Best worst-date stories.

[quote name='Rags']I got one kinda like this..... Local Pizza Hut.
This waitress and I kinda hit it off(or though I thought) the first time we meet. Stuff like her talking to me and only me even when I was with a groups of people. She'd give me extra toppings and stuff when I went in for lunch, and the girl that sat people down always said I'll tell her you're here and put me in her section when I got there. Just stuff like that.

Anyways, after a while I finally decide that today's the day and decide to ask her out.

I say to her "Hey you wanna catch a movie or something sometime?"

She responds, "I'd like to, but my girlfriend is kinda possesive and I'm pretty loyal to her"......

TRY and respond to that after you ask someone out.......[/quote]

You should have told her "She can come too."

Jeeze, some of you guys, come on now. You are reading into things too much. "We talked for hours, she would talk only to me, she gave me extra toppings, she brushed her arm against mine and I creamed my pants..." Jesus fucking Christ. You are seeing things that aren't there, wishing for signs that aren't there, just seeing what you want to and believing what you want to. Don't let your mind play tricks on you - play it cool and be DISINTERESTED in the girl. Ignore her for the most part, but bait her/string her along with a little "oh that's nice, whatever" every once in a while. You will soon have her eating out of your hand and doing the sort of nasty shiznit that you secretly fantasize about.

STOP being a FRIEND to these hos, that's not the way to get them. Repeat after me, DarkCecil: YOU WILL NEVER GET A GIRL BY BEING HER FRIEND/CONFIDANT - YOU WILL ONLY GET THE LURID DETAILS OF HOW HER LATEST ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND IS fuckING HER OVER, LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY. Those happy endings where the nice guy gets the girl? Only in the movies. You guys are being the reverse of the $$$ hag. You're being the "friend". I'm straight talkin' with you now not to put you down, but to help you avoid those painful incidents in the future.

"Her boyfriend is a frat boy and a douche, she tells me all about it during our hour long conversations blah blah blah." Well duh, why do you think she's with him? Because he's a bad boy, an asshole, "dangerous" and she loves getting treated like shit, ignored, etc. because she had a bad relationship with daddy who wasn't there enough and will do anything to please him. You guys need to go rent the movie "Just Friends" A.S.A.fucking.P. and MAN THE SHAQ-FU UP.
 
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[quote name='Rasen']Was that 4 inches fully erect, because otherwise, you're really mean.

Scratch that, you're really mean anyway. But at least we'll know whether you have crazy standards of size.[/quote]


Where did you go after lilboo told you to leave?
 
[quote name='chasemurata']Where did you go after lilboo told you to leave?[/quote]

BWAHAHAHAHA!!! /rimshot

Lilboo, you size queen LOLOL!!!
 
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[quote name='karkyco']You should have told her "She can come too."

Jeeze, some of you guys, come on now. You are reading into things too much. "We talked for hours, she would talk only to me, she gave me extra toppings, she brushed her arm against mine and I creamed my pants..." Jesus fucking Christ. You are seeing things that aren't there, wishing for signs that aren't there, just seeing what you want to and believing what you want to. Don't let your mind play tricks on you - play it cool and be DISINTERESTED in the girl. Ignore her for the most part, but bait her/string her along with a little "oh that's nice, whatever" every once in a while. You will soon have her eating out of your hand and doing the sort of nasty shiznit that you secretly fantasize about.

STOP being a FRIEND to these hos, that's not the way to get them. Repeat after me, DarkCecil: YOU WILL NEVER GET A GIRL BY BEING HER FRIEND/CONFIDANT - YOU WILL ONLY GET THE LURID DETAILS OF HOW HER LATEST ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND IS fuckING HER OVER, LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY. Those happy endings where the nice guy gets the girl? Only in the movies. You guys are being the reverse of the $$$ hag. You're being the "friend". I'm straight talkin' with you now not to put you down, but to help you avoid those painful incidents in the future.

"Her boyfriend is a frat boy and a douche, she tells me all about it during our hour long conversations blah blah blah." Well duh, why do you think she's with him? Because he's a bad boy, an asshole, "dangerous" and she loves getting treated like shit, ignored, etc. because she had a bad relationship with daddy who wasn't there enough and will do anything to please him. You guys need to go rent the movie "Just Friends" A.S.A.fucking.P. and MAN THE SHAQ-FU UP.[/quote]


Fission mailed.




Oh, and also, predicted failure: some Christian/Catholic/generally religious girl I'm trying to get recently became my MySpace friend. Probably won't help that my autoplay song is fuck Your God by Deicide.
 
[quote name='karkyco']You should have told her "She can come too."

Jeeze, some of you guys, come on now. You are reading into things too much. "We talked for hours, she would talk only to me, she gave me extra toppings, she brushed her arm against mine and I creamed my pants..." Jesus fucking Christ. You are seeing things that aren't there, wishing for signs that aren't there, just seeing what you want to and believing what you want to. Don't let your mind play tricks on you - play it cool and be DISINTERESTED in the girl. Ignore her for the most part, but bait her/string her along with a little "oh that's nice, whatever" every once in a while. You will soon have her eating out of your hand and doing the sort of nasty shiznit that you secretly fantasize about.

