Really nervous about moving out far from home. Advice?

I am 22 and i am moving out for grad school at the end of next week with my girlfriend of over 3 years. We are moving about 3 hours away from home to a place where neither of us do not know anybody.

My concern is not moving out, i moved out when i was a freshman in college to a place about an hour and a half away, then i moved away from home again in my sophomore year (but closer to my home), and then my 3rd and 4th year i moved back in with my parents. I moved back in for financial reasons, because i knew i was going to try to go to grad school, so i knew i couldnt spend my money on things i didnt really need, so i transferred back home to go to school right near where i live.

Like i said the problem at hand is not moving out, i have lived away from home, but its always been relatively close to home and i ALWAYS knew people at the place i was moving to. Now i am moving to a place 3 hours away without anybody i know at all.

I am really concerned about not creating enough friendships up there to keep myself happy. I am an extremely social person, but i have always had this thing where i have problems trusting people close to me. I have countless acquaintances here, but only a handful of true friends, with bonds that took many years to fully develop. I have no problem meeting people and talking to people, getting to know them, but getting to know them to the point of hanging out in my own home or more than just a few times is different. I do not do big parties anymore, i had enough of that in late high school/early college, and i just decided to stick with what i have. So now i hang out mostly in small groups or just small parties, but i found that i grew away from huge social events such as parties.

I have not had a major move since 7th grade (major meaning moving far away where i know nobody, forcing me to make new friends). I dont think i am capable of meeting new friends and making decent bonds with them. I love my girlfriend to death, but i need both alone time and time with friends. I am afraid that without having friends, i will grow a little distant in our own home, because i will honestly start missing my friends (and family as well). Also i know i have a trust issue with people, for some reason it takes me a very long time to learn to "trust" someone completely.

Another thing is that i am very worried i will "judge" these new potential friends too harshly, because i will try to compare them to my friends back home, and chances are they will not compete with them considering i have friendships that have dated way back for many years, and in some cases the most recent friends are really close simply because of a mutual friend. So i am afraid i will judge people too harshly, and end up spending a lot of time alone (besides when im with my girlfriend).

Can anyone help me out with some advice? Suggestions? Comments? Questions? Anything. Its just a really stressful situation for me and i have been losing a lot of sleep over it lately. Anything is welcome and appreciated.

I did the same for grad school, and then moved even further away after that.

It's really no biggie. Especially with you being in grad school as you'll be in classes and have an easy time making friends that away. Will be tougher on the girlfriend if she's not in school too and just working etc.

Bump?

Man up.


I've moved across the entire country before. It's not that hard to make new friends.

I won't tell you to "man up" but it's not that bad. I went to a different middle school from my elementary school friends, different high school from my middle school friends, and then my high school friends and I all basically went to different colleges! All those were close to home, but I still didn't really know anybody each time. Now I've moved about 7 hours from home for grad school and it's still not bad.

If you're afraid of judging people, then be conscious of it and try not to. You'll meet people whether you like it or not, so that shouldn't really be much of a problem in itself. Just see how it goes, I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

You're only 3 hours away. I know you can't just decide at 5 pm on Tuesday that you want to go over to see your parents or friends but you still aren't that far away. You'll be able to see them a lot more than you probably think. Besides, you'll make new friends where you are moving and you'll probably grow as a person as a result of it. I know you have your concerns but it seems like you're trying to approach this as open-minded as you can and good things come from an attitude like that. Take the positive out of it; new experiences and new challenges are ahead of you. Savor it because it will be over before you know it.

You can make friends where ever you go. I wouldn't worry.

I wouldn't worry either. Better to get used to it now, when you're still relatively close, than move away for the first time across the country when you get a job offer.

But then again, I've moved across the world when I was a kid, 5 more times before I turned 18, and attended 9 different schools from 1st-12th grade, so I can't even begin to conceive how you feel.

I think the saying goes "You can't discover new countries without losing site of the shore". In other words, its probably going to be some work and a gamble, but the fact that you realize that, its going to be much easier. I hear you about trusting people, Im the same way, but your never going to trust anyone if you dont start somewhere. So go out and meet some people and it will take time but youll find people you can call friends. And if your not happy with the situation after a while, isnt that more motivation to find more friends? I can tell you when I first went to school, the first group of friends I had I never talked to as much as the ones I eventually started hanging out with. Truthfully, the best way to ease your mind is to remember that the best friends arent the ones you walk up to and say "You wanna be my friend?", its the people you actually have stuff in common and do stuff together. Since your moving out there for school, you should have plenty of opportunity to meet people, which is much harder if you were out there to just for work.

I moved to a university 430 miles away from my home for my undergrad and wound up meeting some of my best friends. After that I moved back home for the summer then loaded up and drove 750 miles to start my masters degree. It was hard for the first month but then I met people and have made some great friends. In about a year and a half I'll be doing this again when I go for my MBA.

A 3 hour distance really isn't that bad. It may seem like a huge deal now but trust me, once you're moved in you'll see you were getting stressed over nothing.

Note that the OP is from South Carolina. For whatever reason, people in the South act like cars, telephones, and the internet do not exist and thet they have to take a horse and buggy or use The Pony Express to have contact with anybody. I'm originally from NY, but I've witnessed the same thing when I moved to NC, and subsequently had friends move away for college. First of all, 3 hours is not "far away". When you can make a spur of the moment decision to visit old friends and family, you're not far away.

