself first. Peer pressure never goes away, and it helps a lot to be able to resist it.[/QUOTE]
not really

just stay away from the bitch.
 
do not go back, I suggest avoiding contact with her, many times people return to their "habits" after they get certain stimuli back in their life that are associated with doing certain things that can include people. If you really really really want to try something with her be her friend and always hang with at least a third person who know will not do that shit.
 
Since you're going to go out with her again anyhow try to find a more reasonable vice this time, like alcohol, tobacco, or hell even sex.
 
[quote name='neocisco']Stay away from her! If she tried to talk you into one thing she will absolutely try to talk you into another. She wants someone to crash and burn w/her and since she got you once she figures she can get you again. I repeat, stay away from her![/QUOTE]


[quote name='LaseK']It would help a lot to know what the addiction was, but I respect your privacy.

In all honesty, you need to be able to resist peer pressure, and jumping right back into a relationship doesn't help reinforce self confidence much. Work on yourself first. Peer pressure never goes away, and it helps a lot to be able to resist it.[/QUOTE]

I second both those comments. You're just a fool if you get burned twice on the same ploy and once that happens both her and others will think you're an easy play. Also man the fuck up and quit giving into pressure from other people. Doing what you need/want to do makes you, well you, particaurly when it comes to your mind and body. Start controling your life or you'll fuck it up fast, and start with this situation... If you stick with her and she wants to go out fine, but you come up ideas about where to go to what to do, set some boundries, etc. If she can't/won't listen to you or at least meet you halfway show her the door.
 
Honestly, I would say change your number, move, and try to forget she ever existed. No offense, but you sound far too weak-willed to be in a relationship like that. It is almost definite that she will want you to do something else you don't want to do, and you don't sound capable of resisting. This is coming from someone who, in the past, has done a lot of stupid shit because of the girl I was with. If you aren't stronger than her, and she already knows you aren't, there is no way you can change her. If she didn't respect you enough to leave you alone about not doing something you didn't want to do in the first place, it's not like she will now. If you go back to her, it will be rinse and repeat until you piss your life away. Walk away, tell her to fuck off (DO NOT be her "friend". In less than two weeks, you will be right back where you were), and move on with your life while you still have one. She's simply not worth it. If she was, and if she "loved" you as much as you think you "love" her, she would have NEVER tried to get you to do something like that if you didn't want to. And besides, it sounds to me like you only kicked one of your addictions. The opposite sex can be a much stronger compulsion that any chemical substance, and cause MUCH more destruction. It's time to excise the stronger demon.
 
Stakes are too high. You won't know if she has actually quite permanently unless you get back in a relationship, problem is you know that if you do and she hasn't quite (or starts again) you're a pushover and you will quickly pick up the addiction as well. Stay away, not worth the trouble.
 
how old are you?

3 month relationship and you are very in love with her.
you need counseling, there is something missing that you needed to take drugs (or whatever) in order to please a girl because you felt you as a person were inadequate.

try counseling

and 3 months is not enough of an investment to get back with her wihtout finding gettong on the road to remedying the above stated issue.

goodluck
 
[quote name='SpartanWarrior'].

I ruined a 3 month relationship because of an addiction, that she got me to do(took many weeks to agree for me to do it)[/QUOTE]

I'm not sure if 3 months could qualify as enough time spent to justify that you "love" her or that she "loves" you a lot. Maybe you should just take a step back and evaluate the situation. Maybe not in a serious relationship situation, but more of a friendly situation.
 
I'd have to agree w/ everyone else here. I'd stay away... If it's one thing most women love, it's control. And she's already proven to herself that she can make you do something against your will, which is a form of control. Usually it starts off small, although some form of drugs isn't small in my book, and grows from there.

I'd also have to agree that 3 months is far to early to say "love." That's still early in the relationship, and I'd just be happy that it happened in 3 months, rather then in my case of 5 years. My ex started using cocaine, and I gave her a choice of quitting or leaving me, and she left me. I loved her a lot, and I still do, and all I hope for is her safety and her happiness - with that said I haven't spoken or seen her in almost 2 years now. I feel it was the right thing to do, because that wasn't somthing I wanted in my life.

I also thing you need to work on your ability to resist peer pressure, as stated by a previous poster it's everywhere in life. Without being able to resist it, that just labels you are weak and easy in the eyes of many, which is a position to be taken advantage of. Don't be afraid to say no. If a friend, or even a girlfriend doesn't respect your beliefs or unwillingness to do whatever it is they're pressuring you to do, then they're not worth having around in my opinion. Better off without them.

That's my 2 cents, and good luck!
 