STOP being a FRIEND to these hos, that's not the way to get them. Repeat after me, DarkCecil: YOU WILL NEVER GET A GIRL BY BEING HER FRIEND/CONFIDANT - YOU WILL ONLY GET THE LURID DETAILS OF HOW HER LATEST ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND IS fuckING HER OVER, LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY. Those happy endings where the nice guy gets the girl? Only in the movies. You guys are being the reverse of the $$$ hag. You're being the "friend". I'm straight talkin' with you now not to put you down, but to help you avoid those painful incidents in the future.

"Her boyfriend is a frat boy and a douche, she tells me all about it during our hour long conversations blah blah blah." Well duh, why do you think she's with him? Because he's a bad boy, an asshole, "dangerous" and she loves getting treated like shit, ignored, etc. because she had a bad relationship with daddy who wasn't there enough and will do anything to please him. You guys need to go rent the movie "Just Friends" A.S.A.fucking.P. and MAN THE SHAQ-FU UP.[/quote]

Trust me, I've read things like ladder theory. I've read all the tips to getting girls (being a bad ass, ignoring them). The ignoring part isn't so bad, but I'm not a bad ass. Thing is, I'm just nice by nature. I control my aggression better than probably 99% of people out there. Most people that even knew me remotely well, whether male or female, would tell me in high school that I was probably the nicest single person they knew. I hate pretense and don't want to pretend being something I'm not.

That's not to say I haven't tried changing. I used to hate going shopping for clothes because I didn't want to spend money/hate being THAT superficial. But I've changed that. I'm working out steadily now. A lot of people are starting to tell me that I'm starting to become "ripped," but I know I'm not even close to where I want to be. I'm just striving to get there.

I've always been a late bloomer in life when it comes to social things, but the thing is, outside of girls, I've always managed to get where I wanted to be eventually. Slow and steady wins the race. I hate the friends ladder as much as anyone, but I can't be forceful and aggressive. I can't be something I'm not. I know nice guys always finish last. I've been lambasted by friends and foes alike for this for years.
 
[quote name='darkcecil32']Trust me, I've read things like ladder theory. I've read all the tips to getting girls (being a bad ass, ignoring them). The ignoring part isn't so bad, but I'm not a bad ass. Thing is, I'm just nice by nature. I control my aggression better than probably 99% of people out there. Most people that even knew me remotely well, whether male or female, would tell me in high school that I was probably the nicest single person they knew. I hate pretense and don't want to pretend being something I'm not.

That's not to say I haven't tried changing. I used to hate going shopping for clothes because I didn't want to spend money/hate being THAT superficial. But I've changed that. I'm working out steadily now. A lot of people are starting to tell me that I'm starting to become "ripped," but I know I'm not even close to where I want to be. I'm just striving to get there.

I've always been a late bloomer in life when it comes to social things, but the thing is, outside of girls, I've always managed to get where I wanted to be eventually. Slow and steady wins the race. I hate the friends ladder as much as anyone, but I can't be forceful and aggressive. I can't be something I'm not. I know nice guys always finish last. I've been lambasted by friends and foes alike for this for years.[/quote]

Nah but you don't have to be "bad ass" or pretend to be "bad ass". Late bloomer, shy, none of that matters. And no, you don't have to be a total asshole/mysoginist either, just not fall into the habit that too many guys fall into where a girl can control and play them, whether intentionally or not (on both sides). It's good to know you're nice, I can tell from your posts...I just don't like seeing nice people get put in the meat grinder, that's the reason for my "tough love". Your comments also indicate you got a good head on your shoulders - you have all the time in the world, late bloomers do well. Slow and steady does indeed win the race...especially since all so many of the early bloomers will have fallen by the wayside and many of the girls you thought were desirable will be weeded out for you. Just don't waste time on the ones that want to be friends, that want you to do something for them, be it physics homework, buying them a fancy meal, whatever - you do that for the ONE.

I just felt bad when I read your story and the drill sargeant in me gets fired up, sorry. I've just seen that sort of thing happen to a lot of friends that have come and gone in life, where they get played and will do anything for a girl, who pretty much couldn't care less and has them wrapped around her finger.

One good friend of mine and I were different, we always had girlfriends growing up and never had much in the way of problems with getting girls, and over the years I've thought about why as I looked at other friends who weren't so successful and I realized that both my friend and I that had success, we were cool with and nice to everyone (meaning we weren't assholes/bullies to the less fortunate, nerdy, whatever...we had friends from all the cliques), didn't mock people, we played sports and did well in school, and were generally well liked all around. But the big difference was, we didn't kiss anyone or any group's ass, and were pretty indifferent about the whole junior high and high school scene. We didn't think that those days would be the "best" of our lives, we had bigger plans and understood this was just a stop in the journey. It was actually a hell of a lot of fun, but still just, no big deal.

We didn't care about whether we belonged to a group or thought our membership in any particular group was anything important. I think that "don't give a damn" attitude was the big difference. Almost everyone else was trying too damn hard, even if they were pretending not to be trying. Gotta have confidence (but not arrogance) in yourself, not worry about what some dime a dozen girl or guy or group thinks, just do your thing. THAT is what makes the big difference. It sounds to me like you got it, though, and will do just fine. Me, I'm 15 years out of high school, light years away from that world, married to a gorgeous lady inside and out with the most amazing baby daughter now. Life, what a trip it is. Anyway, I've totally EPIC FAILED in this thread and hujacked it, let me at least find the Tucker Max story for you guys (the one about the fish restaurant date and doing it in the butt, only to have massive spewage).
 
