So, yeah, my wife and I are splitting...

Status
Not open for further replies.
Sorry you had to go through something like that.
I hope it works out in the end. The thing to do now, is make sure you take care of your daughter. ( My Suggestion )
 
Grow a pair and get yourself a lawyer to protect yourself and most importantly, your daughter. Seriously man, don't let this shit drag on. It'll just snowball till you can't do anything about it.
 
i know this has been said time and time again already. but man, you gotta do this for your daughter, the guy has issues, your wife has lied to you several times about him, and he doesnt deserve to meet you, you owe your wife nothing. if i got left for another guy i wouldnt wanna meet the fucker. and you yourself said it wont go well, you just HAVE to lawyer up for your daughter move on, and find yourself a better woman.
 
Sorry I'm late.
[quote name='sp00ge']Erin says that she will make him change. I don't see that happening. If he wouldn't change for his own wife, who he had been with for 7 years, I don't see him stopping all of this cold-turkey for someone he's infatuated with.[/QUOTE]
Women are hilarious.
 
Wow. After reading you posts I really feel bad for you. Don't meet this guy, what the hell is she thinking for suggesting that idea. The first time she is going to meet the guy would be with you.

My only advice to you is to realize that women will come and go but your daughter will always be your daughter. Take care of her and from what you have said in your previous posts you seem like you understand that fully. If you and your wife do get a divorce make sure she is not affected more than she has to be. Do not bad mouth your wife in front of her and let you daughter find out on her own what she thinks of her mother. In the end it will all work out. Keep your head up, this could happen to anyone.
 
the internet doesn't ruin marriages my friend


i just went through a horrible breakup of somebody ive been with for many many years. it may not be marriage, but its similar


what you must understand is that things happen for a reason. your baby girl is the most beautiful gift this woman couldv'e given you. but you guys can no longer exist because she is unfaithful. as hard as it is, your going to have to move on.

don't worry, once you turn your back on her, shes gonna realize you were the best thing she ever had, and she'll come crawling back


the hard part is for you to resist.


resist.


God bless you
 
[quote name='yesitsreallyjosh']the internet doesn't ruin marriages my friend


i just went through a horrible breakup of somebody ive been with for many many years. it may not be marriage, but its similar


what you must understand is that things happen for a reason. your baby girl is the most beautiful gift this woman couldv'e given you. but you guys can no longer exist because she is unfaithful. as hard as it is, your going to have to move on.

don't worry, once you turn your back on her, shes gonna realize you were the best thing she ever had, and she'll come crawling back


the hard part is for you to resist.


resist.


God bless you[/quote]


Josh? Is that you?
 
Thanks everyone for the input. It's not as cut and dry as you guys think. Money is a huge issue, so finding a lawyer either of us could afford is not proving to be an easy task. As far as custody/child support, we both just want to work out something civil. Even though she completely screwed me over, she is still a great person. She's a great mother. Honestly, I think she needs mental help.

As far as making it through this whole thing, I've done it twice before (minus the kid and marriage), cheated on both times prior. One was only a year-long relationship, the other was a five-year relationship.

Anyways, she's having this ass-wipe come into town this weekend, despite her dad telling this guy to stay away from all of us. I told her that I refuse to meet this joker, and Rachael won't be meeting him either. She told me that she will not sleep with him at this point (I think because he lied about the STD-thing), not that it really matters to me. They're both aware that he's not staying in, or even coming to MY house, and she's agreed to that.

That being said, I made it perfectly clear that I'm not going to be the one to catch her if this guy turns out to be a mistake. I offered a familiar shoulder to cry on, but that is all. It may sound sadistic, but I hope he treats her like shit, if only to be able to say "You were wrong."

I know, I'm being too nice about things, but as I said, this whole thing is much more complicated than it appears.

