Need Relationship Help! What should I do?

wybo_a

wybo_a

Banned
So my girlfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years and everything was going perfect. She went on a trip to visit a friend while I stayed home. On her return flight day, she called me crying and told me we had to talk. I was afraid something had happened. I asked her if she cheated on me when I was gone. She said sarcastically that she was glad I thought that. I felt like an ass for even asking. She told me that we were probably breaking up.

I was devastated. Heartbroken. I had given my all to this girl. Something was eating at me the whole time on her flight home. I thought something was up so I check our phone bill because he share a plan. I saw a number I didn't recognize, so I called it. I got the voicemail of some guy from the state she traveled to. When she got back, I picked her up from the airport and questioned her about this guy. She was very cold, distant, and a completely different from the person I fell in love with.

She finally fessed up and told me the truth. She made out with this guy a couple times while she was away, and assured me nothing else happened.
She told me she was sure we were done. We spent the night back at our house, in the same bed as usual. The next day she told me she wanted me to pack my stuff up and leave. On the way to my friends she was telling me how much she loves me and how this is hard. She told me she just needed time to herself and I should take this time to get my stuff together and in the future we could talk. We kissed goodbye and she looked genuinely sad when she was pulling away.

She texted me all the next day about how much she loves me and misses me and how she is going to visit me on Friday. A couple days pass and we are talking, but she still hasn't made up her mind about the situation yet. A couple more days pass and its Friday and I text her if she is coming over. She tells me she can't because of money. Later on the next day I figure out she went to the club with her friends. She texts me the next day and says she doesn't want to talk to me anymore until a undisclosed date in the future. She assures me that she wants to be alone and is not talking to any other guys or anything else. She just wants to be alone. She hasn't texted or called since.

On Monday my friends convince me to go to a club downtown to get my mind off things. I give in and we arrive later that night. I'm in the club for maybe 20 min before I realize that my ex-girlfriend is there and she is all over some other guy. I can see she is completely wasted, so I grab her attention and ask I thought you weren't seeing other guys. She again assures me she is not. She tells me she loves me and that she needs to be alone and just be by herself. She also tells me again that in the future once we get our stuff together we can start talking again. The guy tries to start shit with me, but just continually backs down. She leaves after a few minutes with this guy hand-in-hand.

I'm extremely confused at this point. She keeps telling me she isn't seeing anyone, but obviously that isn't true. Another big mystery is she is telling me we are broken up, but its been almost 2 weeks and her facebook status still has us in a relationship. She logs in everyday so I know she hasn't just forgotten about it. She keeps telling me that she loves me, but keeps betraying me. Is she just keeping me around as a back-up plan when she is done partying and dating other guys? Is she just confused at this point in what she wants? I really love this girl with all my heart and want a future with her, but I don't know what to do about the situation.

Does anyone have any similar stories or any advice on what to do? Any would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
 
[quote name='wybo_a']So my girlfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years and everything was going perfect. She went on a trip to visit a friend while I stayed home. On her return flight day, she called me crying and told me we had to talk. I was afraid something had happened. I asked her if she cheated on me when I was gone. She said sarcastically that she was glad I thought that. I felt like an ass for even asking. She told me that we were probably breaking up.

I was devastated. Heartbroken. I had given my all to this girl. Something was eating at me the whole time on her flight home. I thought something was up so I check our phone bill because he share a plan. I saw a number I didn't recognize, so I called it. I got the voicemail of some guy from the state she traveled to. When she got back, I picked her up from the airport and questioned her about this guy. She was very cold, distant, and a completely different from the person I fell in love with.

She finally fessed up and told me the truth. She made out with this guy a couple times while she was away, and assured me nothing else happened.
She told me she was sure we were done. We spent the night back at our house, in the same bed as usual. The next day she told me she wanted me to pack my stuff up and leave. On the way to my friends she was telling me how much she loves me and how this is hard. She told me she just needed time to herself and I should take this time to get my stuff together and in the future we could talk. We kissed goodbye and she looked genuinely sad when she was pulling away.