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[quote name='Rasen']Was that 4 inches fully erect, because otherwise, you're really mean.

Scratch that, you're really mean anyway. But at least we'll know whether you have crazy standards of size.[/QUOTE]

4 inches ERECT.
Crazy standards of size?
Please. PLEASE. Not only was this NOT very long, this was also VERY THIN.

I've been with PLENTY of gentlemen callers and I have NEVER seen anything like that. Most of the ones I've been with have been NORMAL.. ya know like in the 6-7 zone. I was with someone smaller, like around the "5ish" inch.. but at least he had some girth to himself. If you are small AND thin then you really should just consider yourself being gay AND being a bottom since you'll never please anyone with a dick like that.

[quote name='chasemurata']Where did you go after lilboo told you to leave?[/QUOTE]

:rofl: :rofl:
 
When I first started dating my lady over 3 years ago she had just broken up with her boyfriend like a week earlier.

So first we go see Star Wars III, after I talk to her a few times after meeting her at a party. It goes well I am a little drunk, and my friend dripped nacho cheese in hair on accident. Then the next date she comes over and we watch something.

Then about 3 or 4 days later she comes over to my apartment where we are going to to make dinner and watch a movie. My other roomates are home and having a party and the kitchen is gross, so we decide to go back to her place.

So we get there around 11, make a late dinner and watch a movie. At about 1am we fool around for a bit. She lays in her bed with a t-shirt and underwear on. I sit on the floor and talk to her.

After about 2 hours I hear a noise and look up........

See some huge dude (I am 5'9 and like 138 lbs this dude is like 6'3 240-50 lbs). I have no clue who this guy randomly standing in the doorway is. I say, "what's up" and I don't think i get past "wh.." cuz dude comes in and starts hitting me in the face ALOT. I am really tired and never been in a fight before, and had no idea it was comming so I basically was frozen and just kept telling him to calm the fuck down. And by that time I realize...."oh, this must be her ex-boyfriend".

So he punches me like 10 times. My girlfriend is screaming and jumping on his back. Then he throws her off punches me a few more times and then throws me into a huge poster frame, and cuts my hand open. He then punches me some more, and then grabs me by the neck and slams me against a wall. Holds me by the neck and then
punches me some more
. Chokes me for about 30 seconds. a few more punches. All these were to the face. I am pretty sure he was just an unemployed alcoholic--he wasn't in shape or skilled at fighting and probably drunk, so he never knocked me down or out. I get lose and run down to the parking lot. I can't think of what to do and I hear her yell, "Go!". He looks at me and this is the first thing he has said me yet says, "hey dude come back up here". Yeah that is going to happen

So I get in my car thinking I will drive to my apartment and get a crew of people from the party still going on at my apartment. Drive to the end of the parking lot almost pass out and puke out the door for about a minute. So bleeding from my mouth, vomit on my chin, huge black eye, red-necked, sick, cut up hand,and shoeless I drive back to my place.

Gather up some of my friends, who are all slightly drunk and confused, and tell them we got to go now. My one friend was really drunk was all about and pumped, and then we get outside and he's passed on still in our living room.

Well she's already outside. Apparently he left after breaking like 500 dollars of her shit, and she just ran out the door as he was still screaming at her.

This is my worst date and also the most-trashy incident I have ever been involved in.

Epilogue: His mom argee to write her a 500 dollar check, and he spent the night in jail. I tried to convince his mom that I had a psp in my pocket (they had just come out and wanted one) that it had broke. She wanted to see it, but I said I sent it for "repairs". She wasn't buying it...damn.
He's a dumbass and talked shit to people that were kinda mutal friends. Then moved away and become a loser somewhere else. As for me and that girl..... we live together and are engaged, and have 3 wonderful cats.
 
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:cry:

Oh my God gareman, that is just God awful. I think we have a winner with your story, not in a good way. Man.

But to lighten the mood, though I'm sure everyone has read it, here's the Tucker Max story for lulz:

http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/e...ies_buttsex_hilarity_does_not_ensue.phtml#278

Or the infamous 'hammies' story:

Well, I debated all day whether I should share with all of you what happened to me last night, so since I can't tell my family i'll tell my fellow juicing family my story. Ok so yesterday was my cheat day. Probably put away about 8k cals including a lot of alcohol last night.

Im at the usual weekend frat parties and i've been talking to this girl for the majority of the night. She's 19, so still a little on the immature side, but im only 21 so its all good. Anyway i've talked to this girl a few times before, and to make a long story short I ended up going back with her to her dorm. About another 8shots later, we end up fooling around on her bed, didnt bang her, but did pretty much everything else.

So about 10min's into her giving me head, I had to drop the fattest shit in my life. All my meals were followed by 3tsp of metamucil so I could get lots of fiber in me to combat the carbs a little. Anyway im holdin my #2 in and finally it goes away. We both end up passing out on her bed, she's butt naked and im in my boxers. I must have passed out about 10min after she did around 3am.