Also, his wife is having a really rough time, that's why I'm there for her. I have no intentions of seducing or sleeping with her, either out of revenge or something more. I'm a comforter at heart, and it hurts me to know that someone else is suffering the same fate as me, for the same reasons. It also makes me feel better knowing that I have someone there for me as well. She also eases my feeling of loneliness. It's just easier to talk about things with her, as she knows what I'm talking about.

By talking to her, I didn't become involved in this mess. I was already deeply involved, while she was clueless because her husband didn't have the balls to tell her the truth. I believe that had I not contacted her, she still wouldn't know what's going on; she'd still be waiting for her husband to come to her.

I am getting away from this marriage, but it's going to take some time. For the time being, I'm still living here. A friend of mine just bought a house, but won't be moving in for another month. He said the place is so big that they're offering me a part of it to me for as long as I need. I don't like taking hand-outs, but it's the only real option at this point.


Now to write a nice email to her family, explaining the whole situation.

Thanks again, everyone
 
That is some heavily messed up stuff spooge. But you know, with everything you've told us, you're on the right side of things, even if the whole situation sucks. I agree with wanting to have nothing to do with the other guy and that he should absolutely stay away from you, your daughter, and your property, and that your wife can fall flat on her ass for throwing away everything you guys had together for some guy that had the gall to cheat on his own wife.

Let her figure shit out on her own and realize how dumb she really was. I don't think you should ever really wait to take her back or take her back at all, because not only has she done this to you, but also to your young daughter.

I hope the email to her family goes well, because if you get their support (which you absolutely will need for the sake of your daughter), she's pretty much toast at that point.

~HotShotX
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Good luck man. Get a lawyer.

Honestly I don't think I'd write her family w/o consulting a lawyer. Her family is going to be on her side unless she's a raving lunatic. And even then they'll probably be on her side.
 
[quote name='wubb']Good luck man. Get a lawyer.

Honestly I don't think I'd write her family w/o consulting a lawyer. Her family is going to be on her side unless she's a raving lunatic. And even then they'll probably be on her side.[/quote]

Actually, her family is already pissed at her over this whole ordeal. She led them to believe I was abusive, and the helped her move out of the house under false pretenses. After the truth came out about this other guy, several of her aunts/uncles told her to never ask them for anything ever again.

They are already on my side, I'm just trying to give them an explanation of where things stand, since Erin hasn't bothered to even apologize for using them.
 
[quote name='sp00ge']Actually, her family is already pissed at her over this whole ordeal. She led them to believe I was abusive, and the helped her move out of the house under false pretenses. After the truth came out about this other guy, several of her aunts/uncles told her to never ask them for anything ever again.

They are already on my side, I'm just trying to give them an explanation of where things stand, since Erin hasn't bothered to even apologize for using them.[/QUOTE]

Well damn. She sounds like a piece of work.
 
I'm heading out to vote in a few. Got an e-mail that Dems vote on the 5th. Luckily I didn't waste my time driving over to the poll yesterday. I'd have been royally POed.
 
YOU!!! NEED TO USE YOUR BRAIN TO THINK OP. WTF " she is a great person and a great mother" Oh GOD!!
Don't let me get start. Anyway it's your problem don't have to listen to me.
 
Get your daughter and get away from that situation. Spend the money on good legal council, I've been through the custody battles, it's worth every penny. I hope everything works out for you. And don't stress out on the old lady, the world is filled with semi-sane women who won't sneak around. Good luck.
 
[quote name='nonggame']YOU!!! NEED TO USE YOUR BRAIN TO THINK OP. WTF " she is a great person and a great mother" Oh GOD!!
Don't let me get start. Anyway it's your problem don't have to listen to me.[/QUOTE]

^_^, amirite?
 
So this chick has basically told you she's inviting her new boyfriend to town so they can go out on a date? Oh, how kind of her to not fuck him 'at this time'! She's a real peach.

I am completely amazed at the balls on this woman. I may have missed it, but please tell me she's not currently living with you. I can't imagine the amount of restraint I would have to show to not cunt punt my girlfriend if she ever went on a date with another guy and then expected to stay under my roof.
 
