Should I (we) be mad at my sis?

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Wow... how the fuck did that end up here? :lol: I hit new thread from the OT subforum.

[quote name='pittpizza']I found that Kayden's post had many metaphorical ties to the discussions going on in this thread.

The tire is the wedding, and it going flat represents having to spent 20k on it.

The day off of work is the blessing (like a new nephew) and the windchill represents the hardships of having to fight for your right to party.

Sorry I didn't warn you about how guestbook signings have to be approved Malik, it wasn't a complete waste of time though as I lol'd.

Esp. at 2 girls 1 cup for life. I actually was fortunate enough to find out what that was before I watched it, and have been fighting off the urge to watch it since.[/quote]
 
Okay, you may find this interesting.

I told Amie I posted a thread to get CAGs opinions (which I remind you mostly mirror my own that it is no BD, that you can't pick which day you get pregnant, and that a birth is more important than a ceremony). She asked what people said and I wrote:

yeah i did, its in the off topic threads on CAG called "should I (we)
be mad at my sis" Everybody says no and that you and I are the
self-centered spoiled asses.
Click to expand...

she responded:
yea, I understand that point of view ... but seriously, she could have waited a month or two and still taken part in our special day ... now we don't know if she will be there, though hopefully she will be ...

the bond that is solidified on our wedding day will only increase the joy and happiness we feel on the days when our kids are born ... In my opinion, you should be married before you have kids ... thus, wedding day is very important ... not only for us, but for our families that are being joined together ...
tell them to go get a life and stop playing video games :)
Click to expand...

She will be the first to admit that she is pretty attention hungry and does not like anyone stealing her limelight and that she wants the wedding day to go EXACTLY how she has it mapped out in her mind (prob. since she was a lil girl). It's kind of annoying honestly, she starts talking about her birthday months ahead of time.

[quote name='awwc']HA this thread is freakin priceless.

//now that I'm looking at the pic, it all makes sense. You have to marry her to have sex. She's been holding onto it hasn't she? Oh my god the fustration for you must be overwhelming. I can see it in your eyes. The madness. HJ's won't suffice. Dryhumping makes you weep. Won't quell the beast within. In your flooded-mind, the anger has caused you to agree to a wedding of financial ruin. Anything to slay that dragon. The dragon that wears pastel blue and a delicate string of pearls. Conservative. It's killing you. Her control.[/quote]

OMG, LMFAO, you nailed it, you cut ot the core of me awwc, you see right through me.:applause: :applause: :applause:
 
[quote name='pittpizza']

she responded:


She will be the first to admit that she is pretty attention hungry and does not like anyone stealing her limelight and that she wants the wedding day to go EXACTLY how she has it mapped out in her mind (prob. since she was a lil girl). It's kind of annoying honestly, she starts talking about her birthday months ahead of time.[/quote]





What a bitch,...sorry man you just can argue with the facts your presenting

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:eek:fficial&hs=vOb&defl=en&q=define:bitch&sa=X&oi=glossary_definition&ct=title
 
[quote name='Dead of Knight']Why the fuck would you be mad at her? You're an asshole, not your sister. I seriously, seriously doubt she planned having a fucking baby (a completely life-changing event) around the time of your wedding just to screw with you.[/quote]

/thread
 
Weddings are a HUGE money pit, I don't get it, places rape you on everything because its for a wedding and they can get away with it.

My sister had a GREAT wedding, and it was pretty extravagant, and they only spent a little under 10,000. Things like flowers, limos, the reception are where they get you. (she was quoted close to 5,000 from a few places for flowers! the place she went with was about $450) The reception, some places wanted 10,000 - 15,000 JUST for the room (no food) I think she spent about 7,000 on the place she had it at, including food.

you can be a frugal shopper and STILL have a nice wedding. you just have to shop around. I know that can be tough when you have a bride who doesn't give a crap about the cost
 
Vanilla, I've learned to expect the worst. All I sought out were CAGs opinions and I got plenty of those.

I figured most would be about what they were, and while some people said they could understand how we/(mostly she) felt, it is what it is and life goes on.

There have been some good poignant points made so I'm happy.

