Tenay - THE WORLD IS TALKING ABOUT IT - HULK HOGAN IS COMING TO TNA!
Taz - HULK HOGAN AND HULKAMANIA! THE MASSIVE ANNOUNCEMENT TONIGHT!
Tenay - IT DOESN’T GET ANY BIGGER THAN HULK HOGAN COMING TO TNA!
Taz - WE ARE PUTTING TOGETHER THE FOOTAGE AS WE BROADCAST TO YOU NOW ABOUT HOGAN PARTNERING WITH TNA AND DIXIE CARTER!
Wolf - Ladies and gentlemen, and I use that term loosely, let me formally introduce myself. My name is Desmond Wolf! To my friends, I’m just Wolf, but to you wankers, I AM MISTER WOLF! Now, I’m not gonna say I’m the next big thing - I AM THE ONLY THING! Because since day 1 when I was born in London, I was raised to be the world’s greatest fighter! IT’S IN MY BLOOD, MY GENES, IT’S WHAT I DO! Everybody that’s stepped in my way has gotten knocked on my ass. Some are destined to be common folks, I AM DESTINED TO BE A CHAMPION! THAT’S WHY I’M IN TNA! TO DOMINATE A SPORT THAT I WAS DESIGNED AND BRED FOR! AND I DON’T NEED A GOLD MEDAL TO PROVE HOW TOUGH I AM! Let’s be honest, Mr. Angle, you didn’t really beat that guy on points - they gave it to you because they felt sorry for you. IT’S TRUE! Now I know you’ve got this tough guy image - everyone thinks you’re a tough guy, but it’s a façade, and I know because last week, when I slapped the taste outta your mouth, out you came to the Impact Zone AND I DID IT AGAIN! Mr. Angle, I could’ve broken your neck! But I didn’t! Cuz I’ve made my mark! MORE THAN THAT, IN ONE NIGHT ONLY, I BECAME THE GREATEST WRESTLER IN THE HISTORY OF TNA! (Angle comes out)
Angle - Desmond Wolf, I didn’t know your name before, but I know it now. I don’t know where you came from, or who sent you, but you overstayed your welcome here and you will be leaving TNA tonight! You know, it was just last week, when I was applauding all the young talent in TNA, guys who were willing to give their blood, sweat, and tears, like AJ, Hernandez, Matt Morgan, even Eric Young - guys with the will of champions. They earned my respect - you have earned nothing! I’ll let you in on a little secret - you messed with the wrong guy! If you think you’re gonna make a name for yourself at the expense of Kurt Angle, you’ve got your heard up your ass! NOBODY COMES IN BACKYARD AND PISSES IN IT! NOBODY! So tonight, we’re gonna do things a little differently. You and me in that ring - no attacking from behind. No interference. Just you and me in a good, old-fashioned street fight! YOU WANT CENTER STAGE!? YOU GOT IT! BUT I’M GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS LIKE IT’S NEVER BEEN BEATEN BEFORE! IT’S REAL! IT’S DAMN REAL!
AJ - WHAT A PUNK! Only a punk hits someone from behind. I GOT A MESSAGE FOR THAT PUNK!
Joe - Why don’t you tell him yourself?
AJ - IT WAS YOU!?
Joe - No, I’m more in your face. It was your bald buddy Daniels. You don’t think he was angry after what happened in the tag match? When you shot to the top of TNA, Daniels didn’t get there with you. Look around you, you don’t think he wants your spot? He doesn’t want it, naw, NOT YA BEST FRIEND! At NS, when you won the title, who was the first person out there, Daniels, he was the only one. It was you and Daniels soaking up your adoration!
AJ - NO WAY! WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT DANIELS, YOU TALK ABOUT ME!
Joe - Sometimes you’re so angry at me, you can’t see your own friend stabbing you in the back.
Tenay - THE HOGAN ANNOUNCEMENT HAPPENED AFTER IMPACT WAS TAPED! I CAN’T WAIT TO FIND OUT WHAT THE TNA STARS LIKE AJ AND HERNANDEZ THINK ABOUT HULK HOGAN!
