The Perfect Cheese Sandwich - now mathematically formulated!

jaykrue

jaykrue

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Most of us are happy to slap two pieces of bread together with a few slices of cheddar and, if we're lucky, a squirt of salad cream to make a good cheese sarnie.

But it seems the process may have just become a bit more complicated than that.

Not content with their usual figures and algebra, scientists have discovered a mathematical formula for creating the perfect cheese sandwich.

Sensory analysts at Bristol University have devised an equation into which diners follow factors such as how much mayonnaise or pickle to put in the sandwich and the ideal cheese thickness to go with the relish.

The formula, which includes nine algebraic variables, has been used to create an online calculator, which can be seen at www.cheddarometer.com.

The formula (detailed below) is the result of a study by senior research fellow Geoff Nute and his team at the university's Sensory & Consumer Group in the Division of Farm Animal Science.

Using human assessors and complex measuring devices, the group claims to have 'mapped' the flavour profile of hundreds of samples of Cheddar to determine the tastiest thickness for each type of filling.

Mr Nute said: 'We used specially trained human taste testers to sample a range of Cheddar cheeses in a carefully controlled environment and combined results from these tests with instrumental data obtained using colorometers and pressure sensors to obtain precise measurements of variants such as yellowness, crumbliness, creaminess and tanginess.

'The results of our research have been extrapolated to produce a formula which takes into account modifying characteristics of individual cheeses and the ratio of popular fillings and achieves a mathematical balance of flavours in order to gauge the correct thickness of the Cheddar.'

Philip Crawford, chairman of the West Country Farmhouse Cheesemakers group, said: 'We are very proud of our authentic farmhouse Cheddar which we make by hand on our farms using only milk from our own cows.
'This means each variety has a unique character and we were fascinated to know which combinations of sandwich fillings work best with each cheese.

'Collaborating with Mr Nute and his team we have managed to create the Cheddarometer and reveal the blueprint to everyone's perfect cheese sandwich.'

Last year the collective turned a traditional round of Cheddar into an unlikely internet hit, when 1.8 million visitors looked at a webcam showing the cheese maturing in real time.

The formula:
W [1 + ((bd)/6.5)) - s + ((m-2c)/2) + ((v+p)/7t)] (100 + l/100)

W = the thickness of Cheddar in millimetres

B = The thickness of the bread

D = The dough flavour modifier

S = The thickness of margarine or butter

M = The thickness of mayonnaise

C = The creaminess modifier

V = The thickness of tomato

P = The depth of pickle

T = The tanginess modifier

I = The thickness of the lettuce layer
Click to expand...

Sure, why solve the energy crisis or cancer when you can have the most delectable cheese sandwich ever conceived? :lol:
 
[quote name='crystalklear64']http://www.cheapassgamer.com/forums/showthread.php?t=186345[/quote]

Relevance? Is there a link/newstory of the exact content in my OP? Does it entail 'cooking' of any sort?

Cooking:

To prepare, as food, by boiling, roasting, baking, broiling, etc.; to make suitable for eating, by the agency of fire or heat.
Click to expand...

- dictionary.net

the act of preparing something (as food) by the application of heat
Click to expand...

wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

Cooking is the act of applying heat to food in order to prepare it for ingestion.
Click to expand...

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cooking
 
[quote name='jaykrue']Relevance? Is there a link/newstory of the exact content in my OP? Does it entail 'cooking' of any sort?

Cooking:



- dictionary.net



wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn



en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cooking[/QUOTE]
Your mom. :cool:
 
[quote name='keithp']Squirt of salad cream? What the hell is salad cream?

Sounds nasty.[/quote]

I was going to ask that.
 
It doesn't really have anything to do with the OP, but I can't resist:

Guy walks into a bar. There's a sign above the bar that says

"Hand Jobs $5.00
Cold Beer $2.50
Cheese Sandwiches $1.50"

Guy walks up to the bar and asks the woman working behind it "Are you the one that gives hand jobs for $5.00?"

Lady replies "I sure am, honey. What can I do for you?"

Guy says, "Wash your damn hands and make me a cheese sandwich".

I'm here all week.
 
[quote name='Kendal']I was going to ask that.[/quote]

Haha. Same...

Sound's gross. And I am going to ignore the British Mayo comment, cause I want my brain to figure out Salad cream for itself.
 
[quote name='Heavy Hitter']It doesn't really have anything to do with the OP, but I can't resist:

Guy walks into a bar. There's a sign above the bar that says

"Hand Jobs $5.00
Cold Beer $2.50
Cheese Sandwiches $1.50"

Guy walks up to the bar and asks the woman working behind it "Are you the one that gives hand jobs for $5.00?"

Lady replies "I sure am, honey. What can I do for you?"

Guy says, "Wash your damn hands and make me a cheese sandwich".

I'm here all week.[/quote]

:rofl: Good one. ;)

Anyway, who the fuck eats cheese sandwiches? If there's no meat on it, it's not a sandwich. Period.
 
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