The cool thing about Amie is that she will sometimes be bitchy, and is particurly succeptible to the "you-ruined-my-special-day" sort of bitchiness, but she is 99% of the time overwhelmingly cool, kind and selfless (basically the opposite of my sister) which probably has something to do with why my fraternity pretty much unanimously (maybe 40 bros) voted her our Sweetheart.

(Not talking about the wedding pregnancy issues anymore, just generally) You wan't to meet a real bitch, meet my sis, uuuughhh, I dunno if its just cuz I've always been the anoying little brother but man she used to torture me when we were kids. Nowadays she is basically "my way or the highway" and if she is not happy (quite often as she is super moody) she makes it her mission to make sure that everyone else around her is unhappy as well. W/ my sis, it's definitely misery loves company.

Practical:
Why is Brak such a douchebag?
 
[quote name='pittpizza']I repeat, she told us she wasn't going to be able to be in the bridal party, we didnt kick her out.

IF your bro was getting married, and you were planning on and trying having a child, and you got pregnant where your due date was the week of his wedding and you couldn't go, you wouldn't expect him to be upset you couldn't come to your bro's wedding?

This was no accidental baby, she was trying. This is probably a crucial tidbit I left out of the OP. THIS WAS A PLANNED PREGNANCY. I'm not upset she's pregant as many of you seem to be suggesting. I'm thrilled I'm gonna be an uncle. I also recognize the point that nobody predict the timing of conception, many people do try for months, still others can't ever get pregnant.

Am I a little upset my own sister isn't goint to be at my wedding? Yeah, I love her and want her to be there.

edit: and good luck with the wedding OP, when do I get my invite? :)


Magehart you asked a good question: "Why should your sister have to base her life around your wedding? Respect is a good reason." Amie and I would not expect anybody to "BASE THEIR LIFE" around our wedding, but I guess we don't see the harm in waiting another month or two when you know you've committed to being there for your brother's wedding.

One more time: THIS IS BY FAR A JOYOUS AND HAPPY BLESSING, Amie and I both feel this way. I suppose she (moreso than I) just feels/felt somewhat slighted that we were not importnat enough for sister to plan around us (by only waiting another month or two before she started trying).

Eitherway, mom and dad both pointed out that while they can empathize with the way we feel, theres really nothing that can be done, if she can't come to the wedding she can't come to the wedding.

I've always felt (from when we first heard the news) that a new life is more important than a ceremonial occasion.[/QUOTE]

I love life and people and the way they complain! :) that goes to almost everyone before this post, calling the OP selfish and ignorant, I would have been upset with the fact your sister was kind of attempting to steal your thunder with her PLANNED PREGNANCY!

I also agree with you OP, that she could have had the mindset to kind of realized she was in a wedding for her brother and she was attempting to fruck it up! It's all good though, I hope she is 2 weeks late! I was gonna add something else, then I would be the ahole! nite nite all ;)

edit: Oh, good luck with the wedding OP, when should I expect my invite in teh maiL???!!??
 
[quote name='pittpizza']The whole F***ing thing is a racket, we're dropping like 20-25 grand on ONE FRIGGIN DAY!! ONe day, it could be a huge downpayment on a house or soo much other stuff. WHen I point this out Amie says "yeah but it's the most important day of our lives." Ugh. I'm a frugal kind of guy and think that large traditional weddings are little more than a showcase in extravagance, a status symbol and an exercise in gluttony and waste.[/QUOTE]

Bingo. Thats why you get that out of the way early, if she wants to drop that much on a wedding you walk and tell her to find a rich guy.

About your sister, well can she be that evil? Your the only one that can judge.
 
[quote name='pittpizza']she responded:

the bond that is solidified on our wedding day will only increase the joy and happiness we feel on the days when our kids are born ... In my opinion, you should be married before you have kids ... thus, wedding day is very important ... not only for us, but for our families that are being joined together ...
tell them to go get a life and stop playing video games [/quote]

hope its a super solid bond....there is a 66% chance ya'll will get a divorce


also..the more and more i read this thread, the more and more you remind me of Dante about to marry Emma in Clerks II
 
God, I go to ONE class and grab lunch... a little more than two hours later this thread has blown up. LOL!

[quote name='Maklershed']/thread[/QUOTE]
Thank you. :)
 
Hurry up and knock up your fiance that way the birth of your child will overshadow the birth of hers. HURRY UP, TIME'S A WASTIN'!
 