She texted me all the next day about how much she loves me and misses me and how she is going to visit me on Friday. A couple days pass and we are talking, but she still hasn't made up her mind about the situation yet. A couple more days pass and its Friday and I text her if she is coming over. She tells me she can't because of money. Later on the next day I figure out she went to the club with her friends. She texts me the next day and says she doesn't want to talk to me anymore until a undisclosed date in the future. She assures me that she wants to be alone and is not talking to any other guys or anything else. She just wants to be alone. She hasn't texted or called since.

On Monday my friends convince me to go to a club downtown to get my mind off things. I give in and we arrive later that night. I'm in the club for maybe 20 min before I realize that my ex-girlfriend is there and she is all over some other guy. I can see she is completely wasted, so I grab her attention and ask I thought you weren't seeing other guys. She again assures me she is not. She tells me she loves me and that she needs to be alone and just be by herself. She also tells me again that in the future once we get our stuff together we can start talking again. The guy tries to start shit with me, but just continually backs down. She leaves after a few minutes with this guy hand-in-hand.

I'm extremely confused at this point. She keeps telling me she isn't seeing anyone, but obviously that isn't true. Another big mystery is she is telling me we are broken up, but its been almost 2 weeks and her facebook status still has us in a relationship. She logs in everyday so I know she hasn't just forgotten about it. She keeps telling me that she loves me, but keeps betraying me. Is she just keeping me around as a back-up plan when she is done partying and dating other guys? Is she just confused at this point in what she wants? I really love this girl with all my heart and want a future with her, but I don't know what to do about the situation.

Does anyone have any similar stories or any advice on what to do? Any would be greatly appreciated! Thank you![/QUOTE]
She stuck it in you and broke it off. Forget about her and move on.
 
Yeah just listen to Banky's advice.


......or you could be a complete douche like her and bring a chick with you to a place where you know she is going to be at (the club, bowling alley, local bars, etc. ) and then purposely makeout with the chick infront of your ex.
 
Honestly, even if you two were able to get back together, the antics that she has been involved with in the last few weeks would put a strain on the mutual trust critical in a relationship. It sounds like she is not mature enough for a serious relationship, and by "being alone" she means "I want to be running around with men I barely know."
 
She's playing you like a fiddle. It's hard, but cut your losses and move on.

Also, you two share a house, she cheated on you, and she's telling YOU to pack YOUR shit and move out? You need to man up and call her out on that, and toss her cheating ass out the front door. According to what you said, it's not like she'd have any trouble finding crash space.
 
[quote name='WhipSmartBanky']She stuck it in you and broke it off. Forget about her and move on.[/QUOTE]

Straight up. I think the point has been made, so you shouldn't dwell on the matter.
 
I know you wont listen to me because it hurts too hard.


but from personal experience, the best thing is cut her off completely and move on.



it will hurt like hell for the first 5 or 6 weeks.. you will be depressed and angry.
but give it time.





and about 3 months from now.. you'll be whole again. give it time...and move on now. dont waste anymore of your time. and definately dont listen to any of the bull shit she says. action> words
 
I say patch things up. However, you need to give a present, a copy of a positive STD test. Hand it to her while you're naked and brushing your teeth with her toothbrush. If you have a touch of gingivitis, that blood will complete the deal. While she is freaking out, take out of pair of her panties and rub one out. As nonchalantly as possible, tuck those panties back into the drawer as neatly as possible. Finally, get down on one knee and propose marriage.
 
[quote name='wybo_a']
She finally fessed up and told me the truth. She made out with this guy a couple times while she was away, and assured me nothing else happened.[/QUOTE]

Hate to break it to you but it's probably 10 times worse than what she admits to. It's a tough pill to swallow but the sooner you realize how badly she screwed you over the easier it will be to cut free and move on. "Alone time" is codespeak for wants to meet and hook up with as many guys as possible. It's insulting to think that she wants you to wait an see what happens while she's hooking up with random bar chodes. Whatever you do NEVER take her back, don't even speak to her/text/email in fact. There's a good chance once she's slept around and every guy has nailed and bailed and doesn't want a damn thing to do with her she'll probably want to get back with someone who actually cared about her. Ignore everything about this girl. Do stuff that makes you feel better and more confident about yourself rather than sit around wallowing in self pity thinking someone who makes you feel awful about the past 2.5 years. Occupy yourself with other things to get your mind off the BS she put you through. Hangout with friends, workout, involve yourself in your work, and go meet other girls (very important). It's amazing how quickly you forget about an awful ex when you have someone new and much better in your life.
 
