my girl....

G

GullyGamer

CAG Veteran
doesn't know what she wants in life and shes dragging me down with her.

i've been with her for 4years...

the first 2 yrs were ok, i guess because we were both still in school. once we graduated high school, she didn't want to go to college, barely wanted to work, and ever since she has gotten a job..its been one dead end job after the other.

i have goals and things i want to do. i'm majoring in engineering and have turned down 2 internships b/c she says it will take time away from us...i'm torn. i dont know what to do to get her motivated enough to do something with her own life. i love her a lot.

what do i do?
 
[quote name='GullyGamer']doesn't know what she wants in life and shes dragging me down with her.

i've been with her for 4years...

the first 2 yrs were ok, i guess because we were both still in school. once we graduated high school, she didn't want to go to college, barely wanted to work, and ever since she has gotten a job..its been one dead end job after the other.

i have goals and things i want to do. i'm majoring in engineering and have turned down 2 internships b/c she says it will take time away from us...i'm torn. i dont know what to do to get her motivated enough to do something with her own life. i love her a lot.

what do i do?[/QUOTE]
What do you want to do?

What ever that is, do that.

(And from the tone of your post, I can tell what it is you know you want to do.)
 
[quote name='javeryh']Give her this message: "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."[/QUOTE]

the man knows what he's talking about.

don't let anyone drag you down dude, especially a girl. if you really like her, then give her an ultimatum and tell her to shape up or ship out... you're at the point where you've got to start thinking about "the real world." she apparently is not concerned with such a thing.
 
Make a program. Pass it around. Tell her to get with the program.

My little theory (and I'm hardly the most motivated person around) is that you should always surround yourself with people that inspire you, even slightly. It could be in way that's out of your league, eg. "my friend the space doctor" or a buddy who inspires you to get out of the house and take mellow walks.

I would think for a GF that would be of particular importance.
 
[quote name='Brak']What do you want to do?

What ever that is, do that.[/quote]Exactly. You first. Once you've gotten your shit taken care of, you can deal with hers.
If you can't while she's around, get rid of her.
 
been there done that

dont plan your life around a girl that isnt "the one", or the girl you want to spend a long time with (10+ years)

i did the same sorta thing a couple years ago, i regret no doing what was right thing for me. id be closer to my goals without that speed bump
 
Get the fuck rid of her.. kick her to the damned curb faster than refried beans make it through a donkey's colon.

I dated a girl for 4 years, was actually engaged to her. She dragged me down and even convinced me to take a break from college to move with her after she graduated. The real manipulative type, also had a bit of psycho in her. After being a dumbass and staying with her for 4 years, I rediscovered my ballsack and left her while she was at work (keyloggers come in handy when you don't trust a significant other). Quit my job, moved back to Alabama.

The feeling you get of getting control of your life back is priceless. Cunt punt her, ambitions are more important than somebody who wants to leech in a relationship. You could be saving yourself from a real life "Married With Children."
 
[quote name='seanr1221']You turned down two internships? Ouch.[/quote]

If that's true, then he did a really stupid thing. I work for a company as an engineer and if you don't have internship experience, we won't even look at a resume.

OP, you need to get out there and do some work. If that means dumping the girl, then do it. You need to do what's best for you and if she can't understand that, then you should move on.

TBW
 
The thing is, you *know* what you should do. Everybody knows the answer to that question.

The real question is this: how can I make a difficult life situation end as quick and painlessly as humanly possible?

The real answer is this: you can't, so suck it up, end the relationship, and get back out there for internships. It'll hurt in the morning, but not as much as waking up at age 40 to the reality you created for yourself by staying in a go-nowhere relationship.

Don't just end it, but end it NOW, right this minute. Don't let the thought of not breaking up even enter into your head.
 
I was pretty much in your shoes a year ago. Lazy girl who complains about every little thing and doesn't want to work after high school. Guess what, she's not going to change. She's going to either suck you dry when you start making money for your hard work, or find someone else to do it from. Don't be surprised if she's cheating with all that extra time while you're gone too. Sorry to stereotype, but it's just so common with a lot of lazy girls who barely graduate high school and have no ambition. True for guys too.

DUMP HER IMMEDIATELY AND NEVER LOOK BACK.

You will thank yourself not too long after. I do everyday.
 
