Just to give you all a little of the back story. All my life for as long as I've known my Uncle he has been sarcastic and rude. Right after I joined the Army he finally vocalized his lifestyle, which we already figured out on our own as a family. He then becomes more negative and pushes himself away from the family. A few years ago he decides to publish a book of poems, but he needs his parents to sign off on it because he mentions them. They decline, he finds a loop hole and publishes it as a work of fiction. He then begins to blame every bad thing in his life on his family. This is followed up by insults, wishes of death on myself and brother while we were deployed in Iraq, derogatory statements towards good people who have just recently passed and finally spam. Now I can choose to ignore his statements of negativity, but can't stop the spam. This is why I'm coming to the community. I'm on the verge of stooping to his level and signing him up for anything and everything, but I don't want to do this. I was wondering, since there are very knowledgeable people on these forums, what can I do to him where he has to face the repercussions of his actions? Is there a website like the IC3 that I can report him and forward them proof of his actions? I know we all get spam and you're wondering how I know which is derived from his actions. I don't know every little piece, but I do have emails for my new accounts as "rumpman49" at "FindAGayLover.com" and other sites of this nature. Also before I close this I want to clarify I have nothing against the Gay community, this is just the main reason for the man's actions. My Great Uncle is also Gay and he's tried to speak to his nephew along with his partner, but my Uncle chooses to act the same way towards them. Any help will be appreciated.
Need help with Psychotic Gay Uncle
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Jesus_S_Preston
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Great thread title bro
tiredfornow
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:lol:
Didn't read what you posted, but the title made me lol.
Didn't read what you posted, but the title made me lol.
Maklershed
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A) I wanna read this guy's book
B) Is revenge really that necessary?
B) Is revenge really that necessary?
n8rockerasu
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Yeah, I have to say, as annoying as something like this may be, all it does is emphasize how pathetic your uncle's entire existence is. It's almost as though he expects a negative reaction from your family due to his sexual orientation, so he's not even giving you a chance to react. If I had to guess, I would say he has many other personal issues that extend far beyond being gay.
Honestly, he sounds like a person who refuses to take responsibility for his own life (ie. all his problems are someone elses fault). Who knows, he may even resent his own gay feelings and blame that on your family as well. Regardless, the bottom line is, he's a destructive person, and is just going to cause grief and heartache for you and your family.
There are millions of traditional sayings about "family comes first" and "blood is thicker than water", but so many families use those adages as an excuse to not have to be decent to one another. It blows my mind that some people think they can treat their family like dirt and still expect them to be there every time Christmas rolls around.
The easiest way to erase all this BS drama from your life is to shut him out. Change your phone number, block his email/change your email, and let him know you're done with him. Usually stuff like this happens because people want attention anyway. If you (and your family) stop giving it to him, he'll most likely go away.
Besides, if he's the one pushing your family away, that's probably what he wants. Right? (probably not...but it's what he deserves) It probably won't be an easy process, but in the long run, you'll be better off. Life is too short to spend it bickering and dealing with volatile personalities who could turn on you at any given moment.
Honestly, he sounds like a person who refuses to take responsibility for his own life (ie. all his problems are someone elses fault). Who knows, he may even resent his own gay feelings and blame that on your family as well. Regardless, the bottom line is, he's a destructive person, and is just going to cause grief and heartache for you and your family.
There are millions of traditional sayings about "family comes first" and "blood is thicker than water", but so many families use those adages as an excuse to not have to be decent to one another. It blows my mind that some people think they can treat their family like dirt and still expect them to be there every time Christmas rolls around.
The easiest way to erase all this BS drama from your life is to shut him out. Change your phone number, block his email/change your email, and let him know you're done with him. Usually stuff like this happens because people want attention anyway. If you (and your family) stop giving it to him, he'll most likely go away.
Besides, if he's the one pushing your family away, that's probably what he wants. Right? (probably not...but it's what he deserves) It probably won't be an easy process, but in the long run, you'll be better off. Life is too short to spend it bickering and dealing with volatile personalities who could turn on you at any given moment.
[quote name='Jesus_S_Preston']Great thread title bro[/QUOTE]
I figured it would draw more members in.
[quote name='mac101010']First Amendment right still stands, doesn't it? If it does, I'm afraid you'll just have to ignore him as best as you can.[/QUOTE]
First Amendment does not entitle someone to harassment and his childish antics. It gives him the right to voice his opinion.