Good luck OP, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your little girl. I have two little girls and they are my world. Stop at nothing to make her (your daughter) happy. She will thank you in the long run and your ex-wife will get what is coming to her (Karma is a bitch).
 
Good luck OP, you and your daughter will be in my prayers. Remember to get copies of all the phone bills that should your ex- talking to this jerk. And don't meet or speak with them at all without a lawyer present, it'll only give them more ammo in what is bound to be a very tough custody battle.
 
I know everyone is saying get the daughter away from the mother, but it is not that easy. Even if the mother is hanging out with the wrong person she is still the mother of the child. Unless the mother have zero interst in her daughter she will always be a part of her life. The court will decide that both parents have equal custody of the child. Also it is very important to let your daughter know that it is not her fault you two are separating, and dont let your daughter hear people say bad things about her mother. If you have any quick question I could try to ask my supervisor, a who is a MFT.
 
[quote name='62t']I know everyone is saying get the daughter away from the mother, but it is not that easy. Even if the mother is hanging out with the wrong person she is still the mother of the child. Unless the mother have zero interst in her daughter she will always be a part of her life. The court will decide that both parents have equal custody of the child. Also it is very important to let your daughter know that it is not her fault you two are separating, and dont let your daughter hear people say bad things about her mother. If you have any quick question I could try to ask my supervisor, a who is a MFT.[/quote]


The court won't necessarily decide that. Full custody when one parent's lifestyle could be construed as endangering the child is not uncommon. Divorce cases are very tailored to the couple's situation when it comes to the child's best interests (at least, in IL.)
 
[quote name='camoor']Be honest - is your wife seeing cloudff7?

[/QUOTE]

Felt a little bad about it given the guy's circumstances but I totally laughed at this one.
 
Get full custody of your daughter please for her sake, and a restraining order for her. Really sorry about this, I wish you best of luck. You make me scared to get married then again I never wanted to just want a child.
 
If she's willing to jeopardize your daughter's life by hooking up with this fucker, she's a terrible wife and an even worse mother. My sister-in-law is exactly like this: she's been married something like three times (once to a meth addict), has three kids (two of which she left with their father and barely speaks to them) and has moved all over the west coast several times. She cares nothing of her children, only of herself.

Fight for full custody. You and your daughter will be better off without her.
 
one statement:

"she only treats you that way because you let her."










one day sit down and think about that for an hr. if you can truly understand that, you will know what to do. good luck.
 
We totally had it out tonight. I told her I was going to her parent's (who are on my side in this) and taking Rachael with me. She refused to let me leave and made hollow threats, but never stated how she'd stop me. I ended up calling her mom (who wants Rachael to stay with them so she isn't hurt anymore by this, I agree) and she talked to Erin. Not sure what she said, but she told me to take her.

I took her up to the grandparents', got her some dinner and came back. Erin had made me dinner (ham, creamed corn, mashed potatoes & broccoli and cheese, one of my favorite pig-out dinners). She broke down and said she gives up. She doesn't want to fight anymore. She said that after I left with Rachael, she almost got into the car and took off. She said that she's the problem here.

I don't know exactly what it meant, but I know she isn't going to do anything stupid like kill herself. She ended up going to bed really early and now I'm sitting here confused as to what this all means.

The caring husband in me wants to go up and comfort her and try to get her to talk, but new vengeful part of me wants her to suffer alone, like I did the day she moved out and left me alone.


I'm just glad that Rachael is away from things for the time being. She was really starting to suffer, I could tell. I may end up going back to the grandparents' tonight, if only to be with my little girl.
 
[quote name='sp00ge']We totally had it out tonight. I told her I was going to her parent's (who are on my side in this) and taking Rachael with me. She refused to let me leave and made hollow threats, but never stated how she'd stop me. I ended up calling her mom (who wants Rachael to stay with them so she isn't hurt anymore by this, I agree) and she talked to Erin. Not sure what she said, but she told me to take her.