Second, take this as an opportunity to be a little more independent. I understand being a "social person", but Christ, you make it sound like if you don't have someone to talk to every minute of the day you'll have a nervous breakdown. You've already got your girlfriend moving with you...and of course you don't want to spend 24/7 with her and smother the relationship, but it's at least a start. I've known people who have moved across the country to a place where they knew nobody BY THEMSELVES. You'll at least have someone to fall back on until you start making friends. In the meantime, maybe try becoming comfortable with yourself. Learn a hobby. It'll make you a better potential friend anyway.

As for judging people, wow, I don't know what to say about that. Dont be a small-minded douche? lol, sorry...I know that's awful. But really, just be honest with people and feel them out. Some people aren't worth your time. But that's a two-way street ya know. With all your hang ups and preconceived ideas, you might not be worth their time either. I think the first thing you need to worry about is making sure you're a worthwhile friend to have. If you are, making friends shouldn't be a problem.

[quote name='n8rockerasu']Note that the OP is from South Carolina. For whatever reason, people in the South act like cars, telephones, and the internet do not exist and thet they have to take a horse and buggy or use The Pony Express to have contact with anybody. I'm originally from NY, but I've witnessed the same thing when I moved to NC, and subsequently had friends move away for college. First of all, 3 hours is not "far away". When you can make a spur of the moment decision to visit old friends and family, you're not far away.

Second, take this as an opportunity to be a little more independent. I understand being a "social person", but Christ, you make it sound like if you don't have someone to talk to every minute of the day you'll have a nervous breakdown. You've already got your girlfriend moving with you...and of course you don't want to spend 24/7 with her and smother the relationship, but it's at least a start. I've known people who have moved across the country to a place where they knew nobody BY THEMSELVES. You'll at least have someone to fall back on until you start making friends. In the meantime, maybe try becoming comfortable with yourself. Learn a hobby. It'll make you a better potential friend anyway.

As for judging people, wow, I don't know what to say about that. Dont be a small-minded douche? lol, sorry...I know that's awful. But really, just be honest with people and feel them out. Some people aren't worth your time. But that's a two-way street ya know. With all your hang ups and preconceived ideas, you might not be worth their time either. I think the first thing you need to worry about is making sure you're a worthwhile friend to have. If you are, making friends shouldn't be a problem.[/QUOTE]

Id agree with n8rockerasu except hes a Yankees fan. Sorry bud, that your banner nullifies your statement.

[quote name='tankass']Id agree with n8rockerasu except hes a Yankees fan. Sorry bud, that your banner nullifies your statement.[/QUOTE]

Eh, comes with the territory. It's not easy being the best. I'm a born and raised Yankee fan though (since 82). You gotta at least respect that more than being a bandwagoner. Also, I'd like to point out the last flag in my banner which denotes that I'm also a Bills fan. I think that balances out any feeling of arrogance I could possibly have, lol. I had to watch the Bills lose 4 straight Super Bowls in the early 90s, so the Yankees winning 4 World Series in the late 90s is only fair, haha.

I moved 2000 miles with my then fiancee. You'll be fine.

I guess its just harder to me because I know myself. I can meet 300+ people, but I will judge them way too harshly. I dont know why i have this problem, i could easily just open up to them, but i always have this wall up when i meet new people because i do not trust most people. I have no idea why, i used to never be like this.

But over the past however many years, the only people i met and trusted were mutual friends of my good friends, and then one of my managers i worked for turned out being an awesome friend and a good inspiration to me.

Other than that, no new "friends", tons of new acquaintances though.

When I started my undergrad degree, I moved 2 hours away from my hometown (where I spent all 18 years of my life in at that point) of 30,000 people to a city where the undergrad population alone was about 40,000. This August will be the 5th year I've lived down here, having graduated and found a job.

I like the independence, yet at the same time I know that it's only a quick hop on the interstate and 130 miles later I can be walking up the back steps of my parents' house and know that I've still got a few friends who live back home.

At the same time, I've met and become friends with people here who I never would have imagined being friends with if I saw them walking down the street before. Just be willing to stretch your comfort zone a little bit. You're lucky to have a girlfriend that's moving with you as it might encourage more social situations (you find people, she finds people, doubles the amount of people you know).

I know how you feel, OP. I could never move away from where I am now, I'm got close friends here and I'm comfortable with living here. I'm also terrible at making friends and meeting new people.

I moved away for my undergrad degree about 700 miles away, no friends or family there, they were all back in New England. At times it would get rough and I'd be lonely, but it was a good decision overall. Got myself a good education at a good school, met my husband (though not at school, but in the area). It won't be a cakewalk but just keep your head up and stay optimistic.

[quote name='masked lemon']Man up.[/QUOTE]

:lol:
I was gonna say something similar (man the up ).
It's good that you don't trust people easily. A lot of ups out there looking to shit up. I'm similar to you and I like it. Learned my lesson and it's not happening again.

Like others have said, it'll work out for ya. but don't put your guard down since it's new territory. good luck on school and this situation.

Yah, as others have said, don't be a pussy. You gotta be an adult at some point, and to me, that happens the fastest when you're on your own and have your own home to manage. Live within your means, don't let the freedom take over by skirting your responsibilities, and you'll be fine.

You'll be fine--unless you have some serious mental issues that force you to stay within close distance of family and doctors.

I moved from Hawaii to Colorado, and survived. Look ma, no hands!

3 hours is still pretty close op. don't sweat it.