She's holding you back. Were the internships outta town, or local? If they were local, then you working anywhere will take time away. If it was outta town, then she should have just gone with you, and left her shitty job behind.
If my bf was in that situation, I'd leave town for him, especially when my career isn't being threatened in anyway.
 
[quote name='GullyGamer']doesn't know what she wants in life and shes dragging me down with her.
[/QUOTE]

That right there tells you what you have to do - move on. If you have ambitions and goals and she's in the way then you owe it to yourself to move on.

Not only that, that phrase I put in bold is also the beginning of resentment and that will only grow bigger as time goes on. In a way your relationship is already doomed.

It's time to cut your loses and move on and do what you want with your life. Spending it with someone who is going to (and already has to some extent) prevent you from doing what you want with your life is a waste of your time and generally isn't worth staying with to begin with.

Take our advice and leave her, you'll thank us later.
 
[quote name='GullyGamer']i know i know....i've loved her ever since i was a kid man.

so its hard to let her go...[/QUOTE]

jameson%20bottle.jpg


Space-age polymers have ways of helping you forget.

This is no different than jumping off the high diving board for the first time; you're scared at first, but the power rush of the act itself (I hope I'm not the only one who got rushes when breaking up with people) makes it all right.

It's hard, but you know what the answer is, like I said. There's no two ways about it. I would almost say "stay with her until she objects to your next career move" (which is precisely what she's objecting to), but women have ways of becoming inconveniently pregnant, and they have ways of identifying that you're trying to have sex with them for the last time. Those two things also happen to come together fairly often. So, my advice? No more nookie, because I don't think you can trust her.

Motherfucking Dr. Phil won't tell you that.
 
Try to get her motivated to go after her own interests. Everyone has some dreams or goals, and I'm sure she has a few as well. Find out what they are and encourage her to pursue them. She may just need a little boost to realize what she needs to do with herself.
If that doesn't work, consider staying friends but get far enough away from her that she won't be able to drag you down with her.
 
[quote name='GullyGamer']doesn't know what she wants in life and shes dragging me down with her.

i've been with her for 4years...

the first 2 yrs were ok, i guess because we were both still in school. once we graduated high school, she didn't want to go to college, barely wanted to work, and ever since she has gotten a job..its been one dead end job after the other.

i have goals and things i want to do. i'm majoring in engineering and have turned down 2 internships b/c she says it will take time away from us...i'm torn. i dont know what to do to get her motivated enough to do something with her own life. i love her a lot.

what do i do?[/QUOTE]

A relationship is only going to work when both parties are willing to work for it. Each person *should* be contributing to make each other's lives better, NOT worse.

It's not just monetary either, it's emotional support. The fact that she seems aimless is one thing - she needs to get her act together, but that's pretty common around that age. The fact that you turned down two internships because 'she says it will take time away from us' is the crux of the problem. She should be helping you better yourself, not making it harder to do so through guilt, if for no other reason than a better you is a better couple.

You said it yourself, 'shes dragging me down with her.' If you love her, tell her that. Explain that you want more out of your life, both individually and together, and that you feel like she doesn't want the same thing. Either she'll realize what she's doing and shape up; or you need to walk away. Otherwise in 5-10 years you'll find yourself pissed off that you never got where you wanted and blaming her for holding you back.
 
dont try to be a tough guy or drink or whatever. Just go do your thing, get an internship. If she doesnt like it and wants to dump you you will know how she really feels and that will make it that much easier. Either way, dont dump her, and dont throw away oppurtunities. Make her dump you, make her decide quit being a bitch or she can be alone. You will probably get better results than you could with any of the "dump the bitch" ideas.
 
[quote name='DeathDealer']dont try to be a tough guy or drink or whatever. Just go do your thing, get an internship. If she doesnt like it and wants to dump you you will know how she really feels and that will make it that much easier. Either way, dont dump her, and dont throw away oppurtunities. Make her dump you, make her decide quit being a bitch or she can be alone. You will probably get better results than you could with any of the "dump the bitch" ideas.[/quote]

No, the dump the bitch ideas are right on. You shouldn't have to put up with some dumb bitch trying to change you or drag you down because you aren't doing what she wants. You shouldn't wait to see if you can change her either.

