The New Left-Wing Manifesto

mykevermin

mykevermin

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http://www.rightwasright.us/

Now that the election is behind us, and the Democrats control both houses of Congress, there's no reason not to admit it: the Right was right about us all along. Here is our 25-point manifesto for the new Congress:

Add your own post: http://right-was-right.blogspot.com/

1. Mandatory homosexuality

2. Drug-filled condoms in schools

3. Introduce the new Destruction of Marriage Act

4. Border fence replaced with free shuttle buses

5. Osama Bin Laden to be Secretary of State

6. Withdraw from Iraq, apologize, reinstate Hussein

7. English language banned from all Federal buildings

8. Math classes replaced by encounter groups

9. All taxes to be tripled

10. All fortunes over $250,000 to be confiscated

11. On-demand welfare

12. Tofurkey to be named official Thanksgiving dish

13. Freeways to be removed, replaced with light rail systems

14. Pledge of Allegiance in schools replaced with morning flag-burning

15. Stem cells allowed to be harvested from any child under the age of 8

16. Comatose people to be ground up and fed to poor

17. Quarterly mandatory abortion lottery

18. God to be mocked roundly

19. Dissolve Executive Branch: reassign responsibilities to UN

20. Jane Fonda to be appointed Secretary of Appeasement

21. Outlaw all firearms: previous owners assigned to anger management therapy

22. Texas returned to Mexico

23. Ban Christmas: replace with Celebrate our Monkey Ancestors Day

24. Carter added to Mount Rushmore

25. Modify USA's motto to "Land of the French and the home of the brave"
Click to expand...
 
I think I'd be okay with #2, #18, and #22.

Was it Sherman who, when told he was to be stationed in Texas, said, "If I owned both Hell and Texas, I'd live in Hell, and rent out Texas."
 
[quote name='trq']Was it Sherman who, when told he was to be stationed in Texas, said, "If I owned both Hell and Texas, I'd live in Hell, and rent out Texas."[/QUOTE]

:rofl:
 
27. Anyone who isn't a minority has to pay 3x as much to go to college. Everyone else gets to go free for as long as they like.
 
[quote name='evanft']27. Anyone who isn't a minority has to pay 3x as much to go to college. Everyone gets to go free for as long as they like.[/QUOTE]


I do that already.
 
[quote name='Iron Clad Burrito']We can now prove that Bush isn't Hitler, though. Hitler didn't let his opponents win. Anything.[/QUOTE]

You don't have a sense of humor.
 
1. Mandatory homosexuality
No, just a new national "Gay Day" Federal holiday

2. Drug-filled condoms in schools
No, just drug filled "emotionally impaired" children
who are taught self esteem instead of history

3. Introduce the new Destruction of Marriage Act
(zero points, this is just an extention of #1)

4. Border fence replaced with free shuttle buses
AND, hotel rooms for the disenfranchised until their
bus shows up

5. Osama Bin Laden to be Secretary of State
No, but we'll try to get him a chairmanship on the senate armed services commitee

6. Withdraw from Iraq, apologize, reinstate Hussein
It's now called REDEPLOY, dummy.

7. English language banned from all Federal buildings
No, just 10,000 new federal jobs as english/spanish translators. See? We're job CREATORS !

8. Math classes replaced by encounter groups
We already call this "Middle School"

9. All taxes to be tripled
Only for the rich, who have obviously stolen it from the poor

10. All fortunes over $250,000 to be confiscated
Excepting congressional salaries and bribes

11. On-demand welfare
We havent found a decent doublespeak for this one yet, so we'll just call it "justice"

12. Tofurkey to be named official Thanksgiving dish
Soon to be replaced by 20lb. turkeys for every household courtesty of oil company profits

13. Freeways to be removed, replaced with light rail systems
to make a greener earth, even if no one rides it and we have to heavily subsidize it with a new tax

14. Pledge of Allegiance in schools replaced with morning flag-burning
No, most dems now support anti-flag burning ammendment. But the pledge will soon be replaced with something that ends with "workers unite!"

15. Stem cells allowed to be harvested from any child under the age of 8
As well as full birth abortion and child medical experimentation

16. Comatose people to be ground up and fed to poor
Only those that signed a medical release from complete federal heathcare coverage.

17. Quarterly mandatory abortion lottery
No, just free abortion on demand, just like welfare

18. God to be mocked roundly
We call this "business as usual" unless we need to rally some black votes to make sure they vote Democrat

19. Dissolve Executive Branch: reassign responsibilities to UN
No, no, democrat power stays in congress - The UN was just helping us dissolve republicans, but that job's almost complete. And, it's only temporary until a Democrat retakes the whitehouse.

20. Jane Fonda to be appointed Secretary of Appeasement
Yes, we'll finish that half-assed republican job of expanding the cabinet with a few more seats filled with democrats.

21. Outlaw all firearms: previous owners assigned to anger management therapy
We're still waiting for our chance. Maybe a few more school massacres will further our cause of righteousness!

22. Texas returned to Mexico
No, just Cali, AZ and NM. Texans still have too many fucking guns, but we're working on that (see rule #21)

23. Ban Christmas: replace with Celebrate our Monkey Ancestors Day
They completely bought our first salvo by replacing Christ with that devil sign "X"

24. Carter added to Mount Rushmore
Yes, him and the first black president, bill clinton

25. Modify USA's motto to "Land of the French and the home of the brave"
No, no, but we will change the national anthem to "America the Beautiful" instead of that song glorifying war.
 
[quote name='mykevermin']I'll bet you're no fun in real life, either.[/QUOTE]

Real life is all I've got, baby. There ain't that much time for videogames and fantasy.
 
[quote name='bmulligan']Real life is all I've got, baby. There ain't that much time for videogames and fantasy.[/QUOTE]

Sure thing. I meant that I bet you're no fun in that you're probably the kind of guy who feels like tearing apart the social commentary present in the Sunday funnies via Doonesbury.
 
[quote name='j_factor']I fully support #22.[/quote]

Why stop there? All of this land is stolen, not just Texas.

I propose we incrementally begin sectioning off the entire country until those of Native American descent are fully restored as the offical owners of this land. Caucasians would only be welcome in select portions of Europe, where they belong.
 
[quote name='Ace-Of-War']Why stop there? All of this land is stolen, not just Texas.

I propose we incrementally begin sectioning off the entire country until those of Native American descent are fully restored as the offical owners of this land. Caucasians would only be welcome in select portions of Europe, where they belong.[/QUOTE]
This is already happeneing.... ever been to an Indian Casino?
 
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