I wake up at about 8am to piss and I find myself covered in shit. Im thinking WTF, and what happened was I shit myself when I was sleeping. It was all over the bed, sheets,etc.... Im freakin out so I did the most horrible thing in the world. She's sleeping with her back towards me, so I take my boxers off, scoop up some shit and gently smear it on the inside of her butt, her lower back, and a little on the back of her hammies.

I get dressed and leave LOL. This poor girl is gonna think she did it. I didnt know what else to do though. Anyway, im really gonna have to avoid her and I have no clue what im gonna do when I end up running into her.
 
[quote name='karkyco']You should have told her "She can come too."

Jeeze, some of you guys, come on now. You are reading into things too much. "We talked for hours, she would talk only to me, she gave me extra toppings, she brushed her arm against mine and I creamed my pants..." Jesus fucking Christ. You are seeing things that aren't there, wishing for signs that aren't there, just seeing what you want to and believing what you want to. Don't let your mind play tricks on you - play it cool and be DISINTERESTED in the girl. Ignore her for the most part, but bait her/string her along with a little "oh that's nice, whatever" every once in a while. You will soon have her eating out of your hand and doing the sort of nasty shiznit that you secretly fantasize about.

STOP being a FRIEND to these hos, that's not the way to get them. Repeat after me, DarkCecil: YOU WILL NEVER GET A GIRL BY BEING HER FRIEND/CONFIDANT - YOU WILL ONLY GET THE LURID DETAILS OF HOW HER LATEST ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND IS fuckING HER OVER, LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY. Those happy endings where the nice guy gets the girl? Only in the movies. You guys are being the reverse of the $$$ hag. You're being the "friend". I'm straight talkin' with you now not to put you down, but to help you avoid those painful incidents in the future.

"Her boyfriend is a frat boy and a douche, she tells me all about it during our hour long conversations blah blah blah." Well duh, why do you think she's with him? Because he's a bad boy, an asshole, "dangerous" and she loves getting treated like shit, ignored, etc. because she had a bad relationship with daddy who wasn't there enough and will do anything to please him. You guys need to go rent the movie "Just Friends" A.S.A.fucking.P. and MAN THE SHAQ-FU UP.[/quote]

Sadly true...
 
[quote name='karkyco']:cry:

Oh my God gareman, that is just God awful. I think we have a winner with your story, not in a good way. Man.

But to lighten the mood, though I'm sure everyone has read it, here's the Tucker Max story for lulz:

http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/e...ies_buttsex_hilarity_does_not_ensue.phtml#278

Or the infamous 'hammies' story:

Well, I debated all day whether I should share with all of you what happened to me last night, so since I can't tell my family i'll tell my fellow juicing family my story. Ok so yesterday was my cheat day. Probably put away about 8k cals including a lot of alcohol last night.

Im at the usual weekend frat parties and i've been talking to this girl for the majority of the night. She's 19, so still a little on the immature side, but im only 21 so its all good. Anyway i've talked to this girl a few times before, and to make a long story short I ended up going back with her to her dorm. About another 8shots later, we end up fooling around on her bed, didnt bang her, but did pretty much everything else.

So about 10min's into her giving me head, I had to drop the fattest shit in my life. All my meals were followed by 3tsp of metamucil so I could get lots of fiber in me to combat the carbs a little. Anyway im holdin my #2 in and finally it goes away. We both end up passing out on her bed, she's butt naked and im in my boxers. I must have passed out about 10min after she did around 3am.

I wake up at about 8am to piss and I find myself covered in shit. Im thinking WTF, and what happened was I shit myself when I was sleeping. It was all over the bed, sheets,etc.... Im freakin out so I did the most horrible thing in the world. She's sleeping with her back towards me, so I take my boxers off, scoop up some shit and gently smear it on the inside of her butt, her lower back, and a little on the back of her hammies.

I get dressed and leave LOL. This poor girl is gonna think she did it. I didnt know what else to do though. Anyway, im really gonna have to avoid her and I have no clue what im gonna do when I end up running into her.[/quote]

Holy fucking shit there is no words in the english vocabulary to describe how awesome/awful/funny this is
 
[quote name='karkyco']You should have told her "She can come too."

Jeeze, some of you guys, come on now. You are reading into things too much. "We talked for hours, she would talk only to me, she gave me extra toppings, she brushed her arm against mine and I creamed my pants..." Jesus fucking Christ. You are seeing things that aren't there, wishing for signs that aren't there, just seeing what you want to and believing what you want to. Don't let your mind play tricks on you - play it cool and be DISINTERESTED in the girl. Ignore her for the most part, but bait her/string her along with a little "oh that's nice, whatever" every once in a while. You will soon have her eating out of your hand and doing the sort of nasty shiznit that you secretly fantasize about.

STOP being a FRIEND to these hos, that's not the way to get them. Repeat after me, DarkCecil: YOU WILL NEVER GET A GIRL BY BEING HER FRIEND/CONFIDANT - YOU WILL ONLY GET THE LURID DETAILS OF HOW HER LATEST ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND IS fuckING HER OVER, LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY. Those happy endings where the nice guy gets the girl? Only in the movies. You guys are being the reverse of the $$$ hag. You're being the "friend". I'm straight talkin' with you now not to put you down, but to help you avoid those painful incidents in the future.

