[DEAD] Win a $5 Amazon video on demand code

Status
Not open for further replies.
I love fruit baskets, they are a way to actually mail people fruit.
I mean if you mail some one apples they will be like what the hell?
Mail them a fruit basket and they are like awesome.
....-Demetri Martin
 
I hope you're not a girl... then I'm deeply sorry. Hope you got a smile out of it.

Why did the woman cross the road?
Who the fuck cares, why is she out of the kitchen in the first place?

just to keep typing, another one I just remembered.
What do you call a black man being chased by hundreds of white men?
The PGA Tour (golf)
 
This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend.
I know this midget who wants to buy a horse. He has a slight speech impediment, so listen carefully, Im sending him over.
The Midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse.
A female horth, the midget replies. So the owner shows him one. Nith looking horth, can I see her mouth? So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horses mouth.
Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth? So the owner picks up the midget and shows the eyes. OK, what about the earsth?
Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget one more time and shows the ears.
OK, finally, Id like to see her twat. With that, the owner picks up the midget and shoves his head up the horses twat, then pulls him out.
Shaking his head, the midget says, Perhapth I should rephrase. Id like to see her wun awound a wittle bit!
 
Today, while taking a walk around the block, a midget came up to me and yelled "Jews suck!"

Afterward, he ran away, and I thought... that's a little racist.
 
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
 
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"


"Why?"


"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."
 
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch. The bartender says to him, "You know you have a steering wheel on your crotch?"

The pirate replies, "I know, It's driving me nuts."
 
Mary Lou, the blonde, was out playing in the garden one day with three boys. They ran around in the garden and played tag. She later climbed the tree that was in her garden. Her mother yelled out, "Mary Lou get down out of the tree, the boys are going to see your panties. She laughed and she laughed. She knew she wasn't wearing any panties.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
bread's done
Back
Top