[quote name='Maklershed']A) I wanna read this guy's book
B) Is revenge really that necessary?[/QUOTE]
The book if you're interested is called "My Suicidal Heart" and as of late is no longer being published. I don't know if my mom's emails to the publisher finally sunk in, but I'm glad his one and only dream has been shattered. Revenge is so harsh, though it probably describes my situation the best. I just want him to have to answer for his actions. We were on good terms a week before I graduated in May. He had sent me gifts and congratulatory emails because I was the first college grad in the family. However, during this time he was continuously forwarding me every derogatory email he had been sending my brother and mother. I sat back for 6 months biting my tongue, but I had enough and emailed him stating all the facts and calling him out on his behavior. Twenty-Four hours later he had placed me in with the rest of the family and started his childish antics on me. I want to stop the spam because it is just annoying. Everyday now I get over 100 new emails. Blocking the email is out of the question because he has created around 10 emails and will just find a new one to continue his antics. The easy solution that sucks is closing my email which I've had for over 10 years now. I've now been emailing all the sites stating the situation and all of his contact info, especially for sites that involve subscriptions of some sort. Thanks for the input so far.
Also n8rockerasu you're spot on with your comments. My family and I all believe he was expecting us to disown him, but we never had and to this day could care less about his sexual orientation.
I figured it would draw more members in.
[quote name='mac101010']First Amendment right still stands, doesn't it? If it does, I'm afraid you'll just have to ignore him as best as you can.[/QUOTE]
First Amendment does not entitle someone to harassment and his childish antics. It gives him the right to voice his opinion.
[quote name='Maklershed']A) I wanna read this guy's book
B) Is revenge really that necessary?[/QUOTE]
The book if you're interested is called "My Suicidal Heart" and as of late is no longer being published. I don't know if my mom's emails to the publisher finally sunk in, but I'm glad his one and only dream has been shattered. Revenge is so harsh, though it probably describes my situation the best. I just want him to have to answer for his actions. We were on good terms a week before I graduated in May. He had sent me gifts and congratulatory emails because I was the first college grad in the family. However, during this time he was continuously forwarding me every derogatory email he had been sending my brother and mother. I sat back for 6 months biting my tongue, but I had enough and emailed him stating all the facts and calling him out on his behavior. Twenty-Four hours later he had placed me in with the rest of the family and started his childish antics on me. I want to stop the spam because it is just annoying. Everyday now I get over 100 new emails. Blocking the email is out of the question because he has created around 10 emails and will just find a new one to continue his antics. The easy solution that sucks is closing my email which I've had for over 10 years now. I've now been emailing all the sites stating the situation and all of his contact info, especially for sites that involve subscriptions of some sort. Thanks for the input so far.
Also n8rockerasu you're spot on with your comments. My family and I all believe he was expecting us to disown him, but we never had and to this day could care less about his sexual orientation.
crunchb3rry
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Interesting fact: Matt Damon's character in The Departed was gay. "
in' fyafytas!"
in' fyafytas!"
n8rockerasu
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[quote name='neudog']First Amendment does not entitle someone to harassment and his childish antics. It gives him the right to voice his opinion.[/QUOTE]
The problem here is getting the police to look at it as serious harrassment and not a "family squabble" could be difficult. Unless he's endangering you in some way, they're going to wonder why you can't handle it on your own.
[quote name='neudog']Also n8rockerasu you're spot on with your comments. My family and I all believe he was expecting us to disown him, but we never had and to this day could care less about his sexual orientation.[/QUOTE]
And the problem with revenge is, all it does is draw you in deeper. You strike back, he strikes back, and round and round you go. Your main focus should be removing the negative from your life. If that involves cutting someone out of your life, so be it. Two years down the road when your family is happy and not having to constantly deal with this crap, it's not going to matter whether your uncle "learned his lesson" or not.
Obviously, it's a huge hinderance for YOU to have to make changes to get away from him, but trust me when I say what you'd be gaining from it will be worth the effort. Unless you can figure out a way to IP block him, getting a new email is probably going to be necessary. And given the way social networking sites are now, you'll STILL have to work so he doesn't get your new email. It just doesn't pay to have enemies in this day and age.
Your only shot at not changing everything is just to tell him that you don't have room for negativity in your life and you don't want to speak with him anymore. Then start ignoring him, and maybe eventually he'll leave you alone. Whether he's mature enough to respect your wishes is on him. If he's not, then it's no different than having a stalker. You have to change everything.
The problem here is getting the police to look at it as serious harrassment and not a "family squabble" could be difficult. Unless he's endangering you in some way, they're going to wonder why you can't handle it on your own.
[quote name='neudog']Also n8rockerasu you're spot on with your comments. My family and I all believe he was expecting us to disown him, but we never had and to this day could care less about his sexual orientation.[/QUOTE]
And the problem with revenge is, all it does is draw you in deeper. You strike back, he strikes back, and round and round you go. Your main focus should be removing the negative from your life. If that involves cutting someone out of your life, so be it. Two years down the road when your family is happy and not having to constantly deal with this crap, it's not going to matter whether your uncle "learned his lesson" or not.
