How to punish for not paying bills?

fatherofcaitlyn

fatherofcaitlyn

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My wife got paid last week. After groceries, daycare and having a fabulous time overnight at a concert away me and the kids, she has over $1000 left in her checking account.

On at least three separate occasions, the wife has asked which bills to pay.

The reply has been for her to pay one of the mortgages and the electric bill.

Yet ... the fucking bills remain unpaid.

I want her to understand she needs to pay bills without me nagging her.

How should she be punished?

Should I wrap the bills around my fist and push them into her face until she realizes they need to be paid?

Should I sign us up for marital counseling where we can spend several weeks learning that financial problems can be solved by having sex more often?

Should I let the mortgage go unpaid and let her experience the beginning phases of a foreclosure?

Should I let the electric bill go unpaid and let her sit in the dark for a few days?

Any thoughts?
 
Threaten divorce if she doesn't straighten up, or while she's out of the house, take a bunch of her stuff to a friend's house. When she gets back, tell her the Electric company and/or the Mortgage company sent repot men to collect on their unpaid bills. This should work well if you have a pet that she is particularly fond of.
 
[quote name='ducttapeBigSexy']You could talk to her instead of waiting for bored video game nerds to post sarcastic responses on the Internet.[/QUOTE]

:rofl:
/Thread

 
[quote name='ducttapeBigSexy']You could talk to her instead of waiting for bored video game nerds to post sarcastic responses on the Internet.[/QUOTE]

/end thread......let the entertainment replies begin.
 
[quote name='ducttapeBigSexy']You could talk to her instead of waiting for bored video game nerds to post sarcastic responses on the Internet.[/QUOTE]

I could do that, but we've already talked three times about these two bills for this month.

I'm an adult. She is an adult. We do this every fucking paycheck. I understand she wants a security blanket of a few hundred dollars, but refusing to pay bills is bullshit and childish.

I assume some people here have or are the partner in the relationship that doesn't take paying bills seriously. The "free spirit" in the Dave Ramsey lexicon.

Has anybody here come up with an appropriate action to deal with this type of mentality?
 
[quote name='fatherofcaitlyn']I could do that, but we've already talked three times about these two bills for this month.

I'm an adult. She is an adult. We do this every fucking paycheck. I understand she wants a security blanket of a few hundred dollars, but refusing to pay bills is bullshit and childish.

I assume some people here have or are the partner in the relationship that doesn't take paying bills seriously. The "free spirit" in the Dave Ramsey lexicon.

Has anybody here come up with an appropriate action to deal with this type of mentality?[/QUOTE]

If you're married, you should have a joint account, in which case you should just pay the bills yourself. I would never let my roomate have the responsibility of paying bills on time, because he is too irresponsible. I'm lucky he pays me for 1/2 of the bills.
 
I would fake the power went off, if she hasn't caught on.

Ask her if she paid the bill....

Then have a fake arguement with the electric company.

Then go flip the switch back on the circuit breaker at a good time. Pefer waiting at least a few days for the fridge to be rotten.

Tell her not to miss again.

That or just pay it. She pays you.
 
Haha, domestic abuse is hilarious.

Anyway, if you have a join account, what's the problem? And if you don't have a joint account, get a joint account.
 
[quote name='Brownjohn']If you're married, you should have a joint account, in which case you should just pay the bills yourself. I would never let my roomate have the responsibility of paying bills on time, because he is too irresponsible. I'm lucky he pays me for 1/2 of the bills.[/QUOTE]

Nope. If the Man were to freeze my or her checking account, we would still have another checking account to fall back on. If she never pays bills and I die before her, she'll be completely lost.

EDIT: I also used to run a business out of my checking account. It kept things clearer without her direct deposit.
 
[quote name='Brownjohn']If you're married, you should have a joint account, in which case you should just pay the bills yourself. I would never let my roomate have the responsibility of paying bills on time, because he is too irresponsible. I'm lucky he pays me for 1/2 of the bills.[/QUOTE]

While I see your point, paying the bills for FoC's wife won't change her behavior. I can't, however, disagree that what you say is the most pragmatic & reasonable choice to make.

To FoC:

I don't know what to tell you as I don't know what your wife's personality/quirks/habits are but some people won't learn until hardship has them backed up against the wall. So, I think foreclosure is probably the bucket of water to wake her up but, obviously, is not ideal as that adversely affects you and your family. If I had to tell you something, I'd say sit down w/ her and lay it out (firmly but gently). Life is seldom courteous to anyone so it's better that you (her life-partner) open her eyes to reality's harshness before it messes everything up for your family. As my mom, a doctor, would say: "Better to prevent than treat." At most, follow Brownjohn's suggestion and insist that major bills be paid by you and she just provide half (or whatever ratio you/she insists upon) the money.
 
