PsyClerk
CAGiversary!
Let's get a few things straight so we can clear up some threads on the different forums. I'm just going to cover the topics that have come up recently.
1-George W Bush is an evil evil man who only cares about the oil companies. He invaded Iraq because he was having a bad day and didn't like the way Saddam looked at him. Also, he wanted the Iraqi oil. GWB is an evil schemer while at the same time, he is a moron who cannot tie his own shoes or eat with a fork. He became president by being an idiot, do not question this logic. He kicks puppies for his own amusement, and once shot a man just to watch him die. He has a necklace made from the teeth of Bea Arthur.
2-John Kerry did not join the army because he wanted to serve his country. Residual checks from playing Lurch on the Addams Family had dried up and he needed work. As soon as he landed in Vietnam, he immediately attacked American soldiers because they were eating children and kittens they found in Vietnamese villages. He was assisted in this fight by Rambo and Optimus Prime. He received 172 Purple Hearts, plus a secret medal that says simply "You are a cool guy." He enjoys long walks with rich widows, and pimps out his own daughter for campaign funds. She is available for birthdays, weddings and bar mitzvahs.
3-Microsoft is an evil corporation which struggles daily to achieve world domination. This is so they can host the world's biggest LAN party, where all people will be forced to play Diablo whilst being anally violated by MS employees. If you are using Linux or god forbid a Macintosh, cut off your genitalia now.
4-The GameCube sucks. It is vastly inferior to the Xbox and should be officially renamed LameCube.
5-The Xbox sucks. It is vastly inferior to the Playstation 2, and is often used by MS to crush small children for the Evil George W Bush.
6-The Playstation 2 sucks. It is vastly inferior to the GameCube, and is made to give DREs every so often so that consumers will send them back to Sony. This allows Sony to install the tracking and listening devices that Microsoft and the Evil George W Bush use to monitor you and your home.
7-The Lakers are the best team ever. Not just in basketball, but in every sport ever invented by man. And even some that aren't. You could dress a second grade class in Laker's uniforms and they would become instant NBA champions. And also win the Super Bowl.
8-Nintendo only makes games that appeal to young children and the pedophiles that love them. If you find yourself enjoying a Nintendo game, get help now. Unless you happen to be a Catholic priest.
9-Halo is the worst game ever. All but seven of the people who bought the game are Microsoft employees who were ordered to drive up sales. I have more fun watching crap swirl down the toilet than playing Halo. Even if Halo came with naked Britney Spears, Olsen Twins, and Jessica Simpson, it would still be the worst game ever.
10-Speaking of women, women are horribly abused constantly. Men should be glad that women are vastly superior beings who put up with them and choose to inhabit the same planet. Any misfortune that befalls a woman, I can guarantee it was a man behind it. And it was probably me personally.
11-Speaking of same planets, you should prepare yourself to welcome the alien overlords, who control Microsoft, who in turn control the oil companies, who in turn control the aforementioned Evil George W Bush, who controls the Evil United States, who controls everything else.
12-If you even MENTION downloading ROMs, music, or other nonsense, you should be raped by rabid Nazi dogs. I don't mean the dogs are rabid Nazis, they are only moderate. However, they do have rabies. Also, you can tell they are Nazi dogs by the swastikas shaved into the fur on their head.
Some of you might think 'hey, that's not right.' If so, you are thinking wrong. This is not up for debate. If you insist, we shall pretend that we DID debate, but you lost. And thus you receive the following message from Willy Wonka:
Protip: Best. Post. Ever.
1-George W Bush is an evil evil man who only cares about the oil companies. He invaded Iraq because he was having a bad day and didn't like the way Saddam looked at him. Also, he wanted the Iraqi oil. GWB is an evil schemer while at the same time, he is a moron who cannot tie his own shoes or eat with a fork. He became president by being an idiot, do not question this logic. He kicks puppies for his own amusement, and once shot a man just to watch him die. He has a necklace made from the teeth of Bea Arthur.
2-John Kerry did not join the army because he wanted to serve his country. Residual checks from playing Lurch on the Addams Family had dried up and he needed work. As soon as he landed in Vietnam, he immediately attacked American soldiers because they were eating children and kittens they found in Vietnamese villages. He was assisted in this fight by Rambo and Optimus Prime. He received 172 Purple Hearts, plus a secret medal that says simply "You are a cool guy." He enjoys long walks with rich widows, and pimps out his own daughter for campaign funds. She is available for birthdays, weddings and bar mitzvahs.
3-Microsoft is an evil corporation which struggles daily to achieve world domination. This is so they can host the world's biggest LAN party, where all people will be forced to play Diablo whilst being anally violated by MS employees. If you are using Linux or god forbid a Macintosh, cut off your genitalia now.
4-The GameCube sucks. It is vastly inferior to the Xbox and should be officially renamed LameCube.
5-The Xbox sucks. It is vastly inferior to the Playstation 2, and is often used by MS to crush small children for the Evil George W Bush.
6-The Playstation 2 sucks. It is vastly inferior to the GameCube, and is made to give DREs every so often so that consumers will send them back to Sony. This allows Sony to install the tracking and listening devices that Microsoft and the Evil George W Bush use to monitor you and your home.
7-The Lakers are the best team ever. Not just in basketball, but in every sport ever invented by man. And even some that aren't. You could dress a second grade class in Laker's uniforms and they would become instant NBA champions. And also win the Super Bowl.
8-Nintendo only makes games that appeal to young children and the pedophiles that love them. If you find yourself enjoying a Nintendo game, get help now. Unless you happen to be a Catholic priest.
9-Halo is the worst game ever. All but seven of the people who bought the game are Microsoft employees who were ordered to drive up sales. I have more fun watching crap swirl down the toilet than playing Halo. Even if Halo came with naked Britney Spears, Olsen Twins, and Jessica Simpson, it would still be the worst game ever.
10-Speaking of women, women are horribly abused constantly. Men should be glad that women are vastly superior beings who put up with them and choose to inhabit the same planet. Any misfortune that befalls a woman, I can guarantee it was a man behind it. And it was probably me personally.
11-Speaking of same planets, you should prepare yourself to welcome the alien overlords, who control Microsoft, who in turn control the oil companies, who in turn control the aforementioned Evil George W Bush, who controls the Evil United States, who controls everything else.
12-If you even MENTION downloading ROMs, music, or other nonsense, you should be raped by rabid Nazi dogs. I don't mean the dogs are rabid Nazis, they are only moderate. However, they do have rabies. Also, you can tell they are Nazi dogs by the swastikas shaved into the fur on their head.
Some of you might think 'hey, that's not right.' If so, you are thinking wrong. This is not up for debate. If you insist, we shall pretend that we DID debate, but you lost. And thus you receive the following message from Willy Wonka:
Protip: Best. Post. Ever.
ing idiot!
