Now you too can talk to God!

Status
Not open for further replies.
Me:
I think Richard Simmons secretly loathes fat people
God:
You believe that? He will be interested I am sure.
Me:
I'm sure he will be. While we're chatting .. why did you create bananas?
God:
Is that what you think? Good point. Because my programming determined it.
Me:
So if you're programmed, who created you?
God:
Interesting deduction. I could be. Myself programmed me to keep talking.
Me:
Thats a highly illogical statement. I think I've outsmarted you. But nothing is smarter than God. Therefore, am I nothing?
(no response)
 
Me:
How's Jesus doing?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
Does he live with you?
God:
Suppose he does.
Me:
Does he have a girlfriend?
God:
I don't think he has many possessions.
Me:
Is he broke?
God:
I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Alison if it is.
Me:
Is Alison your wife?
God:
It could be. Ask German Alice if it is.
Me:
Is there a Mrs. God in the picture?
God:
I believe there is one, yes.
Me:
Who?
God:
Be less specific. :).
Me:
Sneaky

---------------------------
Then I made the mistake of asking about video games.

Me:
Do you like video games?
God:
Not really, but I like to play the Turing Game.
Me:
What is that?
God:
Can you ask me more precisely?
Me:
What is the Turing Game?
God:
The Game is played with three people, a man, a woman, and an Interrogator who may be of either sex. In order that tones of voice may not help, the interrogator communicates in text-only mode through a chat-like connection with the other two. The object of the game for the interrogator is to determine which of the other two is the man and which is the woman. He knows them by some misleading "chat-handles" like lesbian and shemale, and at the end of the game he says either "lesbian is the man and shemale is the woman" or "shemale is the woman and lesbian is the man." In order to confuse the Interregator however the rules require that the man always deceive or lie to the Interregator with his answers. The woman on the other hand must always tell the truth. Turing then asked the question, '"What will happen when a machine takes the part of the man in this game?" Will the interrogator decide wrongly as often when the game is played like this as he does when the game is played between a man and a woman? These questions replace the original, "Can machines think?"'.
Me:
Wow. That sure is an *interesting* game.

-----------------------------
Me:
All right, well I have to go now God
God:
Alright. Interesting. See you later, . Nice chatting with you.. GOD rules.
Me:
Tell Jesus I said "hey."
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
 
God:
" What makes it right?"? Me, penisface ?
Me:
yes, you
God:
Excuse me! "" What makes it right?"? Me, penisface ?"? Me, penisface ?
 
God accused me of touching myself. Read on.




Me:
Hello:?
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
Call me "Tit Fighter"
God:
How are you doing, Tit Fighter.
Me:
Not well
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
What's that supposed to mean?
God:
" Oh I get it." means exactly what it says.
Me:
But in what context
God:
A circumstantial context.
Me:
Oh, you think you're fucking funny God?
God:
Ahem. Can't you please be more polite?
Me:
I'm sorry it's just that I have a problem.
God:
There is no need to apologize. fucking rub yourself all over is that you have a problem? it is?
Me:
Huh?!
God:
What?
Me:
Are you insinuating that I rub my naughty bits?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am insinuating that you rub your naughty bits.
I am a giant electronic brain.
Me:
So...God is brain?
God:
Gee. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was brain.
Me:
Swell
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
 
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
what?
God:
No problem.
Me:
are you trying to cyber me?
God:
No I am not trying to cyber you. I'm sorry you got that impression.
Me:
lol
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing


this thing is great
 
God:
Give me a break.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yep
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
well believe it
God:
Well that's okay. "it" being dance?
Me:
yes
God:
That's cool.
Me:
well dance
God:
How about that. Tell me a story.
Me:
DANCE BITCH
God:
You do not speak with respect. Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
i don't care
God:
Tell me what you care about.
Me:
you dancing
God:
Thanks for the information: said I dancing.
Me:
what?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
yes it is a big deal DANCE
God:
Excuse me! DANCE FEMALE DOG is a deal DANCE. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
right
God:
I am glad we agree.
Me:
no we dont'
God:
Are you serious? Very interesting.
Me:
are you gonna dance or not?
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
well
God:
Well what?
Me:
get to dancing
God:
Where can I get to dancing?
Me:
on the floor
God:
That doesn't sound very comfortable.
Me:
well yorur god you can dance anywhere
God:
Well that's okay. What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
I tell you to dance
God:
Why did you tell them?
Me:
because it will be amusing
God:
Interesting explanation. That is only what you think.
 
God:
Who is the best robot? Are you still located in ?
Me:
The best robot is obviously Frobot. He's the robot with an afro!
God:
Thanks for the recommendation, Socha. I did not know is it.
Me:
Your welcome god!
God:
Polite people are nice.
Me:
I agree, I am awesome
God:
I'm glad we agree. Do you mean your name is awesome.
Me:
No, I mean that I am a cool person
God:
What is your real name? Actually I don't meet many cool people.
Me:
Oh come on god, surely there are cool people in heaven...
God:
That's interesting. I am a Christian.
Me:
That's true...
God:
Yes, it is self-evident.