OP, which bills do you pay? How does your wife justify spending on good times, but can't understand that bills need to be paid?

By the way, how old are each of you? Just curious.
 
[quote name='Number83']10 posts and no 'sticking it in her pooper' comments? Come on, CAG!!![/QUOTE]

That was my original reply but its been done too many times before so it got old.....I decided to go older and repeat with the /endthread reply.
 
ew talking about money with women is never a fun thing to do because it always ends up with you being an asshole for telling them what to do. i dont envy you having to do this but youd be better off sitting her down and going through it. better to remind her to do it than to not and have the bill lapse.
 
Supposedly money issues is the #1 reason why people get divorced. Maybe little things like this is how this starts.
 
Just put all the money in your account and you pay the bills. Give her an allowance. Sure she might be lost of you drop dead, but the obvious stress over the situation is killing you slowly now.
 
Welcome to marriage...

This is what works for my wife and I:

- Have joint credit card for "family" purchases (groceries, gas for the car, etc...)
- Wife has separate credit card for personal spending (hair styling, makeup, cell phone, etc...)
- Have her deposit her entire paycheck, minus some amount for her to spend on herself (mutually agreed upon), in a joint account. You do the same. That way you can separate your "fun" money from your savings and expenses.
- Pay all the "family" bills out of the joint account (utilities, mortgage, groceries, car payment).
- Have her pay "her" bills (cell service, personal credit cards, lunches, etc...) our of her personal account.

This plan gives you a middle ground where she can feel free to spend "her" money, but you are not being punished for her mistakes and don't have to deal with utilities being interrupted or mortgage payments being missed. Yes, you get stuck with all the responsibility of keeping up with bills, but it sounds like you'll end up paying them or dealing with the fallout anyway.

I agree that if anything happens to you, she'll be screwed for a while trying to get a handle on things. I have the same concern in our situation. All you can do is try to regularly review your finances and what bills are being paid. In my experience, you're not going to change her behavior no matter how much you try. The frustration is not worth it.

I do have a backup plan to soften the blow in case anything does happen to me. I've documented all our accounts, logins, passwords, and my "system" for auto paying the mortgage and car payments, as well as how things are set up for managing our accounts in Quicken, and keep a hard copy in our safe deposit box. At least it gives her a head start.
 
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[quote name='mzbagel']Welcome to marriage...

This is what works for my wife and I:

- Have join credit card for "family" purchases (groceries, gas for the car, etc...)
- Wife has separate credit card for personal spending (hair styling, makeup, cell phone, etc...)
- Have her deposit her entire paycheck, minus some amount for her to spend on herself (mutually agreed upon), in a joint account. You do the same. That way you can separate your "fun" money from your savings and expenses.
- Pay all the "family" bills out of the joint account (utilities, mortgage, groceries, car payment).
- Have her pay "her" bills (cell service, personal credit cards, lunches, etc...) our of her personal account.

This plan gives you a middle ground where she can feel free to spend "her" money, but you are not being punished for her mistakes and don't have to deal with utilities being interrupted or mortgage payments being missed. Yes, you get stuck with all the responsibility of keeping up with bills, but it sounds like you'll end up paying them or dealing with the fallout anyway.

I agree that if anything happens to you, she'll be screwed for a while trying to get a handle on things. I have the same concern in our situation. All you can do is try to regularly review your finances and what bills are being paid. In my experience, you're not going to change her behavior no matter how much you try. The frustration is not worth it.

I do have a backup plan to soften the blow in case anything does happen to me. I've documented all our accounts, logins, passwords, and my "system" for auto paying the mortgage and car payments, as well as how things are set up for managing our accounts in Quicken, and keep a hard copy in our safe deposit box. At least it gives her a head start.[/QUOTE]

This is a very solid approach.
 
A couple of points regarding punishment. While punishment is often effective, it doesn't teach any new types of behavior to replace the ones you are trying to reduce. If you want your wife to behave differently, reinforce some source of alternative, appropriate behavior . Also, keep in mind that punishment has been shown again and again to lead to aggression, retaliation and social isolation.

If you make the incentives strong enough to be fiscally responsible and ignore inappropriate behavior, you are more likely to see the changes you are looking for.

Good Luck!
 
Why not have her set up auto-pay on those bills?

That way the company will just automatically take the money and you won't have to bitch at her.
 
[quote name='fatherofcaitlyn']
Should I wrap the bills around my fist and push them into her face until she realizes they need to be paid?

