"The Official Joke Thread"
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The Shiznit
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A girl wanted to join a biker gang.
The biker leader said I have 3 Questions.
do you have any tattoos? she says "yes" and shows him her tattoos
do you have a weapon? she says "yes" and pulls a switchblade out of her back pocket.
have you ever been picked up by the fuzz? she says "no, but I have been swung around by the tits before".
Kind of corrny but it was funny the 1st time I heard it.
The biker leader said I have 3 Questions.
do you have any tattoos? she says "yes" and shows him her tattoos
do you have a weapon? she says "yes" and pulls a switchblade out of her back pocket.
have you ever been picked up by the fuzz? she says "no, but I have been swung around by the tits before".
Kind of corrny but it was funny the 1st time I heard it.
I got one:
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!
A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."
The bartender says, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "75 cents."
The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."
The bartender says, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "75 cents."
big_squirtle
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[quote name='ZForce915']Q: What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
A: Christopher Walken.[/quote]
That joke is soo wrong, its great.
A: Christopher Walken.[/quote]
That joke is soo wrong, its great.
MorbidAngel4Life
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I love it.
Dr Mario Kart
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What do women and electronics have in common?
They both work better when you hit them. Ba-zing.
They both work better when you hit them. Ba-zing.
MorbidAngel4Life
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What's the difference between a fridge and a women?
A fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out.
A fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out.
The Shiznit
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[quote name='MorbidAngel4Life']What's the difference between a fridge and a women?
A fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out.[/quote]
LMAO
A fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out.[/quote]
LMAO
MorbidAngel4Life
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How can you tell it's bedtime at Neverland Ranch?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
When the big hand touches the little hand.
MorbidAngel4Life
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Credit to SneakyPenguin for this next one. I've posted it several times, but it's just so damn funny.
A bus full of ugly people crashes, and everyone is killed. They ascend to heaven and stand in a line before Peter. Peter tells them that they have one wish to make before entering Heaven, and it will reflect the rest of their eternity spent there. If you wish to be on a tropical island, so be it.
The first ugly person thinks about all the times he's wished to have been attractive, and wishes for exactly that. The next person thinks this is a good idea as well, and asks for the same thing.
About this time, the last person in line starts to chuckle to himself. One after another, the people wish to be attractive, and his laughing grows with each passing person.
Finally, the line finishes and the laughing man stands before Peter. "What exactly is so funny?" Peter asks. Barely able to breathe from laughing so hard, the man catches a moment of breath and says...
"Make them all ugly again!" :lol:
A bus full of ugly people crashes, and everyone is killed. They ascend to heaven and stand in a line before Peter. Peter tells them that they have one wish to make before entering Heaven, and it will reflect the rest of their eternity spent there. If you wish to be on a tropical island, so be it.
The first ugly person thinks about all the times he's wished to have been attractive, and wishes for exactly that. The next person thinks this is a good idea as well, and asks for the same thing.
About this time, the last person in line starts to chuckle to himself. One after another, the people wish to be attractive, and his laughing grows with each passing person.
Finally, the line finishes and the laughing man stands before Peter. "What exactly is so funny?" Peter asks. Barely able to breathe from laughing so hard, the man catches a moment of breath and says...
"Make them all ugly again!" :lol:
sblymnlcrymnl
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What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
A stick.
MorbidAngel4Life
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[quote name='sblymnlcrymnl']What's brown and sticky?
A stick.[/quote]
What's black and white and red all over?
A penguin in a blender
A stick.[/quote]
What's black and white and red all over?
A penguin in a blender
[quote name='sblymnlcrymnl']What's brown and sticky?
A stick.[/quote]
that was so stupid it was funny.
Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhino
A: elephino (say aloud: hell if I know).
Q: What did tennesee?
A: The same thing Arkansas
Q: What did Dela wear?
A: I duno, alaska
A stick.[/quote]
that was so stupid it was funny.Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant and a rhino
A: elephino (say aloud: hell if I know).
Q: What did tennesee?
A: The same thing Arkansas
Q: What did Dela wear?
A: I duno, alaska
sblymnlcrymnl
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[quote name='MorbidAngel4Life'][quote name='sblymnlcrymnl']What's brown and sticky?
A stick.[/quote]
What's black and white and red all over?
A penguin in a blender[/quote]
OH SNAP!
I think you and sneaky are going to have words over that. :lol:
A stick.[/quote]
What's black and white and red all over?