I took her up to the grandparents', got her some dinner and came back. Erin had made me dinner (ham, creamed corn, mashed potatoes & broccoli and cheese, one of my favorite pig-out dinners). She broke down and said she gives up. She doesn't want to fight anymore. She said that after I left with Rachael, she almost got into the car and took off. She said that she's the problem here.

I don't know exactly what it meant, but I know she isn't going to do anything stupid like kill herself. She ended up going to bed really early and now I'm sitting here confused as to what this all means.

The caring husband in me wants to go up and comfort her and try to get her to talk, but new vengeful part of me wants her to suffer alone, like I did the day she moved out and left me alone.


I'm just glad that Rachael is away from things for the time being. She was really starting to suffer, I could tell. I may end up going back to the grandparents' tonight, if only to be with my little girl.[/QUOTE]

Go be with your daughter. It's gonna take two to fix this, and from what I've read, your wife just isn't willing. Just take away from this that you can salvage yourself and your daughter. Your wife seems like she wants to self-destruct.
 
[quote name='sp00ge']And she fucked me over. Whatever she said, his wife doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

I think I'm gonna cave. She wants me to meet this guy (this won't go well) and she wants to meet him in person. I just have the sick hope that he turns out to be a complete asshole. She said if that's the case, she's kicking him to the curb. Then the ball will be in my court.

It's gonna happen, either way, so I may as well be the mature one about it.[/QUOTE]

That is just nuts - what good can come of you meeting the assbag that your wife is thinking of leaving you for? If you run that by the councilor you guys are seeing I have to imagine that wouldn't be advisable - you two have your own issues to work through before that should even enter the picture.

What is she going to do meet the guy in person and decide yeah maybe not and want to go back to the way things were before? She can do that on her own without you if she really wants to.

Regardless I hope the situation works out for you and your daughter.
 
Devils Advocate time: ...you've got money for Trips, World of Warcraft fees, Xbox live subscriptions, cell phone charges.....but you claim you wont hire a divorce lawyer because you can't afford it and money is tight. In the meantime, you continue to chronicle your extremely embarassing and highly personal tale to the Interweb on a daily basis.....which I might add, also costs money. You claim your wife was about to drag you to go meet her new lover, but then she said forget it and made you a hot meal and now you're much happier....has the councelor said anything to you about your complete and utter lack of self esteem in all of this.....or are we almost at the part of the story where we start blaming the counselor for stuff and creating theories that they are "out to get you" too.........

Am I missing something here....? Or is this thread just making me stupider....
 
[quote name='HeadRusch']Devils Advocate time: ...you've got money for Trips, World of Warcraft fees, Xbox live subscriptions, cell phone charges.....but you claim you wont hire a divorce lawyer because you can't afford it and money is tight. In the meantime, you continue to chronicle your extremely embarassing and highly personal tale to the Interweb on a daily basis.....which I might add, also costs money. You claim your wife was about to drag you to go meet her new lover, but then she said forget it and made you a hot meal and now you're much happier....has the councelor said anything to you about your complete and utter lack of self esteem in all of this.....or are we almost at the part of the story where we start blaming the counselor for stuff and creating theories that they are "out to get you" too.........

Am I missing something here....? Or is this thread just making me stupider....[/QUOTE]

Word.
 
[quote name='sp00ge']Actually, her family is already pissed at her over this whole ordeal. She led them to believe I was abusive, and the helped her move out of the house under false pretenses. After the truth came out about this other guy, several of her aunts/uncles told her to never ask them for anything ever again.

They are already on my side, I'm just trying to give them an explanation of where things stand, since Erin hasn't bothered to even apologize for using them.[/QUOTE]

It's been mentioned before but if she has pulled out the whole "he is abusive" thing even to her family - you need to get some sort of legal council. I think you need to plan to save your ass and protect your daughter because it seems the writing is on the wall for your marriage if not this guy there will most likely be another. I don't see a happy ending in the cards for this story.
 
