I kind of have a serious problem and need some advice. [UPDATE#2: potential scam]

UPDATE: Well, I finally had the conversation with him and it didn't go well. I did not give in but I feel like shit. I'll explain it in more detail later but I do believe he thinks he is going to get hurt - very soon. He still won't tell his parents and I'm debating whether or not I should. Should I? I mean I don't want to see him get hurt but I can't be the one who bails him out.
 
[quote name='javeryh']UPDATE: Well, I finally had the conversation with him and it didn't go well. I did not give in but I feel like shit. I'll explain it in more detail later but I do believe he thinks he is going to get hurt - very soon. He still won't tell his parents and I'm debating whether or not I should. Should I? I mean I don't want to see him get hurt but I can't be the one who bails him out.[/QUOTE]

Depending on how persistent he's been with his 'hobbies' over the years, your denial would only be putting off the inevitable, IMO.

I'm sorry it went down like that and I'm sure you feel like shit. If, however, (1) you don't think you'll really help him (that this would be the end of this lifestyle) and (2) you feel that your help is only in vain because he's lying about the extent and nature of the problem, ultimately, family or not, how can you feel responsible for the plights of someone who is most likely that deceitful to you?

I'm surprised it's been two weeks without him being hurt. The problem with organized crime is that you can't go to the police, any assistance (say, if you spot him $1,000) could ultimately make you a culpable colleague of his (both form the police and mob's vantage points), and they are assuredly persistent in getting their due.

I hope the situation goes well; I can't imagine it will, since I assume he flipped/panicked on you when you told him no. Being out of options and indebted to the mafia is the worst place to be. His last remaining hope is that he's not worth enough to harm that much.
 
I disagree with NOT going to the police.

Either he takes a stand and takes what he's got coming OR he involves the authorities who probably know these players already and this may be the one break they need to get them out of service.

If he doesn't do the right thing and take these a-holes down, then the next victim's blood is on HIS hands.

He needs to do something and not lie down like a downed dog.:bomb:
 
[quote name='XI MAXIMUS IX']I disagree with NOT going to the police.

Either he takes a stand and takes what he's got coming OR he involves the authorities who probably know these players already and this may be the one break they need to get them out of service.

If he doesn't do the right thing and take these a-holes down, then the next victim's blood is on HIS hands.

He needs to do something and not lie down like a downed dog.:bomb:[/QUOTE]

You *do* know why the mob's the mob, right?
 
[quote name='mykevermin']Depending on how persistent he's been with his 'hobbies' over the years, your denial would only be putting off the inevitable, IMO.

I'm sorry it went down like that and I'm sure you feel like shit. If, however, (1) you don't think you'll really help him (that this would be the end of this lifestyle) and (2) you feel that your help is only in vain because he's lying about the extent and nature of the problem, ultimately, family or not, how can you feel responsible for the plights of someone who is most likely that deceitful to you?

I'm surprised it's been two weeks without him being hurt. The problem with organized crime is that you can't go to the police, any assistance (say, if you spot him $1,000) could ultimately make you a culpable colleague of his (both form the police and mob's vantage points), and they are assuredly persistent in getting their due.

I hope the situation goes well; I can't imagine it will, since I assume he flipped/panicked on you when you told him no. Being out of options and indebted to the mafia is the worst place to be. His last remaining hope is that he's not worth enough to harm that much.[/quote]

I do not feel responsible at all for what happens to him. It is not my fault he owes money to the mob or whoever and cannot pay it back. It's not my fault at all if someone shows up and breaks his legs today. What bothers me is that I'll feel guilty if it happens and giving him the money could have prevented it.

The fact still remains that I cannot get involved - period. I just can't and the second I hand him a penny I would become involved (even though he was swearing up and down that I wouldn't be). First, I have a family to think about and they are my top priority. I can't take even the smallest chance that my name would get out and someone would come to me to collect the rest of his debt. Second, I have a career to think about to support my family and an ethics committee to answer to should this ever get out somehow (believe it or not :)). Involvement in something like this could mean the end of my career - unlikely but why risk it?

He did flip out on me when I kept telling him no. It was one of the worst conversations I've ever had - he was crying and begging and I could tell he was angry and scared. I'm not 100% sure he is being completely honest with me either (although give him an Oscar if he's lying). Is this the last payment owed? Is it really for gambling? If he does have a gambling problem is this money really going towards his debt? The sad thing is that he *only* needs $2,500 - I can't imagine not being able to put that together. He said he got the rest of the money he owes from friends. He kept repeating that "$2,500 and these guys are out of my life forever."

I feel like shit and I think our relationship is probably permanently altered from this point on and it's unfortunate. I have a close knit family and he is really the only black sheep - it's going to make things awkward. He just didn't understand how I could say no to family for something this serious. At the same time he still refused to tell his parents and I'm debating whether or not to tell them myself (well, at least tell my other uncle knowing full well it would probably get back to my cousin's dad). I think I'm leaning towards saying something - I want to help, I don't want to see him get hurt but I cannot give him the money and get involved like that under any circumstance.

Any thoughts?
 
Might as well spill the beans. If your relationship with him is going to be awkward no matter what, at least make it awkward as a result of your intention to help him, rather than something worse. Also, a gambling habit (as are any habits) is tough to break; one of the things that can help is the knowledge and support of your family (that is, it's easier to keep doing stupid things if those who you feel bonded to are none the wiser).

You're stuck with shitty choice A and shitty choice B. I recommend ratting him out, lest this kind of stuff continue.
 
[quote name='javeryh']UPDATE: Well, I finally had the conversation with him and it didn't go well. I did not give in but I feel like shit. I'll explain it in more detail later but I do believe he thinks he is going to get hurt - very soon. He still won't tell his parents and I'm debating whether or not I should. Should I? [highlight]I mean I don't want to see him get hurt but I can't be the one who bails him outonly has one ball.[/QUOTE][/highlight]
Fixed. Going back to read your newer post now.

