My first college essay: Why aren't I dead yet!?

I liked you paper VG. I thought it was creative. Not as good as my idea of writing an essay on why essays should no longer used but we can't all have good ideas lke that.

However I still think Me and VG should have a Fail-Off.
 
[quote name='bigdaddy']I wrote about a dozen sentences for English Comp 1 in college. It took me about 5 minutes before I left for school to write it[/QUOTE]

It shows.
 
[quote name='VanillaGorilla']Yes, because 23 years worth of life events can be summed up in "no less than 2 pages", right?

fucking moron.[/quote]

Note: 94,875,231,327 pages is not less than 2 pages.


Yes. I understand that if a professor asks for a 2 page paper, you shouldn't give him/her one that's longer than 3-4 pages.
 
"Why am I not dead yet?"

I guess this hasn't been pointed out since "aren't" is technically acceptable, but it's better as a spoken word than a written one, imho. shit, just change the whole title to "How come I'm not dead yet?" or perhaps "Dead-- it is the thing I am not...yet."
 
I'd work on your comma usage, at least until upper division writing courses that allow more freedom. Generally lower level instructors are all about foundation and don't like giving a great deal of freedom to your voice. I was fortunate and convinced my freshman professor to let me slide on the restrictive basics she made the others do. "Summarize your main points" bullshit and the like.

I'm not a fan of the premise, but there are parts that are well written. It seems as though you are falling in and out of your style. You go from a well written sentence or two into repetitive "I verb. I verb. Then I verb."

Conclusion is very cliche. Unless the instructor requires some form of standard "this is the end and I'm going to point it out to you blatantly," which some do, I'd find a new way to close things.
 
[quote name='Killer Rabbit']Note: 94,875,231,327 pages is not less than 2 pages.


Yes. I understand that if a professor asks for a 2 page paper, you shouldn't give him/her one that's longer than 3-4 pages. [/quote]Again, I meant to say no MORE than 2 pages.

I know what my next essay will be on:

Internet Intellectuals: The Scum of the Earth

At least I won't have to look far for my research!
 
[quote name='VanillaGorilla']Again, I meant to say no MORE than 2 pages.

I know what my next essay will be on:

Internet Intellectuals: The Scum of the Earth

At least I won't have to look far for my research![/QUOTE]



fuck man, you post an essay and you expect people to not critique every aspect of it?

Nothing personal-- I think other people can agree that anyone who has been through a college english course or two has suppressed rage from group critique sessions built up in their system. You're providing an outlet for it :lol:
 
[quote name='Apossum']I think other people can agree that anyone who has been through a college english course or two has suppressed rage from group critique sessions built up in their system.[/QUOTE]
My rage mostly stems from the fact that I had to read some of the most horrible essays I've ever come across during our critique sessions. Some of them were so bad that I couldn't help but to write some really snarky comments all over them, such as "Hey, I learned this in grade school, how about you?" or "START OVER."

A few essays later, the teacher made me his unofficial assistant in class, because apparently I was the only person who could write worth a crap. Sad.
 
[quote name='Kirin Lemon']My rage mostly stems from the fact that I had to read some of the most horrible essays I've ever come across during our critique sessions. Some of them were so bad that I couldn't help but to write some really snarky comments all over them, such as "Hey, I learned this in grade school, how about you?" or "START OVER."

A few essays later, the teacher made me his unofficial assistant in class, because apparently I was the only person who could write worth a crap. Sad.[/quote]

In Japan?
 
[quote name='Zen Davis']In Japan?[/QUOTE]
Haha, no, in America. The essays I get from my students here in Japan are a whole different breed of "special."
 
[quote name='Kirin Lemon']Haha, no, in America. The essays I get from my students here in Japan are a whole different breed of "special."[/quote]

I can only imagine. ;)
 
[quote name='Zen Davis']I can only imagine. ;)[/QUOTE]
Actually, I had one the other week which ended in "Please marry me. You look like Harry Potter and I love you."

Here's hoping her family is rich!
 
[quote name='Kirin Lemon']Actually, I had one the other week which ended in "Please marry me. You look like Harry Potter and I love you."

Here's hoping her family is rich![/QUOTE]
:rofl:
 
[quote name='Kirin Lemon']Actually, I had one the other week which ended in "Please marry me. You look like Harry Potter and I love you."

Here's hoping her family is rich![/QUOTE]

I think you just gave half of CAG an erection, as well as some intense loathing that it didn't happen to a deserving otaku straight boy (just like them).

:lol:
 
[quote name='Kirin Lemon']Actually, I had one the other week which ended in "Please marry me. You look like Harry Potter and I love you."

Here's hoping her family is rich![/QUOTE]
Gross.
 
[quote name='Kirin Lemon']My rage mostly stems from the fact that I had to read some of the most horrible essays I've ever come across during our critique sessions. Some of them were so bad that I couldn't help but to write some really snarky comments all over them, such as "Hey, I learned this in grade school, how about you?" or "START OVER."

A few essays later, the teacher made me his unofficial assistant in class, because apparently I was the only person who could write worth a crap. Sad.[/QUOTE]


I can only imagine...I mean, if you're as cut throat with writing as you are with anime discussions... :lol: but you're the kind of brutally honest person I needed in those classes. Everyone I worked with was too passive (or too dumb.) Thankfully I'm done with comp classes.

I shouldn't blame it all on students though. Before transferring to UW, I had to deal with some weird english profs at community college. One guy brought in me in front of the class, told me to pretend like he was a 5 year old boy, and he wanted me to explain my paper to him as such. I said something, then he responded in a high pitched kid voice. I laughed for a second, then I realized he was dead serious. thankfully the bell rang before anything else happened :lol: I can't begin to convey how creeped out I was...
 
[quote name='Apossum']I can only imagine...I mean, if you're as cut throat with writing as you are with anime discussions... :lol: but you're the kind of brutally honest person I needed in those classes. Everyone I worked with was too passive (or too dumb.) Thankfully I'm done with comp classes.[/QUOTE]
Thankfully, they never found out who was writing all of the harsh criticisms, since we passed around the papers at random during class. I guess the anonymity of both the internet and the classrom brings out the beast in me sometimes. But I really do mean well... most of the time. :D

[quote name='Brak']Gross.[/QUOTE]
Totally. Girls are gross.

This is probably my fifth or sixth marriage proposal since I've been here, though. Seriously. I'm *pretty sure* they're kidding, but when one looks as much like Harry Potter as I do (to the Japanese, at least), you can never be certain.
 
Damn you guys got demolition man out of here quick.
Where does he do the podcast, on CAG?

Also, it sucks almost drowning. I was at this pool jumping in the deep end. I saw this little kid doing it, it looked easy. For a while everything was going good, until I managed to get myself in the middle of the deep end. I lost my sense of direction, I had no idea which way I was facing.
I don't know how to swim at all. I was only jumping in because I knew I would land near the edge. That one time when I jumped to far in the middle I thought that would be the end. I was trying to move, but nothing happen I was moving further away from an edge, I was eventually pulled out. Damn life guard didn't do anything. It feels horrible, I'm traumatized, I won't go into pools now.
 
I need to quote Z-Saber here: "Old CAG threads and bot spam, name a more iconic duo."


"I was having a hard time with my assignments, but then I tried www[dot]InstaFraud[dot]org! And, wow, my GPA became a 4.1!"

I feel like a radio station ad in GTA.
 
I report them sometimes. Other times I leave them be just to see how active moderation on this site is. Spoiler alert.
 
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