Maybe I thought I loved her because I am so happy when I was a around her, and I never really geniunly felt that way before and I dated many girls, I even felt more strongly for this girl then my ex which was a 2 1/2 years relationship. Maybe because this new girl is very good looking (amature Model and PFP), guys try to hit on her whenever we go out in public (she gets mad that I dont fight every guy off, I told her if I had to do that it would be every damn 10 mins) I guess I just consider myself very lucky to be with her, and that is why I give in so easily BUT weird thing is that she is not a gold digger at all, Im only 20 and I have a pretty big lump of cash in my account (that I earned over the past year other projects) pretty high 5 digits, probably not alot to some but is to others, my friend is like get rid of her she looks like agold digger(he follows that all women who are hot, are gold diggers), but never asked for any from me finacially. I did have a conversation with her tonight, she claims she wants another chance and will quit COLD TURKEY for another chance, why she would want to be with me, cause she could get pretty much any guy(well a ton of them, not all) and Im just a avg joe, I do have a pretty nice car, but thats all.
 
Hit that ass then never answer your phone when she calls (the joy of called id ;) and ignore her whenever you see her! Booyah! That's the ultimate way to get rid of someone with a frown.

Seriously, she isn't worth your time. Three months!? Come on dude. My parents have been married for over thrirty years and still haven't gotten all their quirks fixed. What makes you think three months is enough time to be serious with someone?

Time to start looking for a replacement.

Now I ain't sayin' she's a gold diggah. But she ain't messin' with no broke nigga!
 
I wanna know what you were addicted to...

I've fought addiction myself before and it'll help me understand where you're coming from if we were on the same shit... (probably not the case though).
 
Serious answer: Think about it, if you were doing something addictive that you KNEW was hurting you, would you ask someone you like (love) to do it as well? It shows you how much she cares about your well being. Do not approach again.

Not so serious answer: Going by your name; stab her with your spear, pillage a village, claim wenches, repeat as necessary. :D
 
Hey alot can happen in 3 months, my ex fell out of love with me and in love with one of my friends.... cheers.


But to the important subject, OP, nobody is worth you compromising your principles and morals over. If they cant love you for YOU, and not what they want to mold you to be, then they're not worth your time. For every girl out there like this, there's that girl that thinks that you're great just as you are and wouldn't put u in danger like this(I'm assuming the addiction was dangerous) Move on and find a girl that will treat you better.
 
Continued dealings with this girl will keep you going back to whatever you're addicted to.

Stop dealing with her immediately. No person is worth causing yourself harm by using some addictive substance.

Go find yourself some counseling, addiction treatment or the like. You need help, and hanging around this girl won't do you any good, ever. If she's made you start using, and had you use again, she'll keep doing it over and over again.

I don't think you love her, I think it's the substance talking. Go find yourself some help and leave her alone, immediately.
 
[quote name='SpartanWarrior']Maybe I thought I loved her because I am so happy when I was a around her, and I never really geniunly felt that way before and I dated many girls, I even felt more strongly for this girl then my ex which was a 2 1/2 years relationship. Maybe because this new girl is very good looking (amature Model and PFP), guys try to hit on her whenever we go out in public (she gets mad that I dont fight every guy off, I told her if I had to do that it would be every damn 10 mins) I guess I just consider myself very lucky to be with her, and that is why I give in so easily BUT weird thing is that she is not a gold digger at all, Im only 20 and I have a pretty big lump of cash in my account (that I earned over the past year other projects) pretty high 5 digits, probably not alot to some but is to others, my friend is like get rid of her she looks like agold digger(he follows that all women who are hot, are gold diggers), but never asked for any from me finacially. I did have a conversation with her tonight, she claims she wants another chance and will quit COLD TURKEY for another chance, why she would want to be with me, cause she could get pretty much any guy(well a ton of them, not all) and Im just a avg joe, I do have a pretty nice car, but thats all.[/QUOTE]

That's not true. I can attest to that myself. All women are gold diggers - not just the hot ones. :lol: Being a gold digger doesn't mean asking for cash or paying her bills. As long as you're supplying her with stuff that has monetary value - cars, clothes, gadgets, jewelry, etc., & the only thing she offers in return is sex, that's a gold digger. I think you're far more addicted to fcukin' a model than you were to whatever substance you took. Pussy is like water - abundant & can be found everywhere. Pick up a new & different bottle of water; the one you're drinkin' right now is tainted w/ shit.
 
Six words that would have saved me a hell of a lot of trouble this past summer: "I'm not ready for a relationship."

It'll sound like bullshit, but it'll be true! And she'll say you're avoiding commitment and blah blah blah but screw her.
 