To your most recent post, Javeryh: Why not inform his parents? I know thats probably not what he wants, but it's probably the best thing you could do. Your helping him indirectly so your not doing a damn thing for him personally.
 
Ratting him to his parents may have a bonus result of keeping him from coming to you with shit like this in the future.
 
[quote name='Rags']If he starts to beg after telling him no just throw glitter in his face and run out the door.[/quote]

Or he could always knock over the magazine rack.:lol:
 
Did you tell him that you can't believe that he would try and bring family into this situation? Also, I'd tell him that if he's not telling his parents, then he's obviously not exhausted his other resources and that if he were in real trouble he'd tell them. I'd also tell him that there's no reason you should take him seriously if he hasn't and isn't going to tell them.

If he hasn't told his parents there's no reason why you should even talk to him. And what's with him only needing $2500 now?

You're not the one that should feel awkward next time you see him, he should for trying to put your family out of resources and possibly in danger. Especially since he's choosing to not tell closer relatives that can better help him.

Beggars can't be choosers.
 
UPDATE #2: OK, I decided to call my father and tell him what was going on and to find out if he thought I did the right thing. Thank god I did. Through conversations with my father and other members of my family I found out that this is not the first time that my cousin has done something like this. He convinced someone else in my family to give him $5k a few months ago and used similar tactics - crying, guilt trip, etc. except that he told a different story why he needed the money. Now that I came forward, everyone knows about it and everyone in the family is being warned to not fall for it.

I'm still not sure if he was telling me the truth about the danger he is supposedly in (he was really convincing) but I'm positive that telling him no was the right decision. I think one way or another he needs help for whatever problems he is into (best guess is gambling).
 
And the family's knowledge means nobody will be taken for a sucker again, and with any luck, some family pressure can put him into a corner where he has no alternative but to seek help.

It kinda sucks to feel like a tattletale, but good on you.
 
[quote name='mykevermin']It kinda sucks to feel like a tattletale, but good on you.[/quote]

This is exactly how I'm feeling. Between all the begging and crying he made me promise up and down that I wouldn't breathe a word of it to anyone which I did and I ran off and basically told everyone. I feel like a rat. My word is usually solid - especially with something serious like that but he took that risk by coming to me in the first place.
 
Well, it's pretty clear to me (as an outsider) that the "don't tell anyone" schtick is so people don't realize that he's working everyone simultaneously. If he's hitting up ten people who see and talk with each other every day, and they all abide by his wishes to not tell anyone about it, then he'll have a greater chance of success. If they do talk about it, he's lost all of them as a resource to tap.

I'm sure he feels some stigma about his issues (I'd be very surprised if he did not), but he probably also has that gambling compulsion that tells him he's "one good run" away from being independently wealthy and paying everyone back (in that order ;)).

I hope this is the end of it for you. Chances are you aren't the only person he's talking to at the moment about this, so I highly doubt he'll be able to trace the tattling back to you. Even so, what's he gonna do about it?
 
Give your cousin a call and just ask how he's doing. If he's still fine, he'll be just that. "They are going to come hurt me tomorrow if I don't pay!" (Calls him tomorrow) "Yeah I'm fine, but um....their on their way....so make with the money!"
 
[quote name='javeryh']UPDATE #2: OK, I decided to call my father and tell him what was going on and to find out if he thought I did the right thing. Thank god I did. Through conversations with my father and other members of my family I found out that this is not the first time that my cousin has done something like this. He convinced someone else in my family to give him $5k a few months ago and used similar tactics - crying, guilt trip, etc. except that he told a different story why he needed the money. Now that I came forward, everyone knows about it and everyone in the family is being warned to not fall for it.

I'm still not sure if he was telling me the truth about the danger he is supposedly in (he was really convincing) but I'm positive that telling him no was the right decision. I think one way or another he needs help for whatever problems he is into (best guess is gambling).[/QUOTE]

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

You should feel no shame or remorse for telling on him IMO.
 
To lighten the mood, I say:

Start building a new MAME cabinet but this time, put video slots in it. Then invite him over for a while and take his own money from him. That way, the next time this happens you can just crack it back open and give him his own money back.
 
I agree. You shouldn't feel bad at all.

You just saved many of your family members the heartache and grief that you just went through, not to mention possibly saving them thousands of dollars that would have gone to a useless cause. It's no wonder he didn't want anyone else to find out he called you, because they already knew of the similar scam he was pulling on them.

Your cousin isn't related to you anymore. When he starts preying on his own family, he ceases to be a family member. You 100% did the right thing by saving your real family.
 
[quote name='mykevermin']I recommend ratting him out, lest this kind of stuff continue.[/quote]

I agree, this really sounds like a scam. The whole $10,000 to only $2,500 (something you could probably afford) seems really fishy. If he only needs $2,500 then he can sell his car or other material possesions.

But if he is telling the truth I'd go to the parents.
 
Dude he's a cousin, no need to give him money. I think the nerve of asking money to pay off a gambling debt you got yourself into. If he got laid off and has a family and mortgage that's one thing. But a gambling debt? Don't give him anything. Now if it were your brother or sister, that's different.
 
How dare you tattle on your cousin, he is only trying to make an honest living as a Con-Artist, its not easy to get started in that cutthroat business....

All kidding aside you did the right thing, having been involved in a similar situation I know how hard it can be, you should feel good about what you have done.
 
[quote name='Wombat']All kidding aside you did the right thing, having been involved in a similar situation I know how hard it can be, you should feel good about what you have done.[/QUOTE]

Is that what prevented you from becoming a made man?
 
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