"Her boyfriend is a frat boy and a douche, she tells me all about it during our hour long conversations blah blah blah." Well duh, why do you think she's with him? Because he's a bad boy, an asshole, "dangerous" and she loves getting treated like shit, ignored, etc. because she had a bad relationship with daddy who wasn't there enough and will do anything to please him. You guys need to go rent the movie "Just Friends" A.S.A.fucking.P. and MAN THE SHAQ-FU UP.[/quote]

I agree with you, however, this mainly applies to countries such as America, Canada, and other European nations, where everyone is so fucked in the head, they don't really know what they want.

... and that's why I don't really date anyone but foreigners. It's a curse and a blessing.
 
[quote name='Short Round']Was there a second date?

Edit: Awesome story, regardless.[/quote]
Hahaha, you'll be happy to hear that there were many more encounters after that. I don't kiss and tell ... unless you get me drunk. :lol:
 
I think I hate Full_Throttle.

Also, now that it has started, I expect nothing but stories about shitting from this thread. It's the "Embarresing Moments" thread all over again.
 
[quote name='ananag112']The thread isbBest and worst date stories. Why are all of these posts about worst date stories?[/quote]

Try reading it again.
 
[quote name='karkyco']You should have told her "She can come too."

Jeeze, some of you guys, come on now. You are reading into things too much. "We talked for hours, she would talk only to me, she gave me extra toppings, she brushed her arm against mine and I creamed my pants..." Jesus fucking Christ. You are seeing things that aren't there, wishing for signs that aren't there, just seeing what you want to and believing what you want to. Don't let your mind play tricks on you - play it cool and be DISINTERESTED in the girl. Ignore her for the most part, but bait her/string her along with a little "oh that's nice, whatever" every once in a while. You will soon have her eating out of your hand and doing the sort of nasty shiznit that you secretly fantasize about.

STOP being a FRIEND to these hos, that's not the way to get them. Repeat after me, DarkCecil: YOU WILL NEVER GET A GIRL BY BEING HER FRIEND/CONFIDANT - YOU WILL ONLY GET THE LURID DETAILS OF HOW HER LATEST ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND IS fuckING HER OVER, LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY. Those happy endings where the nice guy gets the girl? Only in the movies. You guys are being the reverse of the $$$ hag. You're being the "friend". I'm straight talkin' with you now not to put you down, but to help you avoid those painful incidents in the future.

"Her boyfriend is a frat boy and a douche, she tells me all about it during our hour long conversations blah blah blah." Well duh, why do you think she's with him? Because he's a bad boy, an asshole, "dangerous" and she loves getting treated like shit, ignored, etc. because she had a bad relationship with daddy who wasn't there enough and will do anything to please him. You guys need to go rent the movie "Just Friends" A.S.A.fucking.P. and MAN THE SHAQ-FU UP.[/QUOTE]


Dude..... It's not like I went and cried about it at home. It was just quite the shock that she said that. And I'm married now so it's not like it scarred me for life.
 
[quote name='lilboo']4 inches ERECT.
Crazy standards of size?
Please. PLEASE. Not only was this NOT very long, this was also VERY THIN.

I've been with PLENTY of gentlemen callers and I have NEVER seen anything like that. Most of the ones I've been with have been NORMAL.. ya know like in the 6-7 zone. I was with someone smaller, like around the "5ish" inch.. but at least he had some girth to himself. If you are small AND thin then you really should just consider yourself being gay AND being a bottom since you'll never please anyone with a dick like that.[/quote]

I love lilboo. :rofl:
 
[quote name='Synergy']I love lilboo. :rofl:[/QUOTE]

Seriously -- I was dying from his first post, but then when the term "gentlemen callers" came up, I almost fell over :lol:

[quote name='Jesus_S_Preston']I think I hate Full_Throttle.

Also, now that it has started, I expect nothing but stories about shitting from this thread. It's the "Embarresing Moments" thread all over again.[/QUOTE]

Alright, here's one from a friend of mine -- my friend spent the night at the house of this guy he was seeing. So the guy went to work, and my friend gets up to take a shit -- but when he tried to flush, he found out the toilet was broken. So, after panicking that his bf is gonna find his hot log in the shitter, he ran out to the living room and grabbed -- a fishnet from the guy's aquarium. He scooped up his mess, dropped it into the other bathroom, and ran like hell :)


I personally haven't had any really bad dates, but I remember getting pretty drunk at a party, and the friend I was with was talking to a cute girl. Well, since my friend has no interest in girls, I decided to let him introduce me. Turns out it was a girl he had class with, and after the party, her and her roommate invited us to come spend the night at their dorm. We agreed, and went over...a couple of other people came too, so we played some games and drank. The girl sat next to me the whole time, we were drinking out of each other's cups, and just kinda being close. Well, somehow the topic came up of how my friend came out to his family; the girl then went on to tell her coming out story. I was pretty shit-faced, but it didn't take long for shock and disappointment to set in at that realization.
 
[quote name='Dead of Knight']The guy had a W '04 bumper sticker on his car.

