Ass-Surgery Thread (Taking Hydromethadone at work?)

I got into a really bad car accident last sept. Some jackass stopped in the middle lane of a three lane highway for no reason. I stopped, but the lady behind me didn't. She hit me at 77 mph while I was at a complete stop. She went under my car, and she died from the accident, as her entire front end of her vehicle was gone. Since her vehicle went under my mid size SUV it caused me to go airbourne.

Allegedly ( as I don't remeber much and what I do was a blur) but my GMC arcadia was vaulted up into the air, over other vehicles, and when it landed it tumbled down the highway for over 500 yards, and it/I got hit several more times from other cars. I was lucky, thank god, that I didn't die, and I actual crawled out of my vehicle. But I have had horrible back, and kneck pain since the accident. I have major knee surgery, they are debating if they should burn my nerves in my back to my joints, or to readjust/align my joints in my back due to then being so out of whack. I have had serious cognitive issues, and haven't done much of anything over the past year.
 
[quote name='shieryda']All healed up yet?[/QUOTE]

Not 100%. Thanks for asking. I am back at work but I am still uncomfortable. I can't sit without the aid of a pillow and taking a shit is so unpleasant that I dread it (it used to be the best part of my work day). I am going back to the doctor in 2 weeks so he can check whether the open wound is healing properly so I have to continue to wear bangages and get them changed twice a day and sprayed with hydrogen peroxide and do the whole sits bath treatment. There is still puss and blood back there but it is noticeably less every day. The side effect that no one told me about was all the goddamn itching. I swear I'm scratching my crack 24 hours a day. No wonder the doctor wouldn't give me a straight answer when I asked him if I'd be OK for Disney at the end of October. The healing process for this thing is WAY longer than I thought it would be.

ryanbph - damn dude I hope you heal up OK. That fucking sucks. Puts my somewhat minor inconvenience in perspective.
 
[quote name='fart_bubble']javeryh not liking to take a shit....this planet really has become bizarro world[/QUOTE]

For real. Almost couldn't believe it when I read it.

Ryanbph, that's a horrible thing to hear. I can't imagine what you're going through. :( It makes me feel lucky to be alive, really, to think that you could just die or have massive pain and injuries from a random freak accident like that. God damn.
 
I'm a little disappointed as I was hoping Javeryh was having some sort of new type of ass-surgery which would give him the ability to pass some really, loud gassy nasty farts. I mean I figure javeryh would love doing things like that to his boss or bosses accidentally.
If not this then what about javeryh expanding his ass. Hearing about javeryh getting a fat ass would be awesome, see ghetto booty.
In all seriousness that sucks man though I don't know why you want to shit out in public. There's too much the worry that you'll run out of toilet paper or it'll be rough. Two-ply for me and I assume for you. Hey what about four-ply?! It's like cleaning your ass with a babies soft face! ;-P
 
I use baby wipes almost exclusively. I bring them with me to the can at work.

UPDATE: I have an infection. Totally sucks and very painful. I see the surgeon on Tuesday but in the meantime I've got some hydromethadone - now this shit works. I'm high as a kite right now. Woo hoo!!!!
 
I've been considering getting a pack of wipes (which brand is best?) for myself at work. Do your co-workers give you funny looks when you take your wipes with you to the men's room? Or do you sneak them in under your shirt? Sometimes I get the worst monkey butt from shitting so often at work, and it's difficult to really get clean back there. I usually have to wait until I get home and have a good soak in the tub, or a shower.
 
[quote name='shieryda']I've been considering getting a pack of wipes (which brand is best?) for myself at work. Do your co-workers give you funny looks when you take your wipes with you to the men's room? Or do you sneak them in under your shirt? Sometimes I get the worst monkey butt from shitting so often at work, and it's difficult to really get clean back there. I usually have to wait until I get home and have a good soak in the tub, or a shower.[/QUOTE]

I use Pampers brand - unscented is the key. No aloe or other chemicals either. I love them. I keep 10 or so in a small ziplock bag that I refill every 2 shits. It slips into my pocket unnoticed. I can never go back to paper - the wipes are so clean and there are no worries the rest of the day whether I missed a spot or some got caught in some hair or whatever.
 
[quote name='shieryda']Nice. Thanks for the recommendation.[/QUOTE]

No problem. I should add that if you know it's a messy shit you should do a light cleaning with paper so as not to waste the wipes. Ideally you only want to go through 3 wipes per shit. I use each wipe in the open position, then folded over once and then folded over again. So 3 wipes (motions) per wipe (towel) and a max of 3 wipes (towels) per shit.
 
[quote name='javeryh']No problem. I should add that if you know it's a messy shit you should do a light cleaning with paper so as not to waste the wipes. Ideally you only want to go through 3 wipes per shit. I use each wipe in the open position, then folded over once and then folded over again. So 3 wipes (motions) per wipe (towel) and a max of 3 wipes (towels) per shit.[/QUOTE]

you really need a Japanese toliet, total unbridled luxury for the ass
 
[quote name='billyrox']you really need a Japanese toliet, total unbridled luxury for the ass[/QUOTE]

I've never tried one but I want to. I've used a bidday before and it is awesome.

[quote name='dmaul1114']3 wipes per towel, with 3 towels=9 wipes!!! Damn, your ass must be as hairy as Chewbacca's![/QUOTE]

There's hair back there for sure but I'm just very thorough because I'm paranoid about smelling like shit all day.
 
[quote name='Malik112099']AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=Pilonidal+Abscess&FORM=BIFD#[/QUOTE]

:lol:

This photo was included in the first page of those results:
rs_sad.jpg


[quote name='javeryh']I've never tried one but I want to. I've used a bidday before and it is awesome.[/quote]

You're not supposed to make waste in a bidday...
 
[quote name='javeryh']I've never tried one but I want to. I've used a bidday before and it is awesome. [/QUOTE]



not only do they clean your ass with refreshing warm water... when i visited my friend in Japan... the warm seats were an extremely pleasent surprise on cold mornings :D

the only thing is they are expensive int he US $500 to buy or so:cry:

did some searching a while back thinking I would buy one for xmas

http://www.thefactoryoutlet.com/bath/bidet/toto-washlet-c100-10033.asp
 
[quote name='javeryh']No problem. I should add that if you know it's a messy shit you should do a light cleaning with paper so as not to waste the wipes. Ideally you only want to go through 3 wipes per shit. I use each wipe in the open position, then folded over once and then folded over again. So 3 wipes (motions) per wipe (towel) and a max of 3 wipes (towels) per shit.[/QUOTE]

I typically use 4-5 sheets of tp per wiping session, with 4 sessions per shit. I think I could probably get by with up to 2 moist wipes per shit, but we'll see how it goes the first couple times.:D
 
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