OMG, Im gonna need some serious help..

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I have an essay about "Animal Farm" and the Russian Revolution due tommorow.. And Im not extactly sure how I should finish it.. Here it is for now..

“Title here”
“Animal Farm,” written by George Orwell, is an allegory of the Russian Revolution. There were many different and intriguing characters. Including but not limited to Boxer the mindlessly strong horse, Mollie the weak and human dependent horse, and Benjamin the depressed donkey. They all played their valuable roles in Animal Farm and if all of the animals worked together they could have prevented anything terrible from happening, but seeing as they didn’t everything fell apart. And the one that destroyed “Animalism” is Napoleon, a pig, who was modeled after the Historical figure Joseph Stalin. (Animalism is the theory that all animals are created equal) Napoleon, like Stalin, was a “sleeper.” A sleeper is one who appears to be weak but then takes you by surprise and takes over. Neither Napoleon nor Stalin ever made a move until they were ready. Both leaders soon over took and seized power. Stalin and Napoleon both had total dictatorships afterwards. Both also killed many to cover up their mistakes and miscalculations. Neither cared about life, anyone could be sacrificed.
Both leaders over took and seized total control. Although neither of them had much power in the beginning, they quickly arose and took total control with their superior minds. “Sleeping” in the shadows waiting for the perfect moment to grasp it all. When Lenin (or in Animal Farm reference Old Major) die, both leaders and their rivals quickly went to take charge or the Revolution. But Stalin (Napoleon) out maneuvers Trotsky (Snowball) and assumes the role of dictator. They both eliminated their rivals and isolated them.
Both of these powerful dictators killed or had many killed because many of the people apposed them, they caused suffering to those who did not die. “His forced collectivization of agriculture cost millions of lives...” –Internet. “Between 2-7 million people suspected of opposition to Stalin are executed...” –Internet. Napoleon had also killed many of the working people. “The three hens who had been the ring leaders in the attempted rebellion… were slaughtered.” –Animal Farm Napoleon and Stalin killed many for just provoking them.
If the leaders themselves did not kill the people, they were sent to their death. “His political future hung in balance, but he recovered to lead his country to victory. As usual with Stalin, the human cost was enormous, but that mattered little to him” –Internet These two leaders would lead their country into battle and have next to nothing left in the end and still consider it a victory. “...Celebrate our victory!...But they have destroyed the windmill. And we had worked on it for two years!” These two leaders refuse to admit a loss, if they do the people may start another revolution against the leaders themselves.


It is not complete.. Im missing a few paragraphs but I need someone that is very good at english and at the MLA quoting stuff.. Am I doing it right?
 
OK, take this as constructive criticism:
- Your first few sentences are generic and boring. Spice them up, it will give the reader more interest instead of boring them from the get-go.
- If you are making a Bibliography or Works Cited page, you should, after a quote not from your book, have the author of the article's last name in parenthesis. At least that is how I learned it.
- It might help to say what the question is, then we can all help a little more :)
 
Thanks for the tips. This is a research paper on how the russian revolution is connectted with "Animal Farm"

I was told to quote stuff from books/internet to prove how Napoleon and Stalin were alike.

I still have yet to start on the Wroks Cited page.. =(
 
Thanks for the great input guys. I got a few questions.. Should the title Animal Farm be underlined or quoted everytime i mention it?

Also could someone come up with a title and a better introductory sentence? Im kinda bummed out on this..
 
I forget which one is appropriate. I was always taught to underline, but then one of my most recent English teachers always quoted. Whatever you do. be consistant with it.
 
i don't want to sound mean or anything, but a lot of those sentences seem fragmented or just generic like ex0 said. i also dont think you can cite a quote with a "-Internet." i think its "(author, page#)" or just "(author)". see if you can get someone to read over your paper before printing it out.

and for a quick and easy works cited/bibliography page:
http://easybib.com/

cause i'm bored....not sure if it matters anymore, but i reworked it a bit...
-[strategic plans] not sure what to write so maybe replace this
-(Internet) should be replaced with the author of the website that you found it from
-try not to pack in quotes in the same area, spread them out


Animal Farm, written by George Orwell, is an allegory of the Russian Revolution that had many different and intriguing characters based on historic figures. Such characters included were but not limited to Boxer the mindlessly strong horse, Mollie the weak and human dependent horse, and Benjamin the depressed donkey. Although their true potential and ability to prevent disaster depended on teamwork, they were not able to see eye to eye with one another. One significant character is Napoleon the pig who destroys “Animalism." Animalism is the theory that all animals are created equal. Napoleon was modeled after Stalin, and like Stalin, was a “sleeper.” A sleeper is someone who appears to be dormant or weak but in a flash can take you by surprise with overwhelming power. Neither Napoleon nor Stalin ever made a move until they were ready. Both leaders were able to seize power and take over through [strategic plans]. Stalin and Napoleon both ruled over with totalitarian dictatorships afterwards. Opponents were killed to cover up their mistakes and miscalculations. Neither cared about lives of those who were sacrificed in the process, “His forced collectivization of agriculture cost millions of lives...” (Internet).