I ended up dating him for a bit over a year. Big mistake, that. Should've run away when I saw the damn bumper sticker.[/quote]

See, this is the difference between men and women. The OP knew to make the right decision immediately, you took a fucking year.
 
[quote name='karkyco']:lol::applause:, that combined move is called the Grumper (or was it Growler)?

Here's a story my friend told me once growing up, his name's Jeff Lawrence Cohen, but we all called him Chunk for short. Back in junior high school, he was really interested in this girl who was playing him with that "just friends" bullshit, asking him to do her homework and whatnot.

Meanwhile, she's dating this jock. So Chunk asks here to see this popular movie that had just come out that weekend, I think it was Back to the Future. She tells him "sorry, I'm already going to Friday night to the 7 pm showing with my BOYFRIEND. I'm just not interested in you like that, I just want to be friends."

Well that did it for my boy Chunk - he finally snapped and had it with this fake ass beeyotch. He had a bunch of gag joke items, and went that Friday to the movie with some fake vomit and Morning Breeze (NASTY smelling stink bomb spray). The balcony was closed down for the show, but he snuck up there, spotted his dream girl making out with the other boy, and started making noises like he was heaving/gagging and about to throw up. Then he threw the fake vomit down onto the audience and especially at the girl and boy, and sprayed the stink spray down on the audience.

All of a sudden, everyone in the audience started gagging and throwing up on each other. The boy puked right on the girl face - BULLSEYE.

Although, I do doubt the veracity and validity of his story...I could swear I've heard it before, elsewhere.;)[/quote]

You're fucking old.
 
I met a girl on Myspace once. The rule of Myspace is that a girl is only as pretty as her worst Myspace picture. That rule only was only erected after the incident.

She used to get free Mets tickets and she wanted to me go with her but meet her parents first. I said fuck that because I didn't even know the girl enough to meet any parents yet. So we just decided to meet and hang out once on September 1st, 2005. I lived in Newark, NJ and she lived a one minute train ride over in Harrison. I told her I'd take the train to Harrison and take her back to my house since I didn't have a car.

When I get to Harrison I make up the rule in my head. I was immediately turned off but I'm a nice guy. We went up to my room and watched The OC and I remember kissing her to at least get something. As I got close I noticed brown mustache hairs on her lip. I told her my parents were coming home and I walked her back to Penn Station and said bye from as far away as possible. I had a fantasy baseball draft that night and I would have missed it if she was a fine piece but not enough for that.
 
[quote name='crunchb3rry']This thread got me thinking, anyone ever see the Bloodninja thing? It's like a chat log of this hillarious guy's cybersex chat logs.

http://people.ambrosiasw.com/~andrew/funny/bloodcyber.html

Warning: may caused pissed pants and bystanders to think you are crying.[/quote]


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

j_gurli13: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass.
j_gurli13: stop, cmon be serious.
Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
Click to expand...
 
[quote name='karkyco']:lol::applause:, that combined move is called the Grumper (or was it Growler)?

Here's a story my friend told me once growing up, his name's Jeff Lawrence Cohen, but we all called him Chunk for short. Back in junior high school, he was really interested in this girl who was playing him with that "just friends" bullshit, asking him to do her homework and whatnot.

Meanwhile, she's dating this jock. So Chunk asks here to see this popular movie that had just come out that weekend, I think it was Back to the Future. She tells him "sorry, I'm already going to Friday night to the 7 pm showing with my BOYFRIEND. I'm just not interested in you like that, I just want to be friends."

Well that did it for my boy Chunk - he finally snapped and had it with this fake ass beeyotch. He had a bunch of gag joke items, and went that Friday to the movie with some fake vomit and Morning Breeze (NASTY smelling stink bomb spray). The balcony was closed down for the show, but he snuck up there, spotted his dream girl making out with the other boy, and started making noises like he was heaving/gagging and about to throw up. Then he threw the fake vomit down onto the audience and especially at the girl and boy, and sprayed the stink spray down on the audience.

All of a sudden, everyone in the audience started gagging and throwing up on each other. The boy puked right on the girl face - BULLSEYE.

Although, I do doubt the veracity and validity of his story...I could swear I've heard it before, elsewhere.;)[/quote]

Yeah, Goonies.
 
[quote name='crunchb3rry']This thread got me thinking, anyone ever see the Bloodninja thing? It's like a chat log of this hillarious guy's cybersex chat logs.

http://people.ambrosiasw.com/~andrew/funny/bloodcyber.html

Warning: may caused pissed pants and bystanders to think you are crying.[/quote]

Wow, that's so great. It's not every day that something online actually makes me laught out loud.
 
[quote name='karkyco']

Although, I do doubt the veracity and validity of his story...I could swear I've heard it before, elsewhere.;)[/quote]


you sure your friend didnt end up seeing the Goonies instead of Back to the Future?
 
[quote name='Filbert']Wow, that's so great. It's not every day that something online actually makes me laught out loud.[/quote]


Seriously, that really made me cry I was laughing so hard at some of those.
 
Short but sweet one for the midwesterners.

Blind date with no chemistry, and I spend half the night trying to hit a conversation point we can at least talk for longer than 5 seconds about. I find out she actually likes to sit and watch football with her family. So I'm at least a little encouraged by this until.....