A penguin in a blender
[/quote]OH SNAP!
I think you and sneaky are going to have words over that. :lol:
MorbidAngel4Life
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[quote name='sblymnlcrymnl'][quote name='MorbidAngel4Life'][quote name='sblymnlcrymnl']What's brown and sticky?
A stick.[/quote]
What's black and white and red all over?
A penguin in a blender[/quote]
OH SNAP!
I think you and sneaky are going to have words over that. :lol:[/quote]
It's all in good fun.
A stick.[/quote]
What's black and white and red all over?
A penguin in a blender
[/quote]OH SNAP!
I think you and sneaky are going to have words over that. :lol:[/quote]
It's all in good fun.
sblymnlcrymnl
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[quote name='MorbidAngel4Life'][quote name='sblymnlcrymnl'][quote name='MorbidAngel4Life'][quote name='sblymnlcrymnl']What's brown and sticky?
A stick.[/quote]
What's black and white and red all over?
A penguin in a blender[/quote]
OH SNAP!
I think you and sneaky are going to have words over that. :lol:[/quote]
It's all in good fun.[/quote]
Still, it's never wise to
around with someone who has mod powers. He might turn you into a newt.
A stick.[/quote]
What's black and white and red all over?
A penguin in a blender
[/quote]OH SNAP!
I think you and sneaky are going to have words over that. :lol:[/quote]
It's all in good fun.[/quote]Still, it's never wise to
around with someone who has mod powers. He might turn you into a newt.
MorbidAngel4Life
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[quote name='sblymnlcrymnl'][quote name='MorbidAngel4Life'][quote name='sblymnlcrymnl'][quote name='MorbidAngel4Life'][quote name='sblymnlcrymnl']What's brown and sticky?
A stick.[/quote]
What's black and white and red all over?
A penguin in a blender[/quote]
OH SNAP!
I think you and sneaky are going to have words over that. :lol:[/quote]
It's all in good fun.[/quote]
Still, it's never wise to shaq-fu around with someone who has mod powers. He might turn you into a newt.[/quote]
Or a newb *cough*AdaminPlaidum*Cough*
A stick.[/quote]
What's black and white and red all over?
A penguin in a blender
[/quote]OH SNAP!
I think you and sneaky are going to have words over that. :lol:[/quote]
It's all in good fun.[/quote]Still, it's never wise to shaq-fu around with someone who has mod powers. He might turn you into a newt.[/quote]
Or a newb *cough*AdaminPlaidum*Cough*
megashock5
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OK, apologies up front to any Scottish people...
What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?
The Rolling Stones say, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud."
A Scotsman says, "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."
What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?
The Rolling Stones say, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud."
A Scotsman says, "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe."
gameguy22006
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[quote name='2poor'][quote name='big_squirtle'][quote name='ZForce915']Q: What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
A: Christopher Walken.[/quote]
That joke is soo wrong, its great.[/quote]
i feel bad for laughing....[/quote]
same..
A: Christopher Walken.[/quote]
That joke is soo wrong, its great.[/quote]
i feel bad for laughing....
[/quote]same..
smellhasreturned
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For Wrestling Fans (its kind of mean)
What Did Owen Hart see when he died ?
The ring
What Did Owen Hart see when he died ?
The ring
sj41
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[quote name='Ledhed']Finally, the line finishes and the laughing man stands before Peter. "What exactly is so funny?" Peter asks. Barely able to breathe from laughing so hard, the man catches a moment of breath and says...
"Make them all ugly again!" :lol:[/quote] Did Sneaky come up with that or did he just see it somewhere else? That's sofa king hilarious! 
The "Man of the Year", Michael Jackson, stick, and bloody penguin jokes were all great as well.
"Make them all ugly again!" :lol:[/quote]
Did Sneaky come up with that or did he just see it somewhere else? That's sofa king hilarious! The "Man of the Year", Michael Jackson, stick, and bloody penguin jokes were all great as well.
goergegavin
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So this guys walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of gin. The bartender asks him why he's ordering 6 shots and the man says 'it's because he just experienced his first blowjob.' The bartender says 'congratulations, how about a 7th one on the house.' The man replies by saying 'if 6 shots doesn't get out the taste, I don't know what will.'
So a grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says 'hey, we got a drink named after you' and the grasshopper says 'you got a drink named Bob?'