I have to say, you're taking this all rather well. Most of us are berating you and having a laugh at your expense.

kudos. You can beer up with me any day.
 
Thanks for the support Jennie25 and AvidWriter.

Like I said earlier, you gotta have thick skin and read between the insults on int. msg. bds to get anything substantive when you're fishing for opinions.

And Jennie, neither amie or I think sis got pregnant to sabotage our wedding, thats just ridiculous. It's more that, as you said she could have realized that she made a commitment to our wedding and waited (not very long at all). But this is where Amie and I sort of disagree, I don't think it's fair to expect someon to plan something as important as a child birth around your wedding, even if it is someone in your immediate family and even if they did make a committment to you to be there and help you with it. Births trump weddings IMO.

As to Dante and Emma analogy, a few huge differences: we're actually in love, have been together for 6 years, and are not just getting married because thats what "we're supposed to do."

Regarding th 66% divorce rate, you better check those stats as nationally it's real close to 50%, and when you take into account all the teenagers, uneducated, and couples who do it before they're ready (all of which we're not) it plumets to alot lower.

Rest assured though, that as an attorney who has worked in family law for several years, I am fully aware of the risks and statistics associated with marriage; to a much greater extent than your average 20 year old gettin married to his first gf.
 
[quote name='awwc']kudos. You can beer up with me any day.[/QUOTE]
We can't all have good taste...
 
[quote name='awwc']I have to say, you're taking this all rather well. Most of us are berating you and having a laugh at your expense.

kudos. You can beer up with me any day.[/quote]

Hey thanks man. Like I said, int. msg. bds. require thick skin. You can't expect everybody to take your side, or take any side, or even post on topic whatsoever: (Case in point, brak's posts.) CAG in particular seems to have an overwhelming bandwagon effect where one poster who posts alot will insult/flame and an avalanche of off topic ad homs will follow. It's cool though and to be expected really, lots of CAGs are young bucks.

Either way welcome.

Now RedvsBlue, THAT is a good idea.
 
[quote name='Brak']We can't all have good taste...[/quote]

We all have our issues. Even degenerate assclowns deserve a break.

Not that I'm saying pitt's a degnerate assclown. More akin to a confused lad trapped in a soon-to-be lifeless marriage. Rife with debt and scornful disdain of the other, his future will soon be as barren as a desert.

He'll need a beer.
 
You should be glad she's not in your wedding party anymore. It obviously wasn't something too important to her or she wouldn't have gotten knocked up.

Honestly, Have you ever been to a wedding that had the family hating/fighting/ignoring each other in some way? It kind of ruins the mood and makes what shold be your most happy day into something evil. You will always remember the bad parts if you have any and not the good ones when you think back on it.
Now you wont have any conflict with her around and no chance of her ruining it if they dont get along.

On a side note, your fiance is right about your wedding day being something special and you should do something beautiful for it, since it solidifies your bond. However I think 25k is waaaaay overboard lol. That's just crazy imo.
I weep when I think of you missing out on a down payment for a house or piled up bills later on. You can always think of your wedding to comfort you though, in your times of money troubles and fighting over lack of finances. ;P

Good luck!
 
Noodle,

I don't think anyone is arguing that your wedding shouldn't be special. No one advocated going to the courthouse for 10 minutes, drive through McDonalds, and be home in time to watch Judge Judy. Weddings should be special.

Just don't confuse special with expensive. You can have a $1k wedding that is more special than a 30k one.
 
OP, I don't know the people involved, so I don't know if you should be disappointed/angry at sister. However for 20 k you could have some really great seats at the Super Bowl. So tell lady that since she gets her spectacular wedding day, you get to go to the Super Bowl of your choice.

Super Bowl > New Life > Wedding
 
I hope $30000 isn't a lot of money to you OP, cos thats a lot of money to spend on a wedding.

I don't feel any need to hate on you so good luck with the wedding and all.

Sorry about getting your Sis knocked up but I fully intend on completely abandoning her and the sprog in the near future, if that means anything to you.
 
pitt, everyone has been shitting on you, but I agree 100%. She knew about your wedding ahead of time, she could have easily kept her legs closed a little while longer so as to not interfere with your big day. What a bitch.
 
The fact that she calls it "our special day" instead of "our wedding" shows she has a some degree of psychosis.
 
