my new ds review site

That is by far, the worst review I have ever read. You need to contribute a lot more time and effort into this if you want people to take you seriously as a reviewer.
 
5 incomplete sentences is not a review. It's a remark, a comment or maybe a thought about the game. Pretty colors on the page though.
 
Here's some constructive criticism:

Don't just say you like something in a review, explain why. Be descriptive. Why was something good? What made the game play great? And particular graphical things catch your eye? Why was something bad. How was the game broken. Use full paragraphs rather than sentences.

Oh, and NEVER, EVER apply anything learned at the daroga school of typing & spelling in a review. EVER.
 
I don't mean this in a rude way at all, but....How old are you? If you are under 14, you have a free pass to write reviews that are like that. If you are 15 or over, our public education system truly has failed.
 
Your writing needs a lot of work. It needs more organization and focus. Did you notice you called Metroid Prime Hunters "a great game" three times? You've obviously read reviews before, as you have a score breakdown at the end of the review. My first suggestion is write a paragraph for each one of those. For example, explain why graphics got a 5/5 (which I don't really get because one of the few things you actually say is that graphics are good, but not the best you've seen). Also, it wouldn't hurt to use a spell checker.

[quote name='organicow']I don't mean this in a rude way at all, but....How old are you? If you are under 14, you have a free pass to write reviews that are like that. If you are 15 or over, our public educations system truly has failed.[/QUOTE]According to his profile on his site, he's almost 17... scary...

Edited to add: My comments were before you added the last two paragraphs. Getting better, but still needs a lot work. (Please use a spell checker.... please.)
 
[quote name='monkeyrock45']ok i will try to change it sorry for the problims with the review[/quote]

dude you cant even spell problems....reviewer i think not.
 
ok i give up ill shut down the site it was a cool test. it was for school it was to see if we can get people to like something i will print the xanga and shut it down i did all this stuff fast. bye
 
[quote name='monkeyrock45']i am doing my best but i will do some more in the morning i need some sleep.

This is my FIRST review[/QUOTE]

How old are you? Too young for myspace, but old enough for xanga? Or is it the opposite way around?
 
you guys didn't need to be so mean to him. If he was a professional reviewer then I could maybe understand some of your replies but come on, you don't beat down a guy for trying.
 
[quote name='monkeyrock45']it was for school it was to see if we can get people to like something i will print the xanga and shut it down i did all this stuff fast.[/quote]

Nice fake backstory. "Class, your assignment is to get someone to like something." You're a genius.
 
[quote name='yukine']I don't think he is ever coming back to these forums again. :([/QUOTE]


I always find CAG members to be quite harsh for newcommers trying something new, but if those newbies stick it out, good is to come... i think.
 
[quote name='RelentlessRolento']I always find CAG members to be quite harsh for newcommers trying something new, but if those newbies stick it out, good is to come... i think.[/quote]

Well, I wasn't trying to be mean.

He even PMed me and said thanks, and to check it out when he has added more.

Sad. :cry:
 
[quote name='Swingman']you guys didn't need to be so mean to him. If he was a professional reviewer then I could maybe understand some of your replies but come on, you don't beat down a guy for trying.[/quote]
well yeah, but that was hardly trying. I mean if he's going to post on a message board to come see his new review site and then only have 1 review of 1 game in a blog format which consists of "this game is great. I really like it. The wi-fi is great" then you have to expect some backlash.

A little effort is all we ask. I didn't mean to crush the lads spirit. If he wants to write reviews for games, he should check out epinions.
(a public review site) that's alot better formated than a blog site.

For reference I'll even link him to some of the stuff I've written on there so he can get an idea of what a review should entail. (shameless plug)

Silent Hill 3
Burnout Legends
Silent Hill
Ikaruga
 
[quote name='scsg75']well yeah, but that was hardly trying. I mean if he's going to post on a message board to come see his new review site and then only have 1 review of 1 game in a blog format which consists of "this game is great. I really like it. The wi-fi is great" then you have to expect some backlash.
[/QUOTE]

Have to agree with this. I half suspect he was just goofing off to see how much crap he'd get from the post. But then he did take the site down so maybe not.

Anyway scsg's quote is pretty dead on for what the initial version of the review consisted of. I still had his site open in a tab from last night so, for anyone curious, this was his not-quite final (thanks judyx3) version:

Hi as my first review i will review Metroid Prime Hunters for the ds and this was a great game.the price for this game is about $30.00 to $35.00 plus tax. a great game worth the money.

