The Official Futurama Quotes thread

Scruffy: Prison ain't so bad. You can make sangria in the terlet. Course it's shank or be shanked.
 
I was born here and my ancestors came over on the sandwich!


just on tonight:
Bender: I came here with a simple dream. A dream of killing all humans. And this is how it must end? Who's the real seven billion ton robot monster here? Not I, not I...
*dies*
Fry: Good night, sweet prince.
 
From tonight's episode:
Bender: ...But other than that, I can never die?
Fortune Teller Machine: What? Of course you can die! You want to die? (Pulls out a ray gun)

Hermes: The last ghost died over 200 years ago!

Hermes: Uh oh, a black-rimmed card for Bender.
Amy: That means someone close to you has died.
Bender: I hope it was one of my enemies, those guys suck!

Lawyer: ...And to my son, who never learned the value of a dollar, I leave my vast 10 million dollar fortune.
Vladimir's Son: :whispers: How much is that?

Werecar victim: Get ye back to yer hovels ye wretched villagers!
Leela: We're not villagers, we're sophisticated New Yorkers... Whup his butt!

Calculon: ...The windshield wipers from the car in Knight Rider!
Fry: Knight Rider wasn't evil!
Calculon: Its windshield wipers were. It didn't come up much in the show.
 
Fry: But won't that change history?
Professor Farnsworth: Oooh, a lesson in not changing history from Mr. "I'm My Own Grandpa!"
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Hoe Bot: Bender, honey, we love you!
Bender: Shut up, baby. I know it.
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Scruffy: Scruffy gon' die the way he lived.
 
Fry, on Popplers:
"They're great! It's like sex, except I'm having it!"

Bender, trying to console Fry:
"Aw ... you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people's misfortune. HAHAHAHA!"

Bender's thoughts on military discounts:
"This is the worst kind of discrimination! The kind against me!"
 
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