Heath/PittPizza (damn you're name really is Heath!) - you should post your comments in the OP on your wedding page, hahaha!

Tell your sis and Amie how you really feel!

www.amieandheathswedding.com


bridezilla.jpg
 
[quote name='BadAdviceGuy']"Forget" to tell your sister the cake you bring at Easter is actually a rum cake. +1 bridesmaid[/QUOTE]
I see that you live up to your name. :lol:
 
[quote name='Malik112099']
2. If your sister will be bursting at the seams at the time of your wedding you don't want her doing all that standing and shit when she is in that condition. She is probably doing you a favor by bowing out of the wedding. What if she drops the kid the day before the wedding? You are fucked my friend...that's what.

3. I have 2 kids. First one took 4 years to have. The second one was a complete accident the first month we had unprotected sex after the first kid came (we thought it would take at LEAST a year to get pregnant again). You don't plan pregnancy - it plans you.
[/QUOTE]

Ignoring most of the basement shut in comments littered throughout this thread, these 2 pieces of advice from Malik sum up the important things to consider for your dilemna.

Your sister is most likely doing you a favor by bowing out of the wedding plans. You need someone who is 100% going to be there and available to accomplish the duties assigned. There are too many variables with a pregnancy that can cause her to at best be limited in what she can do and at worst not be there at all. Believe it or not, she probably did want to be at the wedding - maybe not for her future sister in law, but definitely for her brother. And I'm sure if she can, she will. But it seems to me she does not want to be a burden or a source of problems on the big day (consider also that the baby in all likelihood will be with her and it probably won't be quiet all that often). You really should be thanking her silently.

As for "planning to have kids later", the notion is ridiculous. RIDICULOUS. The first time I got my wife pregnant (years ago), she was on birth control (read: not 100% effective - close, but not close enough when it happens). We decided to have it aborted because we were not ready.

About 6 months ago, we decided we were about ready and so she went off of birth control thinking it would probably take around a year or so on average for all the variables to line up right. She was pregnant within a month. Others wait years, if at all. You just never know. And it's really REALLY selfish for anyone to think that someone should postpone a life-changing experience that is based a great deal on luck for a life-changing experience that is based on planning. Your (future) wife sounds very contrary to the very kind picture you painted of her, which makes me question your opinion of your sister.

However, I know how important weddings can be for women. I'm sure Amie is really a nice person and her judgement is just a bit skewed from the stress and importance of this event for her. Help her to take a step back and see it from the outside perspective.

Anyway, to answer your thread topic question, don't be mad at your sister. Be happy for her. Be a good brother. Be a good uncle to your new niece/nephew. And be a good husband to your new wife.

Congratulations to all of you. These events are all good - don't let petty stuff like this sully the greatest moments of your lives.

~Mark
 
[quote name='PhrostByte']pitt, everyone has been shitting on you, but I agree 100%. She knew about your wedding ahead of time, she could have easily kept her legs closed a little while longer so as to not interfere with your big day. What a bitch.[/quote]

Hey thanks Phrost.


[quote name='Eltis']Your (future) wife sounds very contrary to the very kind picture you painted of her, which makes me question your opinion of your sister.

However, I know how important weddings can be for women. I'm sure Amie is really a nice person and her judgement is just a bit skewed from the stress and importance of this event for her. [/quote]

EXACTLY!!! You sort of answered your own question here, Amie is kind/generous/selfless about all things except our wedding. Overall very good avice, thks mark.

Regarding my sis, even she herself admits to being pretty self-centered, narcissistic, judgmental and aggressive. I know it sounds like I'm bashing her but I lover her, she is my sister after all, it's just that all these things are true. She's the kind of person who pretty much dislikes everybody she meets because they don't live up to her standards.

Does anybody want to see bridezilla's second response to this thread? If nobody's interested I'll just leave it out. Lemme know, she's pretty testy.
 
[quote name='Eltis']Ignoring most of the basement shut in comments littered throughout this thread, these 2 pieces of advice from Malik sum up the important things to consider for your dilemna.

