If Your Woman Was Cheating.

[quote name='jaykrue']'Nuff said. Thread over. That said, I'd never be foolish enough to have just one gf. Nobody's worth going to jail over or even getting upset about. It's beneath me. If she wants to fcuk around let her, karma will bite her in the ass someday - a terminal vd or a shitfcuk ton of kids she doesn't want & living off food stamps because the guy she cheated with left her old saggy body for another pretty young thing & no child support. It's inevitable.[/QUOTE]

Uhhhh, waiter? I'd like to send this soup back. It tastes very irony.
 
[quote name='friedram']Also- if your girl is cheating on you it means that you are a shitty lay.[/QUOTE]

What better way to scream "I'm in high school!" than with this?

Edit: I'm sorry, you're apparently married.

So...

What better way to scream "I'm in high school! And in the South!" than with this?
 
[quote name='pimpinc333']The glitter part was gay but the Magazine Rack made me laugh a little.[/QUOTE]

The glitter part was in reference to a thread that got pulled down. Out of context is definately gay. In context, it's funny as hell.
 
[quote name='Brak']... then wouldn't you... be doing the same thing as your girlfriend who is in bed with another man..? :whistle2:s[/quote]

That's only predicated on the idea that I would go after a girl who's already got a bf. My opinion on such a matter is that if a girl is desperate enough to cheat on her bf, she'll be desperate enough to cheat on me so I don't need the baggage. That's just asking for trouble (like the majority of murder responses here show :lol: )

[quote name='Blitz']You would never be foolish enough to have just one gf but karma will bite her because she screwed around? Uh yeah....[/quote]

Right now I'm a polyamorous (multi-love in case you didn't know) relationship w/ 3 girls. We fool around w/ each other but in case one of us feels like hooking up she (or my case, he) gets the consent from the others & w/ a condom. It works out for the most part. That's not cheating to me since I'm fully aware if one of the girls is hooking up w/ a guy & as such the girls are fully aware when I hook up w/ another girl. This kind of relationship is damn near impossible to make work w/ most people as they're used to the one-on-one type of interaction. Fortunately, there's still a lot of open-minded people out there. I'll admit my chances for stds & pregnancy are probably higher than most people but the girls are careful for the most part & I'm responsible enough to care a life preserver in my pocket whenever I go out.

[quote name='Fanboy']Uhhhh, waiter? I'd like to send this soup back. It tastes very irony.[/quote]

Funny, I thought you liked my self-brewed protein.
 
Jaykrue, I think you're a nice guy and all, but you're completely missing the point.

I'm quite aware you'll reply with a "no, YOU are" sort of thing, which is fine.

I'd go into a lenghty discussion about things like double standards and all that, but it doesn't really apply too heavily here.

To everyone else, Jaykrue's answer is essentially "none of my relationships are serious."

That's how I'm reading it anyway.

But I'm a terrible contestant when it comes to relationship matters, so my opinion is probably worthless. Eh.
 
I would like to think that I would do something mature, but in reality, I would probably beat the shit out of the dude, and break some of the bitch's shit. I know I would get fucked, probably go to jail or some shit, but I have anger issues and my gut reaction is usually the one I do right away without thinking.

Hope to god, it never happens to me.
 
[quote name='Strell']Jaykrue, I think you're a nice guy and all, but you're completely missing the point.

I'm quite aware you'll reply with a "no, YOU are" sort of thing, which is fine.

I'd go into a lenghty discussion about things like double standards and all that, but it doesn't really apply too heavily here.

To everyone else, Jaykrue's answer is essentially "none of my relationships are serious."

That's how I'm reading it anyway.

But I'm a terrible contestant when it comes to relationship matters, so my opinion is probably worthless. Eh.[/quote]

Well, truth be told, my polyamorous relationships are serious. I plan on maintaining them for a long time. To me, cheating is all about deception & lack of consent. With those 2 things in place, a relationship can't grow or prosper. That's true for individual one-to-one relationships as well as polyamorous ones. The kind of stuff I do, I do it with the full knowledge (and if not before, I'll dish them the details after the hookup) of my partners in polyamory. These girls understand full well I'm gonna hook up w/ other girls but by the very same notion, I have to understand that they'll hook up w/ guys (and girls) too. It's an example of true equality & companionship. Jealousy has no place here because we hook up w/ the blessing of the others. As for stds, my mom's a doctor so getting a checkup isn't a problem at her clinic (which I get every 2 months anyway). As for babies? I'm well enough off that were all 3 of my partners to get pregnant by me, I could support them all the way through college (if my fiscal timetable is correct).
 