Taz - DAT’S KONG’S MUSIC! OH NO! THAT’S KONG! TARA, GET OUTTA DERE!
Rhino - You guys calm this week? I’m not here to thank you for saving me from Hernandez border tossing me to the floor last week. He wasn’t satisfied with beating me - HE WANTED TO TAKE MY SPOTLIGHT BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT TNA MANAGEMENT WANTS HIM TO DO! TONIGHT, I’VE GOT MORGAN! ANYONE ELSE SEE A PATTERN!?
Ray - You know what’s amazing? That you believe this garbage! WE DIDN’T SAVE YOU FROM HERNANDEZ, WE SAVED HERNANDEZ FROM HERNANDEZ! IF YOUR BRAINS GET SPLATTERED, YOU GET SUSPSENDED!
Rhino - Why’d you really stop him? BECAUSE YOU KNOW I’M RIGHT!
Devon - We appreciate your concern, but we don’t need any help with the Guns. They have a lot of talent, but we’re not concerned. We’ll never do anything that we can’t handle.
Rhino - Keep on thinking like that, because there’s something going on it. THEY’RE ON IN ON IT!
Ray - Thanks for the update, Lee Harvey!
Devon - He’s outta his mind.
Tenay - AS WE SPEAK, TNA’S PRODUCTION TEAM IS PUTTING TOGETHER FOOTAGE ABOUT THE BIGGEST MOMENT IN OUR HISTORY! HULK HOGAN SIGNING WITH TNA!
Tenay - How will Hulk Hogan’s signing affect TNA!? HOW WILL IT AFFECT 3D, ME, OR YOU!?
Taz - If you notice, Devon has a brace on his knee due to BFG.
Tenay - Yeah, that’s Full Metal Mayhem!
Taz - Ray’s a bully, and in this business, that’s a good thing. It ain’t ballet. Or a singing contest.
Taz - GEEZ! WHAT A URANAGE! Sabin’s not moving over there.
Taz - This reminds me of when I broke my neck and Eddie Guerrero finished the match for me. Now Shelley’s in the role of Eddie!
Tenay - DID DEVON TAP!? CAN WE TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT THIS!?
Tenay - Just as we’ve seen in MLB, there’s controversy with officiating in TNA!
Lauren - Lashley is demanding that you apologize to her.
Steiner - I’m here to apologize to her. I’m sorry that she has no idea is it’s like to be with a real man! YOU SEE LAUREN, I SEE HER LOOK AT ME, THE MAN WITH THE LARGEST ARMS IN THE WORLD! I CAN JUST SEE THE LUST, THE DESIRE! SHE WANTS TO BE WITH ME! SHE HAS A NEED TO BE ONE OF MY FREAKS! SHE WANTS TO BE MY NUMBER 1 FREAK, AND I’M GONNA MAKE IT HAPPEN. Mrs. Lashley, you tell Bobby that since he cost me my match last week, I’m gonna be watching his. I’ve got a BIG surprise for you!
(as Wolfe is shown lacing up his boots)Tenay - DESMOND WOLFE IS PREPARING FOR HIS STREET FIGHT!
Red - This guy can sell water to a well! I’m not like aa “I’M GONNA GET YOU” guy, and he takes care of me outside the ring.
DW - THIS GUY DEFINES WHAT A WRESTLER SHOULD BE! HE’S PERFECT FOR KIDS TO LOOK UP TO, FOR KIDS TO BE PROUD…
Tenay - TO WATCH THIS IN ITS ENTIRETY, GO TO TNAWRESTLING.COM!
Tenay - THERE YOU SEE IN THE VIP SECTION, KRISTAL LASHLEY!
Taz - The front row is the VIP section now?
Tenay - TONIGHT COULD BE LASHLEY’S CHANCE TO WIN TNA GOLD!
Tenay - THERE’S THAT DRAGON-TYPE SLEEPER!
Taz - World Elite either just got done selling ice cream or came back from the moon!