Your sister is most likely doing you a favor by bowing out of the wedding plans. You need someone who is 100% going to be there and available to accomplish the duties assigned. There are too many variables with a pregnancy that can cause her to at best be limited in what she can do and at worst not be there at all. Believe it or not, she probably did want to be at the wedding - maybe not for her future sister in law, but definitely for her brother. And I'm sure if she can, she will. But it seems to me she does not want to be a burden or a source of problems on the big day (consider also that the baby in all likelihood will be with her and it probably won't be quiet all that often). You really should be thanking her silently.

As for "planning to have kids later", the notion is ridiculous. RIDICULOUS. The first time I got my wife pregnant (years ago), she was on birth control (read: not 100% effective - close, but not close enough when it happens). We decided to have it aborted because we were not ready.

About 6 months ago, we decided we were about ready and so she went off of birth control thinking it would probably take around a year or so on average for all the variables to line up right. She was pregnant within a month. Others wait years, if at all. You just never know. And it's really REALLY selfish for anyone to think that someone should postpone a life-changing experience that is based a great deal on luck for a life-changing experience that is based on planning. Your (future) wife sounds very contrary to the very kind picture you painted of her, which makes me question your opinion of your sister.

However, I know how important weddings can be for women. I'm sure Amie is really a nice person and her judgement is just a bit skewed from the stress and importance of this event for her. Help her to take a step back and see it from the outside perspective.

Anyway, to answer your thread topic question, don't be mad at your sister. Be happy for her. Be a good brother. Be a good uncle to your new niece/nephew. And be a good husband to your new wife.

Congratulations to all of you. These events are all good - don't let petty stuff like this sully the greatest moments of your lives.

~Mark[/QUOTE]
Great post. This is what I would have said if I were a nice person.
 
I think all girls are a bit annoyed when someone takes the spotlight away from their wedding day. My wife's cousin and his wife got pregnant and were expecting to deliver a couple weeks before our wedding, which did not make my wife happy (very close family, everyone lives in neighboring cities, so it'd be pretty much as if her sister was having a baby).

But they also miscarried with that pregnancy, so goes to show you that neither a pregnancy or birth can be guaranteed. To end on a high note, they successfully gave birth to a girl a couple months ago.
 
SHIT, I had finished posting some outstanding comments regarding this topic, and after hitting 'Submit Reply' the effing page crashed and they were lost. Damn it, no way I'm going to be rewriting that shit.

Oh well, good luck Heath, I'll be rooting for you (particularly your sanity). I'm sure Amie/Bridezilla is a wonderful, sweet, thoughtful person etc. as you stated, but it's obvious she's also quite stubborn and not very reasonable if she won't work on the cost issue, which is obviously an issue with you.

I'll just sum up what I was going to say with:

"Happiest day of our lives"...hahahahaha!!! Yeah right, at least until the day the divorce is finalized, then THAT will be the new happiest day of your lives. Not that I'm trying to jinx you kids, I'm just stating the odds. And no, I'm not a basement dweller, been married now 6.5 years to an absolute goddess that I worship. Nope, not whipped either, but suffice to say I tell all of my single friends to never, ever get married. But it doesn't change the fact that your girl is just like my girl is just like every other brainwashed modern woman, at least in America.

If you are indeed going to go through with this wedding, then for your sake just tuck the twig and berries and cater to your fiance, and forget about the cost, the waste, the utter nonsense. Better that she be happy and sane so that you remain happy and sane. If you think about the cost, waste etc. you will do nothing but cause yourself aggravation and give yourself a bleeding ulcer.

So just go with the flow and let Amie go apeshit and plan everything. Besides, 30K really isn't much for a standard wedding nowadays, hell I think we spent at least twice that for ours, but then again we're pretty rich so it didn't really affect either of us or our parents. And if she wants a traditional, big, costly wedding, make sure HER PARENTS PAY FOR ALL OF IT, SINCE THAT IS PART OF SAID TRADITION. Stick them with the bill.

(Our parents split their individual costs based on guests, and I paid for my friends).

That said, BRING ON THE COMMENTS/RESPONSES from Amie. And post a pic of her too please.
 
Try this:

Have a kid of your own. When you announce it to your family and the initial joy and congrats are out of the way, wait for those people who should be happy for you to start bitching because the due date is inconvenient for them. Listen to them as they start complaining about why you couldn't have waited to have a kid, since that has put a wrench in their plans, no matter what the plans for your life are (or hell, maybe the pregnancy's an accident, either way works.)