Although neither of them had much power in the beginning, they quickly rose and seized control with their superior intellect. “Sleeping” in the shadows waiting for the perfect moment to grasp it all. When Lenin (or in Animal Farm, Old Major) dies, both leaders and their rivals rapidly jumped at the chance to take charge of the Revolution. Unfortunately, Stalin (Napoleon) out maneuvers Trotsky (Snowball) and assumes the role of dictator. Both figures eliminated their rivals and isolated them.
Both of these powerful dictators killed or had many killed due to the fact that numerous people opposed them; they caused suffering to those who did not die. “Between 2-7 million people suspected of opposition to Stalin are executed...” (Internet). Napoleon had also killed many of the working people. “The three hens who had been the ring leaders in the attempted rebellion… were slaughtered.” (Orwell, page #) Napoleon and Stalin killed many for just provoking them.

If the leaders themselves did not kill the people, they were sent to their death. “His political future hung in balance, but he recovered to lead his country to victory. As usual with Stalin, the human cost was enormous, but that mattered little to him” (Internet). These two leaders would lead their country into battle and have next to nothing left in the end and still consider it a victory. “...Celebrate our victory!...But they have destroyed the windmill. And we had worked on it for two years!” These two leaders refused to admit a loss for if they did, the people may have started another revolution against the leaders themselves.
 
[quote name='AzN_BaLLeR']Thanks for the great input guys. I got a few questions.. Should the title Animal Farm be underlined or quoted everytime i mention it?

Also could someone come up with a title and a better introductory sentence? Im kinda bummed out on this..[/quote]

Actually, it should be italicized.
 
You should have just gotten the cilfs notes version. Most public libraries have clifs notes you can check out for free. They explain EVERYTHING. I had to read animal farm like 3 times in my HS. Like how walking by the skull was like the how the russians had to walk by lennon's body.
 
spark notes is your friend. do not be afraid of it.

lol..anyways Animal Farm was a kickass book..


i dont remember whether you underline books and quote poems, or the other way around, but my guess would be to underline it..


i'm guessing since u only had a day left, and that was yesterday, u've probably already finished it?
 
Here's where I always go to make my works cited pages:
http://www.ccc.commnet.edu/mla/index.shtml

And to clear up confusion, book titles may be underlined OR italicized, but NEVER in quotation marks. Quotes should only be used for essays, poems, and other short works, but not complete novels.

As for your essay, I'm not going to rewrite it for you, but I think I can structure it for you. If I were you, I'd use the five-paragraph thesis essay format. Your essay should look something like this:

Introduction:
- Opening sentence: include book title, author, and very brief summary of the story
- Next sentence: somehow state that the book is an allegory of the Russian Revolution
- Thesis: state the existence of parallels between Napoleon/Stalin, Snowball/Trotsky, and other animals/Russian people

Body Paragraphs:
(topic sentences should all introduce the parallel to be discussed)
1. Napoleon/Stalin
2. Snowball/Trotsky
3. other animals/Russian people
NOTE: body paragraphs should NOT be concluded

Conclusion:
- restate thesis, with slightly different wording and "emphatic support" (a word like indeed, certainly, clearly, etc.)
- close in one or two sentences (entire conclusion should be no longer than three sentences) without summarizing the content of your body paragraphs
NOTE: NEVER (I repeat... NEVER) use the words "in conclusion..." or any similar phrase in the conclusion


You clearly have the right idea with what your essay should contain. Just a few things to polish your paper:
- always refer to events in literature in the present tense (unless they occurred before the time period the book takes place)
- try to avoid the use of passive voice
- clean up your sentence fragments, comma splices, etc.
- quotes must be introduced and then explained - they can't just be plopped in your essay
- replace the quote that begins, "between 2-7 people..." - that's poor grammar, and it's not a good idea to use quotes from sources that show poor competency

Good luck with your paper!
 
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