I'm not thinking about anything physically related - STDs, pregnancy, etc.

I'm thinking about the mental artifacts that will occur. You're saying that not only do they not exist, but they never had a chance to exist, given the agreements reached up front.

'Course, this is where an argument enters about "well how could you ever possibly have a single relationship if you're effectively dilluting yourself across multiple people?" And the answer might be that a "switch" goes off at some point that shuts down any extraneous partners.

Personally, I don't (can't and won't) roll that way, and it seems pretty alien. But I accept that it's possible, despite my inability to truly conceive it.

I guess in that respect, I generally just wish luck to those in any relationships they pursue.

Lastly, I want to point out a tangent that I think somewhat applies and that I think is true - regardless of what women say, they cannot have sex without some faint component and concept of love, unless they are just completely doing it for monetary reasons. I don't think I've ever met/run across a woman who would admit to that, but at the same time, they won't deny it outright. They'd tell me I was insane and how I didn't understand and other bullshit, but when it came down to it, it was impossible for them to divorce such emotions.

And with that said, I'd really wonder about things.

But again, that's just me, and I realize I probably sound like a real jackass right about.....now.
 
[quote name='Strell']I'm not thinking about anything physically related - STDs, pregnancy, etc.

I'm thinking about the mental artifacts that will occur. You're saying that not only do they not exist, but they never had a chance to exist, given the agreements reached up front.

'Course, this is where an argument enters about "well how could you ever possibly have a single relationship if you're effectively dilluting yourself across multiple people?" And the answer might be that a "switch" goes off at some point that shuts down any extraneous partners.

Personally, I don't (can't and won't) roll that way, and it seems pretty alien. But I accept that it's possible, despite my inability to truly conceive it.

I guess in that respect, I generally just wish luck to those in any relationships they pursue.

Lastly, I want to point out a tangent that I think somewhat applies and that I think is true - regardless of what women say, they cannot have sex without some faint component and concept of love, unless they are just completely doing it for monetary reasons. I don't think I've ever met/run across a woman who would admit to that, but at the same time, they won't deny it outright. They'd tell me I was insane and how I didn't understand and other bullshit, but when it came down to it, it was impossible for them to divorce such emotions.

And with that said, I'd really wonder about things.

But again, that's just me, and I realize I probably sound like a real jackass right about.....now.[/quote]

Oh believe me, my arguments run the gamut. :roll: If you've ever had an argument w/ your gf, imagine that x3. And I didn't say they didn't exist. Far from it. Those mental constructs exist but over a long, long... LONG time of discussion, we've pared it down to pretty much nil. As I said, this is a difficult setup of a relationship & I don't think it would work beyond 4 people because, not only is intimacy a problem but logistics as well - who sleeps w/ whom? Do we all sleep on the same bed? Or does someone have to go sleep in the guest bedroom tonight? I hope I didn't give the wrong impression here. In a polyamorous relationship, every person loves everyone else. It means that the girls like to get frisky w/ each other as much as they do me. So I'm not completely hogging the spotlight. I'm just fortunate enough to be the only male in our foursome.

As to your tangent, what you said is pretty much true. But women have physical needs as well (and not necessarily from a guy either). To blindly ignore those needs results in a wandering eye. So if I'm (or the other girls are) not there to release her needs, a simple phone call tellin' us what's up & she gets the 'go ahead'.

I'd also like to point out that these girls can be just as jealous of outsiders hooking up w/ one of us (w/o our knowledge) & will react as such. It's quite the sight whenever we go out. Whenever a lipstick lesbian comes up to one of the girls turn on her boyfriend, the other 3 give the outsider dirty looks and pulls away our partner.

If you think about the nature of relationships now & look at what's happening, people are divorcing more often than before. Hell, in my own family, one of my uncle's already divorced 4 times.:roll: And his pattern is the same, break up & the old chick & get w/ the younger model. It's basically serial polygamy. At least in our setup, none of us is fooling the other. If one person wanted out, it's effectively divorcing all of us & none of us want to give up what we have. It's just too good a setup. Everyone gets along (with minor arguments of course) for the most part.
 