[quote name='help1']Honestly, even if you two were able to get back together, the antics that she has been involved with in the last few weeks would put a strain on the mutual trust critical in a relationship. It sounds like she is not mature enough for a serious relationship, and by "being alone" she means "I want to be running around with men I barely know."[/QUOTE]

Sorry, but this is the truth and I agree 100%.. as much as it sucks, cut ties, and move on the best you can.

[quote name='Grizzly Taint']Hate to break it to you but it's probably 10 times worse than what she admits to. It's a tough pill to swallow but the sooner you realize how badly she screwed you over the easier it will be to cut free and move on. "Alone time" is codespeak for wants to meet and hook up with as many guys as possible. It's insulting to think that she wants you to wait an see what happens while she's hooking up with random bar chodes. Whatever you do NEVER take her back, don't even speak to her/text/email in fact. There's a good chance once she's slept around and every guy has nailed and bailed and doesn't want a damn thing to do with her she'll probably want to get back with someone who actually cared about her. Ignore everything about this girl. Do stuff that makes you feel better and more confident about yourself rather than sit around wallowing in self pity thinking someone who makes you feel awful about the past 2.5 years. Occupy yourself with other things to get your mind off the BS she put you through. Hangout with friends, workout, involve yourself in your work, and go meet other girls (very important). It's amazing how quickly you forget about an awful ex when you have someone new and much better in your life.[/QUOTE]

Oh, and this too. It sucks to hear, it sucks to process in your head, and it REALLY sucks when it sinks in. Trust me, I've been through this with the girl I was engaged to.. whatever she's copping to isn't even half of what she's really been up to. It's over and right now you're in that garbage time where the more you are in denial and trying to work it out, the more it will delay how long it takes for you to get over it. As Grizzly said, involve yourself in activities to keep your mind occupied elsewhere.
 
Damn guy, why is she pissed at you when she's the one cheating? You're the one who should be mad as hell and telling her to get the hell out. Tell her to go fuck herself and move on with your life. I'm confused on why you're confused. Seems pretty obvious to me.
 
try_hitting_her.jpg
 
All true what everybody says. Girls like to confuse guys in this way, I love you but don't want to be with you, alone time, ect ect. The truth is, she doesn't have it in her to just flat out tell you, bam, over, don't speak to me again, i'm going out with new guys, so she just tells you these things to try to make it easier on her and on you, alone time, not seeing anyone, still love you, just need spaced, ect. ect. She also just wants to keep you a little close, incase she fails or falls, she can still talk to you, because you are familar, and good to her, she can't lose that security blanket that quick, even if she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Trust all of us. She is not the same girl you fell in love with.

From here, 2 things will either happen, she will find what she is looking for and you will never see her again. Or what she finds she will not like and will try to get back wtih you. In both cases, it will take a long time for them, year, or more. Your best thing to do is ignore her, you can't wait around, go out and talk to new girls. If in the distant future you get together again, then atleast you both had your share of fun, and both have probably done some growing up. But don't wait for that to happen, assume it never does. Move on for now.

...

Girls be crazy.
 
whats to be confused about. if she loved you she wouldnt have cheated on you. and for her to lie to you on the phone and thn kick you to the curb that quick its obvious she wants to do what she wants to do.

her saying she lovs you is her way of keeping you emtionally attachd to her so should sh change her mind she can come back. you never know what the future holds bt as of now your relationship is over. find some of her friends or maybe a sister if she has a hot one and make out with them or fuck em to let her know payback is a bitch.

if youre not that petty just cut her off and move on with your life because the worst thing you can do to her is be happy with someone else.
 
[quote name='DV8']Damn guy, why is she pissed at you when she's the one cheating? You're the one who should be mad as hell and telling her to get the hell out. Tell her to go fuck herself and move on with your life. I'm confused on why you're confused. Seems pretty obvious to me.[/QUOTE]

I believe she is projecting. I guess both of them could be projecting.
 