So two muffins are in an oven and the first muffin says 'ahhh, it's hot in here.' The second muffin says 'ahhh, a talking muffin.'
I'll find some more later.
So a grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says 'hey, we got a drink named after you' and the grasshopper says 'you got a drink named Bob?'
So two muffins are in an oven and the first muffin says 'ahhh, it's hot in here.' The second muffin says 'ahhh, a talking muffin.'
I'll find some more later.
FunkSoulBrother
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Why wasn't the nose on the volleyball team?
Because nobody picked him!
Because nobody picked him!
here's 2 of my favorites:
joke #1 - A guy sees someone on the edge of a cliff. He thinks she's going to commit suicide. He tells her: "Stop! You have so much to live for." She sez, "My parents, family and friends are disgusted w/ me and they threw me out of the house. I have no reason to live." He then says, "Well, if you're gonna kill yourself, why not give me a blowjob before you go." She agrees and gives him the best one he's ever gotten. He exclaims, "That was fantastic! Oh ya, btw, why were your parents disgusted w/ you?" She replies, "They threw me out for dressing up as a woman."
Joke #2 (I think most New Yorkers have heard this one) - A guy sees a girl on the docks looking to throw herself into the cold water. (I dunno why but suicide jokes crack me up). He tells her, "Wait! Don't do it! You have so much to live for!" She tells him, "No I don't. I'm broke and alone. I don't know who my family is since i'm an orphan!" He sez, "Don't worry. You're a beautiful girl! Why don't you come w/ me to Europe. I work on a ship headed towards Spain. It's a long trip but I can smuggle you in. You can pay me back w/ sex." She agrees since she's at her lowest. So for 40 days/nights they're having sex and he brings her food and drink as well. One day as he's away working while the ship is docked, the captain finds the lovely stowaway. He yells, "What are you doing here?!" She replies, "My boyfriend is one of your workers. We're going to Spain together. He's giving me food/water. Oh, ya, and he's screwing me." The captains says w/ a chuckle, "Ha! You're damn right he's screwing you! This is the Staten Island Ferry!"
joke #1 - A guy sees someone on the edge of a cliff. He thinks she's going to commit suicide. He tells her: "Stop! You have so much to live for." She sez, "My parents, family and friends are disgusted w/ me and they threw me out of the house. I have no reason to live." He then says, "Well, if you're gonna kill yourself, why not give me a blowjob before you go." She agrees and gives him the best one he's ever gotten. He exclaims, "That was fantastic! Oh ya, btw, why were your parents disgusted w/ you?" She replies, "They threw me out for dressing up as a woman."
Joke #2 (I think most New Yorkers have heard this one) - A guy sees a girl on the docks looking to throw herself into the cold water. (I dunno why but suicide jokes crack me up). He tells her, "Wait! Don't do it! You have so much to live for!" She tells him, "No I don't. I'm broke and alone. I don't know who my family is since i'm an orphan!" He sez, "Don't worry. You're a beautiful girl! Why don't you come w/ me to Europe. I work on a ship headed towards Spain. It's a long trip but I can smuggle you in. You can pay me back w/ sex." She agrees since she's at her lowest. So for 40 days/nights they're having sex and he brings her food and drink as well. One day as he's away working while the ship is docked, the captain finds the lovely stowaway. He yells, "What are you doing here?!" She replies, "My boyfriend is one of your workers. We're going to Spain together. He's giving me food/water. Oh, ya, and he's screwing me." The captains says w/ a chuckle, "Ha! You're damn right he's screwing you! This is the Staten Island Ferry!"
soxfan4525
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Q: why does michael jackson like 28 year olds?
A: because there are 20 of them.
A: because there are 20 of them.
MorbidAngel4Life
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[quote name='jaykrue']here's 2 of my favorites:
joke #1 - A guy sees someone on the edge of a cliff. He thinks she's going to commit suicide. He tells her: "Stop! You have so much to live for." She sez, "My parents, family and friends are disgusted w/ me and they threw me out of the house. I have no reason to live." He then says, "Well, if you're gonna kill yourself, why not give me a blowjob before you go." She agrees and gives him the best one he's ever gotten. He exclaims, "That was fantastic! Oh ya, btw, why were your parents disgusted w/ you?" She replies, "They threw me out for dressing up as a woman."
