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[quote name='The Frozin One']That was the funniest joke here. I laughed my ass off.[/QUOTE]


You're like school in the summertime...












No class.
 
Two atoms were talking to eachother and one said, "I've lost my electron!"
The other questioned, "Are you sure?"
He replied "I'm positive"
 
A man is sitting in the aisle seat of a small commercial airplane. Slightly embarrassed of his fresh black eye he neglects to see the man attempting to get to the window seat. As the gentlement sits in his window seat, the first gentleman notices that this person, too, has a black eye. Slightly relieved, he tries to start up a conversation with his neighbor; "I see you've had some bad luck too, mind if I ask how you got your black eye"?

The guy in the window seat, trying to get situated, mumbles something incoherant but gives no reaction. "Well", says the first guy "I'll tell you what happened with me; it's kinda funny now that I think about it. See I had a bit of a miscommunication due to a tongue twister. At the ticket desk there was this BEAUTIFUL ticket agent with the biggest rack I've ever seen. When I went to ask for my ticket to Pittsburg I inadvertantly said 'I need a picket to Tittsburg' ... the next thing I knew I was handed ice for the swelling". Looking at his neighbor he said "C'mon, let me hear what happened to you".

The guy in the window seat looks over and reluctantly says "I guess mine is a bit of a tongue twister too. This morning I meant to say to my wife 'pass the Cheerio's hon', but instead it came out 'you ruined my life you fucking bitch'.
 
There is this guy who walks into a bar and notices a man 12 inches tall playing the piano. He asks what it is all about and the barman tells him he'll tell him later.

So he asks the barman for a drink and the barman says,
'Before you get your drink you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make a wish.'

'OK,' says the guy.

He goes to the bottle and rubs it and, boom, out comes a genie, who says,
'You have one wish.'

The man thinks about it and then wishes for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke fills the room and when the smoke clears there are a million ducks crowding the bar.

He tells the barman,
'Hey, I didn't want a million ducks.'

The barman replies, 'You think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?'
 
There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea. When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on. "What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host. "A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"
 
[quote name='Rezzy']What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in my garage =/

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. You already told her twice.[/QUOTE]
Hadn't heard the first one before :lol:

The second is just classic!
 
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