As a female, if a woman claims she isn't cheating on you when you have a gut feeling that she's cheating on you, she's cheating on you. Many women do this. They are too cowardly or scared to break up with you normally, so they fuck some other guy, forcing you to end it. Let it go man, cause it's gone. She doesn't want you anymore. Many women say they still love you and shit, but they really don't. They are just too cowardly to break it off because you were a constant part of their life and they don't really know what the future brings. They sometimes confuse this for still caring about you, but they don't; deep down, it's over for them and it make take them a while to realize that. Either that or they just plain too chickenshit to cut it off directly. Just cut her off, don't speak to her again, or at least for several months if you still want to be friends down the road.

Reading the rest of the thread it seems that other CAGs said mostly the same thing. Seems like some men have figured it out.
 
She probably does still have some feelings for you since you've been together for 2 and a half years and lived together and everything (unless you were just completely oblivious the whole time for some reason), but it wouldn't be the same if you got back together anyway, even if she never did it again, so there's no point in it. The drunken shit just makes it worse...

It's best just to forget about her and move on, there's no going back. No payback or any childish shit, just go, you'll be fine.
 
I say this in the nicest way possible: man up. You make yourself sound like a real flake to the point that I thought it was all made up.

This is of course, after the whole breaking it off thing that everyone is advising, which I co-sign.
 
As someone else mentioned, why did you have to leave? Are you splitting the rent? I would have demanded she leave because of what she did.
 
[quote name='Purple Flames']Also, you two share a house, she cheated on you, and she's telling YOU to pack YOUR shit and move out? You need to man up and call her out on that, and toss her cheating ass out the front door. According to what you said, it's not like she'd have any trouble finding crash space.[/QUOTE]

fucking this, dude. She's hopping from dick to dick, and you leave your house so she can rock cocks in your bed? Nut up, throw her the fuck out, and make sure the door hits her on the way out. Do NOT look back, because she will screw you over again.
 
You are her sure thing. She strings you along just enough so she can run around a fuck whoever. But there you are holding that candle and the flame is burning. She's keeping you around so she doesn't have to feel bad and to make sure she isn't alone. You know what you need to do. Will you do it? I don't know. People don't deserve to be treated like this. No revenge, no playing games. It hurts, I know, but you will have your self respect. Turn your back. Walk away. Ignore you cell phone. You will be tempted, but hold out. I hope for the best for you.
 
I wont give you some lame line about "forget about her and move on" because I know what your feeling and it isnt that easy.

I know you dont want to hear it though but you really shouldnt go back to her again no matter what she says.

Even if you did get back together with her you will never, ever trust her again. This situation has put a permenant scar on things between you. You will always be suspicious of her and you wont trust her, not completely you wont and that will be a problem. Plus you will also have the fact that if you take her back more than likely she wont trust you because she screwed you over. I know that sounds stupid but thats how it works alot of times.

You need to just flat out tell her in a calm and direct manner that you dont want to talk to her or see her again. Explain why your upset and get it out all of your system so you dont wish later you had said something you didnt. Dont be afraid to tell her about how she lied to you, hurt you, cheated on you and so on. You get all of your stuff and you make sure she has everything thats her. Leave nothing left undone, no money not given to the right person or anything so you can walk away clean with no reason to go back to her or give her a reason to come back to you.

She is not good for you because she lied to you, put you off, wasnt direct with you, messed with your feelings, strung you alone and cheated on you. And yes travelling out of state to "make out with a guy" is cheating. A dick entering a vagina isnt the only form of cheating. And what she is doing by stringing you along is her way of hurting you and trying to make you want to leave so she doesnt have to feel guilty about cheating on you and then breaking up with you. Its a subconcious thing people do, people also like to start arguments for no reason so they have a way of walking away "because you were arguinging".
 
She doesn't respect you and that's not going to change, especially when you roll over while she plays with you. At the very least, if she still had real feelings for you she wouldn't be having any of these "make out" sessions with other guys; she denies cheating, but you know it's fact. She's boldly lying to you and you need to admit this to yourself. Be real about this and don't take it lightly.

And while you're at it, you need to think about yourself. Split your shit accordingly and don't look back, even if she changes her tune. She will undoubtedly try to manipulate you as she's done before; if you fall for this, she'll string you along and waste more of your life as she bounces around with other guys behind your back yet again. Get your life in order and find someone worth your time.
 
