post your best jokes!

JakeT81588

JakeT81588

CAGiversary!
okay... here is where we r gonna post all of our best jokes. I have a few but i need more! so post the best joke you know here. i dont care if it is innapropriate, racist, w/e... i love it all!
 
I priest and a rabbi walk into a bar and say, "did you hear the one about us"?

Ok I stole that from Family Guy. But it's funny.
 
hear about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend?

and

what did the lesbian vampire say to her girlfriend?

see you next month.

Wait . . . I just stole that from Sneaky. Does it still count?
 
here's one that's funny:

so i travel a lot, but i hate traveling. it's probably because my dad beat me with a globe.

it's not my creation, but who cares.
 
What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?

You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
 
[quote name='Doylerulez']What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?

You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.[/quote]

lmao
 
[quote name='Doylerulez']What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?

You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.[/quote]

The hell? Worst...joke...ever...
 
[quote name='Doylerulez']What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?

You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.[/quote]
ahahahhahaa wow thats a good one!
 
[quote name='Doylerulez']What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?

You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.[/quote]

I love me a good dead baby joke.

What's red and swings?
Dead baby on a meat hook
What's green and swings?
Same baby, 6 weeks later.
 
[quote name='thatstoobad'][quote name='spoo']A baby seal walks into a club.[/quote]

see, that's funny.[/quote]
So its funny if a baby seal gets killed but when its a human baby its wrong. What if I raised my baby seal as if it were human and my human baby as a baby seal then clubbed it to death, would it still be funny?
 
[quote name='dcfox'][quote name='thatstoobad'][quote name='spoo']A baby seal walks into a club.[/quote]

see, that's funny.[/quote]
So its funny if a baby seal gets killed but when its a human baby its wrong. What if I raised my baby seal as if it were human and my human baby as a baby seal then clubbed it to death, would it still be funny?[/quote]

It depends. Did you breast feed the baby seal?
 
[quote name='JakeT81588']so a man walks into a bar.... and hes all like "ouch"[/quote]

this better work...
billycrystal.jpg
 
[quote name='godhatesjustyou']whats the difference between a dead baby and my grandmother?

when i shaq-fu my grandmother up the ass, she doesn't die!






*odd silence*[/quote]

is it because she can take it? or is she already dead? 'cause if shes already dead, thats sick
 
[quote name='dcfox']So its funny if a baby seal gets killed but when its a human baby its wrong. What if I raised my baby seal as if it were human and my human baby as a baby seal then clubbed it to death, would it still be funny?[/quote]

when you say "so a seal walks into a club" it's funny because it's kind of offensive, but it's a play on the usual beginning to a joke where they say "so a guy walks into a bar". it takes a little more thought than the thing about dead babies in the back of a truck being removed by a pitch fork. i mean, how often does that happen? i'm guessing not very. i don't think there is anything morally wrong with making jokes about dead babies, i only think there is something morally wrong with making jokes about dead babies that make no sense and aren't funny.

anyways, i'm not very good with the "ask a question then give the punchline" type of jokes, i prefer one liner/story type jokes, so in light of this i'll post another one from dave attell, who is a funny guy:

so i go out to this bar, and i'm thinking she's alone, i'm alone, why not annoy the shit out of her? so i'm walking over to her, and i notice that she's got a black eye, she's got a shiner, and i'm thinking "great, she doesn't listen."
 
A guy goes to the optometrist,
When the docotr sees the man he tells him "you need to stop masturbating."

He replies, "Why doc? Am i going blind?"

"No but you are make the other people here in the waiting room very uncomfertable."
 
Dead baby jokes just leave me feeling like im going straight to hell for laughing at them
 
wow, i just typed dead baby into google image search, and they are not as funny as one would think

i guess dead babies are more of "you had to be there" funny
 
I went to the the website, and the first few were funny. The last couple of pages, however, were just downright disturbing.
 
Three mice are sitting in bar drinking beer.

The first mouse say's I'm the toughest mouse in the house. I can open the fridge get inside and eat anything I want anytime I want.

The second mouse say's no your not, I'm the toughest mouse in the house, I've snagged thousands of pieces of cheese from the traps and never got caught.

The third mouse throws up his arms and say's I can't listen to this crap, I'm going home to screw the cat.
 
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