Any effort to talk with them about it only gets into a debate or, at best, "Yeah, I can see your point of view, but..." response. Now imagine that all this is starting to wear thin, cheapening what should be one of the greatest experiences in you and your fiance's lives into one of the worst due to whining about it or the conditions people put on it ("I'm happy you're pregnant, but it's just too bad you couldn't have waited."

That's what it appears you are putting your sister through. You need to understand that the joy from your wedding does not, and should not, depend on your sister. The joy should come from the fact that you are getting married. Period. No, there is no argument, so stop making excuses for shitting on your sister.

Yeah, it's a bummer she can't be there. But guess what? She's having a fucking kid! You're going to be an uncle! There shouldn't be any "Yeah, she's having a kid, but she should have waited" crap. It would show a lot of class if you would show concern and love for you pregnant sister rather than ridicule and guilt trips. Being pregnant is hard enough without the guilt crap you're trying to feed her.

Your wedding and her pregnancy will both be fine as long as you realize you and your fiance are not the only important people right now. And that's ok.

Also, spending that much on your wedding is stupid.
 
[quote name='jbuck138']I'm not gonna bash the OP. But you should be happy for your sister and enjoy the thought of two big events in your family happening around the same time. There are 2 new members joining your family.[/QUOTE]

This.
 
OP, I hope you shit golden eggs.

Seriously though, don't worry about it and relax. Also, to anyone saying that 20K is a lot of money for a wedding... it's not these days. It's about average. Maybe to CAGs it is, but it really isn't these days. My brother, who is getting married in June, is spending around the same as the OP.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zvTRQr7ns8
 
From what I've read, I can only say this:

Who gives a shit, you're getting married. That day is about you and your wife alone, not your sis or whatever she decides to do. If she can't make it, big deal. As long as the rest of your family and her family are coming, as long as you're going to have an awesome wedding and a romantic honeymoon, who gives a shit if your sister can't/won't show up.

That day is about you and your wife, and not a way to demand attention. Your family and loved ones show up out of respect and love, but not doing so is not an act of defiance, nor is it an excuse for you to demand that they show up. Deal with it, I imagine on that day you're not going to care about anything else but your wife, and she the same for you.

That being said, I believe you'll realize some things are more important when the time comes.

~HotShotX
 
[quote name='CocheseUGA']I have to laugh at people who think 30K is a shitton of money to be spending on a wedding. That's about average, people.[/quote]Mine cost $15k. That's a shitton of money. The fact that my friend's wedding was likely in the $200k range doesn't change that.
 
I'm not saying it isn't a lot of money, because it is.

However, these people thinking $1K on wedding will get them anything more than a justice of the peace and a dimestore tux are kidding themselves.
 
One of the girls in my friends' wedding last month had to step down because she was due any day. She still attended the wedding, but she definitely didn't plan on having a baby then. Like my old history teacher (God rest his soul) used to say, "The first one can come at anytime!"

I wouldn't hold this against your sister, you'll only create unwanted hostilities between your sister and your wife to be.

Another good friend of mine has stopped talking to his sister because her husband doesn't like his fiance, and I doubt she'll be at his wedding, which is a damn shame.
 
Honestly?

You should have eloped to somewhere tropical, saved all the goddamn money you spent on your wedding and had a wicked, wicked honeymoon.

[quote name='botticus']Mine cost $15k. That's a shitton of money. The fact that my friend's wedding was likely in the $200k range doesn't change that.[/quote]

I would be using that kind of money as a down payment on a house.
 
what's with the competition and drama? You guys (OP and fiancee) are reading way too much into it. Just be happy two great events can happen close to each other. Besides, babies are more important than weddings, imho.

Weddings are the most ridiculously overvalued ceremony in the U.S. People treat at as an end more than a beginning...if that's the most important day ever, then what does that say about the years of marriage that are supposed to follow and the events that'll take place throughout it--including the birth of your own kid. If you have the dough to drop $25,000 on a day, then so be it, but your sister's child is a big deal too.
 
[quote name='pittpizza']Hopefully you can find a girl who doesnt have this "knight-in-shining-armor" fantasy of what her wedding is going to look like engrained into her brain since she is a little girl.[/QUOTE]
Is this even possible?
 
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