Getting married on Saturday...any advice CheapyD?

ZForce915

ZForce915

RIP Banky ❤️
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It's finally here, and I can't wait. But I keep thinking I'm going to forget something or forget to do something before the day. I'm not worried about the big part (actually getting married) but rather the little things surrounding it.

Either way, woohoo! I'm marrying a woman who supports/tolerates my gaming habit! Heck, she can beat me now and then in Super Smash Bros. Melee!
 
I have no specific advice, but as someone who's been married 9 years as of today, here's some generalities:
* Marriage is *work*. It should be fun, too, as well, but it's not a walk in the park.
* I'm sure you give to your fiancee, and she gives to you. One important thing is to try to give what *they* want, not what *you* want [ever see that Simpsons where Homer gives Marge a bowling ball?]. Before we got married, our pastor had us read a book called His Needs, Her Needs. Very revealing book; men and women have basically the same needs, but the order in which they *prioritize* them is vastly different.
* 3 C's: COmmunication, Compromise, and Creativitiy. Every solid marriage--or even any relationship at all-- thrives on these three things.
* Patience.
* Money. Money troubles/arguments are the leading cause of marital strife. Find out how each person thinks of money, and try to understand that.

That's the heavy stuff, here's some positive stuff:

* Enjoy every minute of it. You are embarking on a grand journey, to share virtually every aspect of your life with each other. There will be peaks and valleys, but the valleys make the peaks seem all the higher--and trouble is always easier to deal with with a teammate.
* Marriage is a partnership--you may disagree on some/many things, but just knowing you have this partner who will stick by you, and you the same, is an incredible feeling.

Good luck, have fun, enjoy the ride.

And don't do what a friend of mine did the night before his wedding--he dropped the ring off the hotel balcony into the river in the early morning, about 6 hours before the ceremony....Not a good start. Luckily the jeweler was local, and a friend of his family, so they got him to open the store and got a replacement.
 
[quote name='ZForce915']It's finally here, and I can't wait. But I keep thinking I'm going to forget something or forget to do something before the day. I'm not worried about the big part (actually getting married) but rather the little things surrounding it.

Either way, woohoo! I'm marrying a woman who supports/tolerates my gaming habit! Heck, she can beat me now and then in Super Smash Bros. Melee![/quote]

Limit the amount of appetizers people can consume so you will have a cheap ass wedding.
On the real though been married 6 years and my only advice is dont quit at the first sign of trouble like a lot of folks seem to do these days. For me the first three years was difficult at times because it seemed we were both trying to get the person to change on some issues. After that time period you kind of quit because you know they are not going to change that aspect. After that time its all gravy I could never be single again
 
[quote name='Noodle Pirate!']Learn the phrase "yes dear" , and get comfortable with the sound of a whip snapping. :D[/quote]

Spoken like a happily married man !
 
[quote name='jlarlee'][quote name='ZForce915']It's finally here, and I can't wait. But I keep thinking I'm going to forget something or forget to do something before the day. I'm not worried about the big part (actually getting married) but rather the little things surrounding it.

Either way, woohoo! I'm marrying a woman who supports/tolerates my gaming habit! Heck, she can beat me now and then in Super Smash Bros. Melee![/quote]

Limit the amount of appetizers people can consume so you will have a cheap ass wedding.
On the real though been married 6 years and my only advice is dont quit at the first sign of trouble like a lot of folks seem to do these days. For me the first three years was difficult at times because it seemed we were both trying to get the person to change on some issues. After that time period you kind of quit because you know they are not going to change that aspect. After that time its all gravy I could never be single again[/quote]

Absolutely. Marriage is a disposable commodity nowadays. There are certain instances where divorce is reasonable or even beneficial, but marriage means so little to so many.
Yes, don't try to change people, it's very hard if not impossible to do. And it breeds resentment. If you still have to try to change someone [while realizing no one is perfect anyway], how you approach it can make a big difference. "You never rinse out the sink." Well, I tried to do better at it, but since my effort got me a "never", shaq-fu it. It sounds like Dr Phil, but discuss how the other person's actions make you feel, pitching it so there's benefit for both parties ["If we could work on being more snuggly, I would feel more amorous more often."]
 
Don't forget to enjoy the party and don't spend all the time taking photos.
Focus on having a good time!

Best of luck!
 
Congrats!!!!

My first anniversary is in a few weeks, and let me tell you that the first year is COOL!!!! My advise...."Honeymoon" your brains out.

As for the wedding itself. The biggest thing I can tell you, is to enjoy it, and don't drink too much. Weddings have a tendancy of getting video taped.

Marrige can be tedious, but remember we all had to jump a lot of turtles before we got to King Koopa. She'll have you do things that'll make you want to pull your hair out, but do it. She'll do the same.
 
Congratulations. I bet you're wishing there was a CheapAssWedding.com huh?

Hehehe...splurge on this one man. A wonderful occasion and we can only wish you the best.
 
