johnnypark
CAGiversary!
- Feedback
- 57 (100%)
So, I recently got together with my ex-girlfriend. We had dated for almost 3 years before, and were almost engaged. We didn't date for over a year, but when I saw her on New Year's, something felt right.
We'd had a brief run-in a few months ago where it looked like we might work out again, but I got scared that I would hurt her, because I was being indecisive. At the time I decided we should back off and work on being friends again 1st. On New Year's, though, I realized it was nothing but me being scared, and knew I needed to talk to her.
I wrote her a letter, read it, re-read it, and then wrote it out by hand and gave it to her. She always gave me really personal holiday cards, so I thought I'd finally do it back, since it was around Christmas. She didn't trust me at 1st, but it didn't take long for her to take me back. We've been together for a little over a month now and I couldn't be happier with the way things are going between us. We're communicating better than we used to, and just having fun and enjoying each other's company.
It turns out, though, that she started seeing/sleeping with (I don't think they were really dating, but it wasn't completely causual?) my former roommate of 3 years who is (was?) one of my best friends. I personally feel like that's a social boundary that generally should not be crossed, and I'm not dealing with it well.
It doesn't help that it was so recent. More than that, though, the 3 of us used to all work together. When I graduated from college last May, I got a new job, but they still work together. She knows how uncomfortable I am about the whole thing and has been very accommodating, and very patient. And sure, I dated other people during the time we were apart and even slept with a few, but none of them were people she knew, let alone best friends.
You may be thinking that I should feel just as negatively towards her as I do towards my friend... and you might be right. But, I'm admittedly biased, as I'm in love with her and think it could work out this time - the thought of marrying her is actually kind of wonderful.
I just don't know how to get past this friend thing. It would be different if it had been some guy I don't know and she never sees, but they work together and have a lot of mutual friends, so their paths cross no matter what. She offered (without my asking) to not hang out with him alone, which I really appreciate, but it's still driving me insane.
I feel like he's betrayed our friendship, and I feel quite violated knowing he's shared such personal things with her and that they still cross paths frequently. I haven't been sleeping well, and I can barely focus at work. In fact, the only time I don't think about it is when I'm spending time with her.
Am I being unreasonable? I've had one friend tell me it isn't that big a deal, but the overwhelming consensus among the people I've talked to is that they don't even understand how I can date her with that hanging over us. As it stands, I don't think I ever want to even be in the same room as the 2 of them at the same time, it would just be too weird and uncomfortable. She's having a party this weekend, and even made sure he knows not to come because I don't think I can deal with it right now (it's going to be on Valentine's Day, to make matters even more awkward). I know she's hoping I can move on and we'll all be a big retarded happy group of friends again, but I honestly don't think it'll ever stop hurting.
Thoughts?
We'd had a brief run-in a few months ago where it looked like we might work out again, but I got scared that I would hurt her, because I was being indecisive. At the time I decided we should back off and work on being friends again 1st. On New Year's, though, I realized it was nothing but me being scared, and knew I needed to talk to her.
I wrote her a letter, read it, re-read it, and then wrote it out by hand and gave it to her. She always gave me really personal holiday cards, so I thought I'd finally do it back, since it was around Christmas. She didn't trust me at 1st, but it didn't take long for her to take me back. We've been together for a little over a month now and I couldn't be happier with the way things are going between us. We're communicating better than we used to, and just having fun and enjoying each other's company.
It turns out, though, that she started seeing/sleeping with (I don't think they were really dating, but it wasn't completely causual?) my former roommate of 3 years who is (was?) one of my best friends. I personally feel like that's a social boundary that generally should not be crossed, and I'm not dealing with it well.
It doesn't help that it was so recent. More than that, though, the 3 of us used to all work together. When I graduated from college last May, I got a new job, but they still work together. She knows how uncomfortable I am about the whole thing and has been very accommodating, and very patient. And sure, I dated other people during the time we were apart and even slept with a few, but none of them were people she knew, let alone best friends.
You may be thinking that I should feel just as negatively towards her as I do towards my friend... and you might be right. But, I'm admittedly biased, as I'm in love with her and think it could work out this time - the thought of marrying her is actually kind of wonderful.
I just don't know how to get past this friend thing. It would be different if it had been some guy I don't know and she never sees, but they work together and have a lot of mutual friends, so their paths cross no matter what. She offered (without my asking) to not hang out with him alone, which I really appreciate, but it's still driving me insane.
I feel like he's betrayed our friendship, and I feel quite violated knowing he's shared such personal things with her and that they still cross paths frequently. I haven't been sleeping well, and I can barely focus at work. In fact, the only time I don't think about it is when I'm spending time with her.
Am I being unreasonable? I've had one friend tell me it isn't that big a deal, but the overwhelming consensus among the people I've talked to is that they don't even understand how I can date her with that hanging over us. As it stands, I don't think I ever want to even be in the same room as the 2 of them at the same time, it would just be too weird and uncomfortable. She's having a party this weekend, and even made sure he knows not to come because I don't think I can deal with it right now (it's going to be on Valentine's Day, to make matters even more awkward). I know she's hoping I can move on and we'll all be a big retarded happy group of friends again, but I honestly don't think it'll ever stop hurting.
Thoughts?