Joke #2 (I think most New Yorkers have heard this one) - A guy sees a girl on the docks looking to throw herself into the cold water. (I dunno why but suicide jokes crack me up). He tells her, "Wait! Don't do it! You have so much to live for!" She tells him, "No I don't. I'm broke and alone. I don't know who my family is since i'm an orphan!" He sez, "Don't worry. You're a beautiful girl! Why don't you come w/ me to Europe. I work on a ship headed towards Spain. It's a long trip but I can smuggle you in. You can pay me back w/ sex." She agrees since she's at her lowest. So for 40 days/nights they're having sex and he brings her food and drink as well. One day as he's away working while the ship is docked, the captain finds the lovely stowaway. He yells, "What are you doing here?!" She replies, "My boyfriend is one of your workers. We're going to Spain together. He's giving me food/water. Oh, ya, and he's screwing me." The captains says w/ a chuckle, "Ha! You're damn right he's screwing you! This is the Staten Island Ferry!"[/quote]
The first one was in a recent issue of Maxim, IIRC.
joke #1 - A guy sees someone on the edge of a cliff. He thinks she's going to commit suicide. He tells her: "Stop! You have so much to live for." She sez, "My parents, family and friends are disgusted w/ me and they threw me out of the house. I have no reason to live." He then says, "Well, if you're gonna kill yourself, why not give me a blowjob before you go." She agrees and gives him the best one he's ever gotten. He exclaims, "That was fantastic! Oh ya, btw, why were your parents disgusted w/ you?" She replies, "They threw me out for dressing up as a woman."
Joke #2 (I think most New Yorkers have heard this one) - A guy sees a girl on the docks looking to throw herself into the cold water. (I dunno why but suicide jokes crack me up). He tells her, "Wait! Don't do it! You have so much to live for!" She tells him, "No I don't. I'm broke and alone. I don't know who my family is since i'm an orphan!" He sez, "Don't worry. You're a beautiful girl! Why don't you come w/ me to Europe. I work on a ship headed towards Spain. It's a long trip but I can smuggle you in. You can pay me back w/ sex." She agrees since she's at her lowest. So for 40 days/nights they're having sex and he brings her food and drink as well. One day as he's away working while the ship is docked, the captain finds the lovely stowaway. He yells, "What are you doing here?!" She replies, "My boyfriend is one of your workers. We're going to Spain together. He's giving me food/water. Oh, ya, and he's screwing me." The captains says w/ a chuckle, "Ha! You're damn right he's screwing you! This is the Staten Island Ferry!"[/quote]
The first one was in a recent issue of Maxim, IIRC.
[quote name='MorbidAngel4Life'][quote name='jaykrue']here's 2 of my favorites:
joke #1 - A guy sees someone on the edge of a cliff. He thinks she's going to commit suicide. He tells her: "Stop! You have so much to live for." She sez, "My parents, family and friends are disgusted w/ me and they threw me out of the house. I have no reason to live." He then says, "Well, if you're gonna kill yourself, why not give me a blowjob before you go." She agrees and gives him the best one he's ever gotten. He exclaims, "That was fantastic! Oh ya, btw, why were your parents disgusted w/ you?" She replies, "They threw me out for dressing up as a woman."
Joke #2 (I think most New Yorkers have heard this one) - A guy sees a girl on the docks looking to throw herself into the cold water. (I dunno why but suicide jokes crack me up). He tells her, "Wait! Don't do it! You have so much to live for!" She tells him, "No I don't. I'm broke and alone. I don't know who my family is since i'm an orphan!" He sez, "Don't worry. You're a beautiful girl! Why don't you come w/ me to Europe. I work on a ship headed towards Spain. It's a long trip but I can smuggle you in. You can pay me back w/ sex." She agrees since she's at her lowest. So for 40 days/nights they're having sex and he brings her food and drink as well. One day as he's away working while the ship is docked, the captain finds the lovely stowaway. He yells, "What are you doing here?!" She replies, "My boyfriend is one of your workers. We're going to Spain together. He's giving me food/water. Oh, ya, and he's screwing me." The captains says w/ a chuckle, "Ha! You're damn right he's screwing you! This is the Staten Island Ferry!"[/quote]
The first one was in a recent issue of Maxim, IIRC.[/quote]
Actually that joke's older than that. I saw that one in a very very very VERY disturbing webcomic called sexylosers.com. But I have a twisted sense of humor so the jokes/punchlines in that comic are hilarious to me. Warning for those who are foolish enough to go to that site: lotsa nudity and jokes that are most definitely NOT for anyone mature enough to handle necrophillia, dildos, bukkake and other taboo subjects.
joke #1 - A guy sees someone on the edge of a cliff. He thinks she's going to commit suicide. He tells her: "Stop! You have so much to live for." She sez, "My parents, family and friends are disgusted w/ me and they threw me out of the house. I have no reason to live." He then says, "Well, if you're gonna kill yourself, why not give me a blowjob before you go." She agrees and gives him the best one he's ever gotten. He exclaims, "That was fantastic! Oh ya, btw, why were your parents disgusted w/ you?" She replies, "They threw me out for dressing up as a woman."