[quote name='HeadRusch']Devils Advocate time: ...you've got money for Trips, World of Warcraft fees, Xbox live subscriptions, cell phone charges.....but you claim you wont hire a divorce lawyer because you can't afford it and money is tight. In the meantime, you continue to chronicle your extremely embarassing and highly personal tale to the Interweb on a daily basis.....which I might add, also costs money. You claim your wife was about to drag you to go meet her new lover, but then she said forget it and made you a hot meal and now you're much happier....has the councelor said anything to you about your complete and utter lack of self esteem in all of this.....or are we almost at the part of the story where we start blaming the counselor for stuff and creating theories that they are "out to get you" too.........

Am I missing something here....? Or is this thread just making me stupider....[/QUOTE]

You obviously don't know the cost of lawyers. He could live in a hole for a year and save every penny he earns, and still only have about 20% of the cash required to cover a divorce.
 
Dad?

Seriously, my father is going through a similar situation with my mother, except the fucker is in Indiana and I'm the only child at 20 years old, and they've been married over 28 years. It's actually been almost exactly a year since this shit started. We've basically concluded my mother needs mental help, or she needs to hit rock bottom like a drug addict for anything to change. Good luck and best wishes from someone whose family feels your pain.

I waited a long time to post this on CAG, but now it feels very appropriate.

EDIT: Let me know if you need someone to talk to or want any advice. I will do my best.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Half joking: You could have your wife sectioned. Psychiatrists will monitor her for 72 hours and then come to a conclusion about her mental health. She might not be crazy but spending 72 hours in a psychiatric hospital will definitely straighten her out. I visited a psychiatric hospital one time(I thought I wanted to be a psychiatrist) and it was the most horrifying experience i've ever had, (although i used the experience as topic for my college application essay so it remains a toss up).
 
I think getting your daughter to her grandparents' was a good step forward. She doesn't need to be in the middle of this mess. You and your wife need to figure out what the two of you want. From what you've said, neither one of you knows what they want, and until you do, for better or for worse, all you'll be doing is making no progress forward.

You need to figure out if you want to be with her or not, and if you do, work it out somehow. Divorce gets messy with a child in the middle of it, not counting lawyer costs.

Have you two gone back to counseling after this most recent change in the situation? When was the last time you two were there?
 
I'm not the most qualified person to speak on this topic, so I'll just say...[quote name='shrike4242']I think getting your daughter to her grandparents' was a good step forward. She doesn't need to be in the middle of this mess. You and your wife need to figure out what the two of you want. From what you've said, neither one of you knows what they want, and until you do, for better or for worse, all you'll be doing is making no progress forward.

You need to figure out if you want to be with her or not, and if you do, work it out somehow. Divorce gets messy with a child in the middle of it, not counting lawyer costs.

Have you two gone back to counseling after this most recent change in the situation? When was the last time you two were there?[/quote]... listen to this ancient creature.
 
You know what, this sucks and I feel for you. But the thing is, this is a one sided story. Your wife must have been disappointed in the marriage for some reason. It may be something that you do not realize and it may or may not be her fault. If she was upset about something in the marriage, she should have talked to you about it. If she did try to talk to you about it and you did not listen she found someone on the net that would listen.

Also, if she did this to you and you are made up for now, this is only a temporary fix. If she is truely not happy and you feel vindictive, you need to let her go. You can try to be civil about it and try to do everything out of court. This will take allot of stress off of you in the long run and it would help your daughter out as well. Your daughter is being raised with two people who are having lots of trouble and may not get the proper attention she deserves.

Just keep in mind that your wife does not have any right to take your daughter and move out of state until a court decides. If she did go to Ohio and took her, thats when you should contact a lawyer and see what to do. Most lawyers will give you a payment plan to work with, it's another debt but its for your kid.

