WildWop
CAGiversary!
Wow. Seriously. I'm surprised this guy didn't pass out from the lack of oxygen in the room (replaced with various other gasses, such as methane). When you walk into a bathroom, and the stank hits you like there's an actual wall in the room and you just blundered into it nose-first, you know you're dealing with a winner.
But this can be avoided with some common courtesy, you lazy bastards. It's called a COURTESY FLUSH, and it happens prior to completion of your generous donation to the Scrubbing Bubbles Fund. That's right... you don't let it sit in there, festering, spreading its wares throughout the atmosphere -- you flush that stankwagon as soon as it makes a break. Here's some general guidelines (or reminders, as it should be to you) for the uninitiated:
1) If even you smell it, flush it. A general rule of thumb is that you have a harder time smelling your own Log of the Damned due to the protection your prodigious posterior provides as well as this odd sensory quirk that allows you to be blissfully unaware of the impact of the occasional virulent flatulence.
2) If your do not smell it, but your eyes begin to tear up, flush damn you flush. No, someone is not dicing an onion in the bathroom, nor are they running around with smelling salts or vinegar. Your eyes are tearing because of something that is too horrid for your olfactory senses to detect. Do us all a favor and send the Cosby kids home without the requisite post-swim sandwiches and Animal Crackers.
3) If the deposit does not make a decidedly clean break -- if you don't know what this means, just flush it anyway -- you need to drown that putrid snake as soon as possible.
4) Irregardless of smell, tearing, or clean breaks, if you got trashed last night off of a case of Milwaukee's Best Ice flush before it even touches toilet water. It's really being lenient, since you should really have to don a hazard suit and put it in a proper waste disposal facility -- there's the health and well being of the denizens of the sewers to think of here -- so please do your best to flush responsibly.
5) If you are using a unisex bathroom, I'd recommend immediate flushing regardless of the texture, consistency, and aroma of your Yule Log. I suppose you COULD leave it there, but a member of the opposite sex may be just outside that door, so if you want to avoid any requisite embarassment and fodder for the rumor mill, I'd play it save and yank that handle like it's going out of style.
There are additional situations where COURTESY FLUSHING is a relevant (required) action, so use the above points to guide your decision making. Simply remember this statement going forward, and you should be ok:
WHEN IN DOUBT, FLUSH THAT MOTHER OUT
Sincerely,
Your Friendly Neighborhood WildWop
But this can be avoided with some common courtesy, you lazy bastards. It's called a COURTESY FLUSH, and it happens prior to completion of your generous donation to the Scrubbing Bubbles Fund. That's right... you don't let it sit in there, festering, spreading its wares throughout the atmosphere -- you flush that stankwagon as soon as it makes a break. Here's some general guidelines (or reminders, as it should be to you) for the uninitiated:
1) If even you smell it, flush it. A general rule of thumb is that you have a harder time smelling your own Log of the Damned due to the protection your prodigious posterior provides as well as this odd sensory quirk that allows you to be blissfully unaware of the impact of the occasional virulent flatulence.
2) If your do not smell it, but your eyes begin to tear up, flush damn you flush. No, someone is not dicing an onion in the bathroom, nor are they running around with smelling salts or vinegar. Your eyes are tearing because of something that is too horrid for your olfactory senses to detect. Do us all a favor and send the Cosby kids home without the requisite post-swim sandwiches and Animal Crackers.
3) If the deposit does not make a decidedly clean break -- if you don't know what this means, just flush it anyway -- you need to drown that putrid snake as soon as possible.
4) Irregardless of smell, tearing, or clean breaks, if you got trashed last night off of a case of Milwaukee's Best Ice flush before it even touches toilet water. It's really being lenient, since you should really have to don a hazard suit and put it in a proper waste disposal facility -- there's the health and well being of the denizens of the sewers to think of here -- so please do your best to flush responsibly.
5) If you are using a unisex bathroom, I'd recommend immediate flushing regardless of the texture, consistency, and aroma of your Yule Log. I suppose you COULD leave it there, but a member of the opposite sex may be just outside that door, so if you want to avoid any requisite embarassment and fodder for the rumor mill, I'd play it save and yank that handle like it's going out of style.
There are additional situations where COURTESY FLUSHING is a relevant (required) action, so use the above points to guide your decision making. Simply remember this statement going forward, and you should be ok:
WHEN IN DOUBT, FLUSH THAT MOTHER OUT
Sincerely,
Your Friendly Neighborhood WildWop
