[quote name='psiufoxx2']Jesu Cristo man. I liked that game. Not loved, got it for $5, but liked. It was a little too cutesy for my taste, but anything Zelda-esque and from the big N tickles my fancy.[/QUOTE]
I can't explain in enough detail how horrible this game really is. I paid $10 for it and I don't think I've ever wasted $10 in worse fashion. This includes the time I lost my wallet, the time I actually got a ticket for not wearing my seatbelt, and the time I was so drunk at Scores that I actually bought a sandwich there. Oh what the hell... I'll try...
1. The controls were incredibly poor. There always seemed to be a delay after pressing a button with something happening on the screen. This is unbelievably annoying for a game like this and I expected better from Rare back then (not now though).
2. The levels were horribly designed. There was way too much backtracking with nothing to do. It felt like I was just running from point A to point B with no purpose at all. At least throw in some enemies or some platforming. Instead the designers included meandering paths! OMG will I ever figure it out?
3. The characters are so lame I don't even know where to begin. The Starfox characters generally suck but it's OK in Starfox and Starfox 64 because the characters don't matter at all - it's all about the gameplay. In an adventure game they should at least be likable. The dinosaurs were equally lame. There was nothing cute or bearable about it. No one gives a shit whether the entire cast of "heroes" in this game dies a horrible death. See Banjo-Kazooie for a "cute" game with semi-tolerable characters made by Rare that doesn't suck.
4. The graphics also sucked. Yeah, the character models were pretty but that's about it. Any interaction between characters and all of the environments were awful. Collision detection was way off and the transition between animations was non-existant.
5. The collecting. I know this has been beaten to death but this game has to be the final nail in the coffin - it's one banana away from becoming Donkey Kong 64 (another horrible game but nowhere near this bad). Just because it's something other than a coin or star doesn't mean I want to collect it. There are other games I love that use this tactic to prolong the length or whatever (See Mario 64, Sunshine, Jak & Daxter, etc.) but in Starfox Adventures it is beyond annoying. Scarabs, grub tubs, spores, pods, fireflies, fuel cells, moon seeds, eggs, etc. Just kill me please.
6. The Zelda comparisons. Besides the fact that they are both "video games" it's not even close.
7. The stupid characters that are supposed to be helpful but really just slow you down because they are
ing moronic. The computer AI rarely has a
ing clue what I'm trying to get that goddamn kid dinosaur to do. Hmmm, let's see, I called you over here because I'm standing on a patch of dirt and for some reason I don't ever want to get my hands dirty so I need you to dig for me but you just stand there with that
ing smile on your face doing nothing. Dig asshole.
8. The Arwing missions. Did they have to include these? I mean the whole game is half-ass (even though it was delayed a million times) so why not spend more time making the main game suck less instead of adding in more parts that suck?
9. The main weapon is the most boring thing I've ever seen in a video game. I wish I could have been at the meeting that greenlighted that idea...
Rare Designer: I've got a great idea... since video games are only limited by our imagination, how about we give Fox a long stick that he can swing at the bad guys with?
Head Rare Dumbass: That's freaking genius. Do it!!!!
10. The races are lame too. There's no sense of speed and the control is horrible. There's also no skill involved - just memorize the track and eventually you will win. There's nothing more fun than racing for 3 minutes only to forget to go right instead of left and lose so you have to do he entire thing again.
I could go on and on. God I hate this piece of shit game.