Ok, but that is a huge contradiction to what you said earlier. If these women get mad at each other and/or outsiders and/or newbies and/or additional partners, that doesn't translate well to endurance, because what happens when, maybe, you decide you want girl A instead of B and C?

If they are going to react like you've said, then they can't possibly be so level-headed as you initially expressed. Getting pissed about a girl in a club? Ok sure, so multiply that by a million when you tell two of them to truck off?

Unless you're planning on keeping them all around forever, at which point it's not really polyamory, it's polygamy, which is a different ballpark somewhat.

At this point the obvious question is where do you reach some sort of endpoint? Cuz now you're describing it like a team effort in dating (kind of like when Seinfeild and George did so) - if everyone agrees, you can "let in another member," or "vote one off," or whatever the politics of the situation are.

But that dictates that's no one is being so happy-go-lucky with the idea of seperation and/or finality. Instead you're telling me that if shit goes down, it goes down hard and possibly x3 as much. That doesn't sound so careless to me.

It's the competition thing. Women at clubs get pissed off at women they don't even know because of how they are dressed/dancing/carrying themselves. So I can't imagine the bullshit going into hyperdrive when you're actually all vying for the attention of A) each other and B) perhaps one person in particular. They want each other, they want the man, they want a new man, the other wants the other's new man.

Sounds like very thorny situation to me, and the direct opposite of "oh we all get it."

And yes, I agree to the stuff about divorces and stuff. My gf's dad has had 3 wives and countless girlfriends. My mom's side of the family is littered with divorce and illegitimate children. So it's widespread and possibly a broken system. But I dunno, that's a big (different) argument.
 
Strell and jaykrue - this is the the most interesting conversation I've read here in weeks. I'm envious of jaykrue's situation (probably because I'm going to be sleeping with the same girl for the rest of my life) but in reality I probably come down on the side of Strell - not that I couldn't enjoy a polyamorous relationship - I just don't think I could maintain one. It's tough enough getting into an argument with one girl - I can't imagine that x3. It is effing awesome that you make it work though.
 
[quote name='Strell']What better way to scream "I'm in high school!" than with this?

Edit: I'm sorry, you're apparently married.

So...

What better way to scream "I'm in high school! And in the South!" than with this?[/QUOTE]

Ahh, the personal attack- the mark of a Troll- the comments of "Highschool" and "South"- I don't live in the south, and I'm more educated that you are sir- and from a financial standpoint, I'd be wililng to bet I'm in the top 2% financially that visit this site.- but I digress- back on topic

1. If your partner (doesn't matter if you are straight or gay) is happy with you sexually, why would they seek out to have sex with someone else if they knew that doing it behind your back would hurt you?

If they want to stay with you and yet have sex with another person without your knowledge or consent- they obviously don't want to have a "committed" relationship with you.

As for what you are going to do about- be a man, and stop whining about it.
 
jaykrue, do you care for the 3 girls equally? I always wondered about these kinds of arrangements. What happens when you develop stronger feelings for one person in particular?

Also, why is it that all of these modern polyamorous relationships involve one dude and many girls? What would you do if the 3 girls tried to get another dude into the arrangment?
 
[quote name='friedram'] and I'm more educated that you are sir[/QUOTE]

I stopped reading there. For lots of reasons.
 
[quote name='mbstuff']What would you do if the 3 girls tried to get another dude into the arrangment?[/quote]

You've got to fast-forward through that shit.
 
[quote name='friedram']Ahh, the personal attack- the mark of a Troll- the comments of "Highschool" and "South"- I don't live in the south, and I'm more educated that you are sir- and from a financial standpoint, I'd be wililng to bet I'm in the top 2% financially that visit this site.- but I digress- back on topic
[/quote]
what does education have to do with his argument? Also "I'm more educated that you are sir" reeks of intelligence. The "that" should be "than." Finally, what does being in the top 2% financially of individuals of people that visit this site have to do with anything?
 
[quote name='zewone']I would like to think that I would do something mature, but in reality, I would probably beat the shit out of the dude, and break some of the bitch's shit. I know I would get fucked, probably go to jail or some shit, but I have anger issues and my gut reaction is usually the one I do right away without thinking.

