Calling armchair psychologists

kevlar51

kevlar51

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I've got a question about my friend's fiancee. At her base, she's a very rude an immature person--obsessed with money and status and assumes everyone else is too, so I'm biased.

She lives with my friend, and together they have hosted a few recent parties--a holiday party, new year's party and had people over to watch our beloved Redskins lose. At each of these get-togethers she announced to everyone that she was going to bed early, hugged everyone goodbye, including her friends who knew only her, and went to bed. I figured it was rude at the holiday party, strange at the new year's party and concerning at the playoffs party (because she went to bed at 7:30). She didn't have anything to do the next day for any of these.

Anyone know if this is some kind of powertrip thing? Is it a documented trait? While most of my friends and I can't stand being around her, I find her behavior fascinating when viewed from a great distance. I've got other stories, nothing really "psychotic," but enfuriatingly peculiar nonetheless.
 
Ask your friend: Is that when she always goes to bed? If she does then that is a normal thing for her.(I would never marry someone that wants to go to bed at 7:30, especially if there is a party going on)

If she does stay up later normally then it was some sort of abnormal behavior but I can't exactly put my foot down on what it is.
 
[quote name='darthbudge']Ask your friend: Is that when she always goes to bed? If she does then that is a normal thing for her.(I would never marry someone that wants to go to bed at 7:30, especially if there is a party going on)

If she does stay up later normally then it was some sort of abnormal behavior but I can't exactly put my foot down on what it is.[/quote]

Well the 7:30 was only for the playoff party. The other two were at varying times. Probably around midnight for the holiday party and 1am at new year's. The thing is, she wasn't exhausted or anything, just a bit "sleepy."

Frankly, I wish my friend wouldn't marry her. Things have gotten to the point that other friends and I try to avoid hanging out with him because she's always there too, which is unfortunate. The problem is, he's better off with her than without her because I've seen him after a big break up--he's miserable for years.
 
My only thought is that's her passive aggressive way of telling everyone to get the fuck out of her house. Did the other two parties break up soon after her retiring for the night?

The Skins played at about 4 so the game had just ended around 7:30 right?

Crappy behaviour for a host to say the least. I mean going to bed at 7:30 is pretty transparent.

I'd probably be a mild dick about it and make a point of asking your buddy if she's feeling okay today as you're concerned about her exhaustion. Tell him she better get tested for mono and be careful or he'll catch it from her. :D Or hell maybe she really does have mono.
 
any chance she is pregnant? the first few weeks of prengnacy depending on how the body reacts can be very exhausting... i was falling asleep sitting up at like 7pm for about weeks 9-12 and even if i tried to stay up i couldn't.
 
None of the parties broke up soon after. They were all still going strong when I left. I'll run the mono deal by him. Though I doubt he'll be motivated enough to bring it up to her. Man though, if she's got mono, I'd have a great excuse to avoid her!
 
[quote name='auralia']any chance she is pregnant? the first few weeks of prengnacy depending on how the body reacts can be very exhausting... i was falling asleep sitting up at like 7pm for about weeks 9-12 and even if i tried to stay up i couldn't.[/quote]

Wow. That's possible. She told my wife about 6 months ago that she'd gone off birth control. She didn't bother telling my friend about it until a month later. So now they're doing the ol' tried-and-true pullin' out.

When she told her, my wife asked if she was worried about getting pregnant. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it hadn't been a problem in the past.
 
OP, why don't you just ask for $10,000,000 to fall out of the sky? You have about as good of a chance as that happening as you do figuring out why women behave the way they do.

OK, I think wubb is actually dead on. Even if she was pregnant there's no reason other than "GTFO" for her to act like that.
 
Well, people are not like animals, kevlar51. Some of them act badly because they've had a hard life, or have been mistreated...but, like animals, some of them are just jerks.
 
robot_sumo_stampy_simpsons.jpg


Either way, unless you're willing to call her out on it, there is no point to this discussion. She probably just has no interest in you guys, gets bored, tired, and goes to bed.
 
[quote name='jmcc']Well, people are not like animals, kevlar51. Some of them act badly because they've had a hard life, or have been mistreated...but, like animals, some of them are just jerks.[/QUOTE]


seems like most animals that act badly (to humans) do so because they've been treated badly (by humans) ;)


OP- was she drinking? it does seem weird. Either a "gtfo" message, a social anxiety thing (like her obsession with money and status could indicate), or perhaps she just has a good 'ol sleep disorder. If you're good friends with her husband, just ask him. If she comes up in conversation, just bring it up like normal-- "hey, she seems to have funny sleeping habits, I noticed at those parties...blah blah blah"
 
B.S. in Evolutionary Psychology here, which is of no particular use.

I wildly speculate that being at a big function where she is so far from the center of attention irks her. Not necessarily consciously, mind you.