In the long run, if your side of the story is true, and your wife makes this crazy choice she will know that she made the mistake. Don't mope around and suffer just because you have a daughter. You could probably find someone else that wont try to pick up people on the internet. Its a hard choice now, but do whatever it takes to cut her loose and move on.
 
[quote name='shrike4242']

You need to figure out if you want to be with her or not, and if you do, work it out somehow. Divorce gets messy with a child in the middle of it, not counting lawyer costs.

[/quote]

Shrike is right you have to figure out if there is any hope of salvaging the marriage.

You have to take inventory of your life/marriage and decide whether there is anything worth saving. If all hope is lost you have to get a lawyer asap. I'm well aware of attorney costs but this is something you'll eventually have to do if divorce is imminent. Consulting with an attorney should provide you with some directions as what to do at this juncture (ie save your marriage or go through with the divorce). If nothing else at least you can begin formulating a strategy to obtain full custody of your daughter.

Explain to the attorney your financial situation so no false expectations are created by either party.

P.S. Good Luck!
 
[quote name='Dead of Knight']Dad?

Seriously, my father is going through a similar situation with my mother, except the fucker is in Indiana and I'm the only child at 20 years old, and they've been married over 28 years. It's actually been almost exactly a year since this shit started. We've basically concluded my mother needs mental help, or she needs to hit rock bottom like a drug addict for anything to change. Good luck and best wishes from someone whose family feels your pain.

I waited a long time to post this on CAG, but now it feels very appropriate.

EDIT: Let me know if you need someone to talk to or want any advice. I will do my best.[/QUOTE]

Let's all meet in C-bus and drink until we're stupid!

Bad solution, I know, and I'm not even going through anything bad. But, you two know the offer's on the table. My treat.

;)
 
Extremely long story short: I've met a bitch before too. It begun and four years later...it ended. Fortunately for me, no kids or marriage was involved.

The best advice I can give you is to enjoy joining the New Tang Clan. You'll be over that bitch before you know it and will find someone who deserves you. You and your daughter will have to go through unfortunate shit that a lot of people have to go through. In the end, you'll be stronger. The sooner you find out your wife/girlfriend is a cunt, the better off you are. Life is too short. Guys/dads get a bad rap in relationships all of the time and mostly...rightfully so. Give guys/dads a good name and don't do anything stupid.

unorganized/rambling advice-giving over

Good luck.
 
I can relate to this. My dad has been cheating on my mom since I was around 6 or 7,I am 29 now. My mom knows, but they never got divorced. My sister and I tried to get my mom to divorce hombecause of the suffering it was causing her, but she would not leave him. After a few years of this my mom starts to become very depressed, starts taking all the antidepressants etc. and is really sad. My dad is still out banging whatever comes along. My mom lives away from him during the week for work, but comes to my father's house on the weekends to visit with my sister and myself, and clean up the house etc. My dad's a real piece of work.

Don't wind up like my mom spooge.
 
[quote name='SkeletonBrute']I can relate to this. My dad has been cheating on my mom since I was around 6 or 7,I am 29 now. My mom knows, but they never got divorced. My sister and I tried to get my mom to divorce hombecause of the suffering it was causing her, but she would not leave him. After a few years of this my mom starts to become very depressed, starts taking all the antidepressants etc. and is really sad. My dad is still out banging whatever comes along. My mom lives away from him during the week for work, but comes to my father's house on the weekends to visit with my sister and myself, and clean up the house etc. My dad's a real piece of work.

Don't wind up like my mom spooge.[/quote]

Women secretly like this behavior otherwise they would leave. My father is like this and my mom just takes it. Honestly women respect men that treat them like this otherwise they would just leave. Look at my friends marriage. Nice guy. He got divorced and lost everything. Look at my father. Cheated on his wife with four different women and they're still married. It's something about losing someone that gets them especially if that person is desirable to the opposite sex.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
bread's done
Back
Top