Rated T for animated blood and violance

Nintendo WI-FI Connection

By Nintendo

Rumble pak compatible

Wireless DS single-card download plau 2-4 players

Wireless DS multi-card play

This is a great game for metroid prime fans. I had a great time playing this game. The WI-FI in this game is the best part. You can play up to 4 players. there are 6 bounty hunters in this game. The graphics in this game are good but not the best i have sceen on the ds. On the WI-FI there is only one game but on a wirless multi-card play there are 7 modes to play. You can play Battle,Survival, Bounty, Defender, Prime Hunter, Capture, and Nodes. all games are very fun but i wish they had this in WI-FI but they dont. this was a great game it was worth the cash.

the classic items, and weapons where very suprising. normaly nintendo changes things like that. one thing i have sceen is Samus Aran's suit is a little difforint on alot of classic metroids. her sholder peaces are balls. they look kind of funky. one thing i did not see in this game is the screw attack. that was my favorite attack in classic Super Nintendo metroid. this was my first metroid prime game i ever played and it was great. The classic weapons, items, and the new look of Samus jest made me want to go deeper in the game.

If nintendo makes another Metroid Prime for the DS, it would be cool to have all the other games from multy-card play and put thim in WI-FI. Also the using of the mic. If you dont know in frend WI-FI you can use the mic. to talk and comment. last the sound where just little beeps or somthing like a cell phone ring tone. maby in the next Metroid Prime they will add some more music or some classic metroid music. A very good Title for the DS and worth the money.

now the score for this game:

Graphics-5/5

Gameplay-4/5

WI-FI-4/5

Replay score-4/5

sounds-3/5

Overall-4/5
Click to expand...
 
[quote name='wubb']Anyway scsg's quote is pretty dead on for what the initial version of the review consisted of. I still had his site open in a tab from last night so, for anyone curious, this was his final version:[/QUOTE]That one's not quite his final version. I know he had at least one more revision where he brought down the graphics score and added an incomplete sentence after each numerical score. But yeah, his original review didn't have the last two paragraphs and some of the first paragraph, so he was definitely taking in feedback and making improvements.
 
A review that would be acceptable in GI/EGM/Gamepro /= a good review. If you say "I want comments and criticisms" and your review isn't even spellchecked...

I'm sorry we bwoke his wittle heart, but seriously dude. Think.
 
I did not see his actual site, but I read the review posted above.

I don't usually mind little spelling errors, but this was terrible. No matter the content of review, when it looks like a retarted monkey typed the review it does not do much for you. If you had been younger I would leave this alone, but 17? Some spots just left out periods, and others had capital letters in the middle of sentences. Did you quit school when you were 7?

Just constructive bashing, improve the site and grammer(use spellcheck) and I would check it out.
 
well i did the test and i got a 74% and i faild the test but got a good score because she said i used my time and did it for 3 hr.

thanks!
 
i am just bad at spelling i am in 7th grade i am not a huge 18 year old guy i just suck at spelling
this was a little school test i was planung this for a few days. i know it sucked as a review thats why i am not a reviewer!
if you guys thought this was real i would of used spell check or whrote many many long things this was a little test worth like 50 points
 
I got to give him some credit. Reading what Wubb put up, its better than some of the stuff they have at GameFAQ's.

Also, what I did like, monkeyrock45 was you didn't make yourself seem like you were talking down to your audience. If there is anything I can't stand is when a reviewer talks down to the reader. ::cough:: IGN... ::cough::

Monkeyrock45, I just commend you for doing what you did. Knowing the pack of wolves that we can be, you still found it in yourself to show your work.

Now I'll stop being the Paula Abdul of the thread.
 
[quote name='furyk']A review that would be acceptable in GI/EGM/Gamepro /= a good review. If you say "I want comments and criticisms" and your review isn't even spellchecked...

I'm sorry we bwoke his wittle heart, but seriously dude. Think.[/quote]

Actually, I've found the vast majority of EGM's reviews in the last year to be totally lackluster.
 
[quote name='monkeyrock45']i am doing my best but i will do some more in the morning i need some sleep.

This is my FIRST review[/QUOTE]

Here's my first review I wrote for 'The Simpsons: Bart's Nightmare' when I was about 13 or so..