The cure is to hit her :boxing:
 
[quote name='Zen Davis']

Either way, unless you're willing to call her out on it, there is no point to this discussion. She probably just has no interest in you guys, gets bored, tired, and goes to bed.[/quote]

I'm absolutely willing to do call her out on it, and I will. But I can't imagine I will get anything close to a real answer.
 
[quote name='Apossum']If you're good friends with her husband, just ask him. If she comes up in conversation, just bring it up like normal-- "hey, she seems to have funny sleeping habits, I noticed at those parties...blah blah blah"[/quote]

Yeah, I'm going to bring it up to him. He's not very observant, nor does he himself have the best of manners, so he didn't seem to think it was strange that she went to bed early the first two times. But the third time even he said "WTF, it's 7:30; Steve and Mary are still coming over!" To which she replied "I know; it's OK," and went to bed.
 
[quote name='kevlar51']I'm absolutely willing to do call her out on it, and I will. But I can't imagine I will get anything close to a real answer.[/quote]

Instead of calling her out on this out of nowhere, wait until the next party and talk to her about what she thinks about the people at the party and etc.

She'll probably act like you're crazy though.
 
Maybe she knows that no one really likes her so she heads to bed. I know I've done this before.

Could be that she is depressed which makes some people tired. Personally I stayed up late and slept in but it goes the other way for other people.

Perhaps she is suffering from an anti-social disorder where at times she feels overwhelmed by the number of people there and feels the need to distance herself.

She could also be suffering from delusions of grandeur, thinking that when she goes to bed the party will end since she is no longer there.

I could go on if you want. I've got a degree in psychology but I'm guessing you mostly just wanted to complain..... and how does that make you feel?
 
[quote name='arnoldrimmer']

I could go on if you want. I've got a degree in psychology but I'm guessing you mostly just wanted to complain..... and how does that make you feel?[/quote]
I did want to complain, but if that was the bulk of the reason I would have told the other stories ;). My wife and friends and I had been talking about the going to bed deal in particular since New Year's, and the playoffs party really made us wonder what's making her tick in that respect. It's possible that she's depressed, but (again my bias is kicking in) I'm gonna side more with the delusions of granduer one.

I'm gonna say no to the anti-social disorder because she's the one who decides to have and plan these parties, and the more people the better.
 
Well you already have your answer. If she's the kind of person who likes parties and likes people around and is really concerned with her status then she just wants everybody to know what she's doing. She wants the attention and recognition. It could be her way of trying to end the party, but I would guess she's not really concerned with what other people are doing unless it interferes with what she wants to do, so unless she really wants to go to sleep and the other people are keeping her up then she won't care.

She could think that announcing it and going around and hugging people is the formal or classy way to remove yourself from the party and she has to do that to keep with her status. Does she come from a family that has similar attitudes?

And no offense arnoldrimmer, but using "anti-social disorder" incorrectly isn't going to help anybody else use it correctly :p.
 
I doubt she's schizophrenic. At least from the information provided she's far from schizophrenic. Does she have serious delusions/hallucinations? She doesn't seem to have any social awkwardness, if anything she's quite social. Is she really paranoid? Obviously she's not catatonic. She might have a some minor delusions of grandeur, but that's not nearly enough to meet the criteria for schizophrenia.

If she had any kind of disorder it would seem to me to be a narcissistic personality disorder. Even so her actions would really have to be negatively affecting her own life or the lives of those around her for her to have any disorder at all. Otherwise she's just kind of annoying.

Does she always act that way?
 
[quote name='SpazX']I doubt she's schizophrenic. At least from the information provided she's far from schizophrenic. Does she have serious delusions/hallucinations? She doesn't seem to have any social awkwardness, if anything she's quite social. Is she really paranoid? Obviously she's not catatonic. She might have a some minor delusions of grandeur, but that's not nearly enough to meet the criteria for schizophrenia.

If she had any kind of disorder it would seem to me to be a narcissistic personality disorder. Even so her actions would really have to be negatively affecting her own life or the lives of those around her for her to have any disorder at all. Otherwise she's just kind of annoying.

Does she always act that way?[/quote]
Sorry, I was being sarcastic by agreeing that she was schizophrenic. I wouldn't say she has npd; I actually bought and read a book on npd because of my mother-in-law. I'd bet $500 that my mother-in-law would be diagnosed with it if given the chance.

My friend's fiance can at least admit she is wrong in certain situations and although she loves being the center of attention and her grasp on how the world works often escapes her, I'm pretty sure she knows the world does not revolve around her. My mother-in-law does not get this and we are all suffering because of it. Even you; trust me.
 
[quote name='kevlar51']Sorry, I was being sarcastic by agreeing that she was schizophrenic. I wouldn't say she has npd; I actually bought and read a book on npd because of my mother-in-law. I'd bet $500 that my mother-in-law would be diagnosed with it if given the chance.[/QUOTE]

Don't be so smug. A schizophrenic could simply have flat affect or social withdrawal, both of which seem to pertain to said woman.
 
