'm shy/social phobic, & i don't think i am one bit selfish because of that.
People have treated me unpleasantly throughout my entire outdoor life, in addition to the fact that being socially phobic is an innate part of me. I don't think that my personality will ever change. More likely than not , the only time i will go out is after dark, as not to attract notice to myself. My physical appearance does not win me any respect, in fact the opposite, so i've always been very self conscious about it. I stay indoors most of the time. When i do go out, i'll walk in secluded areas, not on busy streets or around shopping malls. I can't make eye-contact with people when i walk the streets or ride public transportation, the reason being that i am paralyzed by social fear & don't want "start something" with some trigger-happy kat. I've been threatened at knife-point before, been jumped, headlocked, beaten the fuk down by thugs & street bullies etc. for no reason, so some of my timidity might be explainable. I've been pickpocketed/ extorted on the reg, as well as robbed on my way out stores.
Once, when the cops came around, a bunch of thugs dumped a whole load of shell casings on me, along with some loaded clips, resulting in my arrest & prosecution. Another time, some spanish kids beat the fuk out of me on a subway car & urinated on me, all for no reason other than that "i looked @#%$". Uncountable other incidents have happened to me, but you get the idea. I'm not a big guy, 5'11 at 145 pounds, but i look fat if i gain weight. I do have muscle, though. I've been told that i am quite strong, but i've seen no evidence of that when trying to wrestle with bullies & thugs.
I can, however, look at women more easily than i can men, the reason having to do with intimidation---i'm a puzzy. However, some chicks have snapped at me before, in public places, for glancing at them, calling me ugly & shyttface, & whatnot. Man, was that embarrassing! I wouldn't want to be caught glancin' at some kid that's got L.K. or CPS connections. The experiences that i have had with women have done nothing to allieviate my fear/shyness &, in fact, probably worsenned everthing.
In addition to this, i am an introvert & do not like being around people i have to keep talking to or trying to entertain, obviously winning no chicks.
The extent of my social phobia is such that i might not be able to travel to a doctor in order to save my life, at least not in the daylight.
er!!!
..copy and paste!! i must see this haha