Joke #2 (I think most New Yorkers have heard this one) - A guy sees a girl on the docks looking to throw herself into the cold water. (I dunno why but suicide jokes crack me up). He tells her, "Wait! Don't do it! You have so much to live for!" She tells him, "No I don't. I'm broke and alone. I don't know who my family is since i'm an orphan!" He sez, "Don't worry. You're a beautiful girl! Why don't you come w/ me to Europe. I work on a ship headed towards Spain. It's a long trip but I can smuggle you in. You can pay me back w/ sex." She agrees since she's at her lowest. So for 40 days/nights they're having sex and he brings her food and drink as well. One day as he's away working while the ship is docked, the captain finds the lovely stowaway. He yells, "What are you doing here?!" She replies, "My boyfriend is one of your workers. We're going to Spain together. He's giving me food/water. Oh, ya, and he's screwing me." The captains says w/ a chuckle, "Ha! You're damn right he's screwing you! This is the Staten Island Ferry!"[/quote]
The first one was in a recent issue of Maxim, IIRC.[/quote]
Actually that joke's older than that. I saw that one in a very very very VERY disturbing webcomic called sexylosers.com. But I have a twisted sense of humor so the jokes/punchlines in that comic are hilarious to me. Warning for those who are foolish enough to go to that site: lotsa nudity and jokes that are most definitely NOT for anyone mature enough to handle necrophillia, dildos, bukkake and other taboo subjects.
basketkase543
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[quote name='humidore']I may put some jokes later, but this is still funny. Sent from Turkey, the title is:
"Man of the Year"
[/quote]
Oh man, that is hilarious! You guys have been cracking me with this thread, thanks! I need to cheer up with finals this week.
"Man of the Year"
Oh man, that is hilarious! You guys have been cracking me with this thread, thanks! I need to cheer up with finals this week.
spyhunterk19
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Why can't Hellen Keller Drive?
Because she's a woman.
Because she's a woman.
sblymnlcrymnl
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[quote name='jaykrue'][quote name='MorbidAngel4Life'][quote name='jaykrue']here's 2 of my favorites:
joke #1 - A guy sees someone on the edge of a cliff. He thinks she's going to commit suicide. He tells her: "Stop! You have so much to live for." She sez, "My parents, family and friends are disgusted w/ me and they threw me out of the house. I have no reason to live." He then says, "Well, if you're gonna kill yourself, why not give me a blowjob before you go." She agrees and gives him the best one he's ever gotten. He exclaims, "That was fantastic! Oh ya, btw, why were your parents disgusted w/ you?" She replies, "They threw me out for dressing up as a woman."
Joke #2 (I think most New Yorkers have heard this one) - A guy sees a girl on the docks looking to throw herself into the cold water. (I dunno why but suicide jokes crack me up). He tells her, "Wait! Don't do it! You have so much to live for!" She tells him, "No I don't. I'm broke and alone. I don't know who my family is since i'm an orphan!" He sez, "Don't worry. You're a beautiful girl! Why don't you come w/ me to Europe. I work on a ship headed towards Spain. It's a long trip but I can smuggle you in. You can pay me back w/ sex." She agrees since she's at her lowest. So for 40 days/nights they're having sex and he brings her food and drink as well. One day as he's away working while the ship is docked, the captain finds the lovely stowaway. He yells, "What are you doing here?!" She replies, "My boyfriend is one of your workers. We're going to Spain together. He's giving me food/water. Oh, ya, and he's screwing me." The captains says w/ a chuckle, "Ha! You're damn right he's screwing you! This is the Staten Island Ferry!"[/quote]
The first one was in a recent issue of Maxim, IIRC.[/quote]
Actually that joke's older than that. I saw that one in a very very very VERY disturbing webcomic called sexylosers.com. But I have a twisted sense of humor so the jokes/punchlines in that comic are hilarious to me. Warning for those who are foolish enough to go to that site: lotsa nudity and jokes that are most definitely NOT for anyone mature enough to handle necrophillia, dildos, bukkake and other taboo subjects.[/quote]
It doesn't update often enough though.