[quote name='SpazX']No payback or any childish shit, just go, you'll be fine.[/QUOTE]

The below advice assumes the OP is still living with the cheater. If not, move along.

If this isn't the time for childish shit, there will NEVER be the time for childish shit.

Everybody thinks "manning up" is good advice. Hell no! This is a golden opportunity to be a horrible person. I say "Boy down!"

What is the worst that will happen? Oh no, my cheating whore of a girlfriend is going to leave me!

All of us need some time to go there. Why not go there with somebody we don't give a damn about?
 
I'm surprised and disappointed that we're 30 posts in and no one suggested the OP stick it in her pooper.

Kidding aside, if she's giving you a line of double talk and saying she needs some "alone time", and you've caught her making out with some random dude, there's far more going on that she's talking about.

She knows she can manipulate you and keep you strung along to stay on her side. You need to break that tie immediately, and unless it's her name on the lease/mortgage, you need to kick her out and be done with it. A clean break before things get much messier and you end walking in on her with some random dude giving her the high hard one when she thought you were gone. Since it sounds like she's traveling, she may be getting random pieces of road booty while she's out of town.

I doubt she'll be honest with you if you confront her. You need to tell her that you're not in this relationship without complete honesty and it's obvious she's not been completely honest with you, you're done.

You need to move on and find someone else that won't jerk you around, lie and cheat on you behind your back. Plenty of other people out there for you than your soon-to-be-ex.
 
[quote name='shrike4242']I'm surprised and disappointed that we're 30 posts in and no one suggested the OP stick it in her pooper.
[/QUOTE]


I think everyone was just waiting for a mod to say it....


oddly enough I think it's funnier that way.
 
You 2 need to read more carefully.

[quote name='pacifickarma']Convince her that you need one "final night" with her and stick it in her... well, you know what to do here.[/QUOTE]
 
[quote name='help1']Honestly, even if you two were able to get back together, the antics that she has been involved with in the last few weeks would put a strain on the mutual trust critical in a relationship. It sounds like she is not mature enough for a serious relationship, and by "being alone" she means "I want to be running around with men I barely know."[/QUOTE]

[quote name='ParadoxSeven']All true what everybody says. Girls like to confuse guys in this way, I love you but don't want to be with you, alone time, ect ect. The truth is, she doesn't have it in her to just flat out tell you, bam, over, don't speak to me again, i'm going out with new guys, so she just tells you these things to try to make it easier on her and on you, alone time, not seeing anyone, still love you, just need spaced, ect. ect. She also just wants to keep you a little close, incase she fails or falls, she can still talk to you, because you are familar, and good to her, she can't lose that security blanket that quick, even if she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Trust all of us. She is not the same girl you fell in love with.

From here, 2 things will either happen, she will find what she is looking for and you will never see her again. Or what she finds she will not like and will try to get back wtih you. In both cases, it will take a long time for them, year, or more. Your best thing to do is ignore her, you can't wait around, go out and talk to new girls. If in the distant future you get together again, then atleast you both had your share of fun, and both have probably done some growing up. But don't wait for that to happen, assume it never does. Move on for now.

...

Girls be crazy.[/QUOTE]

[quote name='shrike4242']I'm surprised and disappointed that we're 30 posts in and no one suggested the OP stick it in her pooper.

Kidding aside, if she's giving you a line of double talk and saying she needs some "alone time", and you've caught her making out with some random dude, there's far more going on that she's talking about.

She knows she can manipulate you and keep you strung along to stay on her side. You need to break that tie immediately, and unless it's her name on the lease/mortgage, you need to kick her out and be done with it. A clean break before things get much messier and you end walking in on her with some random dude giving her the high hard one when she thought you were gone. Since it sounds like she's traveling, she may be getting random pieces of road booty while she's out of town.

I doubt she'll be honest with you if you confront her. You need to tell her that you're not in this relationship without complete honesty and it's obvious she's not been completely honest with you, you're done.

You need to move on and find someone else that won't jerk you around, lie and cheat on you behind your back. Plenty of other people out there for you than your soon-to-be-ex.[/QUOTE]


^ all really good advice.