Why don't you call her on it the next time she invites you to one of her parties?

Crazy Chick - "Hey Kev, we are having a get together this weekend and we'd like you to come."

Kevlar51 - "Oh, I don't know. Everytime you throw a party you end up going to bed at some random time. To be honest, that makes me feel uncomfortable and unwelcome."

Crazy Chick - :shock:
 
[quote name='Mookyjooky']Maybe she turns into a werewolf, and it was a full moon... you inconsiderate ass. =)[/QUOTE]



i'd say its more likely a reverse vampire in conjunction with the saucer people
 
[quote name='kevlar51']Wow. That's possible. She told my wife about 6 months ago that she'd gone off birth control. She didn't bother telling my friend about it until a month later. So now they're doing the ol' tried-and-true pullin' out.

When she told her, my wife asked if she was worried about getting pregnant. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it hadn't been a problem in the past.[/QUOTE]
Wow, your friend's fiancee is a fucking moron. Stupid bitch is probably pregnant. If she isn't pregnant, then she's still a stupid bitch and probably will be pregnant soon.

Tell your friend to force her on birth control if it isn't already too late.

Your friend is also a moron for allowing her to be off birth control, and not kicking her ass to the curb for lying to him about not being on birth control.
 
[quote name='rabbitt']Don't be so smug. A schizophrenic could simply have flat affect or social withdrawal, both of which seem to pertain to said woman.[/quote]
A schizophrenic can't just have flat affect or social withdrawal, that would get a different diagnosis. Plus she doesn't seem very socially withdrawn since she actually planned the parties and was there for a while before going to bed and also she wanted to call attention to herself and go around hugging people. She could have flat affect, but nothing the OP has said so far suggests that, so I dunno - does she seem to have a normal range of emotions?

It doesn't seem to me that any social phobia or anything is going on here, from what the OP has said she probably just wanted to go to bed or otherwise wasn't interested in the parties anymore and so she went to bed. Before leaving I'm assuming she was at the party and acted as she normally would, so that's not really the abnormal part of it (besides going to bed at 7:30). The weird thing to me is how she felt she needed to announce it and go around and hug everybody. It's not even odd enough really for me to say that she has any disorder, she's probably just a bit self-involved and feels she needs to act that way for some reason.
 
The hugging definitely has to do with appearances and attention in my estimation. The going to sleep just means that y'all are boring the poor girl to death. She wants the parties so that she can be seen as social and hospitable but she probably can't stand the lot of you.

Atleast that's how I kinda am LOL.
 
[quote name='Zen Davis']
robot_sumo_stampy_simpsons.jpg

[/QUOTE]
[quote name='Ikohn4ever']i'd say its more likely a reverse vampire in conjunction with the saucer people[/QUOTE]
I can't believe I almost skipped this topic.
 
I can't give out anything formal since I don't believe my malpractice insurance applies to the internet.

But, it just sounds like she's just being crabby and wants everyone to leave. This is, of course, relying on your information alone without doing a proper history.

I mean, she meets certain DSM criteria for histrionic personality disorder (again, using the OP's provided information alone) but not enough for a properly trained psychologist to apply that label. If your friend is truly concerned there is a disorder there, tell him to get her evaluated. Otherwise, I wouldn't let her behavior spoil your party related fun.
 
I'm no psychologist so you’ll have to excuse the layman’s terms, but I’d say attention whore about sums it up.
 
[quote name='jmcc']Well, people are not like animals, kevlar51. Some of them act badly because they've had a hard life, or have been mistreated...but, like animals, some of them are just jerks.[/quote]

ha ha. i saw this simpson's episode just days ago, actually.


[quote name='wubb']My only thought is that's her passive aggressive way of telling everyone to get the fuck out of her house. [/quote]

gotta agree with wubb on this one. or a narcissist like someone said. or a vampire. or maybe even cinderella? lol who really knows. yep, maybe she's just a major bitch. who the hell sleeps when she's a host for a party?

the next time it happens, just ask her to her face (jokingly), "are you ok? you seem to always sleep early when you have parties," or "don't go, the party's nothing without you!" or something to that effect. or the next time she invites you, joke about you bringing her a starbucks latte with an extra shot or something.

hmm your friend stays with her cause he'll be miserable? hmm maybe he's the passive aggressive one and she's the narcissist. they feed off each other? life is grand.

or maybe she's fucking hot and/or has money. id stay with someone like that lol.
 
I'm no psychology guru, but I am majoring in it, and from what little I know about her, I'd suspect that by withdrawing herself early from these parties, she's trying to make people miss her, because she probably craves attention and the feeling of being missed or needed.

My only other theory is that she craves attention, but is satisfied with it easily. In other words, once she's had her fill of being an attention whore for a few hours, she doesn't care to stick around any longer, because she's satisfied. That's all she needs until she starts feeling like she's not the center of attention anymore, and thus another party is planned.
 
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