Magnus - THEY FINED US?! OH NO! IT’S POCKET CHANGE TO THE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPS! YOU CAN CALL IT A SUSPENSION! WE CALL IT A VACATION!
Taz - Or a holiday.
EY - I know you American swine have a hard time keeping score, but what you just saw was the leader of the World Elite hand Lashley HIS FIRST DEFEAT! I’M HERE FOR MY BIG ANNOUNCEMENT THAT’S GONNA CHANGE THE WRESTLING WORLD! THAT’S GONNA SHAKE TNA’S FOUNDATION! THE LEGENDS TITLE IS DEAD! IT’S DONE! BUT MY TITLE! MY CHAMPIONSHIP! MY BELT! IS THE TNA GLOBAL CHAMPIONSHIP! AND THERE’S TWO SIMPLE RULES! ONE, I WILL NEVER DEFEND THIS BELT ON AMERICAN SOIL! AND 2, I WILL NEVER DEFEND THIS BELT AGAINST AN AMERICAN WRESTLER! AND HERE’S THE REASON! YOU PEOPLE DON’T DESERVE ME AS YOUR CHAMPION! (Nash comes out)
Taz - I think Nash wants his sixty Gs.
Nash - Eric, at BFG, didn’t we have a deal? WASN’T THE DEAL THAT I GOT $60,000 AND I LEFT WITH MY BELT!? You didn’t keep up with your end of the bargain, did you? And the joke of paying me $60,000 Iranian dollars, which is like $13. I’ve seen that watch - it’s about $40,000. That’s closer. Eric, is this the way you do business?
EY - Kevin, I know it’s hard for you to deal with this since the shoe is on the other foot. YOU’VE DONE THIS FOR YEARS! IT’S WHY YOU’RE WHERE YOU’RE AT! I RESPECT THAT! I ADMIRE THAT! I LEARNED FROM THE MASTER! WE BOTH KNOW THAT ONE OF US WAS GETTING SCREWED! I JUST MADE SURE IT WASN’T ME! WE CAN WASH THIS UNDER THE BRIDGE OR YOU CAN COME DOWN HERE AND HAVE THIS CONVERSATION FACE-TO-FACE! (Beer Money comes in and beats up TBI)
Taz - I wish Beer Money woulda ripped those sweat suits offa them. And burned them!
Daniels - AJ!
AJ - Sup.
Daniels - I’ve heard all this stuff that Joe’s been saying.
AJ - Don’t worry. Water under the bridge.
Daniels - How about you don’t think your best friend would attack you!?
AJ - WHY YOU SO DEFENSIVE!?
Daniels - A COUPLE WORDS FROM JOE GET US FIGHTING! WHERE YOU GOING!?
AJ - Gonna settle things with JOE!?
Taz - AND THE PLOT THICKENS!
Tenay - YOU WON’T BELIEVE HOW MANY TEXTS I GOT!?
Taz - How many’d you get!?
Tenay - I GOT SO MANY TELLING ME IT WAS THE HOTTEST THING THEY’D EVER SEEN ON IMPACT.
Taz - Yeah, if you’re into food…
Tenay - AND WHO ISN’T!?
Taz - TNA AND HULK HOGAN! THIS IS TITANIC NEWS!
Tenay - First thing I think about is WILL THE KNOCKOUTS BE AFFECTED BY THIS ANNOUNCEMENT!?
Taz - I couldn’t help but notice on the back of the buttocks of Velvet, it says shy. She’s anything but shy.
Tenay - It says “Sky”
Taz - Close enough.
Taz - I’ve worked in the same company with Lacey for a month and she hasn’t said hello to me. Very conceited young lady. She’s like a schmohawk!
(after ODB does a Bronco Buster)Tenay - Is that the Bronco Muncher!?
Taz - CHRISTY GOING FOR THE FIRECROTCH…
Stevie - SO CHRIS, YOU WANNA BE A MONSTER!? YOU WANAN BE A MONSTER AT THE MONSTER’S BALL AND TRY TO DESTROY DAFFNEY!? COME HERE TONIGHT AND SEE FACE TO FACE THE MONSTER THAT YOU CREATED IN ME!?