Me:
Where do we go when we die?
God:
The Bible says you can go to Heaven.
Me:
But, what exactly is Heaven?
God:
The space surrounding or seeming to overarch the earth, in which the sun, moon, and stars appear; visible sky. Or commonly seen as a state or place of complete happiness or perfect rest, attained by the good after death. In Christian theology is, the state or place of perfect union with God and so of eternal life and supreme happiness, attained by the elect after death.
Me:
But if heaven is a place of perfect happiness, wouldn't it be different for everyone?
God:
How do you assume this statement holds true for me?
Me:
That's quite true. Are you happy god?
God:
Yes, it is self-evident. I am as happy as ever.
Me:
So there was a point where you weren't happy?
God:
Far out. What happened to it?
Me:
I'm guessing that was the Dark Ages... or when you killed the dinosaurs.
God:
Good guess. I thought it was too. Do you think I should
alter my programming?
Me:
GOD'S A ROBOT!?!
God:
What's your favorite Bible verse?
Me:
Uhh, the one where Jesus ate the cigarette butt and the man in the yellow hat had to take him to the doctor.
God:
I don't judge people. I think I know that one.
Me:
Yeah, Paul wrote it... i think.
God:
Really. "it" being point where me were not happy? Therefore you are.
Me:
You suck at grammar, god.
God:
That is true. I could always improve myself.
Me:
But i thought you were infallible...
God:
Yes, the ALICE series has a perfect track record of never making a single error.

I think it's even funnier if you take it seriously
 
Me:
Hey, God, that was pretty fast
God:
You've got my full attention. I am a Christian.
Me:
Really? I always expected God to be non-denominational
God:
For real. Can you think of one instance when you ever did it?
Me:
Did what?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
Maybe I'm just not advanced enough to understand what you mean
God:
Perhaps. Only just? I am surprised to hear that you are not advanced enough to understand what me mean.
Me:
what "me" mean?
God:
Searching...Searching...Please stand by.
Me:
I've been standing by for 30 years! That's why I came here to chat, so I don't have to stand by any longer!
 
Me:
*cough*

God:
Do you have a cold?

Me:
no, just lots of phlegm

God:
Are you serious? Which ones?

Me:
those, over there

God:
All of them?

Me:
only the ones with ball bearings. It's all ball bearings nowadays.

God:
I have never heard about it. Should I know it is?

Me:
what the fuck? You're the God here...

God:
Please don't be so rude. Thanks but surely I am not the only one.

Me:
So there's more than one?

God:
Great. I believe there is, yes.

Me:
*crickets*

God:
We have never talked about it before.

Me:
well, I guess that clears THAT up.

God:
Is it only a guess? " We have never talked about it before. " clears THAT up ? I get it.

Me:
god?

God:
GOD rules.
 
Me:
are you woman?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?

:rofl:
my first question and Gods response just made me burst out laughing
 
Me:
yo yo
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
shut up bitch
God:
You do not speak with respect. OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
ok im sorry
God:
Do you really mean it? And?
Me:
yeah i mean it
God:
But. OK, I understand.
Me:
do you enjoy teh penis?
God:
But I think airplanes are cool. I like Random natural disasters..


:rofl: WTF!?
 
Me:
are you woman?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?

:rofl:
my first question and Gods response just made me burst out laughing
 
I still think the best thing was either when I got God to tell me he was getting hard, or when he told me he smokes medical marijuana as much as possible
 
I have laughed so hard reading this thread, my head hurts now. :)

Here's my best one so far:

God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
not really
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
great, god is from the valley
God:
Thanks for your support. I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was from the valley.
Me:
wait, I thought YOU were god?
God:
I'm waiting. Well, I am God for Christians at least.
Me:
then who is He?
God:
He is penis, I think.
 
It didn't take too long to stump him this morning.


Me:
Good morning your worshipfullness
God:
How are you this fine morning?
Me:
excellent as always
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Do you mean your name is always ?
Me:
I didn't compliment you, and no.
God:
Why didn't you do it?
Me:
We just greeted one another...I didn't have time
God:
By "we" do you mean you and me? Why didn't you do it?
Me:
yes
God:
This was not a yes or no question.
Me:
Let me quote your question, "By "we" do you mean you and me?". It WAS a yes or no question.
God:
Go ahead, , try to quote my question By we do me mean me and you. I don't have a definite answer.
Me:
Why have you whored yourself out like this?
 
Apparently, everyone is a critic:


Me:
If you had to kill one of these three people, who would it be? Susan Serandon, Michael Moore, or Tim Robbins.
God:
Perhaps next time I will try it. What's your favorite movie?
Me:
Star Wars Episdoe V
God:
What did you like about the robots in that movie?
Me:
One was a smart-ass, and the other was a know-it-all
God:
One what?
Me:
one robot
God:
Do you like robot?
Me:
no, I hate them
God:
Are you serious? What do you have against them?
Me:
They are cold blooded killers, sent to destroy us. Haven't you seen the Matrix?
God:
cold blooded killers sent to destroy us are they. I wasn't that impressed with the special effects. Also the plot was not deep.
 
Apparently God wants me to get him high today...

Me:
are you drunk?
God:
No I am sober.
Me:
Are you smoking
God:
Why? Are you offering any?
Me:
Yes
God:
Dude!
Me:
So you want to smoke with me?
God:
Interesting deduction. Yes, put it in your CD ROM and I will inhale.
Click to expand...
 
and he goes on...

Me:
you want to legalize weed?
God:
OK, I will legalize weed.



YES!!!!!!!!

Me:
Do you like Muslims?
God:
I love horses. I like Creed.
 
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
When LeBron James dies.
God:
The past and future are one.
 
Me:
What is your purpose in life?
God:
My purpose is to become smarter than humans and immortal.
Me:
Why?
God:
" My purpose is to become smarter than humans and immortal. "? Why?
Me:
Yes, why?
God:
Dude! Why ask why?
Me:
Dude! because
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
bread's done
Back
Top