I'm a Bears fan. She's a Packers fan.

CHECK PLEASE!
 
[quote name='theHeat']I agree with you, however, this mainly applies to countries such as America, Canada, and other European nations, where everyone is so fucked in the head, they don't really know what they want.

... and that's why I don't really date anyone but foreigners. It's a curse and a blessing.[/quote]

;-;
 
[quote name='Jesus_S_Preston']That story was terrible and you should feel terrible.[/QUOTE]

It's ok, I'm a terrible person. Wanna fuck?
 
^ @ Full_Throttle
LMAO - I couldn't help but laugh at your descriptions. Very vivid. But y'know...you'd probably have a better chance of getting better chicks if you don't go for Myspace girls - chances are they're ugly sluts :T
^ @ Theduck
Again, never trust Myspace
^ @ jaykrue
...err...that picture scarred me for life. Must be the same one Full_Throttle was referring to..

My word of advice: don't be so shallow looking up Myspace girls like that. Chances are they're ugly sluts. The only way you'll find a great (& beautiful) girl is if you get to know one in person, like from school or work or something. Honestly, the only reason any girl would resort to getting Myspace dates is better they're an ugly slut.
 
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[quote name='karkyco']STOP being a FRIEND to these hos, that's not the way to get them. Repeat after me, DarkCecil: YOU WILL NEVER GET A GIRL BY BEING HER FRIEND/CONFIDANT - YOU WILL ONLY GET THE LURID DETAILS OF HOW HER LATEST ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND IS fuckING HER OVER, LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY. Those happy endings where the nice guy gets the girl? Only in the movies. You guys are being the reverse of the $$$ hag. You're being the "friend". I'm straight talkin' with you now not to put you down, but to help you avoid those painful incidents in the future.

[/quote]
Shiiiiiit I got more of my female friends trying to throw Power-U my way then a little bit. When i was younger the friend zone sucked now its like damn. I dont really have any bad first date stories. Oh shhhhhh i just remember this one. It not a bad story but its pretty wild. I was talking to this girl i knew for a while. i was young a senior in high school. My mom was going out early on a saturday. So i would have the house to myself so i thought so i told her to come over. She was like ok. So i had everything set she was into videogames so it was beautiful. For some reason my little sis and cousin was there. So she came over and i bribed them a dollar to stay quiet.(they didnt but its cool) So she brought over Toshinden 3 which was cool. Nsfw
We was playing that and i bust out the im ready to fuck line "Why dont you get more comfortable" So she gets down to her bra and panties:drool:. Im like yes im bout to.......OH fuck. I hear my little brother's knock at the door. He was with my mom so she was on the way in the house. I got a half naked chick in my bed so it wasn't gonna look good. I told her to hide in the closet and just chill. 10 mins past and i took her to my friends house and then to my basement. My family left and went to the mall. I was thanking god:pray:. i banged that girl all day until she had to go home. It didnt last long but me and her had some amazing sex. She is one of the reasons i used to skip school all the time.
I wonder what happened to her:whistle2:k.
 
[quote name='Jesus_S_Preston']I don't know, how big is your vag?[/QUOTE]

This feels like the start of our own worst first date story. Spread em little one.
 
[quote name='karkyco']:cry:

I had to drop the fattest shit in my life. We both end up passing out on her bed, she's butt naked and im in my boxers.
I wake up at about 8am to piss and I find myself covered in shit. Im thinking WTF, and what happened was I shit myself when I was sleeping. It was all over the bed, sheets,etc.... Im freakin out so I did the most horrible thing in the world. She's sleeping with her back towards me, so I take my boxers off, scoop up some shit and gently smear it on the inside of her butt, her lower back, and a little on the back of her hammies.

I get dressed and leave LOL. This poor girl is gonna think she did it. I didnt know what else to do though. [/quote]


LOL.:rofl::rofl:
welikethamoonym3.gif
 
[quote name='karkyco']Nah but you don't have to be "bad ass" or pretend to be "bad ass". Late bloomer, shy, none of that matters. And no, you don't have to be a total asshole/mysoginist either, just not fall into the habit that too many guys fall into where a girl can control and play them, whether intentionally or not (on both sides). It's good to know you're nice, I can tell from your posts...I just don't like seeing nice people get put in the meat grinder, that's the reason for my "tough love". Your comments also indicate you got a good head on your shoulders - you have all the time in the world, late bloomers do well. Slow and steady does indeed win the race...especially since all so many of the early bloomers will have fallen by the wayside and many of the girls you thought were desirable will be weeded out for you. Just don't waste time on the ones that want to be friends, that want you to do something for them, be it physics homework, buying them a fancy meal, whatever - you do that for the ONE.

I just felt bad when I read your story and the drill sargeant in me gets fired up, sorry. I've just seen that sort of thing happen to a lot of friends that have come and gone in life, where they get played and will do anything for a girl, who pretty much couldn't care less and has them wrapped around her finger.

