What's the best way to get a date with Natalie Portman?

[quote name='dcfox'][quote name='JSweeney'][quote name='Dr Mario Kart'][quote name='Kaijufan']Just kidnap her.[/quote]

If there is one thing to be learned from American Dad (though most likely there is not one thing to be learned from American Dad), it is that this is the most likely solution to succeed.[/quote]

Of course, haven't you ever heard of the "Stockholm Syndrome"?[/quote]

That's how I met my first wife :twisted:[/quote]

First? How many women have you kidnapped and wed?
 
[quote name='CrashSpyro123'][quote name='dcfox'][quote name='JSweeney'][quote name='Dr Mario Kart'][quote name='Kaijufan']Just kidnap her.[/quote]

If there is one thing to be learned from American Dad (though most likely there is not one thing to be learned from American Dad), it is that this is the most likely solution to succeed.[/quote]

Of course, haven't you ever heard of the "Stockholm Syndrome"?[/quote]

That's how I met my first wife :twisted:[/quote]

First? How many women have you kidnapped and wed?[/quote]

Hold on a second, let me go to my cellar and check.
 
[quote name='epobirs']The only likely approach I can imagine involves a time machine and a detailed plan for amending the circumstances of your birth and upbringing. Don't forget the anti-HGH. Nat's on the short side, so she is unlikely to date one of the guys in the Wookie costumes.[/quote]

I'm a sophisticated sex robot sent back through time to change the future...for one lucky lady.

THE SHERMINATOR

sherminator.jpg
 
Write a song about her. This one is pretty cool.

Ozma - "Natalie Portman"

I'm telling you a story now of something that's wrong
This has been developing since nineteen eighty-one

Maybe she's alone
What can i do?
There's nothing
There's nothing i can do

If i'm a proper jewish boy
Will her family love me?
Can't stand to see her on the stage
And know she's not thinking of me

Maybe she'll be hearing this, but probably she won't (probably she won't)
Possibly she has desires, but probably she don't (probably she don't)

Maybe she's alone
What can i do?
There's nothing
There's nothing i can do
 
[quote name='dcfox'][quote name='CrashSpyro123'][quote name='dcfox'][quote name='JSweeney'][quote name='Dr Mario Kart'][quote name='Kaijufan']Just kidnap her.[/quote]

If there is one thing to be learned from American Dad (though most likely there is not one thing to be learned from American Dad), it is that this is the most likely solution to succeed.[/quote]

Of course, haven't you ever heard of the "Stockholm Syndrome"?[/quote]

That's how I met my first wife :twisted:[/quote]

First? How many women have you kidnapped and wed?[/quote]

Hold on a second, let me go to my cellar and check.[/quote]

I'm still waiting for that count, or does it take this long to count them all up without making a mistake?
 
[quote name='CrashSpyro123'][quote name='dcfox']Hold on a second, let me go to my cellar and check.[/quote]

I'm still waiting for that count, or does it take this long to count them all up without making a mistake?[/quote]

Its tough when they're in so many pieces. :twisted:






But seriously, I don't kill, kidnap, or rape women.
 
[quote name='accameron']a buddy of mine, who is a super cool dude, went out to get coffee with her when he was at Harvard, kind of like a date but that was it (she went to Harvard also). Apparently she is really nice.[/quote]

Is he good looking? I hope not...which means I have a slight chance.
 
I'd think a criteria to date Ms. Portman would include never having visited this site or frequenting a site as some of us do judging from our post counts. Get off the boards!!!! (That's not an order, just trying to get closer to that dream of yours.)

Which is perfectly fine by me. I'm quite happy.
 
I recall an appearance Natalie Portman made on "The Late Show w/ David Letterman". She was totally crushing on this one guy featured in a "Stupid Human Tricks" segment.

Read about it here

:wink:

Natalie says she isn't dating but says the astrophysicist from Human Tricks is "Hot!" Dave laughs a sad laugh and mumbles, "How discouraging."
 
[quote name='dcfox'][quote name='CrashSpyro123'][quote name='dcfox']Hold on a second, let me go to my cellar and check.[/quote]

I'm still waiting for that count, or does it take this long to count them all up without making a mistake?[/quote]

Its tough when they're in so many pieces. :twisted:






But seriously, I don't kill, kidnap, or rape women.[/quote]

I find that specification more than a little bit disturbing.
 
[quote name='jaykrue']The banana would still hit it:

hititbig9ym.gif
[/QUOTE]


:rofl: MAN I hate that banana... slows down the page so much. :lol:
 
[quote name='Moxio']:rofl: MAN I hate that banana... slows down the page so much. :lol:[/QUOTE]

That's why it's a weapon that should rarely be wielded. In this case, however, I think it's appropriate. ;)
 
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