--------------Introduction/Plot

Along with some other games I happened to pick up Bart's Nightmare. As soon as I begin playing I am shocked to see Bart doing homework. That's right. Bart was actually doing homework. Anyway, Bart falls into a deep sleep and lands in a terrible nightmare. In his nightmare, the wind blows his homework out of the window. In order to retrieve it he must wander that really strange streets of Springfield. When I mean strange, I mean REALLY strange. You have mailboxes trying to bite off your leg, Jebediah Obediah Zacariah Jenadiah Springfield's head rolling around, and a fairy Lisa turning you into a frog. I am confused. Anyway, you have to find a paper. When you do, you're transported to a mini-game. Complete the mini-game and you keep the paper. How well you did on your homework at the end depends on how well you did on the mini-games. Overall the plot get a 5. It loses points because Bart was doing homework.

Gameplay -3-

Ouch. Terrible. Just terrible. The mini-games are not fun. The only exception to this is probably the Itchy and Scratchy stage. In this you have to escape Itchy and Scratchy who try to hurt you. You just run around throughout the Simpson household which is kind of fun. Another mini-game is that you're Bartman and you're flying through the sky while things fall on you. You have your trusty slingshot here so you can shoot things. Yet another is when you're swimming in something and you're trying to escape umm.. ''things''. You can play as a Godzilla version of Bart in another mini-game which is rather confusing. They don't even give you a life bar! The stage where you're Indiana Jones is rather frustrating. One hit and you're gone. One thing that really annoys me is that while you're in the street, it can take an eternity until you find a paper.

Graphics -7-

Not bad. Everything is smooth, everything looks like everything, and the Simpson house was done great in the Itchy and Scratchy stage. Detail is good. All in all the graphics were pretty average and looked like what they were supposed to look like. The graphics did their job in this game.

Sound -5-

Meh. You hear some of the Simpsons theme in the introduction and after that are some random tunes that aren't that catchy. The sound effects aren't really noticeable and shouldn't help or hurt the game although, that metal sound in the introduction did annoy me quite a bit.

Replay Value -5-

You'll probably play the game over and over again to get an A+ on your homework if you're bored enough. But after you do you'll probably never play it again.

To Rent or to Buy?

I suggest neither. You might to rent it or buy (at a really low price) if you're curious enough though.---------------


Of course, I can do much better now, but at least I put some slight effort in it..
 
[quote name='Rozz']Actually, I've found the vast majority of EGM's reviews in the last year to be totally lackluster.[/QUOTE]

Like I said, that review would totally fit in nicely with EGM.
 
[quote name='monkeyrock45']i am just bad at spelling i am in 7th grade i am not a huge 18 year old guy i just suck at spelling
this was a little school test i was planung this for a few days. i know it sucked as a review thats why i am not a reviewer!
if you guys thought this was real i would of used spell check or whrote many many long things this was a little test worth like 50 points[/QUOTE]How come you listed your b-day to be September something 1989 on your page? And if you're beginning 7th grade, shouldn't you be, like, 12 and not allowed on CAG anyways? :whistle2:s
 
[quote name='judyjudyjudy']How come you listed your b-day to be September something 1989 on your page? And if you're beginning 7th grade, shouldn't you be, like, 12 and not allowed on CAG anyways? :whistle2:s[/quote]
Why wouldn't he be allowed on CAG? Isn't CAG a "family forum" hence no pr0n, and the censoring of fuckidy fucking fucker fuck.
 
well i gess i did very good on the test. i do have a ds and all but i am 12. i need to go to school in like 10 min. it is weird this thing exploded on the forum well i got to go to school. thanks for playing along. i will se more posts at around 3:20 pm kansas time. so bye
 
12, I can forgive that a little then.

Anyway, if you do happen to try to make yourself a site some day use an actual HTML editor like Frontpage or Namo. not one of those free crappy things on the internet. They are easy and you can make yourself a decent looking site.
Or since this was sorta a joke, let this go and never do anything of the sort again. Your call really.

Just curious though, why did you not use spellcheck on the review? It would have taken maybe 2 minutes, and been a whole lot better(grammer at least).
 
Just curious, why did you not use spellcheck on the review? It would have taken maybe 2 minutes, and been a whole lot better(grammer at least).
 
[quote name='Rags']Just curious though, why did you not use spellcheck on the review? It would have taken maybe 2 minutes, and been a whole lot better(grammer at least).[/quote]dude, you just misspelled grammar.
 
[quote name='banpeikun']dude, you just misspelled grammar.[/QUOTE]
This is what happens when you start nitpicking someone else's grammar/spelling/whatever on a message board. You make one tiny mistake that totally discredits you. ;)
 
I haven't visited here regularly in a few weeks, but this thread made the recent trip totally worthwhile.

-HM
 
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