Any thoughts?[/QUOTE]
Yes.

This is a method that should only been used when she makes your coffee incorrectly. If you use it too much she's only going to get confused.

I suppose you could simply lock her away in her kennel and scold her a few times. If that doesn't work then move on to progressive discipline.
 
[quote name='A Happy Panda']Why not have her set up auto-pay on those bills?

That way the company will just automatically take the money and you won't have to bitch at her.[/QUOTE]

That's a very good suggestion, if the company don't offer automatic bill pay your bank possibly will.

My own suggestion would be to put her over your knee and spank her, probably won't solve anything but you never know, she might be into it.
 
[quote name='Xevious']Supposedly money issues is the #1 reason why people get divorced. Maybe little things like this is how this starts.[/QUOTE]

You are correct. Her irresponsibility towards paying bills does polish those other gems such as me washing, drying and folding the last 600 loads of laundry, being the only person in the home to know how to turn on the vacuum cleaner, never taking the kids outside to play, foregoing a dozen or so hours of sleep per week to tend to my son, being the only person in the home to eat leftovers, etc...

Of course, everybody has flaws.

...

As far as the advice of me just handling all of the bills, I pretty much do that. She usually knows on Monday what bills need to be paid on Friday. Then again on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and until I turn off the damn TV and hand her the bills, then her purse and, finally, an ink pen. Then, she pouts for a day because I'm a meanie.
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']Did you guys live together before marriage and these problems just popped up after tying the knot?[/QUOTE]

Marriage changes people and usually not for the better.

EDIT: And we've been married since 2001. At times, money has been very tight. At the moment, there is plenty. I want her to focus and pay off debt. She doesn't. Money will get tight again eventually.
 
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schedule time together to both pay bills. If she sets up autopay, which really is the best solution, then she won't have to spend any time to do it.
 
[quote name='fatherofcaitlyn']Marriage changes people and usually not for the better.[/QUOTE]

Sorry to hear that.

Probably definitely time for counseling if you haven't already been. These financial problems and other issues you mentioned will just keep festering and make things worse. They need resolved if the marriage is going to work.

[quote name='xycury']schedule time together to both pay bills. If she sets up autopay, which really is the best solution, then she won't have to spend any time to do it.[/QUOTE]

The first is a good idea. The auto pay may not work. If she just got paid and only has $1000 or so in her account it could be risky with over drafts if some auto pays go through before a direct deposit etc. And it's good to have flexibility on when to pay if money is really tight. Late fees are almost always less than overdraft fees.

I'd more suggest just setting up online bill pay with the bank (I have all my bills set up online with my Bank of America account). If she just has to log in and click a couple buttons to pay them, it may be easier to get her to do that vs. writing and mailing checks. Plus you save money on checks and stamps.
 
[quote name='TC']Just put all the money in your account and you pay the bills. Give her an allowance. Sure she might be lost of you drop dead, but the obvious stress over the situation is killing you slowly now.[/QUOTE]


and thats how people get divorced. she wont go for that no woman who earns her own money will be down for being given an allowance. maybe if you buy a wife from a foreign country sure but not here in america. and the only way youd find one like ha in america is if shes from one of those male dominated families where religiously the women are raised to be subserviant to men.
 
[quote name='lokizz']and thats how people get divorced. she wont go for that no woman who earns her own money will be down for being given an allowance. maybe if you buy a wife from a foreign country sure but not here in america. and the only way youd find one like ha in america is if shes from one of those male dominated families where religiously the women are raised to be subserviant to men.[/QUOTE]

:applause:
 
[quote name='crunchb3rry']Let the power go out. First time she needs to use a blowdryer, she'll pay the bill.[/QUOTE]

While that may get the message across....

1. Not worth the inconvenience to him or his daughter.
2. Not worth the hit on the credit report--I imagine the bill probably has both their names.
3. She'd likely resent him for it even though it's her fault.
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']While that may get the message across....

1. Not worth the inconvenience to him or his daughter.
2. Not worth the hit on the credit report--I imagine the bill probably has both their names.
3. She'd likely resent him for it even though it's her fault.[/QUOTE]

That's why I kinda like the idea of him flipping a few breakers on his own. Allow her to discover that the power "isn't working", and ask her if she paid the bill. If it's something that he's already discussed with her, she SHOULD feel some sort of guilt/remorse for not doing it.

Then, turn the power back on and say "get my point?" I mean, that's something that sends a message without being too insulting, and can even be done in a light-hearted manner. It seems like a much better idea than scolding her or treating her like a child.
 