You've been cheated on and disrespected constantly; ditch that bitch. If she really loves you and wanted to be with you, then she would have chosen you right then and there. None of this "oh, I need some time to think" bullshit. Think about what? Getting back with you? Why does she need to think about it? She was already with you. It's a fûcking joke!
 
dude i know its hard but your done. dont let her keep playing these games with you. sounds like shes looking for a new man but keeping you in her back pocket just in case. either that or she just doesnt have the guts to say shes done with you. ive been dumped many times but they at least had the decency to not make out with other dudes and were just straight forward with me. tell her, no more you still love me but i need time stuff and just say what shes really feeling and move on.
 
For when you start following everyone else's advice, here's my pragmatic two cents about things you absolutely need to do as you move on to protect yourself financially. Yeah, I know it's hard to think pragmatically during an emotional time, but here's some questions you need to answer and steps you need to take ASAP.

Was the house yours or hers before you got together, or did you get it together? If you got it together, demand back whatever you paid as a security deposit. If it's yours, get her out. If it's hers entirely, just walk away. If anything's in your name (cable, electric, etc), cancel the accounts immediately.

Also, you share a cell service plan? Are you the primary owner or is she? If it's you, remove her from your account ASAP. Having her phone record come in your monthly bills will be painful for you. Also, if she doesn't have another phone line and this leaves her stranded, it's not your problem.
 
[quote name='alongx']For when you start following everyone else's advice, here's my pragmatic two cents about things you absolutely need to do as you move on to protect yourself financially. Yeah, I know it's hard to think pragmatically during an emotional time, but here's some questions you need to answer and steps you need to take ASAP.

Was the house yours or hers before you got together, or did you get it together? If you got it together, demand back whatever you paid as a security deposit. If it's yours, get her out. If it's hers entirely, just walk away. If anything's in your name (cable, electric, etc), cancel the accounts immediately.

Also, you share a cell service plan? Are you the primary owner or is she? If it's you, remove her from your account ASAP. Having her phone record come in your monthly bills will be painful for you. Also, if she doesn't have another phone line and this leaves her stranded, it's not your problem.[/QUOTE]

Some really great advice here. Show no mercy; seriously, she doesn't deserve it.
 
damn, that sucks.
I would just ignore her and just end it like that.
or...play along with her "game" but make sure you man up enough where you do not get attached. This is very hard since 2-3 years is a long time and you were in it pretty deep. If you play along you'll most likely be able to be fuck buddies if you are into that. She will also probably want to get back together some time in the future which in time you will string her along like she is doing to you. except you're getting it in and not giving a shit.
 
It's over bro. I know it's hard but you have to forget about her and move on. After what she has done you can never trust her again anyway.

Just give it some time and you will feel better. Don't let her string you along because girls don't have what it takes to just end it.
 
[quote name='shrike4242']I'm surprised and disappointed that we're 30 posts in and no one suggested the OP stick it in her pooper.[/QUOTE]

I thought about adding "and DHITB" to the end of my post.

pacifickarma hinted at it.
 
cut it off, never speak to her again, find someone who will love you and make you happy. she doesnt deserve your time, "once a cheater always a cheater", make her regret you before you miss her, dont be a dick be the nice guy and just move on, she will be back and it will be when you have found that perfect girl that accepts you for all the good and the bad. wont it be nice to see how happy you are when shes so miserable?

was in your shoes once, girlfriend got with my best friend, in his defense he didnt know we got back together (she had moved from nc to ohio so we broke up) when he found out he was so ashamed he cried. best thing he did for me because if not for him id probably still be with her and hating myself.
 
More or less repetiting what others have said... just leave and forget about her. Delete her number, officiallly move all your stuff out, cancel/sell the share property, etc. By breaking off with you, it allows her the freedom to screw as many guys as she wants, which based on your OP sounds like is happening. The only reason she continues to talk to you is that you are the fail safe. When all else fails and she grows up, she will look for someone who cared about her, i.e. you, and at that time will want to get back with you. You should have enough self-worth to not let this happen. Go out and get you a woman who cares about you. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
 
Try to get back with her, she could completely reform overnight?

Just kidding.. what did you think people were gonna say? You know deep down what the right thing to do is.. try to have some strength. This too, shall pass.
 
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