Just get the fuck out, so you can both go find someone who makes you happy without resorting to brain washing and core behavioral modifications. Trying to change so much about someone is never the way to go.

I know right now, the "love" feels like it can't get any better, but it can get much better. Live your life, work on your future, and you will find someone else who is much better for you in the long run.

Don't pick up dog shit in the backyard and try for years to make a good hamburger out of it. You just end up with shit all over your mouth hoping it's better next time.

Go out and find yourself a delicious hamburger and enjoy it.
 
I do know the feeling of the OP. If she's really in that sort of slump and your mad at her then you're laughing at a dog thats barking at its own shit, its not at all that funny as it sounds. Figure out whats up, thats kinda your job as BF.

BTW: she's not a pothead is she? that would explain a bit.
 
Im not telling him to change her at all. Its telling her to change herself if she wants to be in the relationship. Save yourself the headache, put the ball in her court.
All these other people must either have never really loved a girl or never been in a relationship worth saving. some things are worth fighting for.
 
[quote name='Moxio']Ditch her.

No wait. Bang her, then ditch her.[/QUOTE]

I'm sure he's banged her many, many times so this age-old piece of advice is not applicable here.

Just dump her. Internships are KEY to a decent job placement after college. Obviously she does not understand how competitive the job market is. She's just pulling you down, and it's obvious in your post that it's getting you upset. I have been in a similar situation but I got out of it before it could affect me in the way this has with you. DUMP. HER. NOW.

You aren't going to be able to change her. Trust me, I tried and failed to do this in a relationship. It's just not going to work after four fucking years of the same bullshit. YOU cannot make people change, only the person can change themselves, and obviously she does not give a shit about changing herself or she would have enacted plans to do so already. Again, dump her before it gets worse.
 
[quote name='Dead of Knight']I'm sure he's banged her many, many times so this age-old piece of advice is not applicable here.

Just dump her. Internships are KEY to a decent job placement after college. Obviously she does not understand how competitive the job market is. She's just pulling you down, and it's obvious in your post that it's getting you upset. I have been in a similar situation but I got out of it before it could affect me in the way this has with you. DUMP. HER. NOW.

You aren't going to be able to change her. Trust me, I tried and failed to do this in a relationship. It's just not going to work after four fucking years of the same bullshit. YOU cannot make people change, only the person can change themselves, and obviously she does not give a shit about changing herself or she would have enacted plans to do so already. Again, dump her before it gets worse.[/QUOTE]

Hehe, yeah. If, after two years, she hasn't changed at all (getting shit jobs doesn't equal changing), she's not worth your time.

I still stand by my advice of banging her in a dark alley downton and ditching her to get taken by the rapists.
 
Stick it in her best friend's pooper. That'll not only fix her wagon, but...ya know, get your balls off.
 
sounds like my ex, until I found out a few things these past two weeks. You might want to find out if she has a history of depression and needs to be on meds. My ex had similar issues but ended up taking meds to fix the chemical imbalance that caused problems in our relationship. She seems like a new person but I am taking in slowly with her. Its been over 16 months since we broke up and so I want to see how things go.
 
[quote name='ITDEFX']sounds like my ex, until I found out a few things these past two weeks. You might want to find out if she has a history of depression and needs to be on meds. My ex had similar issues but ended up taking meds to fix the chemical imbalance that caused problems in our relationship. She seems like a new person but I am taking in slowly with her. Its been over 16 months since we broke up and so I want to see how things go.[/QUOTE]

GTFO
 
[quote name='Roufuss']GTFO[/QUOTE]

Roufuss, you said exactly what I wanted to say. Thank you.

I am eagerly anticipating ITDEFX's train wreck in the coming days/weeks.
 
[quote name='Dead of Knight']Roufuss, you said exactly what I wanted to say. Thank you.

I am eagerly anticipating ITDEFX's train wreck in the coming days/weeks.[/QUOTE]

I mean, I'm not against the fact he is trying it over with his ex (hell, I encouraged him to give it another shot to see how it goes), but to now present what he knows as some kind of great solution for this guy's relationship?

Espically when he's only been with his ex for less than a week?

No way.
 
I'm in a similar situation, I have the perfect girl, but she's lazy as all hell. She's in her mid twenties and doesn't even have a go nowhere job, in fact she's never worked...
 