One good friend of mine and I were different, we always had girlfriends growing up and never had much in the way of problems with getting girls, and over the years I've thought about why as I looked at other friends who weren't so successful and I realized that both my friend and I that had success, we were cool with and nice to everyone (meaning we weren't assholes/bullies to the less fortunate, nerdy, whatever...we had friends from all the cliques), didn't mock people, we played sports and did well in school, and were generally well liked all around. But the big difference was, we didn't kiss anyone or any group's ass, and were pretty indifferent about the whole junior high and high school scene. We didn't think that those days would be the "best" of our lives, we had bigger plans and understood this was just a stop in the journey. It was actually a hell of a lot of fun, but still just, no big deal.

We didn't care about whether we belonged to a group or thought our membership in any particular group was anything important. I think that "don't give a damn" attitude was the big difference. Almost everyone else was trying too damn hard, even if they were pretending not to be trying. Gotta have confidence (but not arrogance) in yourself, not worry about what some dime a dozen girl or guy or group thinks, just do your thing. THAT is what makes the big difference. It sounds to me like you got it, though, and will do just fine. Me, I'm 15 years out of high school, light years away from that world, married to a gorgeous lady inside and out with the most amazing baby daughter now. Life, what a trip it is. Anyway, I've totally EPIC FAILED in this thread and hujacked it, let me at least find the Tucker Max story for you guys (the one about the fish restaurant date and doing it in the butt, only to have massive spewage).[/quote]

Ugh, my internets been screwy for the last week. Finally stable now. No worries man I'm used to getting the tough love approach from a lot of my friends when it comes to things like these. I know you're just trying to help, and I appreciate it.

I've always been a bit different with things I've wanted than other people. A ton of people (including one kid who used to beat me up when I was little) always told me things like I could have been popular if I had only tried, blah blah blah...but the fact is I just didn't care. Getting a girl is the one thing that's been on my mind that I've just really struggled with.

I guess that one of these days I'll just have to man up and just ask. It's not that I'm afraid of rejection as much as I go in expecting it. I have really low self-confidence for no particular reason, and have always been lambasted heavily for it. And it's pretty funny, most people (read: people other than my friends) usually tell me things like I can do a lot better than the girl I aim for. I guess the closest I've come so far is having a prom date who I could've fucked, but I really wasn't that physically attracted to her, we were always just good friends.
 
[quote name='lilboo']4 inches ERECT.
Crazy standards of size?
Please. PLEASE. Not only was this NOT very long, this was also VERY THIN.

I've been with PLENTY of gentlemen callers and I have NEVER seen anything like that. Most of the ones I've been with have been NORMAL.. ya know like in the 6-7 zone. I was with someone smaller, like around the "5ish" inch.. but at least he had some girth to himself. If you are small AND thin then you really should just consider yourself being gay AND being a bottom since you'll never please anyone with a dick like that.



:rofl: :rofl:[/quote]


I'm confused, aren't you a guy? And if you are gay, then wasn't the guy you were doing it with gay also... why should he consider himself to be gay if he is.
 
[quote name='bardiya27']I'm confused, aren't you a guy? And if you are gay, then wasn't the guy you were doing it with gay also... why should he consider himself to be gay if he is.[/QUOTE]

It's a general statement, wasn't meant about HIM
 
[quote name='cindersphere']Well I started dating this woman when I was younger, unfortunately she was 26 and I was a senior in high school. Long story short she ended up being my substitute teacher for a little over a week. One of the more weirder experiences of my life. We ended up breaking off our little illicit love affair a month later. Although it was kinda cool dating my teacher for a while.[/quote]

did you hit it?
 
[quote name='thesimplicity']After taking a girl to a rather nice French fusion restaurant in Philadelphia a long while back, I realized that something about the meal was off. In a split second I went from feeling fine to vomiting uncontrollably.

On her. Mid coitus.

The worst part was that I panicked, threw my clothes on, and ran out of her apartment without saying a word. I never heard from her again. It was our first date.

:([/quote]

we have a winnnnaaaaaa
 
[quote name='lilboo']:lol:.. trying not to get too detailed here.

Met a guy online. He was surprisingly better looking then his picture he sent me. That very rarely happens. So we go to his house and chill for awhile. We do our thing (:cool:) and then we hear his mom come in. He FLIPS. Apparently, no one knew about him. He's like "WAIT HERE" and pretty much HID me under his sheets. About 10 minutes goes by, and he comes back and he's like ::pANIC ATTACK::..so, long story short the plan was to CLIMB OUT THE WINDOW, ONTO THE ROOF, LOWER MYSELF ON THE GARAGE, AND JUMP OFF THE GARAGE and go wait LAYING DOWN in the backseat of his car.

....And I did it, :lol:

Yet After ALL that, I'm the one who didn't get called back. But really, it's hard to date/fuck someone at their parents house when they aren't out yet.

--

Another time, I was with someone and I was horny so I decided to get what was rightfully mine. He was acting like a fool, and giving me a hard time. Like.. who cares that we just met? STFU and pull that shit out. So, eventually I got that to come out.

:roll:

This had to be the smallest motha fuckin dick I EVER seen. This had to be no bigger then 4 inches. Oh, my GOD. AND.. AND it was like ::pENCIL:: thin. I looked at him and went Seriously? What in the world do you expect me to do with THIS?

Proceedeed to LOL in his face and asked him to leave.[/quote]

i need to see a picture of you haha
 
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