ugh, sorry if anyone bought this on my account... just got it in the mail, and watched it last night.
from my reviews at dvdspot
Salvage (Blu-ray) - 1/5
I'll admit that
I was suckered in by the prospect of picking up a brand new Blu-ray high definition disc
for a mere $6, but in hindsight I firmly believe my money would have served me better if I had
rolled six $1 bills into a teenie-tiny tube-like structure, soaked it in lemon juice and kerosene, lit it on fire and shoved it directly into
the urethral opening at the tip of my penis. 'Salvage', an awful amalgam of '
Groundhog Day', '
Clerks', and '
Jacob's Ladder', suffers from the worst of the worst in no-budget horror movie sins. No, it's not the usual stuff that no-budget flicks usually get panned for; that typically being poor production values, crappy direction/lighting/cinematography, and abysmal acting, as believe it or not, the directors (the Crook brothers) actually show a modicum of directing talent (when they actually manage to
keep things IN FOCUS), and despite a
pretty awful performance from the kid playing the boyfriend and the fatty playing the cop, overall the acting wasn't too shabby, especially from the lead
Lauren Currie Lewis, who definitely throws an Alicia Silverstone vibe. However, what I hate most of all in no-budget horror is when someone involved in the films production tries to be the next
M. Night Shyamalan, thinking that they are just soooooo damned clever with their 'twist!" filled endings. It seems everyone is so busy trying to outdo everyone else these days in regards to some jaw-dropping suspense-thriller 'twist' that they lose sight of the fact that ultimately in order for the 'twist' to work, IT NEEDS TO MAKE SENSE. At least within larger studio productions, while the film will likely still suck, I suspect that there are more
lackeys lurking around the set to hopefully chime in with a 'Um, hey... guys? this ending makes absolutely no sense', where in no-budget horror,
some guy wearing his writer/director/producer hat is so close to the subject matter that he just isn't aware that the ending is so disappointingly nonsensical and nobody has the heart to tell him that it blows.
Now,
I'd like to consider myself a reasonably intelligent guy, but I will freely admit that I went back and re-watched
the "climax" with the director's commentary on, in an attempt to get some insight as to what the hell I just watched, but alas, no answers were forthcoming. Ultimately I had to "
google" the meaning of the poorly shot and confusing ending which left me feeling as unfulfilled as a woman in
Clay Aiken's bed.
As for the disc itself, how this film managed to eek its way onto a Blu-ray disc is beyond me. While the back cover proudly states that the video (AND special features) are in
1080p, that just doesn't do you much good when half of the time the camera is out of focus to begin with. Gee, thanks... out-of-focus blur in full 1080p... revolutionary! Oh, but at least there is a lossless PCM audio track.
Oh wait, but it's Dolby Digital 2.0 channel. This film, on Blu-ray, is akin to putting
chrome spinners on an
AMC Pacer. Yeah... thanks for that. Unfortunately the one part of the audio that managed to come through crystal clear is the absolutely ridiculous and annoying soundtrack. After another quick internet search, I found that the offending group responsible is named Devola apparently fronted by some screeching emo crackwhore doing the worlds worst drunken karaoke Fiona Apple impersonation. Feel free to visit them
here, then feel free to visit
here so that you may purchase the proper tool to effectively rupture your eardrums to make the horror stop.