Best. Email. Apology. &. Follow-up. Ever.

jaykrue

jaykrue

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:rofl:

My favorite part in bold.

The following is an e-mail going around NYC...

The 1st part is a girl's apology email for cheating.

The 2nd is his reply which was forwarded to his entire address book and is now circulating everywhere.

Brad,
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird, I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something. The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it. I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I really don't think I can handle that.
I am so sorry.
Elizabeth
RESPONSE:
Dear Elizabeth,
Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about".
You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.
To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room. The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last Saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.
By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
PS. I forwarded about 100 people on this email.
Talk to you never,
Brad
Click to expand...
 
:rofl:

EDIT: Some how that reminds me of a short video I saw recently. Basically, it starts out with a guy getting dumped. He replies by telling the girl that he's going to fuck her mom. And then he does. :lol:
 
Whatr does B&T chick mean? I've not heard that term before.
I feel bad for the guy.
I just hope he never cheats on anyone lest become be a hypocritical dick.
 
What a disposable tart. Infidelity is such an ugly, painful thing. I've been cheated on and I didn't have quite the audacity that this Brad bloke apparently had, but hot damn, good for him. I have no tolerance or sympathy when it comes to cheating.

Call me an idealist, but I'm of the minority who still view intimacy as something of value. Getting sick of it being glamorized in the media - wasn't there a reality show that encouraged its participants to cheat on their spouses? "Temptation Island" or something?
 
[quote name='onetrackmind']i think t hat might have been the greatest thing ive ever read![/QUOTE]

Nah, not really.
Though it would get extra points if it were forwarded to her parents and relatives... and maybe her boss and co-workers.
 
"Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long..."

That hurts.... :no:
 
[quote name='Noodle Pirate!']Whatr does B&T chick mean? I've not heard that term before.
I feel bad for the guy.
I just hope he never cheats on anyone lest become be a hypocritical dick.[/QUOTE]

Bridge & Tunnel. It's a derogatory NY term for someone who lives outside of Manhattan/downtown NY City who goes to NY for fun/work. It's basically saying, "You're not rich/pretentious enough to live in the NY proper and therefore are not as cool as me." Usually referred to ppl from New Jersey & others not from Manhattan. Only reason I know? I used to date a chick from Queens. :lol:
 
well I work with someone who sent me this email and he says that it was his friend of a friend who wrote this email. He sent it to me on the 14th so I am inclined to believe him.
 
[quote name='Sleepkyng']sea lions... never again will they seem so innocent and sweet to me.[/QUOTE]

Yaeh, that was awesome. :rofl:
 
fucking awesome. I like the part when she said. I'm sorry for hurting you and I think I left my sunglasses at you house. However the BF responses made me laugh out loud. So fucking funny :rofl: :rofl:
 
[quote name='sblymnlcrymnl']:rofl:

EDIT: Some how that reminds me of a short video I saw recently. Basically, it starts out with a guy getting dumped. He replies by telling the girl that he's going to fuck her mom. And then he does. :lol:[/QUOTE]

That's an awesome movie. It's called "home base". The second link is the whole thing. It's definitely worth the watch.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0306959/
http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2410176?htv=12

girlfriend: "ok, great, so, now you hate me"
boyfriend: "I don't hate you"
"Are you kidding me? THis is like the worst thing I've ever done to anybody"
"yea, but it actually makes things clearer, ya see, now I know exactly what I have to do"
*with a laugh* "yea, what?"
"I'm gonna fuck your mom"
"What?"
"Your mom and I, we're gonna have sex"
 
[quote name='capitalist_mao']Chicago kids do the same thing. Especially if you say you're from Chicago. If they ask what part, and you say a suburb, they'll go on a diatribe about how "that's not Chicago".[/QUOTE]

While true, I don't think we've referred specifically to anyone as a B&T but yeah, I'll bitch at someone who sez they're from chicago when in fact they're from schaumburg. :lol: And I am, in fact, from Chicago, North Side around the Diversey & Pulaski area.
 
[quote name='jaykrue']While true, I don't think we've referred specifically to anyone as a B&T but yeah, I'll bitch at someone who sez they're from chicago when in fact they're from schaumburg. :lol: And I am, in fact, from Chicago, North Side around the Diversey & Pulaski area.[/QUOTE]

It's a lose-lose situation when talking about where I'm from. If I say "north riverside", people will give me a funny look. "West suburbs of chicago" is too long. "Chicago" will have people complain at you (since everyone at my school is in chicago and its suburbs) if they're from Chicago. And, the worst of them all is Chicagoland. Where people who are either not from Chicagoland or just haven't heard the term will just laugh at you. I know there's no term like B&T, but it's the same downtown Eliticism that pisses me off.
 
[quote name='capitalist_mao']That's an awesome movie. It's called "home base". The second link is the whole thing. It's definitely worth the watch.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0306959/
http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2410176?htv=12

girlfriend: "ok, great, so, now you hate me"
boyfriend: "I don't hate you"
"Are you kidding me? THis is like the worst thing I've ever done to anybody"
"yea, but it actually makes things clearer, ya see, now I know exactly what I have to do"
*with a laugh* "yea, what?"
"I'm gonna fuck your mom"
"What?"
"Your mom and I, we're gonna have sex"
 
[quote name='Brak']Women are sluts.[/QUOTE]

And men are whores.

Absolutely hilarious, though. This thread just made my day. The guy could not have gotten back at her any better.

I take that back. He could have sent the email and taken everything she'd left behind in his house & sold it on ebay capped at a penny & the person who wins the item is the person that comes up with the best reason why she's a whore. (esp b/c she was so intent on getting her things back - you screw up, you get screwed.)
 
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