Hope to god, it never happens to me.[/quote]

Same here
 
[quote name='Strell']Ok, but that is a huge contradiction to what you said earlier. If these women get mad at each other and/or outsiders and/or newbies and/or additional partners, that doesn't translate well to endurance, because what happens when, maybe, you decide you want girl A instead of B and C?[/QUOTE]

If I wanted girl A instead of B & C, that would be selfish of me and thus, I'd most likely get booted out of the 4 of us. If both girl A and me both wanted out, then we'd split up. As for additional partners, we aren't looking for more because we're content w/ what we have. Plus since we hook up w/ non-partners (w/ consent), there's no need to deviate from our current situation, even in the long term. I don't see this as any different from when married couples go swinging.

If they are going to react like you've said, then they can't possibly be so level-headed as you initially expressed. Getting pissed about a girl in a club? Ok sure, so multiply that by a million when you tell two of them to truck off?
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The jealousy is towards the outsider, not the girl in our group. Anyway, the girls hate lipstick lesbians because they aren't truly lesbians; they're only doing it to turn on their bf. Since consent wasn't given at this point, I don't see why they wouldn't be jealous. As I said, as long as consent is given, then any of us can have our cake & eat it too. And I think you might be missing the point here. I've seen these girls fight & what I described in my last post wasn't a fight. Dirty looks as just about as level-headed as you can get.

Unless you're planning on keeping them all around forever, at which point it's not really polyamory, it's polygamy, which is a different ballpark somewhat.
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I think you're confusing the two. I never said I was going to be with them forever & I've reiterated that point in my relationships as well. I said I was going to be w/ them for a long time. Polygamy is along the lines of marriage & that's never going to happen for me. That's true for the girls as well. We've got something comfortable & fun going on right now & it works. If and when someone wants out, we'll sit down & discuss it like adults. It's already happened twice so I imagine it'll happen again. It was another guy and a girl at the time. We were basically a two-couple 4some who shared benefits. The guys didn't do anything w/ each other (as we were both straight) but we shared the girls. At one point, the guy felt that it wasn't for him & left (though I suspect his parents' strict religious background had more to do w/ it). So at that point, I was the only guy w/ 2 girls. Fast forward 2 years later and one of the girls meets a girl who she really likes and decides to go strictly dyke. As the other girl in our trio wanted both of our crotch organs, she decided to stick it out w/ me. Eventually, we found 2 other people to involve in our group. But we never lost touch w/ the other two who left. They remain good friends (but just friends; no sex).

At this point the obvious question is where do you reach some sort of endpoint? Cuz now you're describing it like a team effort in dating (kind of like when Seinfeild and George did so) - if everyone agrees, you can "let in another member," or "vote one off," or whatever the politics of the situation are.
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It is a team effort in dating & as such I discourage most ppl from doing it if they don't have the patience or maturity to handle such a situation. The one thing about it is that the relationship is quite fluid - anything can happen but I've noticed that stability is actually greater since we ARE a team. We support each other whenever one of us is down or needs help. As for adding members, we agreed that 4 is probably the max any relationship can handle (as I said due to logistics) & that anyone who wants to come in can only be a hookup.

But that dictates that's no one is being so happy-go-lucky with the idea of seperation and/or finality. Instead you're telling me that if shit goes down, it goes down hard and possibly x3 as much. That doesn't sound so careless to me.
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We ARE pretty happy-go-lucky about separation because we see more benefit to staying with the current setup than leaving it. It's more of a detriment to leave than to stay. Living together, we're essentially a family & as such can help out w/ things like mortgage payments, chores, etc. None of us have kids so we don't have to worry about them. Plus, one of the girls leans more towards women (but doesn't mind me too much in bed) so she gets her lezzie tendencies off & I get my foursome.