[quote name='nasum']I'm in a similar situation, I have the perfect girl, but she's lazy as all hell. She's in her mid twenties and doesn't even have a go nowhere job, in fact she's never worked...[/quote]

Aren't we a faceful of fuck? I'm going to say this just once.

RUN HARD RUN FAST RUN DEEP JUST RUN
 
[quote name='Dead of Knight']Roufuss, you said exactly what I wanted to say. Thank you.

I am eagerly anticipating ITDEFX's train wreck in the coming days/weeks.[/QUOTE]


nah..i don't expect a derailing. This train is still moving slowly and there is still enough time for me to jump out without both sides getting hurt.
 
[quote name='Paco']Aren't we a faceful of fuck? I'm going to say this just once.

RUN HARD RUN FAST RUN DEEP JUST RUN[/quote]

Infact, just keep running... until you hit an arcade. Then pick up the smallest asian girl you see.
 
Considering how quickly relationships end in the US...it's a good thing you've been with her that long and are still relatively happy.

Here's the thing though..what you should do...isn't dump her

but TAKE YOUR INTERNSHIP, do whatever it is you want to do career wise or goal wise

If she loves you and is TRULY WORTH BEING WITH, she will UNDERSTAND YOU THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH

In the end it was your choice not to intern or do whatever it is you wanted to do, not hers, she may have been an influence but you made the choice, and you seem to be okay right now

However, next time you have a choice to make, MAKE YOUR CHOICE, if she is worth loving and worth being with, SHE WILL UNDERSTAND THE CHOICES YOU HAVE TO MAKE

If there is "real" love, then distance, or time, or circumstance, SHOULD NOT BE A REASON FOR THAT LOVE TO GROW WEAK..

If "less time" or being "further apart" is enough to weaken your relationship, then what can you expect if you ever SICK, or BROKE, or DISABLED?! What if a draft was called and you had to go serve?

See, don't just dump her without giving her a chance, you hear me

DON'T JUST DUMP HER WITHOUT GIVING HER A CHANCE

Make your choices, SEE HOW SHE REACTS, IF SHE LEAVES YOU OR CAN'T UNDERSTAND OR TREATS YOU LIKE SHIT, DUMP HER

IF SHE'S SUPPORTIVE, TRIES TO HELP, AND DOES HER BEST TO LOVE YOU THROUGH EVERYTHING YOU DO AND LIVE, THEN SHE IS WORTH BEING WITH.

I think what you need to do is watch Whisper of the Heart, they are a much younger couple, but there's a very nice message about love in it....what the girl does is especially moving

So yeah, YOU need to make YOUR CHOICE...if she can't go along with it, then she's not the right person for you.

At the same time, you would also find a way to be with her...if you can't be with her during an internship or study program, how the hell will you find a way to be with her when you have a real job?

So please..hear me out and don't immediately dump her because CAG told you to
 
[quote name='Kayden']Infact, just keep running... until you hit an arcade. Then pick up the smallest asian girl you see.[/quote]

That's a pretty low blow right there man.
 
I like the advice about keeping her around but still taking the internship. This gives you the opportunity to have the best of both worlds. She probably didn't want you to take the job because she's afraid of losing you. She'll see that you're away at work more and that'll leave her time to think that you're cheating on her. If she gets all whiny and bitchy that she isn't getting attention, tell her that her next boyfriend will treat her like the goddess she deserves. Move all your shit out and move on. Hope that helps.
 
Your relationship ended 12 months ago. Cash out and leave.

Take our advice and leave. What are the odds we are All wrong ?
 
I could tell some goddamn stories about relationships. I hold my tongue because my craziest ex visits this website.

The best advice in this thread is by Myke. If you're not sure you want a future with this girl, don't stay with her. Don't have sex with her, don't pretend like you can make it work. Don't drag it out, don't "keep trying". Don't ever ever try to change her. Very few people truly have the capacity for change. Even they must initiate the change internally. Get out. You're born alone, and you'll die alone. What little time you have in the middle should be the most you can make of it.

Be fair and tell her you don't want to see her anymore. Then stop taking her calls. No matter how long/how many times she does call.
 
[quote name='Paco']That's a pretty low blow right there man.[/quote]

Personally, I blame the booze. :lol:


*hic*
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
bread's done
Back
Top