I wouldn't give an opinion since i don't know exactly what we are talking about here, some addictions might even be good for some people , one thing i can tell you for sure without knowing anything else is that if you LOVE her and you think she LOVES then i suggest you don't stay away , be the man and find a way to fix things !
 
[quote name='Limegreen']I wouldn't give an opinion since i don't know exactly what we are talking about here, some addictions might even be good for some people , one thing i can tell you for sure without knowing anything else is that if you LOVE her and you think she LOVES then i suggest you don't stay away , be the man and find a way to fix things ![/QUOTE]

I'd like to know what drug addictions are good for people? It's not like he's talking about caffeine.
 
[quote name='alonzomourning23']I'd like to know what drug addictions are good for people? It's not like he's talking about caffeine.[/QUOTE]
You know, I'm wondering the same thing myself.
 
[quote name='alonzomourning23']I'd like to know what drug addictions are good for people? It's not like he's talking about caffeine.[/QUOTE]

I can't say for a fact because I don't do them and I've heard a lot of horror stories... but a lot of anti-psychotic drugs or maybe even just anti-depressants (SSRI's like prozac and paxil) might be good for people to take in a daily fashion. Although they get addicted, at least it helps to treat their disorders...
 
cocaine is always hard to break. I say stay away from her, if she got you doing coke next you will be dead.

I made up the coke part, but trust me on this it fits really well into the story.

EDIT: from reading your posts OP them main reason you loved her was cause she was pretty, that shows that the relationship would only go further downhill. After awhile you would become jaded on her and she would not be beautiful anymore. etc etc
 
Okay.. I read this in your post...

"She quit"

Then the last post reads "she will quit cold turkey"

So she hasnt quit..

Thats your answer.

Peer pressure is something that comes easily. I have only smoked weed once. I dont do nor have I ever done another drug besides Caffeine. I have drank a little but my father was an alcoholic and I seen what it can do to someones life.. he is dead at 42. My mom is pretty messed up from their marriage still that ended 15 years ago.

Get the peer pressure situation figured out quick or your going to have a nill bank account and have shit happen for some time to come.

What I used to say and its the truth is I dont do it "because I would like it and get addicted" That worked for most people I was in contact with.

The fact that that holds true keeps me away from drugs like speed cocaine etc. I love highs, Skydiving, racing etc. If I could just pop a pill and get that feeling I would be broke...

Get away from her and the drugs.
 
You're only 20? It's only been 3 months? Time to give that bitch a ride to dumpsville. First of all, she obviously has no respect for you as a person whatsoever since she pleaded with you to try something harmful that you repeatedly said no to. Second, there are like at least 50 million hot chicks out there - go bang one of them. Anyone who thinks that the person they are with is the only person on the planet you could find happiness with needs to get out more. Seriously, I can't walk a block in NYC in the summertime without seeing at least 10 chicks I'd show it to.
 
[quote name='javeryh']You're only 20? It's only been 3 months? Time to give that bitch a ride to dumpsville. First of all, she obviously has no respect for you as a person whatsoever since she pleaded with you to try something harmful that you repeatedly said no to. Second, there are like at least 50 million hot chicks out there - go bang one of them. Anyone who thinks that the person they are with is the only person on the planet you could find happiness with needs to get out more. Seriously, I can't walk a block in NYC in the summertime without seeing at least 10 chicks I'd show it to.[/QUOTE]

:rofl:

QFT
 
She got you to do the drugs in the first place? Wow, I've heard of boyfriends corrupting girlfriends, but never the other way around. Sounds like she's unsure of what she wants, and if she complained about you doing drugs after she's the one who gave them to you... she's really controlling if you obeyed both times.

To me it sounds like a lose-lose situation if you keep her.
 
[quote name='javeryh']You're only 20? It's only been 3 months? Time to give that bitch a ride to dumpsville. First of all, she obviously has no respect for you as a person whatsoever since she pleaded with you to try something harmful that you repeatedly said no to. Second, there are like at least 50 million hot chicks out there - go bang one of them. Anyone who thinks that the person they are with is the only person on the planet you could find happiness with needs to get out more. Seriously, I can't walk a block in NYC in the summertime without seeing at least 10 chicks I'd show it to.[/QUOTE]
Must be why you're an expert at dropping your drawers. All that practice in the toilet must have some more important purpose. :applause:
 
[quote name='shrike4242']Must be why you're an expert at dropping your drawers. All that practice in the toilet must have some more important purpose. :applause:[/QUOTE]

Quite true?!?

I wonder if a Hot chick from NYC happens to do interviews for other firms...?
 
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