It's the competition thing. Women at clubs get pissed off at women they don't even know because of how they are dressed/dancing/carrying themselves. So I can't imagine the bullshit going into hyperdrive when you're actually all vying for the attention of A) each other and B) perhaps one person in particular. They want each other, they want the man, they want a new man, the other wants the other's new man.
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See that's the sticking point you're missing I think. We aren't vying for each other's attention since when we go home together, nookie isn't a possibility it's a given. Outsiders are allowed in w/ the consent of the others but only as bedmates and not part of our 'family'. I don't know if I'm not conveying it correctly but consent isn't that difficult to give:

girl A: "Hey, this guy wants to hook up w/ me tonight"
me: "Ok, just remember to wear a jacket (condom)"
girl B: "Girl, you better dish the dirt afterwards or you aren't gonna get some from me for a week."
girl C: "Is he cute? Is he cut (circumcised, not physically fit)? Or does he have a turtleneck (uncircumcised)?":roll:

That's pretty much our conversations on such matters.

Sounds like very thorny situation to me, and the direct opposite of "oh we all get it."

And yes, I agree to the stuff about divorces and stuff. My gf's dad has had 3 wives and countless girlfriends. My mom's side of the family is littered with divorce and illegitimate children. So it's widespread and possibly a broken system. But I dunno, that's a big (different) argument.
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It IS a thorny situation but arguments are far & few in between because most arguments are about clean houses, chores being done, etc. rather than the typical arguments I'd have in a monogamous relationship - "Are you looking at that girl?" "I can't believe you were flirting w/ her!" etc. As I said, it's not for everyone but goddamn is it fun.:lol:
 
[quote name='mbstuff']jaykrue, do you care for the 3 girls equally? I always wondered about these kinds of arrangements. What happens when you develop stronger feelings for one person in particular?

Also, why is it that all of these modern polyamorous relationships involve one dude and many girls? What would you do if the 3 girls tried to get another dude into the arrangment?[/quote]

Yeah, I care for them as if they were one gf & so do the girls for each other. Everyone seems to think that it's me getting all the sex from the girls but the girls play w/ each other too. It's not a harem, it's a multipartner relationship.
If one person develops stronger feelings, s/he has a choice to make, stick w/ other 3 or leave. It's an all or nothing proposition.

[quote name='javeryh']Strell and jaykrue - this is the the most interesting conversation I've read here in weeks. I'm envious of jaykrue's situation (probably because I'm going to be sleeping with the same girl for the rest of my life) but in reality I probably come down on the side of Strell - not that I couldn't enjoy a polyamorous relationship - I just don't think I could maintain one. It's tough enough getting into an argument with one girl - I can't imagine that x3. It is effing awesome that you make it work though.[/quote]

It's difficult and it's not like I get into an argument w/ all 3 girls at once (though I did come close a few times) but it's still far rewarding in that there's no secrets between us. Even fetishes we all have we share w/ each other (though we don't always do it as one of the girls has a golden shower addiction :puke: )
 
So do you bring all three of them to your family around the holidays and vice versa? Shit, my in-laws are a 4 hour drive away and it's a logistical nightmare. This is so interesting - I have a ton of questions floating around in my head about just how you get through an average day (nevermind all the awesome sex). :D
 
[quote name='jaykrue']
It's difficult and it's not like I get into an argument w/ all 3 girls at once (though I did come close a few times) but it's still far rewarding in that there's no secrets between us. Even fetishes we all have we share w/ each other (though we don't always do it as one of the girls has a golden shower addiction :puke: )[/quote]

I always wondered how you received your tenured seat as a professor of pimpology. You, sir, should chair the department.
 
[quote name='javeryh']So do you bring all three of them to your family around the holidays and vice versa? Shit, my in-laws are a 4 hour drive away and it's a logistical nightmare. This is so interesting - I have a ton of questions floating around in my head about just how you get through an average day (nevermind all the awesome sex). :D[/quote]
Well, my mom's cool w/ it but not my dad (though he's a hypocritical cheating bastard anyway). It's a good thing they're divorced. My bigger problem is my mom nagging me for grandchildren. She said, any or all of them will do.:roll: 2 of the girls have hippies (not former hippies) for parents & they're cool with it. The last girl has Baptist parents & is a closet bisexual so she hasn't told her family yet. It's a good thing they're all in Florida. When we go down there, she usually brings me along to be her bf. The other girls stay at our hotel or, if they want to come, come as 'just friends'.

[quote name='mbstuff']I always wondered how you received your tenured seat as a professor of pimpology. You, sir, should chair the department.[/quote]

Haha, it took a lot of 'research' and dedication to the craft.
 