I think one of the keys is just knowing that getting married won't solve all of your problems (a lot of people think this for some reason). The first year of marraige will most likely be your toughest, but it is well worth it. Always work out your fights, which you will have. If you work things out, then it won't hinder your marraige. If you don't work out your issues though, they will come up at other times and can cause serious damage.

You should still take her on dates too. You aren't off the hook on that just because you are married.
 
Lots of good advice, having just been married myself I have this.
Enjoy the day, everything will come and go, but make this day a special one.
Don't worry about all the "friendly advice" people will give you about the wedding. It is you and your wife's day, make sure that what you do makes each of you happy.
Try to stay will a good buzz, but not fall down drunk.
Relax!
 
I could see this being the begginning of an ask Cheapy advice column

"hey Cheapy this is Joe from Washington what do you suggest to get out Grass stains?
 
Congratulations, welcome to the club! (Secret handshake comes later...)

No real deep advice on the wedding itself, just enjoy yourself. The party will probably be a big relief after all the weeks of planning.

As for marriage, I'd say be open-minded and communicate as much as possible. If you're not sure what your wife's thinking, ask! Got a problem? Talk it out until you both understand the other's perspective. It's tough, but definitely worth it. In the movies the married guy's always jealous of his single friends. I find it's the opposite, especially as you approach 30!
 
The only thing that pisses my Wife off is when I mention Ex's or girls I know. I know this stems from insecurity on her part but it's easy for something to remind a guy of an ex (assuming you've had one lol). I would also say don't let anything get in the way of you two communicating, especially video games they are fun but not worth +600 evil points.
 
Speaking from my own experiences. get a traffic update for the route between the church and the reception. Unfortunately I did not do this and hit a closed down highway which detoured my limo and made me 1 1/2 hours late for my reception.

Bring a sturdy safety pin if your wearing tuxedo pants without suspenders. The cheesy waist band adjuster on my rented tux broke during my wedding song and my pants almost hit the floor

Tip the bartender ahead of time, he'll be happy knowing how much he'll be getting for the evening and give the extra effort to please all your guests

Don't smash the cake in her face

Don't drink too much. Ain't nothing worse than a bad case of limp dick from drinkling too much on your wedding night

Keep an eye out for guests that get drunk. It would be a tough pill to swallow if someone died in an accident after leaving your reception sloshed.

Take a piss before the wedding ceremony. Nerves can affect bladder control
 
Don't forget to get matching socks. I wore a white tuxedo in my wedding and I completely forgot to get white dress socks. Talk about a stunning realization the morning of the wedding. Needless to say, I pulled out some regular gym socks for the event.
 
A nice gift or thank you note to your soon to be wife on the day of the wedding is a good idea (especially if your wife did the vast majority of the planning like mine did). My wife wrote me a nice card while I got her nothing. I felt pretty bad about the situation and that is my only wedding day regret. On a positive note, our marriage has been great, five years and still going strong.
 
Thanks for the advice, try as I might I can't think of every little detail...so I figure asking will help.

I don't have to worry about drinking too much on this day, I'm a not a heavy drinker by any strech of the imagination.

Yes dear is already in my vocabulary. As for the whipcrack...does anyone know the TMBG song "minimum wage"?

No cake in the face, we've already decided that.

CheapyD, that is good advice. Pictures can be taken before the dinner/reception. After that I hope to be free to do as I please. But my future wife is photographer so I have to understand that photos are important to her.

Cheapasswedding.com? Not a bad idea. You'd be surprised where you can cut corners...

Seat down? Nope. Another agreement we have is that with only two people in the house it's just as easy for her to put it down as it is for me. Except when guests are over. Then it's down.

We have been dating for 4 years (engaged for 2.5), divorace isn't something I'm worried about. I'm sure it sounds cliche to say that we won't get divoraced, and I won't go into detail about it...let's just say it's not likely.

Thanks for the conrats everyone. Maybe I'll post pictures afterwords. And maybe some from St. Martin (honeymoon). But if I do, then Banky has to make me an avatar. :D
 
Never forget why you married her.

Always go on dates. (with your wife)

Treat her like the queen she is.

The ability to communicate is your bigges ally in a fight.

Don't be afraid to admit you're wrong.

Have fun.
 
As was already stated, you guys should have a plan for finances. I've seen lots of couples bicker constantly about this, some divorce, others go severely into debt because the partners can't say no to each other material wants. More than anything else get your money issues straightened out.

Before I got married me and my then fiance sat down and figured out a good way to deal with finaces. In our case as we both worked and had income we broke it out so we each kept our solo bank account, and added to it a joint account. Half of the paychecks go to the joint account which covers rent, food, utilities and other mutually shared expenses(toilet paper, light bulbs, that sort of stuff). These things have to be written down, and both of us keep tight control over checks and charges from this account.