[quote name='Brownjohn']If you're married, you should have a joint account, in which case you should just pay the bills yourself. I would never let my roomate have the responsibility of paying bills on time, because he is too irresponsible. I'm lucky he pays me for 1/2 of the bills.[/QUOTE]

NO NO NO! Never get a joint account. Only bad things happen when 2 people try to run #'s on the same account.

You need to do this:
watch
 
[quote name='n8rockerasu']That's why I kinda like the idea of him flipping a few breakers on his own. Allow her to discover that the power "isn't working", and ask her if she paid the bill. If it's something that he's already discussed with her, she SHOULD feel some sort of guilt/remorse for not doing it.

Then, turn the power back on and say "get my point?" I mean, that's something that sends a message without being too insulting, and can even be done in a light-hearted manner. It seems like a much better idea than scolding her or treating her like a child.[/QUOTE]

She'd probably flip out over that too, given he already said she pouts for a whole day because he's "mean" by bringing her the bills and her purse when they absolutely need to be paid.

[quote name='Deadpool']NO NO NO! Never get a joint account. Only bad things happen when 2 people try to run #'s on the same account.
[/IMG][/QUOTE]

I do agree with that. It really only works when there's only one breadwinner in the family. When both people work full time it's best to keep it separate and alternate months of paying the mortgage etc. as it heads off a lot of fights over money.
 
[quote name='n8rockerasu']That's why I kinda like the idea of him flipping a few breakers on his own. Allow her to discover that the power "isn't working", and ask her if she paid the bill. If it's something that he's already discussed with her, she SHOULD feel some sort of guilt/remorse for not doing it. [/QUOTE]

Actually, I think that's the best idea, as long as you don't get caught. But if you have to resort to shady shit like that, maybe it's better for the relationship if you just sit down and talk. It things don't get resolved: PIMPSLAP!
 
[quote name='dmaul1114']3. She'd likely resent him for it even though it's her fault.[/QUOTE]

If you don't resent your spouse for something after the first five years of marriage, you're not doing it right.

The nice thing about the weather in the next month or so is that it won't be too hot or cold. I guess I need to find out if the gas water heater has an electric pilot light.
 
id suggest going out somewhere during the day and having a talk. have someone watch your kid so that way if it ends up into an argument she wont have to hear it but youre going to have to talk about it. if i were you id focus on getting your own finances in order ( as far as any debts you personally have) and once you do that save your money. sounds like you probably make more than her and because of that you end up being the main one paying the bulk of the bills which can suck.

so talk it out somewhere let her know whats bugging you and why and see if she will compromis somehow so things can get in order. especially in this economy its better to eliminate debt while you can. if even afer you calmy and rationally discuss this with her and she continues to flake on bills just handle your own business and enjoy the eventual moment when shit gets out of hand for her and she has to ask you for help.
 
[quote name='SpazX']so why are you two married?[/QUOTE]

Other than love, not wanting to fuck up myself, her or the kids with a divorce and whatever replacements for me she'll scrounge up, my fondness of heterosexual sex and living indoors, my observations of other people have shown them to be even more flawed than my wife.
 
My fiance' owes me over $2,400 for bills... I basically have decided to forgo this money, hoping she can now stay current and will be caught up totally, I have told her she HAS to hand over one of her two checks to me each month from now on.

I understand it's a relationship and marriage is over money and all that, but yeah, it gets pretty annoying.
 
[quote name='crunchb3rry']Actually, I think that's the best idea, as long as you don't get caught. But if you have to resort to shady shit like that, maybe it's better for the relationship if you just sit down and talk. It things don't get resolved: PIMPSLAP![/QUOTE]

It's not shady. It's a dramatization of what could actually happen. And like I said, I think it could be done in a far more light-hearted manner than sitting her down and giving her a stern talking to, like she's a child. Not to mention, talking about it has already proven to be futile. If it's the kind of thing she'd flip out over, and can't see the message behind it, then she's just unreasonable, and a waste of energy dealing with anyway (and yes, I am married).
 
[quote name='DestroVega']My fiance' owes me over $2,400 for bills... I basically have decided to forgo this money, hoping she can now stay current and will be caught up totally, I have told her she HAS to hand over one of her two checks to me each month from now on.

I understand it's a relationship and marriage is over money and all that, but yeah, it gets pretty annoying.[/QUOTE]

I hope she at least pays you in daily BJ's. There has to be some kind of compensation. I mean, when it gets to that point, you basically own her existence.
 
Stick it in her dumper full thrust no lube. After shes done crying and complaining tell her thats what it feels like to have your credit rating screwed due to laziness.
 
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