[quote name='jaykrue']'Nuff said. Thread over. That said, I'd never be foolish enough to have just one gf. Nobody's worth going to jail over or even getting upset about. It's beneath me. If she wants to fcuk around let her, karma will bite her in the ass someday - a terminal vd or a shitfcuk ton of kids she doesn't want & living off food stamps because the guy she cheated with left her old saggy body for another pretty young thing & no child support. It's inevitable.[/quote]

Double standard? Guys can't get a terminal VD or have a shitfcuk ton of kids?
 
[quote name='Quillion']Double standard? Guys can't get a terminal VD or have a shitfcuk ton of kids?[/quote]

Nope. Just the irresponsibilty that comes with such things. I get checked every 2 months & I'm prepared for the occasion of kids.
 
[quote name='ejgarc']How does getting checked stop you from getting a terminal VD?[/quote]

How does having sex? It's not a given that I won't get one but I take all measures to minimize that risk especially if in a polyamorous setting. But all it takes is to do it once w/ the wrong person. That's true for a monogamous relationship as much as it is for a polyamorous one.
 
[quote name='jaykrue'] That's true for a monogamous relationship as much as it is for a polyamorous one.[/quote]
No; if it is monogamous relationship and both parties were tested, as long as neither party cheats, there is no chance of VDs. You have stated that people in your group, including yourself, are allowed to wander, so therefore your theory has holes.
 
[quote name='ejgarc']No; if it is monogamous relationship and both parties were tested, as long as neither party cheats, there is no chance of VDs. You have stated that people in your group, including yourself, are allowed to wander, so therefore your theory has holes.[/quote]

No necessarily true. Even in monogamous relationships, if one person has had a previous history of stds even benign ones and doesn't inform their sig. other, then they're still at risk, despite having only one partner. The only ones who are probably guaranteed to not have stds are virgins. Being monogamous doesn't negate the chance of an std even if you didn't cheat.
 
I would jump in bed and go I knew you always knew what I wanted honey, wow he's well built to. If that doesn't work then I would just get out of the bed and beat them with baseball bats, Or just leave
 
[quote name='jaykrue']No necessarily true. Even in monogamous relationships, if one person has had a previous history of stds even benign ones and doesn't inform their sig. other, then they're still at risk, despite having only one partner. The only ones who are probably guaranteed to not have stds are virgins. Being monogamous doesn't negate the chance of an std even if you didn't cheat.[/quote]
1. If you have the tests you know what the STDs are before the relationship and you know what you are getting into and the factors stay the same, whereas in your current set-up you have many more variables.
2. By having more and more partners you are exponentially increasing your chances of getting a VD.
 
[quote name='ejgarc']1. If you have the tests you know what the STDs are before the relationship and you know what you are getting into and the factors stay the same, whereas in your current set-up you have many more variables.
2. By having more and more partners you are exponentially increasing your chances of getting a VD.[/quote]

1) Ok, how many times have you had sex w/ your monogamous partner before being tested? I'm sure I'm not the only one who has. Many people are going to have sex before getting tested so it's not guaranteed that you're completely free. It's on the same reasoning as having a girl sign a consent form before having sex with her to ensure it's not rape. Yeah, you could do it that way, but it's doubtful it'd get beyond that. Plus, even if you're free after being tested, there's no guarantee that your partner might cheat anyway and contract one after you've both been tested. The way I have it worked at least, I know exactly who my partners (and their partners are) because I've nullified the reason behind hiding the outside party.

2) Yes, that's why I get checked more often than most people because my risk is higher. I'm fully aware of the risks and, as such, have taken measures to minimize it. And that's all anyone can do really short of being completely celibate (and I'm not gonna give up that) or remain a virgin till I die (too late for that).
 
Your not getting the point, even with all your precautions you are still at a higher risk. In a monogamous relationship, I have to worry about 1 person having an affair, you have to worry about 3, not to mention you stated that you were seeing other people outside of those relationships. Next, you have not "nullified" anything because while you may approve of the other party having other partners, you cannot control if they are using protection.
 
Also, you are changing the argument. You stated that you got tested many times. I stated what difference does that make? Point is you can get tested all you want, the fact remains that you are at a higher risk.