The other half of the each persons paycheck goes to a personal account, so she can't whine if I spend my money on video games, and I have no complainant when she buys trashy romance novels.

It works very well for us, if one partner insists on driving a fancy car the other doesn't have to bear an undue burden(or go get an equally pricey item straining the budget even more); they just have to use their personal funds and forgo fancy clothes or computer gear, or whatever other luxery items they would have gotten instead. In my experience doing this sort of thing has greatly lowered the relationships stress level.
 
[quote name='BigNick']When is the bachelor party? I can get 2 chicks with 2 "toys" for 2 hours for $200.[/quote]

Already had the party. No strippers, so I just figured you wouldn't have wanted to come.

We've got the money thing all figured out. 3 accounts...

1) Joint account, both of our checks will be direct deposited here.

2) My account ($150 per check will come here)

3) Her account ($150 per check will come here)

So for each pay period we will have $150 ($300 a month) to spend for anything we want. Also good for being able to buy presents. The rest pays the bills. And if our calculations are correct there should be a decent sized surplus each month in the joint account to cover those expenses you can't plan for.
 
[quote name='nilpunk']As was already stated, you guys should have a plan for finances. I've seen lots of couples bicker constantly about this, some divorce, others go severely into debt because the partners can't say no to each other material wants. More than anything else get your money issues straightened out.

Before I got married me and my then fiance sat down and figured out a good way to deal with finaces. In our case as we both worked and had income we broke it out so we each kept our solo bank account, and added to it a joint account. Half of the paychecks go to the joint account which covers rent, food, utilities and other mutually shared expenses(toilet paper, light bulbs, that sort of stuff). These things have to be written down, and both of us keep tight control over checks and charges from this account.

The other half of the each persons paycheck goes to a personal account, so she can't whine if I spend my money on video games, and I have no complainant when she buys trashy romance novels.

It works very well for us, if one partner insists on driving a fancy car the other doesn't have to bear an undue burden(or go get an equally pricey item straining the budget even more); they just have to use their personal funds and forgo fancy clothes or computer gear, or whatever other luxery items they would have gotten instead. In my experience doing this sort of thing has greatly lowered the relationships stress level.[/quote]

Bullseye!
 
[quote name='ryanbph']PRENUP[/quote]

A prenup is a sure sign that a marriage won't work. If you can't trust the person you are marrying...maybe it's a sign that you should wait until you can.
 
Congrats! My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years going on five. Of course, it's a lot different from being married. Just continue to take your wife out on dates. Surprise her once in a while. And please don't get nervous or upset when she's a b*tch because it's that time of month. My boyfriend knows to let stuff go when I'm like that and I usually come back and apologize later that day or the next day. Hopefully your girl is better than I am when it comes to that stuff.
 
PreNuptual!!
PreNuptual!!
PreNuptual!!

Sure things are great now, but when she gets the kids, the cat, the car and half of everything you make for the rest of your life, you will remember this post!!

Also dont support the diamond cartels (those evil bastards fund dictatorships in Africa to artificially keep the price of diamonds high), buy a ruby or emerald ring!

Um - and good luck. This Victorian-love-marriage ideal thing is only a century and a half old (before then, the western world had arranged marriages like the rest of the civilized world) so in a way you are a pioneer in a brave new movement in human relations!
 
If you earn a lot of money, then get a pre-nup. It's like insurance for your marriage. You wouldn't drive without insurance would you?

DOn't get me wrong, I hope you stay happily married you entire life. But when we start talking about the real world, then people are not perfect. If either one of you cheats or gets bored (we are human after all) at least you won't lose your life savings and your house in the Divorce. It should be that IF either one of you messes up, you both leave the marriage with what you came into it with.

Now again, I'm not trying to bring you down, but planning ahead can never hurt. If she does not want to sign one then you will see where her priorities lie... in your wallet.
 
[quote name='camoor']PreNuptual!!
PreNuptual!!
PreNuptual!!

Sure things are great now, but when she gets the kids, the cat, the car and half of everything you make for the rest of your life, you will remember this post!!

Also dont support the diamond cartels (those evil bastards fund dictatorships in Africa to artificially keep the price of diamonds high), buy a ruby or emerald ring!

Um - and good luck. This Victorian-love-marriage ideal thing is only a century and a half old (before then, the western world had arranged marriages like the rest of the civilized world) so in a way you are a pioneer in a brave new movement in human relations![/quote]

I agree with him on the diamonds part. Debier's are scumbags truly. Rubies are more valuable and Debier's just knows how to manipulate Diamond prices however I myself can't see NOT having a Diamond ring for marriage. After that I want to get a nice big Ruby ring. Nothing else on my hand, can't stand that Bling-Bling.
This is just my advise right now: Get a legal DJ! I went to a wedding reception once and this DJ just played MP3's off his HDD. This guy didn't care if he legally paid for their public use. Laugh if you want but he or you could potentially get caught and be in trouble.
 
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