[quote name='jaykrue'][quote name='spyhunterk19']Why can't Hellen Keller Drive?
Because she's a woman.[/quote]
ZING!! That's evil but it's too funny[/quote]
Classic.
joke #1 - A guy sees someone on the edge of a cliff. He thinks she's going to commit suicide. He tells her: "Stop! You have so much to live for." She sez, "My parents, family and friends are disgusted w/ me and they threw me out of the house. I have no reason to live." He then says, "Well, if you're gonna kill yourself, why not give me a blowjob before you go." She agrees and gives him the best one he's ever gotten. He exclaims, "That was fantastic! Oh ya, btw, why were your parents disgusted w/ you?" She replies, "They threw me out for dressing up as a woman."
Joke #2 (I think most New Yorkers have heard this one) - A guy sees a girl on the docks looking to throw herself into the cold water. (I dunno why but suicide jokes crack me up). He tells her, "Wait! Don't do it! You have so much to live for!" She tells him, "No I don't. I'm broke and alone. I don't know who my family is since i'm an orphan!" He sez, "Don't worry. You're a beautiful girl! Why don't you come w/ me to Europe. I work on a ship headed towards Spain. It's a long trip but I can smuggle you in. You can pay me back w/ sex." She agrees since she's at her lowest. So for 40 days/nights they're having sex and he brings her food and drink as well. One day as he's away working while the ship is docked, the captain finds the lovely stowaway. He yells, "What are you doing here?!" She replies, "My boyfriend is one of your workers. We're going to Spain together. He's giving me food/water. Oh, ya, and he's screwing me." The captains says w/ a chuckle, "Ha! You're damn right he's screwing you! This is the Staten Island Ferry!"[/quote]
The first one was in a recent issue of Maxim, IIRC.[/quote]
Actually that joke's older than that. I saw that one in a very very very VERY disturbing webcomic called sexylosers.com. But I have a twisted sense of humor so the jokes/punchlines in that comic are hilarious to me. Warning for those who are foolish enough to go to that site: lotsa nudity and jokes that are most definitely NOT for anyone mature enough to handle necrophillia, dildos, bukkake and other taboo subjects.[/quote]
It doesn't update often enough though.
[quote name='jaykrue'][quote name='spyhunterk19']Why can't Hellen Keller Drive?
Because she's a woman.[/quote]
ZING!! That's evil but it's too funny
[/quote]Classic.
since no one's posting anything lately, here's some classic tasteless blonde jokes:
how does a blonde turn on a light?
opens the car door.
how many blondes does it take to screw in a bulb?
One. One to hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around her.
how do you kill a blonde?
Two ways: either put a scratch & sniff or a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
What do you get when you line up 10 blondes?
A wind tunnel.
What's a blonde's mating call?
I'm sooooooooooooo drunk!
What's a brunette's?
Is that blonde bitch gone yet?
What do you call a beaten bloody brunette by the side of the road?
Someone who's told too many blonde jokes
A MILFy drunk blonde holding a bird's nest containing 3 eggs in her hands walks into a bar and yells, "I'll have sex w/ anyone that can guess how many eggs this bird has laid!" A drunk guy yells out "7,302!!!!" She sez, "Close enough."
how does a blonde turn on a light?
opens the car door.
how many blondes does it take to screw in a bulb?
One. One to hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around her.
how do you kill a blonde?
Two ways: either put a scratch & sniff or a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
What do you get when you line up 10 blondes?
A wind tunnel.
What's a blonde's mating call?
I'm sooooooooooooo drunk!
What's a brunette's?
Is that blonde bitch gone yet?
What do you call a beaten bloody brunette by the side of the road?
Someone who's told too many blonde jokes
A MILFy drunk blonde holding a bird's nest containing 3 eggs in her hands walks into a bar and yells, "I'll have sex w/ anyone that can guess how many eggs this bird has laid!" A drunk guy yells out "7,302!!!!" She sez, "Close enough."
MorbidAngel4Life
CAGiversary!
STUPID JOKE ALERT!
Why did the lobster blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing!
Why did the lobster blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing!
bread's done