Its analogy time! If a woman takes a pregnancy test does it lower her chance of getting pregnant? Nope, therefore you getting tested for VDs does not lower your risk of getting one.
 
[quote name='ejgarc']Your not getting the point, even with all your precautions you are still at a higher risk. In a monogamous relationship, I have to worry about 1 person having an affair, you have to worry about 3, not to mention you stated that you were seeing other people outside of those relationships. Next, you have not "nullified" anything because while you may approve of the other party having other partners, you cannot control if they are using protection.[/quote]
And you're not getting my point either. While I'm at higher risk to get an std, it only takes one to get it. So I could be lucky with my 3 and not get any at all while you might be unlucky w/ that one girl and get AIDS. As for your 2nd assertion, anyone outside the 4some we always use protection. It's just common sense especially since we are at a higher risk than monogamous people. It would be foolish otherwise not to take precautions.

[quote name='ejgarc']Also, you are changing the argument. You stated that you got tested many times. I stated what difference does that make? Point is you can get tested all you want, the fact remains that you are at a higher risk.

Its analogy time! If a woman takes a pregnancy test does it lower her chance of getting pregnant? Nope, therefore you getting tested for VDs does not lower your risk of getting one.[/quote]

As I said, even if I am at higher risk, it only takes one chance to get it. All I have is a higher risk than a monogamous person. It doesn't mean a monogamous person isn't immune to it either. Your analogy is a strawman at best because it works just as well for a mongamous person. If a woman takes an std test does it lower her chance of getting an std? Nope therefore your analogy is moot.
 
[quote name='jaykrue'] As for your 2nd assertion, anyone outside the 4some we always use protection. It's just common sense especially since we are at a higher risk than monogamous people. It would be foolish otherwise not to take precautions.[/quote]
How do you always know they use protection?
 
[quote name='ejgarc']How do you always know they use protection?[/quote]

I'll send that question right back at you. How do you always know your monogamous partner is telling you the truth?
 
[quote name='jaykrue'] As I said, even if I am at higher risk, it only takes one chance to get it. All I have is a higher risk than a monogamous person. It doesn't mean a monogamous person isn't immune to it either. Your analogy is a strawman at best because it works just as well for a mongamous person. If a woman takes an std test does it lower her chance of getting an std? Nope therefore your analogy is moot.[/quote]
It only takes one time to get it and you have 3x the likelihood (probably higher since you also see other people, but may be offset because you are in control of your actions (i.e. using protection)). The point is not how many times it takes to get it, but rather your chances to get it in the first place. Next, mongamous by its very definition (marriam webster) involves having only one mate. So therefore, if neither party had an STD going in, neither party is going to get an STD. Finally, there is a difference between my partner maybe cheating, and knowing that your partner is cheating.
 
[quote name='jaykrue']I'll send that question right back at you. How do you always know your monogamous partner is telling you the truth?[/quote]
Ah, but you avoided the question instead of answering it.
 
This is what you stated about another poster stating you had an increased chance of getting an STD or having children.
[quote name='jaykrue']Nope. Just the irresponsibilty that comes with such things. I get checked every 2 months & I'm prepared for the occasion of kids.[/quote]
Again, how does getting checked help you lower your chances?
 
[quote name='ejgarc']It only takes one time to get it and you have 3x the likelihood (probably higher since you also see other people, but may be offset because you are in control of your actions (i.e. using protection)).[/quote]
Yup, I have to be more careful than the average joe simply because the risks are higher. I take the risks anyway because the reward is also higher.

The point is not how many times it takes to get it, but rather your chances to get it in the first place. Next, mongamous by its very definition (marriam webster) involves having only one mate. So therefore, if neither party had an STD going in, neither party is going to get an STD. Finally, there is a difference between my partner maybe cheating, and knowing that your partner is cheating.
Click to expand...
I know perfectly well what monogamy means so you can dispense with the pedantry. :roll: As I implied, you can't keep track of your partner 24/7. It's a logistic nightmare for a single person. So even if your partner maybe/maybe not cheating, you have to have a small measure of trust in that person not to cheat on you. And what the girls do w/ others isn't cheating as cheating implies that they had sex w/o informing me and it's a small matter of informing that it's mundane nature would surprise most people.