Obviously, it's a huge hinderance for YOU to have to make changes to get away from him, but trust me when I say what you'd be gaining from it will be worth the effort. Unless you can figure out a way to IP block him, getting a new email is probably going to be necessary. And given the way social networking sites are now, you'll STILL have to work so he doesn't get your new email. It just doesn't pay to have enemies in this day and age.
Your only shot at not changing everything is just to tell him that you don't have room for negativity in your life and you don't want to speak with him anymore. Then start ignoring him, and maybe eventually he'll leave you alone. Whether he's mature enough to respect your wishes is on him. If he's not, then it's no different than having a stalker. You have to change everything.
[quote name='mac101010']First Amendment right still stands, doesn't it? If it does, I'm afraid you'll just have to ignore him as best as you can.[/QUOTE]
The first amendment is a limited freedom of speech, provided you are not slandering/libeling/harassing/harming/etc.
The first amendment is a limited freedom of speech, provided you are not slandering/libeling/harassing/harming/etc.
becuzimbrown
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lilboo got a book published?
ducttapeBigSexy
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I'd say just cut off communication with him entirely. Sure, maybe if you try hard enough, you can get him to stop harassing you now, but how long until he starts again? If he's already at this level, how much longer until he gets physically violent?
fatherofcaitlyn
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Which part of Iraq were you in?
Hydro2Oxide
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You know all those tacky referral sites or whatever that get spammed across the internet? Yeah, sign up for one of those but use your uncles home address and email address. Do lots of offers and always make sure the "Allow affiliates to send mail" boxes are checked. It's like an avalanche of spam.
If you're getting email from specific sites, such as FindAGayLover.com, they probably have a log of activity that might track down his internet address. Getting a bunch of these can help you build a case against him, both with the police (if they take it seriously) and his ISP (will likely take it seriously).
[quote name='ducttapeBigSexy']I'd say just cut off communication with him entirely. Sure, maybe if you try hard enough, you can get him to stop harassing you now, but how long until he starts again? If he's already at this level, how much longer until he gets physically violent?[/QUOTE]
This. Change emails and don't give it to him. Have your family do the same. Do you really need this jackass in your life?
[quote name='ducttapeBigSexy']I'd say just cut off communication with him entirely. Sure, maybe if you try hard enough, you can get him to stop harassing you now, but how long until he starts again? If he's already at this level, how much longer until he gets physically violent?[/QUOTE]
This. Change emails and don't give it to him. Have your family do the same. Do you really need this jackass in your life?
Your uncle's actions remind me of the last year of my brother's life (who was also a homosexual). He died of Sarcoma as I mentioned in another thread, but he also died of an HIV infection. It was a weird combination of the chemo, and that. I'm not saying your uncle IS dying, I'm just putting the suggestion out there. Some people handle finding out that they are dying in some very destructive ways, including doing things like your uncle is doing. (and don't think he doesn't have something because he's not sharing it, my brother lived with my parents for 3 years after he got his masters, and they never figured out that he had any of that, though apparently he had been taking a medicine for HIV for a while)
crunchb3rry
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Change your e-mail address and don't tell him the new one. There's one problem solved.
You just have to hope you never come in contact with him in person again. If you do, remember one of the Ten Commandments: Honor Thy Mother and Father, but it's okay to knock thy Uncle'sing teeth out.
You just have to hope you never come in contact with him in person again. If you do, remember one of the Ten Commandments: Honor Thy Mother and Father, but it's okay to knock thy Uncle's
ing teeth out.[quote name='Gden']Your uncle's actions remind me of the last year of my brother's life (who was also a homosexual). He died of Sarcoma as I mentioned in another thread, but he also died of an HIV infection. It was a weird combination of the chemo, and that. I'm not saying your uncle IS dying, I'm just putting the suggestion out there. Some people handle finding out that they are dying in some very destructive ways, including doing things like your uncle is doing. (and don't think he doesn't have something because he's not sharing it, my brother lived with my parents for 3 years after he got his masters, and they never figured out that he had any of that, though apparently he had been taking a medicine for HIV for a while)[/QUOTE]
Oh the man has HIV, maybe full blown aids now, as well as some form of cancer. The HIV came out when he came out of the closet. Cancer came a few years ago. One of the reasons for his negativity and actions is that no one in the family was there for him. Reason being is he had already pushed the family away and even if we wanted to help none of us could at the present moment due to sick individuals on our side (grandfather and my step dad). I can only hope that one of his diseases takes him soon, but part of me feels he is still on this planet because he is unworthy of death. Anyways, the latest update is I've cancelled my home phone due to 20+ telemarketers I received calls from this morning. Also have contacted the Dallas Computer Crimes Team and hopefully they will make a little trip to his apartment. Thanks for all of your insights.