Taz - This proves to me that Dr. Stevie is truly insane. ABYSS IS A BLOODTHIRSTY, GROTESQUE MONSTER!
Taz - Dr. Stevie and I spent a lot of time in the original ECW, and if you wanna get extreme with Stevie, he can.
(after a guardrail shot)Taz - THAT EXTREMELY HURTS!
Taz - If I had psychological issues, which I don’t, I would NOT go to Dr. Stevie.
Tenay - WHAT DOES THIS PARTNERSHIP BETWEEN HOGAN AND TNA MEAN TO EVERYONE!?
Taz - HULKAMANIA’S RUNNING WILD IN TNA!
Tenay - WE’LL HAVE FOOTAGE OF TNA’S BIGGEST ANNOUNCEMENT EVER LATER!
(after Stevie attacks Abyss after Abyss wins)Tenay - WHO CARES ABOUT THE MATCH WHEN YOU WIN THE POST-MATCH BATTLE!?
Tenay - FOLEY AND ABYSS’S EYES MEET!
JB - Mick, what was that?
Mick - No comment, JB!
JB - It’s me, JB! I NEED MORE THAN THAT!
Mick - What happened out there is between me and Abyss and that is all the people need to KNOW! HOHOHO!
Tenay - Is he channeling Baron Von Raschke!?
Taz - Or Lacey Von Erich.
Taz - GULP!
Tenay - MORGAN’S GONNA GO CHOKESLAM!
Rhino - HERNANDEZ, MORGAN! ONLY THE STRONG SURVIVE IN TNA AND NOBODY’S GONNA TAKE OUT RHINO!
Daniels - We need to talk.
Joe - So talk.
Daniels - I oughta break your face for trying to twist AJ around!
Joe - When I told him that you might beat him, he rolled his eyes. Think about that the next time he looks at you. Or down at you. However that works.
Cide - I WANT MY TITLE SHOT! ME VERSUS RED AT TURNING POINT!
DW - I think that’s a good idea!
Cide - Dis your wifey? I’m gonna hold this till Turning Point!
Taz - Don West just got rolled!
Tenay - He’s gonna need a ride to the Impact Zone. Will he fit in your rental?
Lauren - IS AJ OKAY!? (medic shows his glove is covered in blood as he holds AJ‘s head)
Taz - I’ve heard some scuttlebutt that Wolfe has this lariat-like clothesline that’s just lethal!
Tenay - GERMAN SUPLEX! WAIT I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT, CHRIS SABIN IS GONNA BE OKAY! HOW ABOUT THAT THIRD GERMAN!?
Tenay - I THINK EARL HEBNER’S SAYING THAT KURT ANGLE CAN’T MOVE!
Wolfe - I’LL END YOUR CAREER HERE AND NOW!
Taz - God, I hope Kurt’s okay.
Tenay - IT’S TIME FOR THE FOOTAGE FROM NYC DOCUMENTING THE PARTNERSHIP BETWEEN HULK HOGAN, TNA, AND DIXIE CARTER!
Hogan - It’s nice to be back in the house that Hogan built. I’d like to introduce you to my new business partner - DIXIE CARTER FROM TNA! WE’RE GETTING BACK IN THE RING BIG-TIME!
Dixie - There’s no single name that defines an industry more than Hulk Hogan. He’s a pop icon, and on behalf of everyone in TNA, we are so thrilled to have you join our company. A little over 7 years ago, we were a TV show that broadcast on PPV to tens of thousands, and now, we’ve got Hulk Hogan!
Hogan - I’m getting back in the mix in TNA, because this is the company that’s gonna be leading the way in the future.
Hogan - I want to make this the number 1 sports entertainment company in the business! WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN THE GREATEST NETWORK OF ALL TIME, SPIKE TV, AND TNA, RUN WILD ON YOU!