[quote name='ejgarc']Ah, but you avoided the question instead of answering it.[/quote]
Ok, I'll answer it. You don't. But it doesn't negate my point that monogamous persons have that same exact problem so it's irrelevant as it pertains to the discussion.

[quote name='ejgarc']This is what you stated about another poster stating you had an increased chance of getting an STD or having children.

Again, how does getting checked help you lower your chances?[/quote]

The implication there is that the girl had sex w/o my knowledge and thus is irresponsible. It wouldn't be that much of a stretch to show her irresponsibility in other aspects of her life. As for you 2nd question, if by the lengthy responses in my other posts, you haven't figured it out, I doubt you'd get it.
 
[quote name='ejgarc']Ah, but I only have to trust one person, you have to trust 3.[/quote]

So? Remember it takes only one.
 
[quote name='ejgarc']Ah, but I only have to trust one person, you have to trust 3.[/quote]

No offense, but you honestly sound like a teenager that is saving themself for marriage.

I can understand where jaykrue is coming from. As its pretty much the same thing that goes on in debates in the gay community about open relationships. Some hate them, some wouldn't have it anyother way. It all depends on the person. I will admit that when I was younger, I use to have a hatred for guys that were in open relationships because I thought it was pointless. Yes, I am in case you were wondering. But now, I just look at it all and think "hey, whatever the hell works and makes you happy". I know of a couple of couple that are in open relationships and it totally works for them. As far as testing goes. There are some that irregardless of if they're with they're partner partner, they still wear a condom. Ultimately you have to whats right for you.

As for myself, I'm in a monogamous relationship.
 
[quote name='HumanSnatcher']No offense, but you honestly sound like a teenager that is saving themself for marriage.

I can understand where jaykrue is coming from. As its pretty much the same thing that goes on in debates in the gay community about open relationships. Some hate them, some wouldn't have it anyother way. It all depends on the person. I will admit that when I was younger, I use to have a hatred for guys that were in open relationships because I thought it was pointless. Yes, I am in case you were wondering. But now, I just look at it all and think "hey, whatever the hell works and makes you happy". I know of a couple of couple that are in open relationships and it totally works for them. As far as testing goes. There are some that irregardless of if they're with they're partner partner, they still wear a condom. Ultimately you have to whats right for you.

As for myself, I'm in a monogamous relationship.[/quote]
I've seen a few adults who are still into the whole 'saving for marriage' thing so it's not just teenagers (but definitely more rare). Ditto on the protection, except for my girls, I don't sex at all w/o a condom.

As for your own relationship, more power to ya man.
 
[quote name='jaykrue']I've seen a few adults who are still into the whole 'saving for marriage' thing so it's not just teenagers (but definitely more rare). Ditto on the protection, except for my girls, I don't sex at all w/o a condom.

As for your own relationship, more power to ya man.[/quote]

You're right about that. I mean, it just seems hes like a teenager trying to refute every argument directed towards him by say "but....but...but".

And I agree with javeryh, this has got to be one of the more interesting debates on here in a while
 
[quote name='HumanSnatcher']You're right about that. I mean, it just seems hes like a teenager trying to refute every argument directed towards him by say "but....but...but".

And I agree with javeryh, this has got to be one of the more interesting debates on here in a while[/quote]

Well, let's not go down the flame war route & speak of one's maturity. I think his arguments were thoughtful for the most part.
 
[quote name='jaykrue']Well, let's not go down the flame war route & speak of one's maturity. I think his arguments were thoughtful for the most part.[/quote]

Believe me, I'm not trying to start a flame war at all. I was just merely making an observation
 
[quote name='HumanSnatcher']Believe me, I'm not trying to start a flame war at all. I was just merely making an observation[/quote]

That's cool. Since you brought it up, I'm a bit confused. Are you in a monogamous relationship or a polyamorous one?
 
[quote name='GuyWithGun']Well, if you kill the dude, you may be able to testify that you thought that he was an intruder and raping your girlfriend. Especially if you don't know the guy. And especially especially if she's really enjoying it and screaming because he fucks her in ways that you've never dreamed.

Wait, this didn't/isn't going to happen soon to you so you're getting advice on what to do before purposely walking in on them and I've just become accessory to a future murder, right?:whistle2:k[/QUOTE]


Exactly, but only kill him. Then divorce her and take the kids.......and be single again. Win, win!
 
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