Oh the man has HIV, maybe full blown aids now, as well as some form of cancer. The HIV came out when he came out of the closet. Cancer came a few years ago. One of the reasons for his negativity and actions is that no one in the family was there for him. Reason being is he had already pushed the family away and even if we wanted to help none of us could at the present moment due to sick individuals on our side (grandfather and my step dad). I can only hope that one of his diseases takes him soon, but part of me feels he is still on this planet because he is unworthy of death. Anyways, the latest update is I've cancelled my home phone due to 20+ telemarketers I received calls from this morning. Also have contacted the Dallas Computer Crimes Team and hopefully they will make a little trip to his apartment. Thanks for all of your insights.
digitalcowboy
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Wow. I'm gay and I think he's (sing high voice) *coo coo*. Dude, at some point in his past he decided that you are all against him because he's gay (no matter or if you are or not!). He's living in a deluded fantasy. HIV medications are quite often known to cause mental instability.
You'd only serve to reinforce his fantasy by rising to the bait. Not an easy thing, but I've always told my young gay paduwans..."The difference between Drama and Stress is that Stress just happens...Drama, you have to choose to create and this *draw circle around my body* is a Drama free zone." Save yourself the Drama and hit "Delete" on his e-mails. And use the telemarketers for entertainment
My friend would answer their questions and add at the end (really quickly and quietly) "There's a monkey in my pants." They will ask what you said and say "Nothing, *There's a MONKEY...IN my PANTS" and slowly crecendo it up I guarantee you'll be laughing hysterically and they won't call back
Also, there is the Do Not Call list which may help fend off at least a few of these.
You'd only serve to reinforce his fantasy by rising to the bait. Not an easy thing, but I've always told my young gay paduwans..."The difference between Drama and Stress is that Stress just happens...Drama, you have to choose to create and this *draw circle around my body* is a Drama free zone." Save yourself the Drama and hit "Delete" on his e-mails. And use the telemarketers for entertainment
My friend would answer their questions and add at the end (really quickly and quietly) "There's a monkey in my pants." They will ask what you said and say "Nothing, *There's a MONKEY...IN my PANTS" and slowly crecendo it up
I guarantee you'll be laughing hysterically and they won't call back Also, there is the Do Not Call list which may help fend off at least a few of these.
Filler2001
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Hey man, I understand the dude is being a prick to you, but if he's dying, the cops could be a good scare but dont press charges if he has almost no time left
I follow what a few others have said about changing your email. I know you mentioned you've been using the same email for ten years so its difficult. I had my frist email for 10+ years myself and i finally had to change it when my Psycho ex girlfriend was also messing with me. Thats when i change to a new account and it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. I think you should just change your email and be done with your uncle.
HovaEscobar
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I'm not trying to sound insensitive but couldn't you just wait for him to die? He's got AIDS. Just wait it out.
n8rockerasu
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[quote name='QiG']Kill him with kindness (sorry for the insensitive phrasing) but while he's screaming out for all sorts of negative attention, some positive attention could do him some good.[/QUOTE]
HA! Wow, what a load of crap that is. I guess you've never dealt with a truly destructive person. Some people have a mindset like a terrorist. They'll sacrifice their own reputation, wellbeing, etc. as long as it makes you miserable. You can't reason with them.
Even when you try giving them what they want, they'll find another excuse to bag on you. Either you're not doing it right, or you're not doing enough of it. It's about more than "screaming out". It's about someone going out of their way to make sure your life sucks. You can't fight that. The most you can do is separate yourself from it.
Sure, people can change. But only if they want to. It's nobody's job to be the whipping boy in the meantime. If the guy is dying, and chooses to berate his family and spend his final days alone cursing the world, that's his cross to bear. If someone is treating you like crap, and making your life harder, you cut them out. End of story.
HA! Wow, what a load of crap that is. I guess you've never dealt with a truly destructive person. Some people have a mindset like a terrorist. They'll sacrifice their own reputation, wellbeing, etc. as long as it makes you miserable. You can't reason with them.
Even when you try giving them what they want, they'll find another excuse to bag on you. Either you're not doing it right, or you're not doing enough of it. It's about more than "screaming out". It's about someone going out of their way to make sure your life sucks. You can't fight that. The most you can do is separate yourself from it.
Sure, people can change. But only if they want to. It's nobody's job to be the whipping boy in the meantime. If the guy is dying, and chooses to berate his family and spend his final days alone cursing the world, that's his cross to bear. If someone is treating you like crap, and making your life harder, you cut them out. End of story.
bread's done